Robin awoke at mid-day. The sun was filtering through the blinds and he could hear birds and traffic. Music to his ears. He was warm and cozy, something he missed and would never take advantage of again. He looked around the room. Starfire sat in a chair to his right, her head in her arms, resting on the bed. Most likely asleep from being up so long with worry. On a table next to her there was a vase full of red and yellow carnations with thick leaves, his signature colors. Next to that was a pan of peach cobbler, golden brown and flaky.
"So you're awake." He heard a deep voice and almost had a heart attack. It was only Bruce. "Did I scare you?"
"A little." he meekly replied.
Bruce sat on his left, legs crossed and reading a book, Jane Eyre of all things. "I told the others to go home and get some rest, now that they know you're alright. But Starfire refused."
"Her people are most resilient." His voice was still groggy, and Bruce got him a glass of water. Robin downed it without another thought. "More please." His stomach growled.
"I believe they said they pumped some food into your stomach right after the surgery. So it should be safe for you to eat." He looked out the door to see it any nurses were coming. The coast was clear. He cut a generous portion from the cobbler and set the plate in front of the boy. Robin drooled.
"I know you're excited, but eat slow."
He hadn't eaten anything in two weeks...scratch that, he hadn't eaten anything nutritional, tasty, fresh, or filling in two weeks. The first forkful was delightful but as he went for the second bite, it fell off his fork. His hands were shaking too much. He set the fork down, disgusted with himself.
"Let me help you with that." Bruce wiped up the dropped dessert and cleaned him up. "Do you need a bib?" he joked.
Robin scowled at him. Bruce got that he was frustrated with himself, but he wasn't going to let him starve.
"I can feed you." Bruce took the fork and plate, but Robin shook his head.
"I know this is embarrassing, and you'd rather have your girlfriend do it," Robin's cheeks lit up like a stoplight. "But I raised you. This won't be the first time I had to feed you, do you remember all the near death experiences you've had?"
"Don't remind me..." He mumbled.
"Open up."
Robin pressed his lips firm.
"Richard Grayson you stubborn turd! Eat before you starve yourself!"
He didn't budge.
"Here comes the train...choo choo!"
Nothing.
"Fine...hey, Starfire's waking up."
"Huh?"
Shove. Robin's body betrayed him as he swallowed without chewing. He choked. He reached for the water, his hands still shaking as he brought it to his lips. Bruce helped him hold it.
"Better?"
He nodded.
Bruce helped him eat his fill, not quite finishing the plate.
"You've been awful quiet. I know it's not like you to talk much anyways, but you've kept your speech to a complete minimal. Is there something you want to tell me?"
Robin looked at his hands and made shaky fists. Bruce watched him carefully. He finally lifted his sad blue eyes to him. "I'm afraid."
"Of what? Slade? We told you--"
"No, not Slade himself...well I guess a little...but, what he did to me. I don't know what's wrong with me, the doctors haven't even talked to me yet. I feel horrible and what Slade said...what if I never recover?" Absentmindedly, he smoothed Starfire's hair. "I don't know what's going to happen to me."
"Well, I guess it would be normal to feel like that in your situation. But it's just because he got to your head and broke down your defenses. We'll get you back on your feet and out patrolling the streets."
Robin clenched some sheets in his hand. "Do I have to?"
"You don't want to get better?"
"No, I meant...do I have to be a hero? Can't I just...be a normal teenager?"
Bruce rested a large hand on his head. "My son," he only called him that in very serious situations, "you've seen too much, felt too much, experienced too much. You can't be normal. Not ever. Besides, I thought you wanted to make sure no other child ended up like you did?"
"You heard that?"
"Cyborg forwarded me all the calls. I heard everything."
"But...what if this happens again? What if Beast Boy or Raven or Starfire..." he choked as tears sprang to his eyes. "What if someone takes them and does the same to them? Or worse!" His voice faltered and he broke out into harsh coughs. He held up a hand to his throat and whispered. "Ow."
Bruce refilled the glass of water. "What if they are taken away? If you retired, would you be able to help them?"
Before he could answer, Starfire roused and looked up. "Robin, you are awake. How do you feel?" She asked as she rubbed her eyes.
"Not so tired." He leaned his head against the pillow to relax. "But it's going to take a while for me to feel like..." he was about to say himself, but he didn't want to go back to the way he was."To feel like I want to."
"I understand." A dazzling smile came over her face and she hugged him gently. "Forgive my intrusion on your personal space, but it has not set in for me that you are truly here. How greatly I missed you!"
Robin blushed, and he could thank the lord he already had a fever. "I missed you too, Star." He pulled back from her a bit to look at her. "What you said, when I cried...I cried because I had forgotten how to be optimistic. You always provided that view for me, and for that I can never thank you enough."
Star's face practically resembled her hair. "Really?"
Robin blushed as well, but continued. "Absolutely. I thought that my time with Slade would be the last on earth. I began to regret all the things I didn't say to you guys. Especially you."
"Like what?" She drew closer to him in fascination. He suddenly became very aware of his arms around her waist. He heard a hum and turned to see Bruce with a sly smile on his face. Robin glared, but he waved him on. He looked back to Star, with her glowing green eyes, waiting.
He gulped. "I...um..." He thought for a moment. "I want to tell you in private. I'm nervous," he confessed. She nodded in understanding. "Oh Robin, it is alright."
He sighed, but the deep breath caused a sharp pain in his chest, and he coughed. Starfire covered his hand with hers.
"Star..." he tried to smile but he knew what he was about to say would crush her."Can you not call me that anymore? My name is Richard...or Dick, whichever you prefer."
She blinked. "Richard? You do not look like a Richard."
"I've heard that before."
"It will be hard to get used to."
"I know..."
The conversation was broken by a nurse coming in. Star moved away from Robin, rather quickly in fact. And the nurse smiled at the two. "The doctor will be in shortly, Mr. Grayson." she said as she changed out the IV drip. Sure enough, the doctor came in a minute after she left, clipboard in hand.
"Good afternoon Richard, how are you feeling?"
"Horrible."
"Good, we didn't give you any drugs yet." He smiled. "Now, before I give you the results to your tests, do you want your family in the room?"
"They can stay." He honestly was scared and wanted to have someone with him.
"Alright. The x-rays we took revealed an impacted breakage in your tibia, your shin." He held up a Black sheet to the light and pointed to the spot. "Your toes are broken as well." He held up another sheet, one of the head. "You had a slipped disk, one of your cervical vertebrae. The pinching in your neck is an after effect, we fixed it though. Along with a minor skull fracture." he held up another sheet, "Finally, a dislocation of your right shoulder. If it's sore, that's why." Robin hadn't noticed it until the doctor mentioned it. "And we would like to inquire what happened to your rib, your tenth to be exact."
"What do you mean?"
"Do you know what caused it to break?"
"Yes, but I'd rather not say...is it medically relevant?"
The doctor sighed. "Your bone was fractured in such a way, that the two pieces bent at a 90 degree angle to the other ribs, in an open fracture. Now, that's not impossible in theory, but what astounded me was how it healed. The bones were intertwined and backwards."
"What?"
"Your bones were weaved like a grape vine. And instead of curving out, like the rest of your ribs, the tenth rib is curved in. Which brings me to the next problem, a ruptured spleen."
"How bad is that?"
"The spleen is part of your immune system and produces white and red blood cells...the puncture spilled blood into your abdomen, lots of internal bleeding."
Oh sweet irony!
"So he did take to internal bleeding, like...you-know-who said." Star whispered to Bruce.
He nodded.
"And what are you going to do?" Robin asked.
"We already did as many surgeries as your body could handle at one time. We’re going to let you recover and then we'll go in, re-break the bone, set it and patch your spleen. Until then, the IV you have neutralizes the bacteria and regulates your blood cell count. You will cough, throw up, and urinate blood for the next couple of days, but rest assured, your body is just flushing it out of your system. Drink lots and lots of fluids, that will also make your throat feel better."
"What else?"
"We found large traces of heroine in your system."
"Heroine?!" So that's what that drug was...
"That's why your hands are shaking." He looked down to see his hands, resting in his lap, shaking violently. "We're going to give you small doses to wane you off of it."
"I don't want it. None of it."
The doctor looked at him in shock. "I really think you should. Your body has an addiction, you can't quit cold turkey, it'll destroy you."
"I've already been destroyed," he snarled.
"You don't want any pain killers?"
"Pain killers are for wimps. I can take it." Bruce unwillingly smirked. He was starting to sound like his old self again.
"I understand. If at any point you change your mind, just tell one of the nurses."
"Fine." he looked away to regain his composure. "Is that it?"
"Almost...we'll need to treat you for pneumonia."
"Seriously? How did I...?"
"We think it was a combination of the heroine and environment. Wherever you were had a mold or mildew...were you ever drenched in cold water?"
"Once or twice..."
"That would do it." He closed the folder and put it under his arms. "Other than your fever and sore throat, that should be it. Now, we are going to monitor your progress for another week or so. But when you are discharged I want you to get lots of bed rest." Then he narrowed his eyes. "That means no crime fighting, Robin."
"How did you--?"
"I work with you every time you come here. We have your medical references on file. Besides, Starfire is sitting right next to you."
"But--"
"Don't worry, I understand. Only myself and the head of the psychiatric ward know."
"Why does he know?"
"She, and I want you to talk to her, scratch that, you have to talk to her. You obviously had a traumatic experience, and I think it would be beneficial to talk about it."
"I don't want to. It's in the past and it doesn't need to be brought up."
"I understand that, it doesn't need to be right now, just sometime. Maybe before you leave."
"No! This is my problem and I don't want any help," he snapped.
"Alright, we can't make you. Just so you know, your identity is under wraps. We will protect it."
"See that you do."
The doctor turned to leave. "One more thing. Don't eat anymore of that peach cobbler, it doesn't have any nutrients you need." Then he left.
"Well, what does he know?"
"Robin, I mean, Richard, he has a degree in this. You need to listen to him." Star said.
"I'm not an addict." He said sternly.
"I never said you were..."
"He did. I would never take recreational drugs."
"Slade injected them against your free will. Now, Robin and Richard will both listen to me." She turned his face to look at her. "You will do as the doctor says. He will know what's best for you, and Cyborg will make sure he's doing everything right. Just be a good patient!"
He looked at her and sighed, creating a cough deep in his chest. "Alright. Whatever you want." Then he looked at his hands and whispered to himself, "I'm not crazy...I'm not..."
That night he was asleep. The titans had invited Bruce and Alfred to stay with them instead of splurging for a hotel. It was closer to a home, and Alfred was making light work of the chores.
Starfire again was asleep in the chair, this time with her head lulled back. Robin hadn't slept well in a long time. But after this, his body was so exhausted, he didn't even dream. He was in a cold sleep, but he could have sworn he heard the door open and someone come in. Nurse, he thought. Then he heard the agonizingly slow steps of steel toe boots knocking against the linoleum.
"Hello dear boy, are you sleeping well? How do you feel? Safe? That's a shame."
His eyes shot open. "You're not here! They told me you can't be here!"
"And you would listen to them? They aren't your friends. They won't let you do want you want. And look, little Star here is asleep on duty. How sad."
"Stop it! Get out!"
"You cannot control me."
Suddenly, a bright light shone on his face and his arms and legs felt they were tied to the bed.
"Glad to see your hallucination is wearing off. Now..." He held a long needle up that sparkled in the light. "Where were we?"
"Robin!"
He felt patting on his face and a shaking of his shoulder. When his eyes really opened, Starfire was looking down at him in worry. A nurse was attending his monitor.
"Robin, please settle down, your body cannot handle it." His heart rate was erratic and the monitors were blinking like crazy. He grabbed his head.
"What's going on?" His voice hitched.
"You had the nightmare."
"Are you sure?"
"What else would it be?"
Robin shook his head. This was Slade's real power, he had bent Robin's reality to where he couldn't tell if he was awake or asleep. He became scared again. What if he was asleep right now? Slade could be standing and watching as he had some moments of bliss.
"Robin?"
"I'm asleep now, aren't I? This is just some drug induced dream. Bruce didn't come to save me...and you're not really here."
"Why would you think I was not really here? Do I look like an illusion?"
"I don't know! He doesn't and he says he's here."
"And you believed him?"
He had no words. His mouth fought to form them though. He was unaware of the water leaking from his eyes. Star moved to sit next to him on the edge of the bed. She opened her arms and he took the embrace gladly. She held him as he cried, knowing very well that she was the only one he trusted enough to do so. Her hands danced across his back to sooth him. He's still injured, his heart is hurting and his mind is unsound. He needs to talk to that woman, she could help him.
"Robin…"
"Richard." He corrected.
She sighed. "I know you do not desire to, but..." She pulled away and held his face. "You need to talk about this, if not to the doctor, then to me at least." She rubbed her thumb over his eyebrow. "You know you can tell me anything."
He looked away from her. "No, it's my burden, I already said that."
"But you can't do it yourself! I could not, your father would not be able to either. I do not think Slade himself could do it alone. Robin, please. I want to help you."
"Well you can't."
"But..."
"There's nothing you can do! Nothing anyone can do..."
"Robin..."
"Why do you insist on calling me that? That's not my name! I'm Richard Grayson! Why can't you just see me like that?"
Hurt and discouraged, Star rose and walked to the door. Then she whispered quietly, he could barely hear. "Because Robin is the one I fell in love with."