Chapter 3
FOR THE NEXT few days, Calum was trying hard to keep it together. After wiping everything off his dresser and throwing a glass against the wall, he managed to keep calm. He wasn't a violent person, by any means, but the frustration had built up to the point where he knew if he didn't let it out in some way, he was going to explode. The second he arrived back to his rented penthouse in the city after his parking lot confrontation with Aspen, Calum let every bit of his frustration, anger, and heartbreak out.
That was three days ago. Yet, come Saturday, Calum was still battling an overwhelming flurry of emotions he wasn't used to.
How could she? How could Aspen just. . . Not tell him that he had a daughter? He knew for a fact that she was aware of his desire to someday have a family, to be a father and love his children with every fiber of his being. Their breakup had blindsided Calum and broke his heart, no doubt, but he so desperately wished Aspen had told him that she was pregnant. Instead she stayed away, God knows why, and welcomed their child into the world without him.
He should hate her. With everything he has, Calum should hate her, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to do so. He couldn't before and he still couldn't now. He was beyond pissed, completely devastated that she kept Luna from him, but hating someone he once loved seemed too difficult for him. Every second he spent with Aspen was constantly playing through his mind for the past four years, closing Calum off from the possibility of ever having those kinds of memories with anyone new. His heart was guarded by fifty inch steel, refusing to let anyone sneak a peek as he threw out any chances of ever being with someone so emotionally, so intimately again. And it was all because of Aspen.
She destroyed him. In a way, she had. Yet somehow Calum still couldn't hate her. And he hated that.
He exhaled a sharp breath, grip on the steering wheel tightening as he leaned back in the seat. Over the past few days he had managed to calm down, and quickly Calum had become excited and beyond nervous to meet his daughter. Luna. He was going to meet his daughter, and Calum had no choice but to revel in this excitement by himself. He didn't tell any of the boys, didn't even mention to his family that he saw Aspen again. For now, he needed this for himself.
Pulling into the parking lot of the apartment complex Aspen had texted him the address of, Calum took in a deep breath before stepping out of his car. He made sure to grab the gift bag from the backseat, though he was a bit apprehensive if Luna would like it. He'd gone to Build-A-Bear and bought a snowy white teddy bear for her—he'd received quite a few looks from the people there—and bought a number of those outfits for Luna to dress it as she pleased. He didn't even know if she liked stuffed animals. He just didn't want to show up empty handed.
Stopping at the front door, Calum's eyes gazed over the names of the residents on the side, before pressing the button next to the one labeled A. Russo. "Hello?" her voice crackled through a moment later.
"It's me," Calum responded gruffly, unable to help the way his eyebrows twitched into a frown at the sound of her voice.
Instead of responding, Aspen buzzed him in and Calum headed towards the elevators, bringing him to the fourth floor where she'd told him they resided. Each step closer to the appropriate door had Calum's heart picking up its pace. He can't remember the last time he'd been this nervous—maybe the opening of his first club around a year ago?—but this was so much more intense. Nothing in the world could prepare him for this, he knew.
The door swung open after he knocked, and Calum tightened his jaw at the sight of Aspen. Just by one look at her face and Calum knew she was as anxious as he was. Her eyebrows were drawn together slightly in apprehension and her dark green eyes were loud in their nervousness. It was a tense situation they found themselves in and it was obvious neither of them knew how to go about it.
"Come in," Aspen finally spoke up after clearing her throat, stepping aside as Calum stepped into the threshold.
His gaze wandered around, the door opening right into the living room that was attached to a kitchen-slash-dining room. Smaller than anything he was used to, but he guessed it was enough for two people, especially if one of them was only a little kid. It smelt tropical in here, and Calum tried to push away the flashing reminder in his head that tropical was Aspen's favored scent of choice. It irritated him that he still remembered that. Pictures and paintings were hung up on the wall, but Calum had no time to assess them because Aspen was speaking up once more.
"Do you, uh, want a drink or something?" she asked, fiddling with her fingers as she looked at him.
"No, I'm good." The awkwardness between them was suffocating, neither knowing how to act around one another. He glanced around. "Where's—"
"Mama, Mama! Can we bake cookies tonight?"
The excited little girl's voice interrupted Calum effectively, and he felt the words dying on his tongue as the four year old came running into the living room from the hallway across. His breath caught in his throat as Luna barrelled in, thick curls flying after her as she skidded to a stop at Aspen's legs, tugging at her pants as she looked up at her mother pleadingly. She hadn't glanced Calum's way yet, but he was mesmerized at first sight.
The thick hair was unmistakably inherited from him, as were the soft, chubby cheeks his mom, aunts and grandmothers loved to kiss. Her skin wasn't fair like her mother's, just a shade lighter than Calum's caramel, and Aspen's words to Luna weren't heard by him at all but he guessed she gestured to Calum because suddenly he was staring into his daughter's green eyes and he felt all the air rush out of him.
Oh, she was perfect.
Upon noticing Calum's presence, Luna's eyes widened slightly before she maneuvered herself behind Aspen's legs, clutching onto them as she hid from Calum yet still peeked to look up at him. Calum didn't blame her, he knew how shy kids could be, and he couldn't wait to show her that she had no reason to hide from him.
He offered a soft smile, feeling his heart fly in his chest at the sight of her, the overwhelming notion of her being his daughter ever present as Aspen placed a hand on top of Luna's head. "You don't have to hide, bubba," she said softly to her, and Calum had to swallow inaudibly at the seemingly harmless term of endearment. Only it wasn't harmless—Aspen used to call him that when they were together, and hearing it fall from her lips for the first time in years stung slightly. But he quickly pushed it away, determined to only focus on the youngest person in the room.
"This. . ." Aspen trailed off, her gaze lifting to meet Calum's, her smile diminishing slightly as their gaze met and she saw the accusation in his dark eyes, silently telling her that Luna would never have to be shy around him if she hadn't just ran away. Aspen swallowed before forcing her smile to widen as she looked down at her curious daughter. And then she let the bomb drop with a deep, reluctant breath. "This is your dad."
Calum only had to hold his breath for a moment as he waited for Luna's reaction, but that single moment was downright terrifying. His daughter was either going to reject him or embrace him, and Calum could literally hear his heart in his ears as Aspen's words were followed by a friendly, near hopeful smile from him.
"Really?" Luna asked after a moment, green eyes widening and her words a whisper coated with awe, looking up at Calum with all the disbelief a child her age could conjure. She moved herself a bit from behind Aspen's legs, the shyness she displayed gradually diminishing. "You're my dad?"
Calum's gaze never left hers, his smile widening a bit when he heard her say that as he put the bag down and crouched to be eye level with her. He rested his arms on his knees, hoping his legs didn't give out, and the emotions that were storming inside him prompted tears to press against his eyes as he offered a nod. "Yeah, sweetheart," he breathed out, willing his lips not to tremble like he could feel them wanting to. "I am."
It took a few seconds for Luna to process the meaning behind his confirmation, both of her parents watching her with bated breaths and pounding hearts and dry throats, her green eyes fixed on Calum's brown ones. And then it was an excited burst of, "Oh, wow!" before Luna was launching herself at Calum, and he somehow managed to keep his balance as a startled laugh escaped him, feeling his shoulders sink and heart fly with relief as Luna wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him closely.
Shit, Calum felt like bursting into tears right then and there.
Instead, he closed his burning eyes and hugged her back, one hand holding the back of her head and adoring how soft her curls were, and Calum didn't think the kind of happiness he felt in this current moment could ever be topped. Luna was holding him as tightly as she could and maybe she shared Calum's feelings of not wanting to let go, prompting Calum to let out a deep, clearly unsteady breath as he held his daughter in his arms for the first time.
Not how he expected it to happen, but in this moment, he was nothing but grateful.
*****
"We should name her something that means moon, like my name," Aspen heard Luna muse from where she sat in the living room. "But I don't know any."
She glanced up as she stepped away from the microwave, warming up the dish she had made just a little bit earlier as her eyes landed on Luna and Calum. It was a sight she never thought she would be privy to, and it stole her breath. Their introduction had admittedly sprung tears to her eyes, and Aspen couldn't ignore the feeling of relief flooding through her when Luna readily hugged Calum after finding out who he was. But her daughter's happiness only intensified the guilt Aspen felt of keeping them apart, and while she knew it wasn't entirely her fault, it still left a bitter taste in her mouth.
The two of them were sitting on the living room couch, going over names for the teddy bear Calum had brought for her that Luna instantly fell in love with. She already had a number of stuffed animals, but the bright glint in Luna's eyes told Aspen that this one would be her favorite.
"Hmm," Calum hummed thoughtfully, leaning back on the couch with his right arm thrown over the back, looking at Luna and the bear as they sat to his right. Aspen watched them quietly as she waited for the food to heat up, the sight something she needed to get used to. "How about. . ." Calum trailed off as he leaned forward, smiling at Luna as he suggested, "Marama?"
Luna raised her eyebrows at that before frowning in wonder. "Marama? I've never heard of that."
Calum chuckled softly, facing to shift her. Despite her reservations, Aspen couldn't help but think how adorable the sight was of Calum, strong and tall and confident, sitting next to their small, delicate little girl. It made something in Aspen's heart tug. "It means moon in Māori." Aspen would've suggested something simpler like Stella, but Calum was teaching Luna something about herself, and Aspen wasn't going to spoil that.
The interest was evident in Luna's tone as she tilted her head to the side, curiously questioning, "What's Māori?"
Aspen pursed her lips, sucking in a sharp breath. Okay, so she hadn't really gotten around to tell Luna of her heritage, how she was a mix of Greek and Italian from Aspen's side and Scottish and Māori from her father's. Calum glanced over at her from where he sat on the couch and she stood in the kitchen, the accusatory look in his eyes ever present whenever he looked at her, and Aspen went rigid and swallowed down her excuses at the eye contact.
Tuning out Calum's brief, simple explanation of Luna's heritage from his side of the family, Aspen took out the dish from the microwave and proceeded to set the table. She had opted to prepare two dishes, the first one being a butter chicken curry she learned from her Pakistani sister-in-law, Laila, since it was one of Luna's favorite dishes. The second dish was beef and vegetable stir fry because, if memory served correctly, it was one of Calum's favorites. She hadn't even realized that was the reason why she was making it until the dish was done, and Aspen couldn't help but feel betrayed by her subconscious when she realized what she had done.
"Lunch is ready," Aspen called once everything was on the table, watching as Luna excitedly jumped up yet gently put her new teddy bear on the couch as Calum stood up as well. Aspen watched as Luna ran right into the kitchen, and raised her eyebrow as she clicked her tongue, "What do we do before we eat?"
Luna paused before giggling sheepishly. "Wash our hands," she answered before turning to run into the hallway bathroom.
Aspen smiled after her, but her little grin slowly disappeared as Calum wandered into the kitchen, his boots clicking on the sleek floor. She watched as his eyes went to the table, catching the way his eyebrows drew together ever so slightly when he caught sight of the dish she specifically made for him. Without Luna serving as a middle man, the tension was back in the room, heavily, between the two twenty-six year olds, and Aspen couldn't even bring herself to look him in the eye.
Fortunately, they didn't have to endure the awkwardness for too long because Luna came running back in. "Mama," she sounded as she did, looking up at her with widened, pleading eyes as Aspen quirked an eyebrow. "Can I show Daddy my room after we eat?"
Aspen's gaze automatically flickered to Calum, and she noticed the look on his face at Luna's words, at her calling him Daddy. She saw the way his features softened, his lips parting in sincere awe and Aspen understood how much that meant to him. Luna had easily accepted him as her father, which Aspen was admittedly relieved about even though some of the apprehension was still there, and she knew it meant everything to Calum. The way his adam's apple was bobbing nervously in his throat and his shoulders rose slightly as he took in a breath, Aspen knew Calum was overwhelmed in the best way.
So she smiled down at Luna, pushing some of her bangs back from her forehead as she replied, "Sure, baby. You can introduce him and Marama to Hershey and Jelly Bean and all the others."
She didn't miss the way Calum's eyebrows rose at that, probably wondering about the names of Luna's other stuffed animals, as the four year old cheered happily before settling down in her chair. Calum sat down next to her and before seating herself, Aspen stood behind Luna and used the hair tie on her wrist to gather up her daughter's thick hair and put it up in a bun so it didn't fall into her food.
Aspen sat down in her seat, right across from Calum at the four person square table, and she tried to ignore the tightness in her throat. She was grateful that her hands didn't appear as shaky as she felt while serving Luna her food. Aspen chewed on the inside of her lower lip. All she could do was hope this went by smoothly.
*****
Calum had stayed for five hours. By the third, Aspen had somewhat adjusted to having him in her apartment, mostly because he stayed in Luna's room with her for most of it. Aspen could hear her giggles and his deep chuckles as they no doubt played with Luna's plethora of toys, and that familiar tug in her heart was ever present with every sound of her daughter's laughter. She had just met Calum, but Luna was already so taken with him. It made Aspen feel a strange combination of relief and unease.
"Do you have to go?" Luna's whine came, and Aspen's eyes went from the TV across from her to the two of them walking from the hallway next to it. She turned it off, watching as Calum walked down the hall with Luna right next to him, his larger, tattooed hand holding onto her smaller one. Luna looked up at him, a pout on her her lips and green eyes wide, one of her best puppy dog looks, as they headed toward the door. Aspen wondered if Calum could resist.
It seemed as though he was having trouble doing so as he looked down at her, his smile almost sad as Aspen swallowed inaudibly. "I'm sorry, bug, but I do," Calum apologized regretfully once they got to the door, stopping to crouch down next to her. Aspen quietly made her way over, giving them their space. Calum took Luna's hands in his, giving her a happy, reassuring smile. "But you're gonna be seein' a lot of me, okay? I'll come around whenever you want me to."
Aspen wasn't sure why she felt surprised at his words, but she still crossed her arms over her chest to stop herself from bristling. A grin split across Luna's face at Calum's words, bouncing lightly on her feet. "Tomorrow?" she asked hopefully. "It's spaghetti Sunday. Do you like spaghetti?"
Calum laughed, his grin wide that showed the crinkles by his eyes, the kind that Aspen forced herself to look away from. She frowned at herself; why did it hurt? "I love spaghetti," Calum responded to Luna. "But. . ." he paused and Aspen realized it's because he was looking up at her. She saw the reluctance in his eyes and she understood why because he added, "You gotta ask your mum if it's okay."
Aspen's chin lifted slightly in realization. The fact that he needed Aspen's permission was bothering him, and she wasn't sure how to feel about that. Luna suddenly looked over at her, bouncing on her feet yet still holding on to Calum's hands. "Can Daddy come tomorrow, Mama? Please, please, please?"
Oh, great. How was Aspen supposed to say no to that? She knew if she did, she'd become the bad guy in the situation. Plus, she always had trouble saying no to her little girl. So Aspen forced a smile, her arms across her chest tightening while she tried to feign some enthusiasm at the prospect of Calum's presence in her home once again as she answered, "Sure, of course he can."
Luna's grin widened even more, if that was possible, and the sight of it had Aspen momentarily forgetting what she just agreed to. Her daughter smiling was her favorite sight in the world. "Yay!" Luna squealed happily, before hugging Calum. "I'll see you tomorrow, Daddy!"
Calum lovingly kissed her temple before they pulled away. "Can't wait, sweetheart."
With one last grin and a clap of her hands, Luna bid Calum goodbye before she ran off, leaving the two adults by themselves. Aspen watched as Calum smiled after their little one, before it diminished once she was out of sight and he cleared his throat, pushing himself up from his knees and standing to his feet.
His stoic expression was back, not any kind of emotion showing itself on Calum's face save for flat disinterest. He was looking at her as if she was some stranger he didn't want to get to know, and while Aspen knew that it was her fault he was looking at her that way, it still stung. She and Calum used to look at each other with many different looks, but obvious indifference was never one of them.
"So what time should I get here tomorrow?" Calum questioned, breaking the silence with his slightly raspy voice.
Aspen rolled her lips into her mouth. A part of her didn't want him to show up, but the stronger maternal part knew she couldn't do that to Luna. Now that he was in her life, now that she'd accepted him so eagerly and happy, Aspen couldn't take that away from her. "Seven is fine," she answered.
Calum nodded, lips pushing out as he pressed his tongue to the back of his bottom teeth. He didn't have anything planned for tomorrow, so he was definitely going to make do on his promise to Luna. Getting to know her today—her likes, dislikes, the names of her friends and her stuffed animals, realizing that she had the slightest hint of a lisp like he did—meant everything to Calum. He wanted years more. He wanted to make up for what he lost. What he was never given a chance to know.
"She really seems to like you." Aspen's words pulled Calum out of his brief reverie, gaze snapping to meet hers. She looked hesitant to meet his stare, just like she had all day, not that Calum didn't know why. She only hid his kid from her for four years. Calum's jaw tightened as she offered the tiniest, briefest smile. "Luna's normally a, uh, shy kid. But she wasn't with you."
Despite his unmoving expression, Calum felt something lighten in his chest upon hearing Aspen's words. He wasn't apathetic to how well he and his daughter seemed to bond in the few short hours they got to spend together; they were the best five hours of his life. Luna was funny, bright, and exceedingly adorable, and Calum was wholeheartedly in love. Who fucking knew falling in love that quickly was possible?
Calum pursed his lips, taking a breath as he merely nodded at Aspen's words before gesturing vaguely towards the door. "Yeah, well, I'm—"
"You know we're going to have to sit down and talk about this, right?" Aspen suddenly blurted, her words hurried as she gave Calum a pointed yet hesitant look. He pressed his lips together as Aspen uncrossed her arms, rubbing her hands nervously down her jeans. "If—If we're going to be doing this, if you're going to be around, we're gonna have to talk about. . . Co-parenting."
He wondered how difficult it must've been for Aspen to say that, the forcefulness and reluctance in her voice clear as day. Obviously she wasn't too excited about having to suddenly share her daughter, but it was something she would have to get used to. His jaw clenched, realizing that she was right about the impending conversation. Calum wanted to be as involved in Luna's life as he possibly could be, and he knew that doing so would mean having to speak to Aspen, be in her presence and get along with her.
Calum thought the universe was playing some kind of cruel joke on him—since when did he need to force himself to get along with her?
Oh, right. Since she ran the fuck out on him and hid his daughter.
"We will," Calum finally nodded, exhaling sharply through his nose as he pulled out his car keys. He didn't know what that conversation would entail, didn't know how they were going to go about it, and he wasn't entirely looking forward to it. But it had to be done, he knew, so he could see Luna again. Anything to see her again. "After tomorrow."
Aspen nodded, pursing her lips as Calum opened the door. He needed to get out of there—being around Aspen for too long was making him dizzy. Stepping out of the apartment, Calum heard the door shut behind him. No goodbye.
Why did that irritate him even though it was expected?