Catherine
Nathaniel's expression scared me. His perfectly formed eyebrows knitted together in an expression of failure, a line appearing between them. His dark eyes on the other side, showed almost no emotion. Every hint of hope I had inside, disappeared.
❞How'd it go?❞ Tasha asked him, putting her arm on my back in a comforting gesture.
Nathaniel's expression remained, ❞I need to announce that your companies officially belong to...❞ He sighed, suddenly his eyebrows relaxed. ❞You.❞ He said emotionless, before a smile crossed his face. ❞Congratulations.❞
Me and Tasha gasped loudly, but her gasp wasn't louder than mine. I was covering my mouth in shock, not believing what I just heard. It meant that everything I've been working so hard on, for such a long time, belonged to me again. Officially. Which also meant, that I could finally be free.
❞Oh my God!❞ Tasha screamed as she jumped and hugged me, shaking me.
Everything we've went through for the past year was finally paying off. I was almost free, and I wasn't about to give up. It felt like a missing piece of myself was found and reconnected to me.
❞We did it.❞ I said quietly, almost whispering because of the shock, but Tasha heard it.
❞We did!❞ She screamed. ❞We did it!❞
I hugged her back, tightly, being indescribably thankful for having her as my best friend, who stuck by my side through every part of this. We made it. Carter didn't come here for nothing, he gave me support that I needed and motivated me to never give up.
I finally came to realization, and that's when the widest smile appeared on my face. My cheeks were almost hurting from the happiness on my face. I felt my eyebrows rise in happiness and excitement. Nathaniel was still standing near us, just lightly smiling at the situation. I approached him and hugged him, which caught him in surprise. The deep smell of his cologne dug into my nostrils intensively, and his warmth caught me as he returned the hug.
❞Thank you so much.❞ I expressed in greatfulness. ❞Thank you.❞ I repeated, not being able to thank him enough.
I could feel him smile, even though he was surprised by my actions. ❞I just did my job.❞
I pulled out, looking at him and giving him a smile of greatfulness. Soon, my look turned to James who was standing on the other side of the room, with his lawyer, Harry. We were caught in a deep eyecontact, stuck to each other. He didn't look surprised, Harry neither. Harry was sitting down on the bench by the wall, while James stood and looked at me. His bottom lip rose up and built a line out of his lips, showing sadness. He knew that this would come to an end.
❞You got your hotel back!❞ Tasha discontinued our eyecontact with her excitement. ❞Your got your restaurant back!❞ She added quickly. ❞You got your appartment back! Everything is yours again!❞ She hugged me again.
I was more than happy in the moment, I was truly happy and thankful. I didn't know why there was a little, just a little hint of guilt inside of me when I saw James's sad expression that he tried to hide. I tried to shake it off, focusing on my happiness and excitement for the future.
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The next weeks were filled with sleeping on the couch, working in the clinic, giving Tasha support for her audition and trying to reach Carter again. Avery still didn't answer my letter and I didn't know if I even expected a reply. The time was going extremely slow till today, which was the day I was finally becoming free.
The papers for the divorce were ready and at 3 p.m. was the time the papers were going to get signed. There were so many feelings inside of me, I didn't know which one to focus one. There were so many. I felt mostly happiness of finally becoming free, excitement for moving on with my life, but also a little bit of guilt for leaving James without anything, and a pinch of something like sadness, for leaving this, that has been my life for four years now.
My bags were ready. I've packed my things since a few days back, with breaks in between, even though I didn't really care about forgetting something. I didn't want to keep any decorations from the apartment, nor furniture or things like that. I only needed to pack my clothes and little things that belonged to me.
I was taking out my nightgowns, putting them into my suitcases. I had many, I liked nightgowns. Silky nightgowns. I loved the cool feeling from the silk against my smooth skin, especially after a warm shower. It always caressed my skin gently, adding a cool feeling of enjoyment. I paused when I took out the light blue nightgown James gave me in France. I admired the deep neckline with lace details, the thin straps perfectly suiting it, and the light lace following the hem of the gown. It brought back memories, but they almost didn't hurt anymore. They were just memories. And some were bad, some where good, but they were always going to be there.
I put it in my suitcase, but before I took out another, I changed my mind. I grabbed it and looked at it once more, throwing it on the bed for throwing it away later. Seeing all the dresses that reminded me of all the forced dinners I went to with James, gave me a sick kind of feeling. I hated the dinners. They were only full of bragging, talking about things that were supposed to make others jealous. I decided to put them aside.
Most of the clothes were pretty old, or at least represented my old style. I wasn't the little, scared, trapped Catherine Richmond anymore. I gained confidence, found my worth, and became a better person to myself. I reminded myself that I deserved better, that I could do this. I put the clothes that were so covering, I didn't even realize. I never cared about what I wore, as long as it was appropriate for work. It could be seen as a good thing, not to care about that, having one less thing to think about.
Now, I saw it otherwise. I never had time for myself, I always dressed for working, dinners and meetings. Boring clothes were common for me, because I simply didn't care. I looked at my newer clothes, clothes that made me feel good, feminine, but were also still appropriate. They were just in prettier colors, shapes and details. It were clothes that made me step in front of a mirror and feel good, enough.
Half of the clothes were not to keep. They were put aside by the things I didn't want to keep, some of them ready to be donated. I was almost done, when I opened the drawer in my closet and saw something like a pile of cards. I grabbed it and looked at it in confusion, turning it around. That was when I saw what it was. They were pictures, mostly of me and James, from our wedding.
I looked through them with a smile on my face, remembering how happy I was on my wedding day. Our smiles were so bright, showing only happiness and joy. James looked good in his black- and white suit, especially with the smile on his face, expressing true happiness. I realized, I haven't seen it in a long time, maybe even since the wedding. His hair was slicked back, and I remember how warm I felt when I saw him while walking towards him, moments before I said ❜I do❜.
I remembered how nervous I was. On the other side, I never felt more beautiful than in my wedding dress. I remember being so stressed and nervous, feeling the worst, hours before the wedding, worrying about if I'd be pretty enough. When I saw myself in the mirror, the worries disappeared. The off-shoulder cut on the dress highlighted my feminine collar bones, and the puffy short sleeves were one of my favorite details. The dress had a floral pattern, that could barely be seen. My veil on my blonde, big curls that were put back in a beautiful updo, almost touched the ground.
I looked through the pictures that caught most of the happy moments with me and James. When we traveled to Canada and went on a cruise in the clear water that mesmerized me, Australia where we went to the biggest zoo in the country and got the possibility to hold lovely baby lions, United Kingdom where James took a picture of me right after calling me beautiful, and Greece where we got the most beautiful view from our balcony, where James kissed me in the moonlight. All memories.
The drawer was also filled with some of the gifts James bought me. A golden necklace with our initials, a golden bracelet to remind me of how much I meant to him, earrings from the night he proposed to me. I put them all back in the drawer, not putting any of it in my suitcases. I wasn't going to hold on to the past, I was ready to make new memories, both happy and sad, as long as they weren't the same.
James
I never counted with this. I never thought the day when Catherine left me would come. Sadness, regret and guilt was all I felt. All. I was sad because the only woman that was able to ever love me was leaving me, forever. I regretted the day I gave her those papers to sign. I cursed the damn papers and myself for manipulating her. I was completely lost, and it was impossible to find myself by that time. I listened to my parents, and I wanted to finally do something that caused them to be proud, see the worth in their son. It took over me, I ruined the best thing I ever had. My relationship with Catherine.
I damned myself for doing that every night, and the only way to try and escape the regret and the guilt was alcohol and sex. The alcohol made me numb, made me forget and stopped my from thinking of my biggest fault that ate me from inside. The sex made me feel less lonely, as I knew I didn't deserved Catherine. I tried to find closure in others, but there was no one like Catherine.
Sometimes, the anger of my regrets and my guilt took over. I hurt others in order to feel better myself. I hurt Catherine with my betrayal. Later, I only screwed up more when I slept with other women. And I hurt her even more. I couldn't bare with it, I tried to escape it. But I only trapped myself too. I couldn't let Catherine go, I loved her.
I would always love her.
I stepped out of the car, approaching the door and knocking hardly.
❞James?❞ My mother said in surprise. ❞What a pleasant surprise.❞ She smiled and hugged me.
I rushed pass her, making her confused. She closed the door and approached me quickly, a worried look on her face. She put her hand on my shoulder and was just about to talk.
❞Don't touch me!❞ I quipped, frowning.
My mother removed her hand in the speed of the light, confused as never before.
❞What is going on here?❞ My father asked as he stepped into the living room together with Harry.
They all looked at me. My parents didn't know anything. I begged Harry not to tell them, as I wanted to wait for the divorce day.
❞What's wrong, James?❞ Mother asked.
❞I'm getting divorced.❞
My mother gasped, her eyes widened in shock. She immediately turned to father who's eyes were even wider, but his expression showed mostly anger.
❞What did you say?❞ He asked roughly.
❞I'm getting divorced from Catherine.❞ I acknowledged coldly. ❞Today.❞
My mother approached me again, ❞No, James, why would you do that?❞ She asked, before she added, ❞You still own the companies, right?❞
❞No, mother!❞ I shouted loudly. ❞I don't. And this is the way it should be.❞
❞Are you out of your mind, James? You will be left with nothing. You'll be nothing, like always!❞ Father spoke, looking me in the eyes.
I came closer to him, standing right in front of his face.
❞I'm doing the right thing.❞ I spoke, ❞I should have done it years ago.❞
My father's deep eyes filled woth rage, ❞You screwed up. Just like you always do!❞ He screamed in my face, his spit covering it.
❞It's the first right thing I have done in my life.❞ I said back. ❞Instead of listening to my parents' crap.❞
I immediately felt a hard slap on my left cheek. I flinch for a second, but stayed exactly where I was. I felt the heat in my cheek, the slap still vibrating.
Harry tried to approach us, ❞Stay there.❞ My father immediately ordered and looked even deeper in my eyes.
❞Let's just talk about this.❞ My mother said calmly, ❞James, how could you do this?❞ She asked, sounding disappointed.
❞I have kept this woman in this marriage for four years. I have hurt her so much, made her go through hell and back. I don't deserve her.❞ I confessed sternly, ❞I have been nothing but happy with her, till you forced me into making her give me everything she built. On her own!❞ I raised my voice, looking at my father and mother. ❞That was so wrong. I lost the one thing that made me happy, made me forget the miserable failure I was. You turned me into this.❞
My mother looked at my father, who was too busy piercing through me with his dark eyes. It was the truth, and they hated it.
❞You were always nothing. Nothing. Finally, you met a woman who was more than you were ever going to be. You had the chance to be someone, to at least hide the failure you are.❞ My father spoke, coming closer to my face. ❞Ofcourse you screwed it up.❞ He made a disgusted face.
❞Father, don't say that.❞ Harry stepped in.
Anger took over our father, ❞Say what?! The truth? That he is a failure, always was and always will be!❞ He shouted to me. ❞I'm ashamed of you.❞
❞Father, please, don't say that to him.❞ Harry pleaded, showing the soft side he lastly showed when I told him about my regrets.
❞Don't tell me what to do! You should know why.❞ Father turned to Harry, and Harry immediately turned sad, like he remembered something.
❞Don't you see what you're doing to us? You're forcing us to become something you want. You never supported me. Even in school, when the one thing I was good at was football, you weren't even proud. It was my dream to play football, you only reminded me that I was never going to make it!❞ I reminded them, ❞You have made my life a hell, and made me go through it and back several times.❞ I accused, remembering my childhood and the mental torture I was forced to go through. ❞You didn't believe in me. Hell, you even laughed at me. Compared me to Harry, reminded me how much better of a son he was. Don't you understand that that was pure pain?❞ My voice sunk lower.
My father turned away for a second, gritting his teeth, before turning to me.
❞Harry was always better than you. He studied, did his best on every essay, every test. He-❞ Harry interrupted him.
❞Enough, father!❞ Harry suddenly shouted loudly. ❞You can't keep telling James that he is nothing, just because he was stronger than me and rejected your wishes.❞ He spoke truthfully, ❞You were angry that he didn't listen to you, you even took out your anger on me. All the beatings, threats, torture you put me through. Ofcourse I would listen, I was goddamn scared of you!❞
I was in shock. I never knew anything about this. The pain in Harry's eyes as he remembered his childhood pain was clear, he couldn't hide it anymore. It hurt knowing my brother went through all of this, while I got away.
❞You beated me every day I got something less than an A, every time I chose to play instead of studying every minute in my free time, every time I had fun.❞
Father protested, ❞Harry, enough!❞
❞Why father? Truth hurts, doesn't it?❞ Harry confronted father, ❞You never stopped pushing us. You pushed me to help James, you changed me! My daughter saw me hold a gun against another man's head.❞ He spoke painfully, remembering the night even I hated. ❞Ever since, Daisy has been afraid of me. She barely talks to me anymore!❞ He screamed out in pain. ❞And every time I'm not working, you make me do something, be busy with something. I don't even have time to spend with Sasha, Daisy. You destroyed us.❞
❞How can you speak to your father like that?❞ Our mother asked, a scared look on her face.
❞You're what you are today, thank's to me and your mother.❞ Father said right into Harry's face.
Harry agreed, ❞That's true.❞ He said. ❞A father and a husband who doesn't even have time for his wife and daughter. A miserable man who can only focus on work, that's what you made out of me.❞
Father slapped him, but Harry awaited that.
❞Come on.❞ Harry said, ❞Do it again. Just like you used to.❞
Father's expression showed a hint of regret, even shame. But he was a proud man, with no mercy.
❞Father, it's enough.❞ I asserted, coming closer.
He turned to me, ❞You feel bad for your brother, don't you?❞ He spoke, ❞You might have gotten away then, but not now.❞
He slapped me. Again and again. I just stood there, processing who my father really was. I felt the abnormal heat in my cheeks gather, and the vibrations never stop. Lastly, he punched me as hard as he could, and I fell on the floor, my head hitting the pointy handrail of the stairs.
❞You are the one who is miserable.❞ Harry murmured. ❞Sasha, pack your and Daisy's things!❞ He shouted loudly.
❞What?❞ Our mother reacted in surprise. ❞Harry, no, you don't need to do that.❞
He looked at her, before helping me up. I approached our father.
❞I am not your son anymore.❞ I muttered, catching him in shock.