Dear Future Husband,
It could've been so much worse.
I didn't think Grant was hiding it well, I thought that he was lashing out at me a lot when in reality, it could've been a lot worse.
He finally caved and told me everything and I was kind of surprised with the things he went through that he hid pretty well up until now.
His parents not only got divorced, they hated each other, like enough to want to take their children away from each other. I thought that was horrible. God, if divorces aren't already messy enough that has got to be hell for everyone in it. When you do something like that, you officially pull the kids straight in the line of fire, as if they weren't already being hurt enough before.
The divorce aside, it sounded like a pretty dysfunctional family. His parents were workaholics and often left money for takeout or a freezer pizza for dinner. His older sister kept to herself for the most part, only making appearances to hang out with her boyfriend on the couch. His little sister was pretty quiet and often escaped to her friend's houses for some love and care. He didn't even mention anything about his brother, I just couldn't imagine how he does it.
I thought my issues with Clarissa were bad, he made us look like best friends.
Hearing things like that just made me grateful that I had a good family, and it also made me respect Grant a lot more. He really deserved all of the love and care in the world and didn't get half of it.
Usually stuff like that can really screw you up, but he was still him. He was still one of my favorite people and I never would have guessed that he went through all of that. I could tell he thought I was going to keep arguing with him after he yelled at me, he was surprised when I actually listened to him and I think now he trusts me, like really trusts me, and I'm grateful for that. You can't have a good relationship without trust.
That meant that this was a good relationship, or at least on it's way to being one, and that made me really really happy.
We were nearing the one month mark and I could already tell that this was definitely worth it, and it would almost definitely last a while.
Never in a million years did I think I would be here. Never in a million years did I think that me, Alina Troy, would be wearing Grant Black's lacrosse jersey.
On game day, it was customary for the lacrosse boys to give their away jersey to their "special girl" to wear during the school day then to the game. It had been adopted from the practice of the football guys and was a great honor for a girl to wear a guy's jersey, and almost more honorable for the guy to have his jersey worn. If you still had your jersey in your locker it was supposedly bad luck for the game ahead, so a lot of guys tried to lock up girlfriends by the time the season came around to ensure their jersey got worn.
"This is for you," Grant said to me when he dropped me off yesterday, giving me a plastic bag. "I probably should've asked, and you don't have to wear it if you don't want."
I opened the bag and my heart leaped in my chest seeing it. "Of course I want to wear it!" I leaned over and kissed him. "Took you long enough."
I proudly represented number forty two in the two sizes too big jersey. The girls with jerseys gave me small smiles of respect while those without just scowled or sulked by their lockers.
Every time I saw Grant he smiled widely at me in his suit jacket, another customary dress code for game day.
"It's a little big." He said as he scanned me.
"Isn't it supposed to be like that to-- oh, I don't know-- fit you?" I asked with a laugh.
"I guess but," He took a deep breath, stroking his chin as he inspected me. "I would prefer it a little bit shorter at least to get your ass visible..."
I gasped, punching him in the arm. "Grant!"
"Sorry," He laughed. "I just can't help it, you're dating an asshole."
I rolled my eyes. "You're not an asshole you're just loud." I couldn't help but smile a little as hard as I tried not to. Did I have a butt?
The bell rang signaling the start of fifth period. "I'm late." I said to him and he wrapped an arm around my waist in the mostly empty hallway, apart from the usual stragglers and sprinting freshmen.
I felt his hand slowly slide down to my butt and I didn't bother punching him again. "Then you should probably get going."
I just looked up into his sparkly eyes, wishing I could just stand there with him forever. "You know you're a little low there." I said, trying to control my smile.
"Am I?" He asked, pulling away from me, starting to walk backwards towards his class. "Sorry, I couldn't tell because the jersey is covering it up."
I laughed, shaking my head at him before getting to class myself.
At the game I sat with Kendra (who was wearing Matt's jersey) and some of the other lacrosse girlfriends in the student section. I got pretty close to the front because of the big 42 I was wearing, I was almost on the same row as the seniors.
Grant started the game and was the first to be passed the ball after the face off. He wouldn't say it, but he was one of the best attacks on the team so it didn't surprise me when he scored within the first five minutes.
The crowd went wild, my voice the loudest of the cheers. Maybe it was just a coincidence, but I could've sworn Grant looked my way from the field.
"Black-out! Black-out! Black-out!" Everyone started chanting as the score changed from 0-0 to 1-0. Black-out was the nickname Grant had earned, deriving from his last name and the fact that "the other team blacks out when he takes the field." Not many other players had earned their own personal chant so yeah, I guess you could say Grant was kind of special. Like I said, to have the same 42 on my back that Grant did was kind of surreal.
He scored two more goals and intercepted the ball three times throughout the whole game, pulling out a good win for the Jaguars with a final score of 7-4.
I waited at the exit of the field as the players all walked into the locker room. I searched for Grant's jersey in the sea of sweaty boys but couldn't find him, starting to wonder if I had missed him until I felt a hand on my butt.
I turned around and saw him standing behind me smiling, helmet in hand. "Sorry, too low again?"
I threw my arms around his neck, getting up on my tippy toes just to reach him, not having to stretch myself for long before he put his arms around my back and lifted me off the ground.
"You did so good!" I said into his sweaty neck.
He lowered me back to the ground, still smiling. "It was light work." He said with a shrug.
His friends started to holler at him as they filed into locker room. "You should probably get back in there. I just wanted to tell you that you did a great job." Why did I have to be so awkward?
"Yeah, sorry, I've got to go but," He started to follow his team into the locker room. "Everyone is going to Denny's, I'll meet you there in 20." He said before disappearing into the locker room.
Denny's after a game. Another big game day tradition that was sacreligious not to abide by. I had never been, mainly because Denny's was always mobbed after games, so me and my friends usually headed to McDonalds for a post game snack.
As usual, Denny's was packed with hyper highschool students going crazy after their big win. Kendra and I looked feverishly for the host stand through the sea of kids and I felt dismayed, how did anyone find a table here?
I considered just leaving when I felt a hand on my waist. "Aw damn, really wish we made a reservation." I heard Grant say behind me. "Good thing I did."
"Didn't think you had it in you." I said back, holding his hand to me as I wrestled my way through the crowd. "Blackout coming through!" I shouted, people naturally making a path for us.
Some of the drunker guys started cheering and patting Grant on the back as he passed.
"Nice one." He laughed as we finally broke through to the host stand.
They seated us at a big table in the corner and it immediately filled up with about fifteen to twenty of Grant's lacrosse friends and a few of their girlfriends, some uninvited guests pulling up chairs to avoid the wait at the front.
I was sure to snag a spot next to Grant and luckily Kendra was in the vicinity so I wouldn't be too lonely tonight.
I had never really hung out with Grant's friends before except for at the movie which didn't really count because no one really talked to each other there. Needless to say, I was really nervous. I didn't want it to be awkward if I just sat here and didn't speak to anyone, but at the same time I didn't want to say anything to make me look like an idiot. All of these kids were upperclassmen, they were Grant's friends and I didn't want to make a bad impression. I wanted to be able to coexist and go on double dates and not feel awkward at future Denny's game nights.
I honestly just wanted to get through this night first though.
Grant was swarmed with guys all talking to him about lacrosse and I could barely hear myself think over the noise. I turned to talk to Kendra to not be so awkward but her and Matt were being all couple-y and ignoring everything going on around them, which left me to myself.
I sat there for a few minutes just staring at my phone screen, opening Snapchats and going through my instagram feed a few times until I was just opening up the apps just to close them again. I checked my email and played a game of Angry Birds before getting bored. Soon I was just rearranging my apps and turning my phone on and off. I just wanted this night to be over-
"You good?" Grant asked, putting his hand on my knee.
I looked up from my phone and smiled, surprised he found a break in the conversation to talk to me. "Yeah, I'm great."
He rolled his eyes. "They're annoying... and loud. I promise I'll make this up to you in lots of burritos."
I laughed. "I'm serious, Grant, I'm fine. This is all just... very overwhelming, that's all."
He smiled, squeezing my hand under the table. "Thanks for being here, really, it means a lot."
"Of course." I smiled back, the world kind of disappearing when I looked at him. Kind of disappearing, I could still hear rowdy screams and see guys punching each other just for fun.
He broke eye contact, answering the call of one of his friends, his hand slipping out of mine. "Brandon," He started, addressing a big lacrosse guy across the table from me. "This is my girlfriend Alina. Alina, this is Brandon." Grant slung his big arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him.
Brandon tipped his chin up in greeting towards me. "Wassup, Alina?"
I started freaking out during the split second between responding, worrying I was going to say the wrong thing and also kind of glad and honored that Grant was formally introducing me to his friends. "Sup."
"You need to smack some sense into that boyfriend of yours so he will get his ass in the weight room one of these days. He played like shit today and I think it's because of his noodle calves." Brandon said, raising his eyebrows at Grant.
I laughed, looking up at Grant. "I think they should rename you Noodle Calves instead of Blackout, I like that one a lot more."
Brandon snorted. "I think she's right."
Grant rolled his eyes. "Alright, let's see these 'noodle calves.'" He said before standing up and putting his foot on the table, pulling up his sweatpant leg to showcase his entire hairy lower leg. "Feel that, Brandon." He said, his calf muscle flexing into a tight and ridged block on the back of his leg. "That's not a noodle that's a fucking filet mignon."
Brandon rolled his eyes, following Grant's suit and putting his leg on the table to show off his calf. "That's called never missing leg day bro!"
"Feet off the table please, boys." A waitress said lazily as she walked by, like it was the hundredth time she has had to say that tonight.
They obeyed and sat down again, Grant putting his arm around me again.
"Whose calves are better?" Brandon asked me, crossing his arms and sitting back in his chair. "Be honest, Alina."
Grant looked to me expectantly and I took a deep breath, looking back over at Brandon. "You were kind of slow tonight, Grant..."
"Fucking hell..."
"I fucking told you bro!" Brandon laughed. "I like you, Alina, you know what's up."
I took a small sigh of relief. At least someone liked me.
The waitress came around and took everyone's orders. I ordered chicken tenders to keep it small for myself, unlike all of the hungry players who got triple decker pancake meals.
Suddenly, Brandon was narrowing his eyes at me from across the table while Grant turned to talk to someone next to him.
"What's up?" I asked, nervous now as I shrunk back into Grant's arm. I thought he liked me.
"Are you Clarissa's sister?" He asked, stroking his chin.
Great. He thought I was a hoe or something for dating my sister's boyfriend. "Yeah." I breathed, biting the inside of my cheek.
He shook his head and I thought for sure that I was done for. "I don't understand how someone cool like you and a snake like her could come from the same parents." Thank you? "God, I hate Clarissa. I don't hate a lot of people but man, she's a bitch-"
"Jesus Christ, Brandon, it's her sister." Grant interrupted.
"No, it's ok, I'm serious," I defended. "I'm not going to talk bad about her—I can't—but God, it really feels nice to listen to sometimes." There weren't many people apart from Grant and I that had opinions like that, much less shared them. Call me a bad sister for not defending her, but I couldn't help but agree.
Brandon shrugged and kept going. "Literally, el diablo. I dated her back in ninth grade-- ninth grade-- and she broke up with me over text the day my grandpa died, and she ordered all of her little friends to ignore me so I couldn't catch a rebound for a few months. I literally did nothing to this girl. Grant, come on, you know, she made up all that shit about you-"
"Yes, Brandon, I remember." Grant said with a small laugh.
"-I just think it's great you're dating her sister now, she's so fucking pissed about it. Not that I'm saying you're just an object of revenge, I really do genuinely like you, but damn that's just the cherry on top-"
"Ok Brandon, you can shut up now." Grant muttered, turning to me. "I'm really sorry about him-"
I rolled my eyes. "I'm ok, I really am." I laughed. "To be honest he's quite entertaining, especially because he is obviously embarrassing you."
Grant covered his face with his hands. "He won't shut the fuck up."
I laughed, pulling his hands away from his face to reveal a small smile. Aw, he is so cute.
Brandon got up to go to the bathroom and I still had Grant's hands in mine as I looked across the restaurant through the space Brandon had left at my sister staring at me from her table.
Not staring, glaring.
She glared at me with such intensity I thought that her look would actually kill me right then and there. I let go of Grant's hands but not her gaze. I wouldn't back down and cave. We had been through this so many times and it wasn't fair.
She finally broke her gaze to talk to her friends, her death stare replaced with a fake, bubbly laugh.
"Everything ok?" Grant asked.
I tried to shake the feeling off and smiled at him. "Yeah, I'm good."
He introduced me to a few of his other friends, all whom were very nice and engaged in conversation every now and then. Despite his blunt persona, Brandon was also a very nice guy and I found myself laughing pretty hard at some of the things he had to say (unrelated to me or my family). Overall, they weren't a tough crowd and talked to me like I had been their friend for years.
They were so much better than Donovan's friends. His friends were so rude and pretended I wasn't there half of the time just for the sake of their own personal agendas. Grant's friends could care less who I was and why I was here and they respected me anyway. It was very refreshing to be surrounded by those kinds of people.
The food came and it suddenly got very quiet at the table as the hungry players scarfed down their plates. I didn't hear a single word out of Brandon which was surprising, but no story-- no matter how important-- could distract a man from his food.
The energy level went way down after that, the glory from the game wearing off and the fatigue setting in.
"Are you going to Denzall's house after this?" Brandon yawned to Grant. "It's supposed to be a rager." I almost laughed. The only place these guys would be going to after this is their beds.
Grant shook his head, putting his hands on his full stomach. "Nah, you guys have fun." He turned to me. "You ready to go?"
I nodded. "I'll drive."
He raised his eyebrows at me as we both got up. "Really?" His friends all yelled him a goodbye as we started towards the door and he gave a wave back.
"Yes, I'm going to drive because you're exhausted." I replied as we walked through the doors. "I'm a good driver, I promise. I've been practicing."
He slung an arm around me shoulder as we got into the parking lot and I slipped my hand into his pocket for the keys. "I'm not doubting your driving skills, but I think you're doubting mine."
I smiled up at him. "You're right. I am because you can barely keep your eyes open."
He started to roll his eyes then yawned. "Ok fine, you drive."
I smiled as we got to the car and I skipped to the front seat.
I had my permit for almost a week now and I've been driving every chance I got, and every time was like a new adventure. I've gotten pretty good at it too. Grant would still be in the car, but he was pretty tired so it was almost (almost) like a solo drive, which was kind of exhilarating.
Grant settled himself into the passenger seat, rubbing his eyes. "Foot on the brake, lights-"
"-Lights on, check your mirrors. I've got this, Grant." I said with a smile.
"Shit, sorry." He laughed. "I mean, you can still drive, but I'm going to have to drive home from your house anyways so I mean, I'm still in danger."
I rolled my eyes, starting to pull out of the parking lot. "Shut up and let me drive."
He laughed. "Yes ma'am."
I was very cautious leaving the parking lot and entering the main roadway, but luckily the streets weren't too busy tonight. Other cars always made me nervous.
"You know, you could just spend the night at my house and avoid this whole me having to drive thing." He said, folding his hands behind his head. "You're doing pretty good and I actually am really tired."
"No," I said, shaking my head. "Are you crazy? My parents would never let me."
"Just tell them you're going to Kendra's or something."
"Lie to them? No thanks."
"Fine. Then just don't tell them."
"Grant," I said firmly. "I'm not spending the night, ok? You will be okay driving yourself home. You can close your eyes and rest if you want."
He looked over at me, smiling. "I can't look at you with my eyes closed."
Blush crept to my cheeks just as a smiled curled onto my lips. "Close your eyes, honey."
He laughed, angling his seat back before doing as I said.
It was a smooth ride to my house and some of my best driving yet. It was a lot easier to focus when there wasn't someone watching your every move and critiquing your turns and stops.
I pulled into my driveway and put the car in park, leaning over and kissing Grant on the forehead. "Wake up, handsome."
He smiled not opening his eyes. "Why can't we just stay in your driveway all night? I'm kind of comfortable."
"The Clarissa Clause, remember?" I said, running the back of my hand down his cheek sticky with dried sweat.
"Damn," He muttered, eyes still closed. "I thought that only applied to the house."
"Sorry," I said, taking in his peaceful face that warmed by body. "You've got to go."
He finally opened his eyes, craning his neck slightly so his lips could meet mine. "Goodnight, Alina."
"Goodnight, Grant."
Yeah, I'm Grant Black's girlfriend, and it's kind of awesome.
But don't forget that I'm your wife, and I'm kind of in love with you.
Xoxo, Alina