"Ten and I broke up."
Taeyong didn't really get much time to process what Johnny had just said, before he found himself being pulled into his own room by Jaehyun.
"Why'd you do that?? I wanted to ask him more...to know what had happened...why would they break up Jae?" irritation seeping out through his voice at the blonde's behaviour.
You know exactly why they broke up his sub-conscious quipped up, and it wasn't really helping Taeyong right now It's not Jaehyun who you should be annoyed at, but at yourself. They couldn't have broken up because of his confession right? You're a failure as a friend. They were way stronger than that. It's ridiculous to think that Johnny would break up with Ten only just because he found out Taeyong liked him all those years ago.
Like, Taeyong doesn't even feel the same way anymore.
He isn't exactly sure since when, but his heart doesn't race the same way when he sees Johnny as it used to before, he is happy to see him, and even just a day without talking to him doesn't feel right, but then it is the same he feels about Ten.
He sees Johnny only as a friend now, his best friend. Nothing more, nothing less.
He tried to pull his hand away from the vice like grip Jaehyun had on his wrist. The boy still wasn't looking at his face, instead opting to look at the floor. It irritated him even more when instead of loosening his grip, Jaehyun only tightened it.
"Don't go to him..." he whispered. It had a tinge of desperation in it, enough of it to make the unusually obtuse Taeyong notice and stop struggling.
"Can you look at me Jaehyunnie?" He whispered. At the back of his mind, he was left wondering why they were whispering in situations where there was really no one else who could overhear them. It made it seem so much more, secretive; so much more private and somewhere in his mind, alarms were ringing. A silent warning was the tip of his sub-conscious, threatening to spill, but not quite there yet.
It was as if he knew exactly what was going on, but didn't at the same time. It frustrated him. Too much was happening, too much and it was becoming blatantly obvious that Taeyong needed to start paying attention to people around him more.
Jaehyun lifted his head, looking at Taeyong through his lashes. He really looked like a kicked puppy, and for a split second Taeyong felt like reaching out and pulling those chubby cheeks and kissing Jaehyun's frown away.
What was wrong with him? He rarely ever felt so affectionate towards another person, but with Jaehyun, he wanted to pour all his attention and everything on to the boy. Jaehyun deserved only the best.
"What's wrong?"
"You...you can't go back to Johnny...he's single and...you...you still like him right?"
"I...I don't like him that way anymore Jaehyun. If that's what you mean." If there wasn't an ocean of doubt in Jaehyun's eyes, Taeyong would've laughed that question off, because wasn't it obvious that he didn't like Johnny that way anymore? "I won't deny, I did like him quite a lot at one point, so much that I'd even go as far as to call him my first love, but Jaehyun that was so long ago. I...I really, am completely over him, really. I promise. There is no like like feelings involved here any more."
Taeyong didn't really understand why Jaehyun, the same guy who figured out that he had a crush on Johnny, the ever observant psychologist, couldn't even tell that Taeyong didn't feel the same way about his friend anymore. He doesn't like Johnny the same way that he likes--
That he likes Jaehyun...He likes Jaehyun. He likes...Jae...hyun...a lot.
The realisation hit him like a truck, and he almost staggered and fell to the floor because of how dizzy it made him. And he would've fallen to the floor if Jaehyun's hands hadn't steadied him in time.
The boy pulled Taeyong flush against his body, effectively knocking the air out of his body. His heart beat was so erratic, Taeyong was sure he'd break the ECG machine if he had been hooked to one right now.
Thank God he isn't. Maybe the universe isn't that against him yet.
He could actually picture Ten giving him a standing ovation, obviously a sarcastic one, at his epiphany. He'd then pull along an embarrassed Johnny to interrogate a clueless Jaehyun, and judge his capacity to look after their pseudo son, because, Ten had declared himself and Johnny's substitute parents for anytime he was away from his actual parents, and he took his job very seriously. It was hilarious, and ridiculous at the time, and Johnny had just went along with the deal because he knew refusing Ten would land him in trouble (read: no sex forever) but now, he misses it. And then it hits him that his pseudo-parents just got divorced and that the cute and heartwarming scenario he conjured up would never take place, he snapped.
He couldn't take it anymore, the two opposite feelings were overwhelming and he started to cry out of pure frustration.
"Hey! Don't cry, I didn't mean...to make feel pressured, or bad! Tae-"
"No...it's not that...I just miss them so much Jaehyun!!" Taeyong found his face against the crook of Jaehyun's neck and the younger stilled for a beat before rubbing his back gently, telling him that he was there for him. "It's my fault right? They broke up because of me right? I'm so bad Jaehyun-ah!!" I'm so sorry that an idiot like me fell for you.
"No...No it's not your fault ok?" Jaehyun pulled way, and looked right into his eyes. "Them breaking up is their decision, it that nothing to do with you. Problems arise in every relationship hyung, they people in it can either give up or can hold on and fight through it."
"But Johnny and Ten were a strong couple...they loved each other. It's because I ran my mouth-"
"Listen to me carefully hyung. What happened isn't your fault ok? They are both old enough to take their own decisions. Besides, you don't even really know why they broke up either. Tomorrow, when you are feeling better, and Johnny is too, you guys should sit down and talk. For now, can we just go to bed?"
"We didn't have dinner though." Taeyong pointed out, his voice all husky and weird because he had been crying.
"Oh...right..."
Taeyong chuckled through his tears as Jaehyun ran out in a hurry, shouting for Johnny, and reminding the other two, that in their hurry to avoid confrontation they had forgotten dinner.
He stood at the door and chuckled even more when he heard Mark quip back at Jaehyun who only took bait and another argument ensued, which thankfully came to a stop when Johnny walked in with a pan in his right hand, and left hand on his waist, looking as threatening as a hamster in Taeyong's opinion, especially with that yellow apron on him, which he didn't know they owned. But obviously he was the only on who thought so, since the two idiots shut up and settled for just glaring at each other.
The boy then turned to Taeyong and threw him a wink before resuming his process of making dinner, ignoring the grumbling pair of kids.
Taeyong felt a tiny bit better.
And then Jaehyun looked at him and smiled, and Taeyong smiled back. Both opting to ignore the gagging sound from Mark.
Taeyong definitely felt a lot better,
After dinner, just as Taeyong was done wiping the counters clean, a wet haired Mark walked in, filling the kitchen with the smell of Jasmine, and Taeyong found it cute that Mark used the same shampoo as his mother. The boy was twisting the tips of his shirt between his fingers, and Taeyong recognised that as a nervous habit the younger had since he was a kid. He smiled fondly.
"You want some hot chocolate Mark?"
Not waiting for an answer, he fixed up two glasses, and the two sat at the table, much like they had during dinner, only this time it was just the two of them, and no distractions. Since Jaehyun was showering and Johnny was busy playing games on his laptop.
"Hey...where's my...oh...don't mind me..." Ok so maybe Johnny wasn't busy playing games anymore, but he read the serious atmosphere as soon as he entered the kitchen and then left in a hurry after grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and throwing the two brothers a silent fighting.
"So, are you finally going to tell me what happened?"
"Hyung...the thing is..." Mark sighed, he sipped his drink once more and wet his lips, another nervous habit of his that Taeyong had noticed over the years. Taeyong and Mark might not have been the closest of brothers in reality, but they pretended to get along pretty well for the sake of Wendy and his mom. So there had been tons of instances when Taeyong had had to sit next to his little brother, even if it was against his will. So naturally he did know him quite a bit. He also knew, that despite what everyone thought, Mark was really just a scared little kid.
Which is why he forgave all those homophobic remarks that fell from the kid's mouth, almost as soon as they fell. It's always a shock to know that you mom is married to a woman, Taeyong went through that himself, but being gay himself, it had been easier for him to accept the change. Plus, Wendy insisted that he call her dad, to make him feel better, and his mom did the same with Mark, though in the end both of them ended up calling Wendy dad, because she was just more, dad-like?
"Go on. I'm not going to judge." He assured the kid, giving that little push.
"I know hyung, you'd never do that to me...or anyone. You're literally the best brother I could ask for"
"Woah!! Where is all that coming from?"
"From my heart?" Mark smiled a bit, and Taeyog burst out laughing. "Seriously though hyung, thank you. For everything. And sorry that I was so...bad and unappreciative and rude, and basically the definition of the worst brother in the world."
"You were a kid, you still are. Stop apologizing for things I don't hold against you."
"You should. You shouldn't even have picked me up when I called, or even let me stay for a while."
"I am not going to turn you away in a city which is new even for me. Leave all that and tell me why you are here."
Mark sighed again. Taeyong didn't get it, while he was feeling really light inside, like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulder, he was dreading Mark's real reason. The boy could've wait for the spring break, when Taeyong would be back home, for this apology. His mind started wandering, were there issues between their parents? Is that it? Were they fighting, and that scared Mark and he ran away? Maybe that was it.
Just as his mind started to make even worse conclusions, Mark threw certain words out of his mouth.
"DonghyuckkissedmeandIkissedhimbackandnowI'msoconfusedhyung!"
Of course it had sounded like gibberish to Taeyong. But he was rather startled by the suddenness with which Mark spit the words out and then proceeded to hide his face in his palms, probably in embarrassment. So he thought maybe it was his lack of comprehension that led to him not understanding what the younger.
"Umm, Mark, I'm sorry, but I didn't quiet catch any of that. Can you say it again please?" He felt bad at doing this, but he was dying to know, and Mark's reaction was just making him more curious. There was a small voice in his brain which repeated the age old warning Curiosity killed the cat, but then Taeyong ignored it, because curious cats deserved it, his mind flashing to white devil he had the pleasure (not) of meeting back in the library. Stupid cats.
Anyways, back to the matter at hand.
Mark rubbed his face, still hiding it from Taeyong as he repeated his earlier words in as low a voice he could use, and as fast as he could without mushing his words together.
"I...Donghyuck and I kissed, and I liked it."
"Oh."
He remembered Donghyuck, he was the kid from the house right in front of theirs. Though he was almost a year younger to Mark, they were in the same class, because the kid was smart as hell, in fact he would've skipped a few more grades if the boy hadn't been adamant in graduating together with Mark. That was a teller enough for Ten, Johnny and Taeyong that the kid had the hots for his younger brother, and the added puppy flirting had only been a confirmation, but they never called anyone out because as Ten put it, You should never come in the way of puppy love.
"How did...uh..." he started, not exactly sure what he wanted to ask in the first place. This was super awkward for Taeyong, since his brother was here, asking him for advice in a field which he had had more experience than him. Hell, that actually hurt his pride a bit.
"I don't even know, like one second we were playing that game Minho hyung sent from USA, and the next thing I know, he is on top of me and grinding his hips against mine...and you get it...we kind of went far..."
"Oh."
Now this definitely was beyond Taeyong's experience, his first kiss hadn't even happened yet (though if you as Ten and Johnny they'd tell you the story about how Taeyong's fist kiss was stolen by his pet dog Ruby, buy he would never admit that.) let alone...all that. He thanked God that Mark was hiding behind his palm. Effectively hiding his own face, and not seeing Taeyong's at the same time, because he swears his cheeks hadn't felt so hot ever. This beat that time when he walked in on Jaehyun and his glorious upper body.
"Hyung what do I do? I can't even face him...and I'm so confused. Like before this I had never thought about Hyuckie like that. But then when our lips met, it was just so good, and so perfect...like hyung! You know the feeling right? I haven't felt like that ever. I mean I have experimented with girls before, but with Hyuck it was just so much more exciting?...hyung does this mean I...am I gay?"
Yet again, Taeyong found himself in an uncomfortable position. He hadn't experienced any of those things Mark just described. Sure he had had a girl friend back in school, but then every time she tried to kiss him he ran off, and the feeling of her breasts against his body when they hugged, he absolutely hated it. He found out he was gay when he had a wet dream about one of his seniors in school. A male senior.
"Mark..." So while he sat there, just about to confess to his brother that he had come to the wrong person for advice, he noticed a white board...no that was a sketch pad...floating right outside the kitchen door. With some words written on it.
Kissing a boy does not make you gay. It started.
"...Kissing a boy doesn't make you gay", Taeyong found himself repeating, unable to keep the fond smile off of his face as a hand gave him a thumbs up before, flipping the page. "...you're just 17, you're brain is probably experimenting with possibilities." the rest he knew what to say, "Don't over think things ok? Everyone goes through what you did at some point, especially since you are surrounded by homosexual people, you are more open to that possibility that is all. You don't need label yourself too soon kiddo."
Taeyong smiled as he received another thumbs up. He shook his head trying to take the smile off of his face and stop his heart from going bonkers, and focus on Mark.
"Did you experiment with Ten hyung then?" Mark asked. The question was seemingly innocent, and the boy was genuinely asking Taeyong, but as soon as the question left his mouth, a pair of almond shaped eyes and wet blonde hair appeared above the sketch pad. They eyes were narrowed at him as if in accusation, and Taeyong could tell that Jaehyun was probably pouting behind the screen.
"Maybe." He replied, though in truth, the answer is no. He and Ten had figured out their orientations all on their own, and even after they had, they both had been together for so long that times they saw each other as commodities rather than actual people. But hey, why should let an opportunity to tease Jaehyun go?
"Wow hyung! So all those times you spent locked in your rooms you guys were fucking?" Mark snapped up, looking amazed, but then whined because Taeyong hit his head, completely embarrassed.
"No we weren't 'fucking'!! mind your language kid!"
"Puh-lease! Not you too!! Mom has this new language policy installed in the house, every swear word has a 50cent penalty. Its annoying because whenever Hyuck is around, we both get so engrossed...in the game..." Mark stressed seeing the teasing smile on Taeyong face, blissfully unaware of the annoyed young man outside listening on their conversation and probably killing Ten a 100 different ways in his mind already. "...we always end up losing out the ice-cream money to that penalty....hyung!!"
"And still you used a swear word!"
"Gosh I keep forgetting how you are such a mama's boy..." he grumbled, sipping the last of his drink.
"Mark!!"
The two brother chuckled at each other, and Mark urged his hyung to finish the rest of drink. Just as he was almost done the boy started fidgeting in his seat again. and Taeyong raised a brow in question.
"Hyung, can you give me a hug?"
"Of course!"
Taeyong got up and walked up to, a really red, Mark, and the boy immediately buried his face into his hyung's stomach, saying a muffled thank you, and some other touching stuff that completely went over Taeyong head. Because all he could really see was, right at that moment, was Jaehyun casually leaning against the door frame with a smile which showcased his dimples, and effortlessly gained all of Taeyong's attention. There was that weird look in Jaehyun's eyes again, the same one he had noticed earlier that day, as they sat eating their tteobokki. The look that made Taeyong feel all warm and giddy inside.
It was as if Jaehyun's eyes were leaking warmth and honey.
Taeyong mouthed silent thank you to the boy, who only smiled wider, his head slightly nudging towards their shared bedroom for the night and he walked off. It was a I'll wait for you sign and as he left Taeyong couldn't help the widest grin ever on his face.
"So hyung, you sure you and Jaehyun aren't dating?" Mark asked, now looking right at Taeyong, holding a knowing smirk. His voice making the elder more conscious as he looked down at the younger with a frown, calling up on all his acting skills.
"N-no...of course not..."
"Not yet you mean?" he teased again, standing up and collecting both of their glasses to keep into the sink. "It's cool though, he's great. Oh and thank him from my side for just now."
"Huh...?"
"You were too obvious hyung! Everyone and their unborn child knows that you and Ten-hyung would never even touch each other if you guys could help it. He was here wasn't he, you were trying to make him jealous right?"
"Wha...I...no?"
"It's fine hyung...you should go to him before he starts getting too lonely." Mark said, winking at him while making a quick beeline to his bed for the night, aka, Jaehyun's room.
When Taeyong did finally enter his own bedroom, he found Jaehyun already under the cover, flipping through one his books. He almost wanted to turn around and go exchange with Johnny, but then he also really wanted to stay with Jaehyun too.
"Hyung...how did it go?" Jaehyun asked him, when he noticed the boy enter the room, using his gentle I care about you so much voice that was twisting knots into Taeyong's intestines that he is sure was unhealthy.
"He...he asked me to thank you." Taeyong pouted a bit, he was actually really kind of hurt that he wasn't able to help out the younger the one time he had reached out to him.
"Eeh? He figured it out...how?"
"I don't know..." he whined, not being to help it.
"Aww...hyung come here." Jaehyun put the book aside and opened his arms wide, a silent invitation for Taeyong. Who was Taeyong to refuse. He immediately dived in, his head hitting Jaehyun's chest in his haste, and the younger laughed despite the fact that it had to have hurt. "So eager for a hug...huh?" Taeyong didn't answer, only breathed in Jaehyun's scent, noticing immediately that Jaehyun didn't smell like any shampoo at all.
"You didn't use soap? Or shampoo?"
"You don't like those smell much do you? Besides, why would I use them when I found out that you like the way I smell naturally?" He could hear the smirk in Jaehyun's tone, and despite himself, he ended up whining and trying to bury his head deeper into Jaehyun's chest. The blonde held him closer. "Hey hyung...?"
"Hmm..."
"Did you and Ten really...you know?"
"Hmm?"
"Did you guys fool around?"
"What do you think?"
Jaehyun whined this time, and Taeyong had to break free laughing. As he got off of bed to go change into his pajamas, Jaehyun kept whining and grumbling like a baby. About how cold the bed was, how cold it was in general, and how mean Taeyong was being by ignoring him.
He smiled as he applied lotion on his hands, getting comments from Jaehyun about finally discovering why his skin was so soft, which he ignored for the sake of heart. He smiled as he turned off the lights and settled onto his side of the bed, curling away from Jaehyun, but the immediately finding himself being spooned by the younger. I really do like him. Taeyong thought as smiled through it all. If it had been anyone else, including Ten...especially Ten, Taeyong would've thrown him out by now.
"Well I am human...and humans get jealous when someone they like, likes someone else. And when he gets upset because of someone else. And when he smiles his widest smile at someone else. It hurts, but then you can't help but be in love hyung. You know the feeling right?"
"You like someone who likes someone else?"
It's not that Taeyong had forgotten the blonde's confession from earlier that day. It was in fact the uncertainty that brought was the only thing stopping him from craning his neck just a bit and kissing those lips which he knew were just behind him, almost pressing into the base of his neck.
But Jaehyun is in love with someone already. It could be him, seeing that Jaehyun actually thought Taeyong was still in love with Johnny, thus fitting the criterion, or it could be either of his friends, or even someone he doesn't know.
It could be anyone, and even though Taeyong heart was hurting, because this would be the second time he falls for someone who doesn't feel the same way about him, he would rather see Jaehyun be happy than him try to be happy for Taeyong's happiness.
Does that even make sense? He would never want to be the obstacle to anyone's happiness. If Jaehyun got the person he loved, he would be happy, and he knew the blonde would keep the other person happy too. But if Jaehyun finds out his feelings for him, knowing him, he would agree to date him, but that wouldn't make anyone happy. He would rather two people be happy than no one. So he decided to keep his feelings under wraps for the moment. Or at least until he gets a hint at least.
But as he felt the strong arms wrap around his waist; the slightly fast thuds against his back, and the warm breath against the side of his neck that Jaehyun had snuggled into, he really hoped it was him. So he pretended that he was the one for the night. His own hands settled on top of Jaehyun's, caressing them, and he drifted of into a calm sleep in a while, completely missing the way Jaehyun's heart beats increased, and the small smile that graced his lips at his actions.
Mom, I really really like this guy.