Dear My Person,
I didn't pull into the driveway yesterday in fear of someone recognizing my car.
Luckily, Alina came out quick and I didn't see any peeping eyes in the blinds. She made up some excuse and thankfully, it was working. Last night was supposed to be perfect, I couldn't have a disapproving family member mess it up.
God, she looked so good last night. I told her she didn't have to dress too fancy, I wasn't that rich, but she was wearing black leggings, a white shirt and a brown leather jacket that made her look like a fucking runway model. I would say my favorite part was her leggings hugging her ass, but only a douchebag would say that ;)
She hopped into the car and I leaned over to kiss her but she moved away. "Someone is going to see." She said, biting her lip. Goddamn, I really wanted to kiss her right now.
I put the car into drive and pulled away, starting towards the restaurant.
Just as we were about to leave the neighborhood, she put her hand on my arm saying "Pull over here."
I did as she asked, and only had time to turn my head before her lips were on mine. It had only been a day and I already missed her lips. It had only been a day. What the hell was wrong with me?
We pulled away slowly after half a minute, even though I kept going back for a few rogue kisses. All I seemed to know how to do was kiss her, and I was starting to worry that was a problem. Jesus, Grant, use your mouth to speak.
"Hi." She said, smiling.
I smiled back, leaning into my seat. "Hey."
I put my foot on the pedal and we continued along as if we had been driving the whole time. "So I thought we would go to that new sushi place downtown. Clarissa liked sushi," Wow well aren't you just being a special little fuck up today. "Not to make this about your sister, or assume you like the same things that she does but, I don't know, girls like sushi. Unless you don't like sushi then we can go somewhere else." Shut up shut up shut up shut up.
She laughed. "I love sushi."
I took a deep breath, adjusting my hands on the wheel. "I'm not trying to make this weird I swear."
"You're not making it weird. You're just nervous, that's cute."
I looked over at her and I could tell she was trying not to laugh. "I'm not cute, ok? I'm the farthest thing from cute."
"Okay." She bubbled.
I took a deep breath, laughing a little myself. "It's going to be a long night."
"Hey, I find that very offensive." She said, still smiling.
"I never said there was anything wrong with a long night."
Finally, we got to the restaurant without me completely ruining the night before it even started, but she made it seem like there wasn't much I could do that would ruin this for her, which made me feel a little better. Like I said, I hate talking, and I wasn't very good at it, but she knew that, and she didn't care.
I held the door for her because I was a motherfucking gentleman and followed her into the restaurant. As she was asking the hostess for a table, I put my hand on the small of her back and I felt her tense up a little, then lean into me. I might've been a gentleman, but I was still kind of a douchebag, and I still wanted to touch her because making out wasn't really appropriate at the moment.
I mouthed "booth" to the hostess and she nodded slightly to me, gathering up a few menus before leading us to a booth in the back. The restaurant was pretty crowded tonight, but luckily I didn't see anyone I knew. It's not like I was embarrassed to be seen with her, but the last thing I needed was rumors to be started before we even knew what we were, if anything, but I'll get to that later.
"What did you get on that chem test?" She asked, looking over the menu.
I rubbed the back of my neck. "Can we leave school at school? It's Friday, I'm off the clock."
She looked up at me. "Below a seventy?"
I sighed. "Sixty eight." How did she know?
She shook her head, smiling a little. "I guess you do need me."
Yeah, but I want you too.
The waitress came around and took our drink orders, but I told her I wasn't ready for food yet, just because I wanted to make this night last as long as possible, as cheesy or weird as it sounded.
I had no idea what my course of action was for the night, but my goal was to eventually formally ask her out, and I had this paranoia thinking that she would say no because of the politics involved. And I agreed, it was risky, but I don't know if I could stand not being with her with all of this... stuff between us. If this was our first and last date, I was going to make it count.
"Has everything been ok lately?" I asked. "It's been kind of weird with us this past week or so and I just wanted to make sure that you're good, I mean with the whole Brad thing, since we last talked."
She nodded. "Yes, actually, it has been completely out of sight and out of mind, and I have you to thank for that."
I shrugged. "I love taking credit for things, but I can't take credit for that. You're the one who did all of the heavy lifting."
The waitress came around with our drinks and Alina thanked her then turned back to me. "Well, yeah, that, but I haven't had time to think about Brad because I was too busy thinking about you." She smiled a little, taking a sip of her drink.
Shit, that was really smooth.
Was I actually with Alina right now?
I laughed, leaning back in my seat. "Wow, ok that was good."
She laughed, beaming. "Wasn't it? Just thought of that one."
The waitress came around again and took our food orders, and thankfully Alina ordered a modestly priced sushi roll, unlike her sister who would get the most expensive thing on the menu plus a side that wasn't included. I already knew I liked her better than Clarissa, but this justified it even more.
We talked about generally mundane things while we waited for food, things we talked about before all the crazy stuff happened. I liked her a lot, separate from like liking her a lot, I just liked her as a person. Even if all of this didn't work out, I still really wanted to be her friend because she was really cool and nice and funny and beautiful and just not your average bitch. She wasn't Clarissa or Vanessa or Sydney or any other fake hoe at our school. While I could settle being her friend, I would be really disappointed if we weren't more than that.
The food came and I was kind of surprised to see her open up the chopsticks and start eating her sushi like someone who lived in Japan for years, while I deep throated two goddamn pieces with my hands. I tried to act cultured, but with her being so graceful it was kind of hard.
"Jesus, how are you using those things?" I asked, wiping my sticky hands on my napkin.
"My dad travels to Japan a lot for work and brought me one time, and I was kind of forced to learn how to use them. It was better than asking for a fork at every restaurant we went to."
I took my chopsticks and snapped them apart, trying to mimic Alina's configuration, only for them to slip when I tried to pick something up.
She laughed. "Oh my god let me help you." She reached across the table and took my hand, manipulating my fingers to hold the chopsticks together, but I wasn't paying attention to that, I just stared at her determined face as she tried to help me. God, her eyes were beautiful when they were set, like perfect globes of sea glass that have been weathered down to their most perfect form. Gorgeous, graceful, unstoppable eyes. I had never seen eyes like hers before.
"Ok, try it now." She said, looking up at me to find me staring at her. I didn't play it coy, I just kept staring, and probably gave off the impression that I really wanted to kiss her.
She smiled at me. "You can stop staring at me now, I know I'm great."
"Is it socially unacceptable to kiss you right now?" I asked. "I hate PDA, for the record, but I just really want to kiss you."
She leaned forward so her face was inches from mine and lingered there for a moment, smirking. It was like a magnet was pulling me into her and my lips were just about to crash into hers when they moved out of my lips course and planted themselves on my cheek. "Yes, it is socially unacceptable." She leaned back in her seat, picking up her chopsticks. "Use your thumb, index and middle fingers to control it."
Hot damn. Why did she have to do me like that?
I went for a piece of ginger and to my surprise picked it up and held it for a few seconds before it slipped back out and the configuration was compromised. "Well, I made progress."
"I was never that good the first time I used them, so I would say you made a lot of progress."
"Well I had a pretty good teacher."
She blushed and continued to eat.
The waitress came back around to take our plates and I ordered fried ice cream for us.
"You've been to Japan and you have never had fried ice cream?!" I asked after she told me she had never tried the best food on the planet.
She laughed. "The entire week I was in Japan I never saw one order of fried ice cream, and I'm also pretty sure it was created in America or Mexico, or something like that."
"This is ridiculous, and you have to try it because it is the best and most unhealthy food you will ever eat next to fried twinkies."
"Well I don't think you're going to let me leave until I try it."
I laughed. "You're very right."
She smiled, taking a sip of her drink. Then her face got kind of serious and I got kind of worried but tried not to show it.
"You know," She started, looking down at her hands. "You still owe me an explanation."
I took a deep breath. "Yeah, I do." I was kind of hoping she wouldn't ask about that so soon, but I was glad she waited until the end of the night. I had hoped that the dinner would be explanatory enough, but I don't blame her. I hadn't prepared a good, not awkward response so I was just kind of winging it.
Thankfully, the waitress brought the steaming sugary glory that was the ice cream and an idea struck me.
"Ok," I started, pulling the plate towards me and picking up a spoon. "So the ice cream is me now,"
She looked incredibly confused, and I kind of knew I sounded like an idiot, but I just had to go with it. I hated talking, and I was best at demonstrating things, even though they usually made sense only in my mind. "My... feelings I guess, whatever." Wow look at me, such a softie. I don't think I've used the word feelings in a long time. "The fried fat shell is my pride and rational thinking and society as a whole, and this spoon is you."
I could tell she was trying not to laugh. "Ok?"
I wish I could've stopped the blood rushing to my cheeks but the damage was already done. "Bear with me here." I couldn't help but laugh at myself. This was ridiculous. "Anyway, so the spoon is you and you keep poking at the fat shell." I started to prod the fried coating around the ice cream with the spoon lightly enough so it didn't break. "I'm not saying it's a bad thing that you were doing this, and you most likely didn't know you were doing it, but you kept poking me, and you made me think so much that cracks started to appear against my better judgement." I made a small fissure in the layer so a drop of ice cream dripped out. "That drip right there is what happened at the movies and I tried to fix the hole by ignoring you, but I couldn't, and you kept poking until," I drove the spoon into the side of the ice cream ball. "Goodbye fat, and hello feelings." I scooped up a good spoonful of ice cream and shell then pushed the plate towards her. "I have no idea if you understood any of that but that's why I was being a dick." I shoved the spoon in my mouth, letting it's incredibleness try to drown out my embarrassment.
"Somehow," She started, taking a scoop of ice cream. "That made a lot of sense." She smiled, putting the spoon in her mouth.
"Thank god," I laughed. "Because I really did not know how else to say it."
"It helps to know because you weren't talking to me after the movies, and then you kissed me and I was worried the same thing was going to happen again, and I just wanted to know what was going on with us," She took a deep breath. "I just don't like not knowing a definitive answer, you know? And it was kind of a grey area." She took another bite.
I shoved another spoonful in my mouth. "Well I don't want it to be a gray area, I want to go out with you." But since my mouth was full of ice cream, and I'm an awkward piece of shit, it sounded more like "Wewh ah do wa do beuh gway awea, ahwana goud wuhyoo."
"What?" She laughed, seeming charmed by my bad manners instead of repulsed.
I swallowed. "We could just, like, date, would that make it less confusing?" How did I ever get any girlfriends before? "I mean, if that's completely not what you wanted or meant then we can firmly establish now that you only want to be friends and-"
"Yeah, I mean no, I mean," She laughed, her cheeks blushing pink. "I'll go out with you if that's what you're asking so terribly."
I laughed, shaking my head. "I told you, I'm shit at talking." I couldn't help but smiling as I took another bite to shut myself up. I guess that worked out better than expected, or at least her response. My delivery couldn't have been shittier but at least she didn't reject me like I had expected her to. I guess she liked me more than I thought.
She smiled back, also taking a bite. "You're right, fried ice cream is probably the best thing I have ever eaten, you know, next to ice cream."
I scoffed. "Come on, I think we both know you love it."
She smiled, shrugging as she took another bite.
We finished up and I picked up the check and fortunately she didn't protest too much because if she did then I probably would've let her pay. Like, I get the whole breaking the gender roles thing, but regardless of my gender I would let someone pay the bill any day. Again, the fact that Alina wasn't a weird feminazi further reinforced my admiration for her.
Once we got to the car of course the first thing we did of course was start making out. I didn't like PDA, but luckily it was dark enough that no one could see, besides, I didn't have the patience to get into the car then make out with her. I couldn't keep my mind off her before, and now I just couldn't keep my lips off of her.
Of course stupid Seattle had to ruin the moment and it started pouring and we got fucking soaked. She acted like it was no big deal, like it didn't even bother her, and she kept kissing me. I went along with it for a second, but I hate being wet so I eventually pulled away and unlocked the car.
She laughed as she opened her door and I ran around to mine. I immediately got in and cranked the heater as she combed through her damp hair with her fingers.
"Jesus Christ," I muttered as I watched the rain come down on my windshield like it was a motherfucking monsoon. This night was going so well up until now.
I turned on my wipers and it was like trying to absorb the ocean with a paper towel, I couldn't see anything. "There's no way I'm driving home in this." I laughed.
"Well," She sighed. "I guess we will just have to wait it out."
I looked over at her smiling at me and not another word was said before our lips were against each other again.
How had I only known her for a few months, and she already knew me so well?
-Grant