Harry's POV
The car was relatively silent as I drove toward my Aunt and Uncle's, Teej and I obviously both taking time to process our own thoughts before we settled in for Christmas with my family, and I was just trying to make sense of all the things running through my head.
It was hard to comprehend all the different emotions I felt, the entire situation that had unfolded before me that morning was something that seemed to evoke things in me that I wasn't sure how to begin dealing with. I can't say that I was surprised that Tanner was such a piece of shit, or that Teej had reacted the way she did, but I just couldn't believe how much of it had gone right over my head. The more I thought about it the more obvious it was to me, and I felt like a proper dick for not piecing it together sooner.
I'd known there was something off about the way she was acting, that feeling in my gut that she wasn't being honest with me, that bell that seemed to go off in my head when I saw his black eye even though I didn't know what it was from. It's like some part of me knew what was going on, but my brain just couldn't connect it. I couldn't help but wonder if maybe I'd put it together sooner if I could have prevented it somehow, if I could have stopped those bruises from forming in the first place.
I wondered just how long it had been going on, how many things had happened right under my nose that I'd missed, not just from Tanner but from everyone in general. I'd obviously been no stranger to the comments made by chauvinistic assholes, but I suddenly had a perspective on it that was so hard to ignore.
She was right when she'd said there was a culture, and it wasn't like I'd been unaware of it, I just had no idea to the extent of it. I didn't know just how much it had affected the way she dealt with things, the things she unconsciously did without thinking that were so different than the way a man would, and it gave me so much more insight into how she came to be the way she was. Between the world that she lived in and the way her mother always treated her, it seemed like she was taught from birth that the way she felt didn't matter, that her opinions or her talents were irrelevant and she simply existed to serve a purpose to everyone but herself.
She'd found her own escape in hockey, the one thing she did for herself, and in order to do it she'd had to endure years of abuse and ridicule simply because she wanted to play. I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that I knew about it, that I was aware of it, but at the same time it was like I had no idea. I felt horrible and guilty at the prospect that I may have been contributing to it somehow, that even though I may not have been the one to make her feel like that I also hadn't done much to stop it from happening, and that was the worst part.
There was good chance that I had unknowingly or inadvertendly contributed to it. I'd known the media was harsh on her, that some of our teammates were dicks and that sometimes when we were out there was always some guy trying to make his point, and I knew it was wrong and did my best to defend her. But had I really sat and thought about what that must feel like? Did I take the time to think about the situation as a whole rather than just chalking it up to a few people being assholes? Because when I thought about it on that drive home, it didn't feel like I really had.
I knew this was about so much more than hockey, that this situation spoke to a much bigger issue outside of the game in mainstream society that I was all too familiar with. The responsibility I felt to defend women as equal members of the world, to be part of a positive change in the way we did things, had driven me to try to understand. I'd tried to listen and be more conscious, more aware of the things going on around me, I'd tried to keep the promises I'd made myself and do things that would make things better, but after that conversation with Teej I realized just how little I understood of it all.
I think, like most people, I thought that we'd come far as a society. I thought that we were working towards things, that we'd made big strides in being aware of the way we treat people and making things equal, but the things she told me completely contrasted how I thought things were and it became glaringly obvious that I, along with most of the world, was looking at things through rose-colored glasses.
I felt helpless, and a little lost, like I was in the middle of it all with a front row seat and no idea how to change it. I knew I couldn't control other people, or change how they thought or what they did, but I had a responsibility to Teej and every other woman I knew to do something about it. It wasn't that I perceived them as weak or unable to handle it for themselves, it was just that I knew they shouldn't have to. It wasn't their responsibility to have to scream and shout about what was being done to them, to ask us to respect them, it was our responsibility as men to stop doing it. It was our job to speak up, to change the culture, because we were the ones who created and perpetuated the problem.
I was well aware that when a woman speaks up about how she is treated it's seen as them being dramatic or over sensitive, but when a man does it it's seen as strength and confidence. I knew that a woman speaking passionately about things was often dismissed as too emotional, whereas a man being passionate is regarded as determination and intelligence. I was aware of the double standards, of how hard women had to fight to be respected even a fraction of men, but I never could have dreamed the kind of sacrifices that were made behind the scenes.
I thought about what Teej had said about how she'd made it this far, about how if she hadn't taken all of their shit she probably wouldn't have even been able to play college hockey, and the most fucked up thing about it was that I knew it was true. If she'd shot her mouth off in some random junior league they would have cut her immediately, not wanting the hassle of a player who had a bad attitude, and her hockey career would have been over before it started. But there was something fundamentally wrong with that.
The message being sent to not only Teej but the people she played with was simply that she didn't deserve the same amount of respect as the other players, which just left the door open for people to keep treating her like that. It spoke to the idea that she was different, that she wasn't just another member of the team, that her role wasn't the same even though they were all there for the same reason.
Men and women have different roles in life, that's just basic biology, but at what point did one of those roles become so much more respected than the other? When did we get this idea that we were somehow more superior than someone else based on our gender? That it was perfectly acceptable to expect women to offer you their body simply because you wanted it? My brain felt broken trying to process it all, not able to wrap my mind around that way of thinking, racking my brain as to what I could do to change it.
And the idea that I may have somehow contributed to the problem made me sick.
I'd had a sobering opportunity to witness the consequences of those kind of actions, seen firsthand what that culture was capable of causing, and I'd sworn to myself that I would never be someone who made anyone feel like that. I'd made a conscious effort to be respectful, to make women feel safe and secure when I was around, to hold my friends accountable for the way they treated women. But I hadn't done enough, and that was glaringly obvious.
My thoughts were interrupted as TJ's phone rang in the cupholder between us, and I watched as she reached over and picked it up, answering it as she brought it to her ear.
"Hey, B." She said. "You make it home for the holidays okay?"
"Hey, Teej! Yeah, we're just at the airport now, I just wanted to call and say Merry Christmas in case I don't talk to you guys." Brielle said, her voice coming loud enough through the speaker so I could hear her.
"Merry Christmas to you too." Teej smiled. "I'm glad you're gonna get away for a while, hopefully everything is sorted out by the time you get back."
"Yeah..." She sighed. "The cops said they're still working on it. So hopefully they figure it out so I can come home when school starts back up."
"They still don't have anything?"
"I haven't heard much, I don't know what they have to be honest. I'm just glad I'm gonna be laying in the sun for the next two weeks." She said with a light laugh. "I'm not worrying about anything until I get back."
"Fair enough."
"Anyways, we're gonna board soon. Tell Harry I say Merry Christmas, and just in case I haven't said it yet...thank you guys for everything you did for me. I know you really didn't have to after what I'd done, and I just want you to know I appreciate it so much." She said sincerely.
"We're just glad you're okay." Teej sighed, the weight of what had happened in her tone. "You just enjoy Mexico and text me lots if you can."
"I will. Girls night when I get home!"
"It's a date." She promised.
They said goodbye and hung up the phone, Teej smiling softly over at me as we approached my aunt and uncle's. We'd stopped at the dorm on the way home so we could change and pack up some stuff to stay for a few days, and we were officially arriving for Christmas with my family. I felt a little guilty that they'd been there a couple of days already and I hadn't seen them much, but my parents had said they had a bunch of last-minute shopping and stuff to do and I'd really wanted to spend some alone time with Teej.
It was the first time I'd ever really brought a girlfriend home to spend a large amount of time with them, let alone the holidays, and I just wanted everything to go smoothly. I wanted to give Teej the best Christmas she'd ever had, not just because of everything happening with her family, but because I knew she'd never really felt accepted and loved by her Mom and that always stopped her from feeling totally at peace. I wanted her to feel the warmth that I did when I was around my family, and I hoped that we could give her that.
I was a little nervous how it would go, being that it was only the second Christmas since everything happened and the first one we barely even did anything. I knew that spending the holiday in the states was my parents way of attempting to start fresh, to take an opportunity to create new memories, but I felt extremely conficted about it. I knew my own emotions would be running high and I would try my best to control it, but as much as I tried to forget what happened I also felt like not acknowledging it was an insult to our memories.
It was the constant battle I faced every day of my life, trying to find my own ways to cope, wanting to make sure I never forgot but at the same time being unable to speak of it. I knew my parents were dealing their own ways, but those ways often conflicted with mine and we would butt heads trying to be supportive of each other or trying to make sure we were okay, and as much as I wanted us all to move forward I felt guilty for even thinking about it. It felt like moving forward was leaving it all behind, like a positive and negative thing at the same time, and I just wasn't sure how it was all gonna go.
I wasn't exactly keen on giving Teej a front row seat to it all, but I wanted her there with me to keep me grounded like she always did, to help me through the first real holiday we'd had as a family since our lives were torn apart.
Because I knew there was a very real chance things might not go as planned.
I'd wanted to tell her so many times, to explain to her why I was the way I was, why certain things affected me so much, but I just couldn't bring myself to. I physically could not speak the words, I'd never been able to, but that didn't mean I wasn't desperate to tell her. I wanted her to understand, to tell her all the things I thought about every day, to share that part of me with her, but it was broken and I knew no matter how hard I tried I'd never be able to fix it.
The idea of saying it out loud felt like I couldn't take it back, as if once the words left my mouth there was no more denying it, like it was a fact and couldn't be undone. It was like if I said it I couldn't undo it, like I had to come to terms with it, as if it was some final stamp on the whole thing. The therapist my parents had forced me to go to said that was the key, that saying it out loud would make me accept it so that I could move forward, but that sounded like the most ridiculous thing in the world to me. Why the fuck would I want to move forward? To me that meant forgetting, leaving it behind, and it just seemed selfish and wrong. I didn't want to forget, but I also didn't want to remember, and I was constantly stuck in that place I didn't know how to get out of.
It wasn't that I didn't love my family, or want to be around them, I just didn't know how sometimes. Things just felt so different, incomplete, and no matter how hard they tried to help me we all knew that things would never be the same again. The guilt I felt ate me alive, and things had changed so much that every time I looked at them and saw the pain on their faces I just couldn't handle it. They loved me so much, constantly worrying about me and knowing I wasn't coping well, that it was smothering sometimes. I loved them too much to know what I'd taken from them, to see that reminder every day, and I was still learning how to live in our new reality. We all were.
"You okay?" Teej asked as I parked the car, reaching over and running her fingers through my hair. "You look at little...distracted."
"Yeah...sorry." I muttered, taking her hand in mine and kissing the back of it. "I just...this is the first real Christmas since...everything, and I don't know how it's gonna go."
She looked up at me, sympathy and concern on her face as she watched me, knowing I needed to gather my thoughts.
"My parents and I...we don't always see eye to eye on certain things, and as happy as I am to have them here I know that it's kind of an emotional time for all of us. It's the first time we'll all be together celebrating...anything really, since it all changed and I just really don't wanna fight with them."
"Babe I know this is hard for you, and I'm sure it's hard for all of you, but they love you so much. I know how much you love them, how much you all love each other, and if you fight it's just because you care. So just try to be a little easier on them, and if you need a break just take a few minutes to get yourself together." She said softly. "I'll be right here the whole time."
I leaned over and pressed my lips to hers, letting them linger as I soaked up our last few minutes of alone time, before I pulled away and gazed down at her.
"I love you." I said. "Just...please be patient with me this week. This is...hard for me, to be around them."
"I know. I love you too, everything is gonna be fine." She said, reassuringly squeezing my hand.
I took a deep breath and exhaled before we both climbed out of the car, grabbing our bags and making our way into the house where we were immediately met with the smells of home cooked meals and the sound of Christmas music flowing through the house. I hadn't really realized how much I'd missed that feeling of home, that calming feeling I always had when my parents were around, so used to the dorms and doing everything on my own.
I smiled to myself, knowing my parents had obviously made an effort to make it feel as much like home as they could, the same Christmas album coming through the speakers that we'd played every year. I felt the slight ache in my chest at those memories, but did my best to push it back as we entered the kitchen to find my Mum and Aunt giggling away at the counter until they spotted us.
"There's my boy!" Mum grinned, immediately coming toward me and smothering me with hugs and kisses like she always did. "I missed you so much! I'm so glad you're here, how was your trip?"
"It was good, Mum." I laughed as she turned to Teej.
"Hello, Darlin." She smiled as she pulled her into a hug. "I am so excited to have you here with us for Christmas."
"Thank you so much for having me." Teej said sincerely. "It's so nice to finally get the chance to hang out with you guys."
"Oh, trust me, we are absolutely chuffed." She giggled, wrapping her arms around my waist. "It takes a lot to get this one to settle down, and he never shuts up about you."
"Alright, pipe down." I chuckled. "Where's Dad and Luce?"
"They went to the store, your sister wanted more of those sweets Shawn gave her."
"Figures." I laughed, remembering how quickly she'd scarfed down the box of candies he'd given her before he left.
"Harry, honey can you grab me that pot?" My aunt asked as she attempted to reach above the cupboards for something and I went over to help her, handing it to her as she smiled up at me. "Thanks."
"What are we making?" I asked, leaning over her shoulder and grabbing a small carrot to pop into my mouth.
"We're just trying to get dinner prepped and out of the way so we can start baking when they get back." Aunt Kate smiled. "I assume you've made your selection?"
"Sure have. Gave Mum my shopping list the other day." I grinned. "Your defeat is imminent."
She reached up and pinched my cheek, gently tapping her hand against it when she finished, and I just grinned at her as Teej came to sit at one of the stools on the island.
"So what is this bake-off thing?" She asked, smiling at us as she leaned her arms on the counter. "Sounds pretty serious."
"It's a long-standing tradition." Mum said with a nod. "You're more than welcome to join if you'd like."
"I'm not sure I wanna get in the middle of this." She laughed, looking over at me.
"That is probably a wise decision, honey." Kate chuckled, shaking her head. "Things get pretty messy."
"Basically, everyone picks a dessert to bake and we have an independent judge decide who's is better." Harry explained.
"Yes, but there are all sorts of rules and guidelines we have to follow." Mum added. "We figured you could be the judge this year, TJ. Although, I think you might be a bit biased."
"See, that shows how little you know her." I laughed, shaking my head at the very idea that Teej might possibly slant things in my favor. "I am the last person she wants to win."
"So true. I hate it when Harry wins anything." Teej chuckled. "I like to knock him down a peg, keep that ego in check."
"I knew I liked her." Mum laughed as I threw my arm around her.
"Yeah, yeah." I rolled my eyes.
The sound of the front door opening echoed through the house right before my sister came barrelling into the kitchen like she'd eaten ten boxes of sweets, crashing into my leg before I scooped her up.
"Hazzy!" She giggled as I tickled her.
"Hey, booger." I laughed. "Had some more candy did ya?"
"Yes!"
She was practically vibrating on a sugar high as I put her down, dancing over to Teej and giving her a hug as we all laughed at her, just as my dad and uncle appeared in the kitchen carrying a bag of groceries in each hand.
"Thanks for the help, Luce." Dad chuckled as he came and set the bags down on the counter, leaning over to greet Teej with a kiss on the cheek. "Hey, TJ. Good to see you, love. You sure you wanna spend the holidays with all this madness?"
"Can't wait." She smiled as Lulu hopped up onto her lap, grinning up at her.
My uncle placed his bags on the counter, looking over at me with a look that let me know he wished to speak to me, and I just cleared my throat and looked over at Teej before I excused myself and followed him into his office.
He closed the door behind me, sighing as he took a seat at his desk, looking up at me with an emotion on his face that I couldn't quite figure out. It was obvious that he wanted to talk about the phone call I'd made earlier, but like myself he seemed pretty disturbed by it.
"Is she okay?" He asked, almost shaking his head at the thought.
"Yeah. I mean...she's not, but she is." I sighed, sitting down at the chair in front of his desk.
"I know I should probably be asking her this, and I'm gonna have to at some point, but you're the one who technically reported it to me so I'm gonna ask you to tell me what exactly we're looking at here."
"I reported it to you off the record." I clarified. "Teej is the one who is gonna make the official report, she just asked me to call you first."
"What exactly are you reporting, Harry?"
"Multiple incidences of sexual harassment, and at least one instance of sexual assault." I said firmly, trying to keep my own emotions out of it and just state fact.
"At least one?" He asked. "What is the official accusation?"
I sighed as I pulled out my phone, bringing up the pictures Teej had allowed me to take of her bruises, and passing it over to him. I watched the expression on his face turn to one of frustration as he examined the pictures, obviously realizing the seriousness of just how aggressive Tanner had been.
"He grabbed her, held her against the wall and basically told her he was going to have sex with her." I said, gritting my teeth at the thought of him being anywhere near her. "She had to punch him in the face to get away from him, and multiple people saw that his face was messed up."
"And she told you all of this?"
"Yes."
"But you have no proof?"
"I have those pictures, and I can get witnesses who saw his face. As far as anything else goes...I'm gonna get it." I told him, my determination obvious.
There was no way in hell Tanner wasn't gonna pay for this.
"How are you gonna get it?"
"I'm figuring that out."
"Harry, I don't think I need to tell you that this can be a dangerous game you're about to play. I want you to be smart about this." He said, folding his hands in front of him as he watched me from the other side of his desk.
"He assaulted her, Uncle Mike." I said, a little snappier than I would have liked.
"I don't doubt that, Harry. I'm not saying he didn't." He clarified. "I want him gone just as much as you do, and I will do everything I can to make that happen. But we probably only get one shot at this, that's it, so I want to make sure we do it right. As far as this case is concerned, you and I never had this conversation."
"Teej will tell you everything, I can get her in here right now if you want." I offered.
He sighed as he leaned forward, rubbing his hands over his face, obviously knowing what a task it was gonna be to actually get rid of him. We all knew Tanner wouldn't go down without a fight, which meant we needed concrete proof if we had any chance of making it stick. The last thing we wanted was for him to be able to wriggle out of it somehow, for Teej to make the stand and not get the outcome she needed.
"He also told her that he would reverse her suspension if she gave him sexual favors." I said, wanting to make sure he fully understood what we were dealing with.
"Excuse me?"
"He told her that if she was willing to give him a blowjob he wouldn't suspend her." I repeated.
"Jesus Christ." He said, shaking his head in disbelief, obviously having the same reaction that I did.
A silence settled over us, both of us obviously lost in our disbelief that anyone could be such a scumbag, before Uncle Mike sighed and leaned back in his chair.
"Okay, well." He started. "I will begin a formal investigation, I've already got a couple of things I'm thinking I can check out. I'll need TJ's official statement...and preferably more proof, but it's Christmas break now so he's not even on campus. This might take some time to build a strong case against him, so I'm gonna need you to be patient. I will do what I can with what I have for now, and hopefully we can nail his ass to the wall."
"Sounds like a plan to me." I agreed.
"For now, just leave this with me and let's...try to enjoy the holidays." He said it with that familiar tone, looking over at me sympathetically, and I just swallowed the lump in my throat.
He watched me for a minute, letting the implication of it settle over us without actually coming out and saying what he meant, because we both knew. The ache in my chest seemed to tighten once again at the mention of it, and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in an effort to settle myself.
"I'm...trying." I said, the words almost catching in my throat. "I really want us all to have a good Christmas, I just...I don't know how to do this. I'm doing the best I can, Uncle Mike, I promise."
He just watched me for a few seconds, well aware of how much I might struggle, and I was appreciative of his efforts to check in with me. He'd always looked out for me, and at a time when my parents were already going through so much and I didn't want to bother them with things, he'd always been someone I could talk to. He never pushed me, or forced me to talk about things, he just let me know he was there if I needed him.
"I know you are, H." He said softly. "We all are...and I know it feels like having fun is wrong somehow, but...it's been over a year."
"Yeah...I know that." I sighed, trying to take some deep breaths. "I'm just...I'm scared that I'll forget. I don't want to replace everything, to make it so different that I don't remember."
"Harry, you're not gonna forget." He said sympathetically. "I mean, I wish there were some things you would...but the good stuff, it's not just gonna go away. You need to forgive yourself. Carrying this weight around with you, beating yourself up all the time...it's not good for anyone."
I didn't respond, just stared down at my hands as they rested in my lap, that ache in my chest getting worse and making it hard to breathe.
"Does TJ know?" He asked, and I fought the tears attempting to pool in my eyes.
"No." I said, clearing my throat in an effort to compose myself. "I mean, she knows about Will...but the rest I...I still can't say it. I can't...say it out loud."
He stood up from his chair, making his way around his desk and coming to sit next to me, looking over at me as he rested his hand on the side of my face. I was choking back tears, trying so hard not to let it overcome me like it had so many times, trying to remind myself how far I'd come. Every day I told myself how far I'd come, how hard I'd tried, and every day no matter how much I did or changed it just never felt like enough.
"I love you, Harry." He said, his own tears forming as he looked at me. "I love you more than I could ever tell you, and I hate watching you do this to yourself. I cannot imagine how hard this has all been for you, and I know there is no right or wrong way to deal with it...but you have to deal with it. Whatever way you choose, I will support you. But it's time, you can't keep going like this."
"I'm doing the best I can." I said, tears threatening to fall as I looked back at him. "I'm fucking trying, I'm...I want to, but I don't know how and she's not here to fucking help me."
I began to cry at the mention of how lost I felt without her, how much I missed her presence and the way that she always seemed to know what to say to me, and just as I buried my head in my hands I felt my uncle wrap his arms around me and squeeze me tightly against him.
"I know." He said, his voice shaking. "I know she's not."
"I...I can't...I'm-" I cried, not even knowing what the hell I was trying to say.
"She's not here, H. But the rest of us...we are." He said, pulling away to look at me, sniffling as he tried to keep his own tears back. "We're right here, and we love you, and if you won't let us help you then please find someone who you will."
Before I could say anything else, a knock on the door to his office caused me to immediately wipe my eyes in an effort to pull myself together, not wanting anyone to see or know I'd been upset. The last thing I wanted was to cast a dark shadow over how hard my parents had worked to create a happy environment, and before I could say anything my uncle composed himself and walked over to the door.
"Oh, sorry...I'm just...Is Harry in there?" Teej asked, sounding worried as he opened it.
My back was to the door, but I could feel my Uncle's eyes on me as he probably pondered whether or not to let her in or give me a minute, and it seemed he assumed that if anyone had a chance at making me feel better it was her.
"I'll give you two a minute." He said softly as he excused himself, and I did my best to dry my eyes and prepare myself for the way I knew she was about to look at me.
"Hey..." She said softly as she rounded the chair I was sitting in, and I just looked down at the floor. "You okay?"
"Uh, yeah." I said, breathing down my chest. "I'm alright."
There was a long pause as she obviously contemplated whether or not to push me, before she crouched down in front of me and looked up at me.
"Are you crying?" She asked, reaching up to put her hand on the side of my face.
"No, I'm uh...I'm fine." I said, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. "I was just talking to my uncle about Tanner."
"Harry..." She said softly, gently brushing the hair off my forehead. "Look at me."
I slowly lifted my head to look at her, not wanting her to know I was upset but at the same time desperate for her to comfort me, and the second my eyes met hers I saw the tears that had pooled in them at the sight of me upset.
"What is it, babe?"
I just swallowed as I shook my head, once again not able to bring myself to say it, as she patiently waited for an answer that never came.
"Somehow I don't think this is about Tanner." She sighed. "Is it...the other thing? The one you can't tell me about?"
I fought the tears that once again tried to escape me as I nodded my head, trying to focus on the way she was running her fingers through my hair, just wanting to feel the comfort she was offering me.
"I'm okay...I just, I just needed a minute." I said, sniffling as I took a deep breath.
"Do you want me to leave you alone?" She asked.
"No." I replied a little too quickly, causing a smile to cross her lips. "Don't ever leave me alone."
She sighed as she stood up, coming to sit on my lap as she wrapped her arms around me, gently kissing my forehead as I pulled her into me. She didn't say anything, just let me hold her there as the silence hovered around us, and I took a few minutes to take some deep breaths and try to prepare myself to go out and be with my family.
"Whatever it is...I know you're stronger than it." She said quietly, barely above a whisper. "I know you can find a way to get past it, to keep going forward."
"I'm trying." I sighed.
"I know." She smiled softly at me, pushing my hair back off my face. "And that's all you can do."
I leaned up and kissed her, trying to lose myself in her presence, to remind myself that I finally had something that I hadn't completely screwed up yet, before I pulled away and gazed up at her.
"Do you have any idea how amazing you are?" I asked, reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear.
"I think we both know the answer to that is a firm no." She laughed. "But...I guess we're even because you have no idea how amazing you are either."
I leaned up to kiss her one more time, before I rested my head on her shoulder and decided it was probably time to go back and face my family.
"Well...you ready to eat a ridiculous amount of baking?" I asked, doing my best to crack a smile.
"I have literally never been more ready for anything in my life." She chuckled.
"Then let's go." I sighed as she stood up, taking my hand in hers as she led me toward the door and I stopped her. "Teej?"
"Yeah?" She asked, looking back at me.
"I um...I really wanna tell you, if that counts." I said, rubbing the back of my neck.
"I know." She smiled. "And whenever you're able to, I'll be right here."