I decided to actually write out their meeting. Thought the readers deserved that much. Enjoy, loves ♡
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While Mark was excited and impatient, Jackson was taking his time getting ready, he wanted to look perfect. He got a clean shave, brushed his teeth not only once, but twice. He even went out and bought a new pair of shoes, Jackson was determined to impress his love. Although, Jackson's appearance wasnt the first thing that made Mark drawn to him. It was his shy side, his affectionate side, the way he cared for his mom. It was Jackson sincerity that Mark found attractive.
Before leaving the house, Jaebum and Youngjae had told Mark ahead of time, that if anything went wrong to call them immediately. He told them not worry, that he was safe with Jackson.
But Jackson on the other hand, had the two younger one's by his side giving him advice.
"If you dont feel anything, don't push the feelings." Bambam had said to him as he walked Jackson out to his car. "And if that bastard shows up, call us, we'll take care of him." He was talking about Jinyoung, but Jackson didn't think he needed to call them. For one, Jinyoung knew his place and second, Jinyoung also knew if he showed up, Jackson wouldn't let him see the light of day. Literally.
Jackson's hands gripped the steering wheel the whole time he was driving to place where Mark was already waiting, with a cantene in hand and some food. Mark thought it be a good idea to eat to calm both of their nerves.
It took only about fifteen minutes for Jackson to arrive, but for the next three he just sat in the car, thinking. Thinking about what he should say to Mark, thinking about how he should have wrote down a speech, but that be weird. He sighed, leaned back into his seat and looked up at his car ceiling where a picture of him and Mark on their first date. It was on his sun visor. Jackson took it into his hands, caressed it and said, "You can do this."
So he got out and began to walk down the crusty pathway. It was cracked more than usual, the plants Mark had brought to make the place look lively were slowly dying making Jackson feel weird. He was sad.
As Jackson neared the picnic area, he saw Mark's hair that was freshly dyed, he always had it red or black, this time it was red. Jackson's favorite color was red, he absolutely loved anything that was red. His car was red, the pot his cactus is in was red and the Interior in his house was basically red. He smiled to himself thinking of the day Mark got annoyed with him because he bought a red living room set. Mark told him he was getting sick of the color, but days later he dyed his hair that color. Jackson thought he was trying to get attention from him, and it worked.
Jackson stood and watched Mark for a few minutes, he was biting his lip, looking down at his phone, then back up to the sky. He looked lonely, but Jackson himself have been feeling lonely as well.
Jackson looked down at his watched and saw that it was five past six, so without stalling any longer he walks closer and the noise of footsteps alerted Mark, as his head snapped toward Jacksons way. Their eyes met, it wasnt awkward, it was warm, they both met after a long time and they felt at ease.
"You made it," Mark said softly as he tried to hide his face, he was blushing at the sight of his lover. Mark was scolding himself, saying he should be used to the way Jackson looked. But I guess he was still the same, Jackson was a looker and Mark thanked the gods for allowing him to be with such a gorgeous man.
"Of course I did, it was the right thing." Jackson replied, while looking down at all the food. "You brought dinner?"
"I thought it be easier for us." Jackson nodded at Mark's Mark's repsoonce while sighing. "I made it all."
"You did?" Jackson asked surprised. Mark never was able to cook, so seeing all the food he prepared just for the two of them made Jackson tingle inside. "It looks good."
"Youngjae has been teaching me. I want to improve." For you. Mark wanted to say the last part, but he knew it wasnt the right time to.
"Look's like you have," Jackson said with a small smile, making Mark beam. The action made Jackson hot, he was soft all of a sudden, he loved how Mark looked happy after achieving something. "Uh, um. How are you?"
"Its a been tough few weeks, I was in the hospital for a day because of my health. I couldn't sleep, my dreams came back and I kept having panic attacks. I'm not saying all of this so you can feel sorry. I just wanted you to know."
But Jackson was already feeling sorry, he felt sorry as soon as he woke up this morning. "I saw you. At the hospital. I was there for a check up."
"Why didn't you come talk to me?" Mark asked with sad eyes, making the other feel sad as well.
"I was afraid you'd tell me to leave."
"I would never," Mark said as he placed Jacksons plate of food in front of him, along with coffee Mark had put in a cantene.
"Its going to get dark soon and cold, I dont want to waste time eating and doing small chit chat," Jacksom continued after a few minutes of silence. He wasnt going to lie though, what they were doing felt nice. Eating to small talk, it's what Jackson missed the most.
"I-i know. Don't want to get to it just yet." Mark said before taking a bite of chicken. "I didn't see your car, did someone drive you ?" Jackson asked curiously.
"Yeah. Jaebum did on his way to pick up Youngjae from work," Mark replied after swallowing. Youngjae worked at a coffe shop in town, he's know to make the best omelet on the block.
"Will someone pick you up after?"
"I don't know, I was wondering if you could take me back." Mark said finally getting the courage to look up at Jackson again, who hasn't touched his food. "Are you not going to eat?" He asked, hoping his lover would eat one bite. As if reading his mind, Jackson picks up his knife and fork, cutting the chicken into squares. He dips the chicken into the gravy before putting it into his mouth, Mark felt satisfied after hearing Jackson humm.
"Mark." Jackson started after swallowing. Mark looked away nervous, putting more food into his mouth. "Look at us, we can't even look at each other."
"I can look at you, I just don't want to see your face while you break up with me." Mark said as his lips quivered, he was bound to cry tonight and he knew it. Jackson knew it too, but he didn't want that to happen.
Jackson thought all night about how he should resolve his relationship with his boyfriend. He didn't want to breakup, but then again he did? He was scared they wouldn't make it, he was scared he would officially lose Mark if they ever were split up like this again.
Mark was Jackson's first love and vise versa. He even talked to his mom about marrying Mark, buying a house and having kids with Mark. Mark wanted the same thing. But now, after what happened. They would have to start over. They're already getting old, they both don't want it to be too late to have kids.
"I don't want to break up," Jackson sighed out as he took the hat he was wearing off, running his hands through it. It was a habit of his whenever he was stressed or nervous, and right now, it was a little of both.
"But you want to?"
"I didn't say that," Jackson continued taking a sip of coffee to calm himself.
"Then what are you saying?" Mark asked, he was getting impatient. He didn't like the waiting game, but he didn't want to have this conversation either. But it had to be done. "Do you still love me?" He finished with a shaker voice, he was going to cry soon.
"Of course I do. That's why this is hard, I love you so much but I'm afraid of hurting you again." Mark was confused, Jackson didn't hurt him? It was more like Mark hurting him. Mark thought after what happened with Jinyoung he had broken his boyfriend's heart.
So Mark grabbed his lover's hand and says, "You didn't hurt me baby. I hurt you." Jackson finally looked back at Mark, seeing his soft eyes bore into his own. His saw the passion, the love Mark always showed towards him.
"But I could have resolved the problem, but instead I kicked you out. Stop communicating with you, I almost couldn't handle it, so I. I-"
"You what?" Mark asked.
"I started writing to you, but not really sending anything," Jacksom continued as he looked down in embarrassment. Mark thought Jackson was, since he accidentally sent him something. Little does Jackson know, Mark was doing the same thing.
"I was also sending you unsent emails."
"You were?" Jackson asked surprised, looking back up.
"Even though I didn't really send anything, I wanted to at least imagine that I was telling you what I was doing, what i was feeling. It made me feel better." Mark responded as he gave Jackson a little small side smile. "Do wanna break up?" Mark asked getting to the point of their meeting.
"I don't," Jackson frowned.
"What are we going to do?" Mark asked as he took Jacksons hands in his from across the table, the action made his boyfriend feel happy as he gripped Mark's hands. "Do you want to start over?"
"I don't want to do that either," Jackson sighed as he hit his bottom lip. He was about to ask the most dangerous question that could end any relationship if not asked at the right time. But they loved each other, they realized now no one could get between them. So it makes sense that Jackson would ask such a question.
"I love you so much, I want to give you everything you want. I want fall alseep after looking at your face and I want to wake up to see next to me. Mark, we've been doing this a long time and we're getting older as years go by. I want a family with you." Jackson paused to breathe, he was looking right into his lover's eyes as he said every word. Mark was getting excited, his tummy was forming butterflies and wanted nothing more to kiss Jackson after a long time.
"And I want a family with you, baby." Mark said as he brought both of Jackson's hands to his lips, to kiss the back of them.
Jackson was nervous to say the next couple of words, of course there was no doubt Mark would have said no. But, its the huge step they're making in their relationship and both of them we're excited to follow through with it.
"Will you marry me, Mark Tuan?"
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I'll most likely make two more unsent emails and then an epilogue surrounded by their wedding. I hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading :)
~Madi♡