THE NEXT SENSATION LIZZIE FELT was her body being lifted and carried. She didn’t want to open her eyes; she was in a warm and safe place. It felt like the times a long ago when she would fall asleep and wake up to find someone carrying her to bed. Daddy? She wanted to stay in this place.
“Lizzie?” A male voice asked.
“Daddy?” She opened her eyes reluctantly. Light stabbed at them and she brought her hand to her head with a groan.
“No. It’s Zach.”
“Zach?”
“Zach Riley. From high school. Sophomore year? I saw your post.”
She was mortified. Did she say “daddy” out loud? “I wasn’t expecting you. Is this Hell then?” She giggled. Zach had been a pest, forever pledging his love for her.
“No. But I bet it feels like it. You threw up all over yourself. You need a shower.”
Lizzie smelled the puke and squinted down at the crusted mess on her Queen t-shirt. She gagged at the sight.
“I’m going to sit you on the toilet seat,” Zach said, setting her down gently.
“’kay.” She felt her body make contact with the hard seat and felt a twinge of regret at being separated from Zach’s warmth. One strong hand stayed on her shoulder though as he turned on the tap in the tub. The connection felt good. Even if it was just Zach.
It had been a couple years since she’d seen him. This strong young man with the John Deere ball cap was very different from the short, pimply punk kid she remembered. “Where’d you come from?”
“Sedro. Drove up as soon as I saw your post.”
“My post?”
“You said you were gonna off yourself. On Facebook.”
“Oh, I don’t remember that at all.” Her face flushed, and she turned away from Zach.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Hungover.” She leaned her face against the ceramic sink, solid and cold. Someone had found her. “Not dead.”
“Good.” Zach said looking concerned.
Nobody had looked at her like that in a long time. “Fuck you, Zach,” she said, trying to push him away and stay upright on her own. Was it the look of concern that made her angry or the fact that she wanted it. “I didn’t want a hero.”
His eyes dropped. Her anger threatened to melt. She always had a hard time staying mad at him. Damn puppy dog-eyes thing. Lizzie wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. Her head only made it up to his chest where his heart pounded. Here was a peaceful place. She hadn’t touched anyone alive since hugging her mother and brother goodbye. The tears welled up in her eyes. “Sorry, Zach. You didn’t deserve that.”
“I didn’t save your life, you know.” he said soft in her ear. “I found you. Disgusting, but definitely alive.”
“Oh.”
“You still want to die?”
“I can’t decide.” Lizzie sat back. “I think I can stand.” Her feet were wooden, but the world didn’t feel quite so spinny anymore. “I gotta shower.”
“You think it’s safe?” Funny how the anxious red-headed kid still stared out of the now adult-sized face.
“You mean am I going to fall down, or am I going to try to kill myself again?” She could see from his face that was what he meant. “Look. I tried to kill myself.” She took a deep breath to calm herself and then punched his gut to get the dopey concern right off his face. “I thought I would never see anyone again. But here you are.”
Lizzie continued forcing her voice to a softer tone. “I’m not going to do it again. Not now anyway. And besides, I don’t seem to be very good at it, right?”
That got a hint of a smile from him. And that pissed her off. “So, leave me the hell alone so I can get this puke off me!”
As soon as she found someone, all she wanted was to be alone again. What was wrong with her?
He continued to appraise her. His look said he wasn’t going anywhere and she realized she needed to try a new tactic.
“I’m hungry. Can you fix us something to eat?” She pulled off the vomit-covered shirt and stepped out of her sweats. The bathroom was cold and she felt goosebumps spread across her skin.
He stumbled for words, his eyes dropping to her bra, then lurching back up to her face. “Yeah, sure...”
“Go.” Lizzie pointed. He scurried out as she slipped off her bra. Boobs and butts: Quickest way to turn an intelligent male into a bumbling idiot.
She slipped out of her underwear and jerked the tap all the way to hot. Not waiting for it to warm up, she pulled the shower knob out and climbed shaking into the freezing water. The cold water poured down drenching her hair, it was longer than she was used to; there was actually something to shampoo.
The water got hot, but not too hot. Damn Jerkwad—more like tightwad. Tomorrow she’d turn up the temperature on the water heater. For that matter she should crank up the furnace too; make the house livably warm.
Damn, she had gotten skinny—a month of hardly eating and stress had made her as bony as those anorexic supermodels she so loved to hate. If Chad could see her now would he even recognize her? Lizzie ignored the hair in her armpits and on her legs. It had gone from stubble to dark hair. Fuck it. End of the world rules apply.
Tears flowed. They mingled with the water. She tried to let the shower wash them away like they didn’t exist, but her body shook with sobs as she sank down into the tub. She wrapped her arms around her legs and sat in the spray bawling her eyes out.