All Is Silence - Deserted Lands #1

Chapter 11 - Part III

THE FOLLOWING MORNING AFTER A quiet breakfast, Lizzie did the dishes.

"Why not throw them out?" Zach asked.

"We'll keep this place nice; might become home."

"Okay. I think we should hit Fred Meyer." Zach stood up. "Clean out the non-perishable stuff since we got so much space."

"You go ahead," Lizzie said. She needed to get away from people. Needed some freedom or she would explode. "But first take me back to my house. I wanna drive my car." Her skin tingled and she felt sweat. Kill the snakes. She had to face the horror head on, not slink away. C.J. wasn't going to control her.

Zach laughed. "Your car?"

"Yeah."

Nev and Zach glanced at each other.

"Jesus, guys. Yeah, I'm fucked up, but I'm a big girl."

Nev nodded. "I'm worried about you."

"Thanks, Nev."

"And I don't know if you're safe to drive on your own." Zach frowned.

She knew what he really meant was safe to be by herself. "Fuck you, Zach."

Zach closed his mouth. Then opened it. "Whatever. Let's go."

On the drive Lizzie sat on her hands and tried to pay attention to her breathing. Bellingham looked normal for a quiet Sunday maybe. She sat in the back by Saj, avoiding any more interaction with Zach and Nev.

At the house, Lizzie bent over Saj in the car seat and kissed him on the top of his head. He looked up at her. What do you think of this crazy girl who found you? "Nev-nev is gonna take care of you, Saj. Sissy'll see you in a bit."

He flapped his hands on the crossbar of the car seat. "Sissy."

Lizzie turned away before she started to cry.

Zach said. "If you get lost or stuck, call me. If you don't make it back by dinner time, I'm coming after you."

Lizzie shook her head, not looking back. "I'll be fine. I'll call if I need help."

After they left Lizzie started up the CRV, but she couldn't leave yet. She wasn't fine, tears pooled in her eyelids. Dammit, I won't cry. She sat there afraid to go in. Kinda funny after all the weeks I was scared to leave.

Lizzie pulled the car around to the back alley with fewer lurches than last time she'd driven. She could miss walking by the bathroom this way. She shut the car off.

Her brain spun as she took in the empty alley, the house that had been as close to a home as any she'd lived in. She wanted something. But what? The CDs seemed silly today. She had all those songs on her phone and her player. Time to let go of Daddy like she would have to let go of Mama. Then it came to her. Mama's memorabilia box. She wanted it like she wanted Saj to have something from his mom. She got out of the CRV and went in the back way.

The door swung open, bouncing loosely against the wall in the brisk wind. She went straight up to her room and grabbed the cigar box out of the back of the bottom drawer. She opened it and pulled out the little hankie her grandmother had embroidered her grandpa's initials on. She loved hearing her mom talk about them, maybe the only time Mama had been happy.

She took a few of her drawings off the wall and tucked them under her arm. Glancing around she saw the tiny fake-diamond stud earrings Mama had bought her when she'd turned 16. They'd never been bizarre enough for Lizzie's sense of style. She sat on the bed and put them in, taking the balls out of her nostril and her left tragus hole.

She picked up an empty journal and started writing.

        Spam me, jam me, tell me lies.

        Tell me that you're old and wise

        And all that I don't realize.

        Spam me, jam me, tell me lies

        Rape me, make me take the blame

        Tell me it's always the same

        Till I don't even know my name

        Rape me, make me take the blame

        Feel my heat, my anger, tell me everyone's a liar

        Let it cauterize my feelings, let it burn a wall of fire

There was a knock at the front door. Lizzie tucked the hankie inside and left the bedroom, heading downstairs. "Zach? You didn't need to come back here after me." She reached the door and opened it.

It wasn't Zach. A dark-haired man in jeans and a Carhartt jacket spun on the bottom step and backed down as the door opened.

As she swung the door open she stopped breathing. It wasn't a knock. It had come from a hunting knife embedded in the door. Pinned under the tip was the bloody scrap of C.J.s' T-shirt that said Fucker.

He stepped toward her. "You killed my brother."