Catherine
Nathaniel had sent me an e-mail, telling me that a second meeting wouldn't be needed. He said he could start working on my case already, which sounded very good to me and was a big relief.
It was hard being in my own apartment. James spent more time home than ever. He was trying to convince me that he would be different if I let him, if I stay. He said he would change. I couldn't lie and say I didn't care at all, but I couldn't lie and say I was convinced to stay with him neither. It did touch my heart, seeing him this way.
I knew James like no one other. He was sad, but he didn't want to show it. He even smiled, tried to cheer me up when he saw me staring at the wall, not saying anything, looking like the life was just sucked out of me. He did behave different, but he was still James, and my heart was still hurt. My trust was broken, a long time ago. It couldn't just come back when it's been lost for years, because when you break something, it won't ever be the same. It can't.
Besides, I was still terrified of what he did to Avery. Even though he maybe wouldn't do that to me, I couldn't help my fear. I couldn't understand how someone could ever think that doing such a thing is fine. After all these years, Avery was still broken. She didn't like getting close, she didn't like contact, she didn't even like to be touched the smallest bit. She couldn't handle it. The reason was James, my husband.
I wanted to help her so bad. She was still frightened, and I knew that deep down, she wanted justice. I couldn't visit her again, she couldn't even handle the fact that I was James's wife. Instead, I took a blank paper and grabbed a pen, sitting down on my office chair.
Avery,
I know what your opinion of my husband is. I know you don't like to talk about it, but please, observe what I am going to tell you. Never would I dare to say that I know what you feel like or that I'm going through horrible things too, because they are not as bad as what he did to you. I'm working on getting back everything what he once took away from me, and there is one thing I know: Bringing justice will make it better. Please take my following advice, and see it as a friend wanting to help you. My lawyer is Nathaniel King. He is the best lawyer in the country and has solved several cases successfully. I'm going to give you his number and hope you'll take this chance. Remember what it would bring. Your brother would want the best for you too.
I wish you the absolute best,
Catherine R.
I sent the letter on the way home. It was stressful and hard knowing I would have to face James when I come home. He made me think about everything, over and over again, when the only thing I wanted to was stop thinking and doing what I need to do.
The smell of freshly made dinner filled my nostrils, when I saw James in the kitchen, serving the dinner.
❞Hey, welcome home, honey.❞ James smiled at me as soon as he saw me enter the apartment.
I forced a reply, ❞Hi.❞
❞I made dinner.❞ He said proudly, ❞Come eat with me.❞ He sat down at the kitchen table.
❞I'm not hungry.❞
James was still for a moment, observing me with his blue eyes. I kicked off my heels, hung up my coat and walked towards the bedroom.
❞Catherine, please.❞ James pleaded as I walked passed him.
I put my hair down, shaking through it and feeling the release of the hadache the tight hairdo gave me. I stood in front of the mirror on the closet and shut my eyes closed. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes again and looked in the mirror. One side of the inner me told me that I could do it, there hopefully weren't many days with him left after all. The other side told me to just chill, this has been my life for more than three years and it will continue to be my life, so I should get used to it.
I joined James for dinner. His face brightened up immediately and I could see the relief his wife sitting down at the table with him brought him. I wasn't really hungry, but I needed to take care of myself and I knew that it was never good to skip meals. The food wasn't bad either, but it needed more salt.
❞Oh, I knew it needed more salt!❞ James acknowledged as he saw me reach for the salt. ❞I never get better at this.❞
❞It isn't bad.❞ I replied.
James was surprised, but pleased that he got any type of reply from me. It was a short moment of silence,
before James tried to break it.
❞Remember when the waiter spilled a whole package of salt on you?❞ He lightly laughed, trying to start a conversation.
I kept my calm, ❞Yes.❞ I said. ❞That was our wedding day.❞
James stopped, the fork never making it into his mouth as he felt embarassment.
❞I know.❞ He said. ❞Remember-❞
❞James.❞
My quick interruption hurt him. We continued eating our food in silence, only the sounds of the cutlery could be heard. James was dying to say something, but he knew I didn't want to hear a word, I had enough. Enough of this life, everything.
❞Catherine, please listen to me.❞ He finally managed to plead. ❞Catherine, please look at me.❞
I put my knife and my fork down on my plate, used my napkin and slowly looked at him. His eyes were filled with sadness, his skin was paler than before and his voice was never as soft as now. I knew what it felt like to be frustrated, but I found a way to deal with it. James on the other side, couldn't.
❞I hate seeing you like this.❞ He spoke, ❞I don't want you to sit on the couch and look straight out of the window with thousand thoughts on your mind. I don't want you to just leave and come home or not come home at all. I hate knowing that there are a thousand different things on your mind, but not knowing a single one of them.❞ He declared frustratingly. ❞Catherine, please, just please, talk to me. Anything.❞
I didn't give him an immediate response, I didn't really know what to say, nor did I have anything to say.
❞I have nothing to say, James.❞ He sighed, looking away. ❞What do you want me to do? Repeat everything you've done to me? Share everything with you like we're the closest, most loving couple on earth? It doesn't work like that anymore. We're not anything like that.❞
❞And soon we're going to be divorced, right?❞ He said, surprisingly calmly.
❞I know what you're up to, Catherine. And it hurts me.❞
I interrupted him. ❞It hurts you? Oh, really?❞ I spoke back at him, ❞You know what hurt? Worrying about you after everything you've done to me, wondering when you're coming home when you're out there being inside another woman, smelling someone else's cheap perfume on you late at night when you come in here drunk like an alcoholic, comparing myself to others and trying to find out what the fuck is wrong with me and why I'm not enough for you!❞ The anger inside me took over again. ❞And the worst part is being here, stuck with you. You made me hate this damn apartment, my first apartment I bought with my own money. When I look at you, it all replays in my head. All the times you've hurt me. Don't you dare speak about hurt.❞
James was speechless. He has heard these things before, but now was the only and first time he actually listened and took in everything I said. Guilt was written all over his face and he didn't dare to say anything, because he knew that he was the one who messed everything up, who brought us to this stage.
❞I never wanted to hurt you.❞ His words made me laugh. ❞Catherine, please believe me when I say I'm sorry. I didn't think straight. Nobody could think I was thinking straight when I was doing all that to a woman like you.❞
I spoke again, ❞A woman like me.❞ I laughed to myself. ❞I had one question, every night you went out and I was awake, waiting for you. Why wasn't I enough?❞
❞Catherine...❞
❞Why don't you answer me now, James?!❞ I asked angrily. ❞What was it that I was missing?❞ I asked him the question that haunted me at nights when he went out. ❞You changed? Then be an honest man for once in your life.❞
My words hurt him, he looked down in shame, breaking our eye contact. He looked at the side, before turning to me again. His eyes couldn't even focus on mine, he was too ashamed.
❞I found that,❞ He spoke with pauses in between. ❞I thought... I found you less interesting when you started working. You were always lively, adventurous, interesting, and I could never get bored of you. But when you started working you didn't spend that much time with me. You were working, coming up with ideas, being busy all the time.❞
❞Why did you marry me then?❞
My words had a bigger impact on him than ever.
❞I want you to know the truth.❞ He acknowledged. ❞I fell in love with you, Catherine. I was so excited for being with you and I felt so lucky. My parents changed me, and I could never forgive myself that I let them do that.❞ He spoke in shame. ❞My mother told me to continue my relationship with you and make you fall in love with me so deeply that you share your companies and everything you owned with me. My father agreed, he even tried to tell me what to do. I didn't want to do that, I truly loved you, I still do. But my parents didn't give up, they constantly reminded me that I needed to success with something for the first time in my life. It made me insane, Catherine. I couldn't handle hearing it every day. It darkened my love for you and brightened my will to prove my parents wrong. It was all I focused on. Marrying you was an assurance for making you trust me and sign those papers. I hate myself for what I did.❞
I shut my eyes and processed what James just told me. My anger was still there, I was still hurt. I couldn't forgive him, not yet.
The heart was a cruel thing. Mine held so much anger for James. What he did to me made me furious. After everything he has done, I still feel the littlest bit guilty and sad for him. I reminded him of what he did almost every day, I pushed him away even more when his parents had pushed him far enough already. But it were still James's action, I couldn't ignore that.
❞I lost myself trying to please my parents. I pushed myself away from you, I used you, I hurt you. I turned to drinking to ease the pain of what I did to you and the hell my parents made me go through.❞ He admitted. ❞You were never missing anything. You were enough, what I needed and more. I didn't sleep with other women because you weren't enough, I slept with them because I wasn't enough.❞
His words caught my attention. My emotions were so mixed, I didn't know which one to let loose.
Anger, guilt, satisfaction, relief, and so many more.
❞I know I'm asking for a lot. But please, Catherine, I beg you, forgive me.❞ He pleaded, grabbing my hand and gently putting it between his.
He caressed my hand lightly, before placing a soft kiss on it.
❞I'm not ready.❞ I confessed, he looked up at me.
❞I understand.❞ He replied, ❞Forgive me.❞ He whispered, his voice broke and he placed another kiss on my hand.
I felt a hot feeling in my eyes, feeling the tears build up, looking away so James wouldn't notice. It was hurtful to hear all that, it was the truth I've been wanting to hear all these years. The truth was always a scary thing, hard to process but needed to be spoken and heard.
The evening was coming to an end. I washed the dishes in order to get some therapy, but James insisted to help. We didn't have a maid after all, Martha did quit and we just didn't hire someone new. It was better that way anyways. I'm sure nobody wanted to get hired somewhere and listen to a married couple argue all the time.
I took a shower and put on my favorite blue nightgown along with a matching silk robe. James went to take a shower after me, while I stood by the opened window, looking at the lights and the people walking around. I closed my eyes to take in the sounds of the cars in New York City, the smell of gas and street food mixing and filling my nostrils. The breeze caressed my freshly clean skin, and I was enjoying it like always.
I heard James come out of the shower, and soon he came out of the bathroom, hearing his steps coming closer. I continued enjoying the view and letting the breeze hit my face.
❞Your and my lawyer are meeting tomorrow.❞ James reminded,
❞Tomorrow's the day they decide who will get the companies.❞
I was surprised by the reminder. ❞Tomorrow?❞ He nodded.
He stood some feet behind me and silence filled the room again.
❞Why did you trap me like this, James?❞ I asked.
He inhaled deeply. ❞My parents might have made me blind, but my love for you never died.❞
James was hard to understand, and there weren't many people who understood him, nor his actions. In fact, I was the only one who even tried.
❞I'm sorry.❞
❞For what?❞ I replied immediately.
❞Everything.❞ He answered. ❞I am a shitty husband, who doesn't even have the power to let his loved one go and be happy. I'm sorry.❞ He repeated. ❞I know you'll probably want a divorce if you get your companies back. It sounds funny, but I understand. And the least I can do is to gather up the courage and the power to sign those papers like you did, four years ago.❞
I was glad he said that, ❞Four? Last time I checked it was still three.❞ I let out a weak laugh.
He responded with a matching laugh, ❞It's midnight.❞ He said. ❞Happy wedding day.❞
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The next day
Tasha
I sat outside, enjoying my breakfast in piece. The air felt clear and the weather soothed me, the cold making my omelette colder. The only thing I was thinking about was the poster I saw when I was coming home from work yesterday night. I didn't know why I was thinking about it that much, usually I just ignored such things, telling myself I wouldn't make it anyways. But the poster about the audition for a dance competition was stuck in my mind.
Why would I sign up? I loved dancing, ever since I was little, it was always my dream to become a dancer.
Why wouldn't I sign up? Well, if they asked for my hobbies or job, which they probably always do, I couldn't just tell them that I'm a stripper. They would tell me I came to the wrong audition or something.
❞Hey Reddie, take this shit piece of a phone and answer these messages from...❞ Kane appeared at the door and looked at my lockscreen. ❞Cat?❞ He said in confusion. ❞I can't sleep because of that thing.❞
I walked up to him and grabbed my phone, laughing at his morning-hair, or should I say blue birdnest, and his dark circles that were darker than the night itself. He showed me the middle finger before he walked back inside, but I just continued laughing.
Looking at my phone, I saw several messages from Catherine.
Today is the day!!!
Tasha, it's happening today!!
It's starting now!
I forgot that I needed to be with Catherine this day, so the stress quickly entered my body, but it didn't stop me from picking a good outfit for supporting Catherine. I put up my red curls in a big bun, away from my face. Some mascara and my every-day-red-lipstick was on, I put on a nice pair of jeans and a red blouse and headed to the adress Catherine sent me.
I saw her standing outside, going left and right, her eyes focused on the floor. I approached her and she didn't even notice before I greeted her and hugged her.
❞Tasha! You're here!❞ She estimated in surprise, hugging me back immediately.
❞Sorry for being late, you know you can't be late twice, so I took my time.❞ I said, making her smile. ❞How's it going anyways? And stop doing that, you're stressing me too!❞
❞Sorry!❞ She emphasized, ❞I think it went well, now we're waiting for the results. Our lawyers are in there.❞
She explained.
I hugged her again, ❞It will go well.❞ She hugged me back.
❞I hope so.❞ She said.
Catherine tried to relax, I brought her water, but nothing worked. The following half an hour was a tense time, and Catherine's nervousness wasn't helping. It made me almost as stressed and tense as she was and now I needed to be calmed down too. Finally, the doors opened and we saw the lawyers come out. Catherine immediately stood up in curiousity when she saw Nathaniel, but she directly turned pale when she saw the look on Nathaniel's face, which didn't look so happy.