Wasn't fatigue supposed to end after the first trimester? Hadn't she been told that? Some part of her body must not have gotten the message, because for whatever reason the debilitating grip of tiredness that had been clinging onto her for the last few months was taking its sweet time letting go. She endured it, barely, by seeking out the comfort of the sofa in Can's study - which, it turned out, was actually not that comfortable. Still, it was better than nothing.
The sofa was soon turned into a makeshift napping spot, equipped with fluffy blankets and a pillow that Can had brought from home. At first, Sanem had protested. Carrying around a four-and-a-half-month-old, unborn baby in her uterus didn't mean she had to be completely incapacitated for the few hours in the middle of every day when her tiredness was at its worst. Can's attempts to suggest she take naps during the lunch break had been dismissed with a wave of her hand. Banned from caffeine, she tried to fight off her heavy eyelids by sheer determination. She was fine. She could do this. But as much as she tried to fool her mind, she couldn't fool her body - which, a few days later, staged an impromptu strike right in the middle of a company meeting. Causing her to fall asleep in front of all their colleagues. Her head collapsing against the shoulder of a very baffled Deren who had the misfortune of sitting too close. But it was better that she had been - or else Sanem may have ended up slumping onto the floor.
"Um..?" Deren had whispered, glancing at Can for help.
Can carried his wife to his office, wishing she was lucid enough to acknowledge his chided "I told you so". His suggestion turned into a demand as he pulled out the bedding from a cabinet in the bookshelf, pushing them into the arms of a very groggy Sanem.
"Fine." She mumbled, collapsing onto the sofa.
It was not long before Arslan noticed the change in her midday routine. Lunchtime walks with Sanem and Can turned into lunchtime walks with Leyla; or Ceycey, or Guliz, or whoever else was eagerly available. He didn't mind too much. Leyla was a friend, Guliz gave great belly rubs and Ceycey always carried special treats for him. And he knew that when he returned, Sanem would most likely still be sleeping and that he could snuggle under the blankets with her. Acting as her own personal over-sized hot water bottle for her to wrap her arms around.
---
Weeks passed. Sanem's weariness gradually - delightfully - waned away. She had been pleasantly surprised when midday came around and she was still clear-headed and wide awake. She wouldn't have even noticed the time but Arslan had returned from his outing with Ceycey and was gazing at her from under the desk with big brown eyes, wondering why their usual cuddle session had been delayed.
"Sorry, buddy." She apologised, stroking her fingers over the soft golden fur of his forehead.
To her dread, the fatigue dissipated only to be replaced by something equally as debilitating. Her hormones were as unstable as a sleep-deprived toddler's. One moment she would be crying of happiness because the final cut of the Kırmızı Kurt television advertisement had been sent through and Arslan "just looked so cute" and she was "so proud of him." Then the next she would be sobbing over the fact that someone had brought in cakes to the office but she had been too slow and now they were all gone. Deren had been horrified when Sanem burst into tears after she agreed to come along to the baby shower Leyla was organising.
Being pregnant was weird. Sanem was certain her emotions were being toyed with by some sort of benevolent spirit. She didn't feel in control of herself at all. It wasn't that she was feeling more intensely than normal - but her ability to cope with those feelings had abandoned her. It was embarrassing. Because really, what sane person has to excuse themselves from the room because Bambi starts playing on the TV and it's too much for their heart to handle. What was even weirder was that her stomach just kept getting bigger and bigger. Logically, of course, she knew that it would. The baby had another 4 months of growing yet before it would be ready to greet the world. There was something absolutely terrifying, yet completely wonderful about knowing the bump would keep growing as their baby did. It was already starting to upset her center of balance. Gravity had begun playing games with her; she was becoming reliant on Can to help her out of chairs. Sanem was happy that she was having the chance to properly enjoy being pregnant without the impending discomforts she had been warned would follow in the upcoming months. Though Can was certain he had noticed her begin to waddle ever so slightly. He was completely besotted with her five-month-old baby bump. It was the most endearing thing he had ever seen.
---
"Do you think this is how the baby feels?" Sanem asked one evening as they were sat in the bath together, opposite ends of the tub, as hundreds of lavender scented bubbles floated between them.
"What do you mean?" Can asked.
"You know... safe and cozy, and surrounded by warm water." Sanem wondered, tracing patterns in the bubbles with her finger.
"Maybe," He nodded, his eyes flickering to the arrangement of pebbles framed on the wall beside them. According to Sanem's app, the baby was the size of a papaya right now.
"How big do you think it's feet are?" He wondered. Sanem followed his gaze. Moving her hand towards the frame and walking her fingers across the trail of footsteps.
"I would guess about here." She said, tapping about a quarter of the way along the path. Her eyes twinkling.
Sanem placed a hand on her stomach, massaging a thumb into her skin in the hope it would encourage the baby to move. She was still eagerly anticipating feeling it for the first time, so far she'd had no such luck. Hopefully, she wouldn't have to wait long; it should happen any day now.
"Do you still think it's a girl?" Can asked, watching her with fond eyes. Sanem thought for a moment before responding. Was it even possible to know? She had heard folktales - stories of mothers being able to 'feel' the gender of their babies before they were born. But that was just superstitious nonsense. Melahat had been adamant that her torment of migraines was indicative their little bean was a girl. Sanem had definitely felt something powerfully feminine when she had first found out she was carrying - after the shock had worn off. But she was beginning to wonder if that was more a consequence of being pregnant, rather than being pregnant with a girl specifically.
"I don't know." She answered honestly.
"Do you want it to be?" Can asked. Sanem smiled, her eyes moving away from where her thumb had been rubbing circles against her belly to look at him. Images that had been playing in her mind on rewind for weeks started running through her head again. Can would be so cute with a little girl. So soft, and doting, and fiercely protective. Sanem didn't answer the question, but the expression on her face was answer enough.
A while later, Can helped Sanem stand up and step out of the water which had begun to turn cold. He passed her a towel. Then, once they had dressed, they headed downstairs to cook dinner.
---
Arslan was huddled on the sofa with the kittens; all three of them half asleep. His brown eyes blinked open as they walked through the door, only to close again as he nuzzled his nose under Ihsan's side.
They began cooking. Can attended the stove while Sanem diced a selection of vegetables. She was mentally preparing her eyes to start on the onions when her phone chimed. Distracted for a moment, her attention drawn to the screen which she had placed on the countertop beside her. She frowned at the sight of the unknown number, then immediately hissed as the knife strayed too close to the skin of her finger, slicing open a red gash.
"Ow." She groaned, lifting her hand to inspect the damage. Can immediately spun around, abandoning the stove.
"What have you done?" He asked, reaching for her hand to take a look for himself. A flash of worry passing over his face
"It's fine. I just nicked it." She insisted, as thin trails of blood began seeping down her wrist. Can rolled his eyes, pulling her towards the sink. He turned the tap on, placing her hand under the gentle stream until the water no longer ran with tints of red. It wasn't that deep - but it was bleeding a lot.
"You need to be more careful Sanem." He had meant for the words to be stern, but the soft worry in his voice made Sanem's heart flutter. Can stepped away to rummage through one of the cupboards, searching for a stash of band-aids.
"Sit." He insisted, pointing at the stools behind her. Sanem obliged, watching closely as he delicately applied the bandage around her finger. He's going to be such a good dad. She thought fondly. Then she desperately tried to blink away the wetness that was building uncontrollably in her eyes. God damn it, not again.
"Hey," He soothed, brushing the tears away that had started falling in gentle streaks down her face. "What's wrong? Does it hurt?"
"No." Sanem sniffed. "I mean yes, it does. But that's not why I'm crying."
"Then why?" He asked, shaking his head.
"Because I love you." She said, her lips trembling slightly over the words.
"You're crying because you love me?" He furrowed his brow in confusion, a small, amused smile on his lips.
"Yes!" Sanem huffed as if it should make perfect sense. Can grinned one of his big, beautiful grins and pulled her into his arms.
"Well, I love you too." He spoke softly, kissing the top of her head. Then he slid down onto his knees in front of her, so his face lined up with the swell of her stomach. Pressing his nose into her t-shirt he said, "And I love you as well."
"Stop!" Sanem whined, her voice cracking slightly. New, happy tears had begun falling from her eyes. She slapped him gently on the shoulder with one hand while her other was hiding her face. Now he was just doing it on purpose. "You're making it worse."