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Six Years Ago
Wendy hated Harry.
That was the conclusion she got from that day.
The rest of the night she couldn't stop thinking about what went down on her front porch. Couldn't stop thinking of everything he could have said. Couldn't stop thinking of how he, without realizing, ruined her life.
Just when she was feeling happy about her circumstances, and coming to terms with how her life was going to play from there on out, he came and threw a wrench into her plans.
She hated him because he was so close to saying what she hoped she wanted to hear, yet he didn't.
She hated him because she was having seconds thoughts on dating Kenny.
She hated him because he was a coward that even though he found the courage to come to her, he still backed away.
She hated him because she so desperately didn't.
And so she also hated herself.
Wendy was tired of this back and forth in her brain. Because she couldn't really wrap her head around how she truly felt but she just knew that she could never really hate Harry as much as she wanted to.
Right now she even felt a little anger towards Kenny for interrupting the moment they were sharing. But at the same time she was grateful, because she didn't know what she would do or how she would think if Harry actually got his words across.
Wendy visited her therapist, Dr. Hill, hoping she would have some kind of answer for her, but Dr. Hill just said what Wendy expected, "Follow your heart. It holds all of your answers."
Wendy nearly threw up at the cliché of her words. And the truth that was behind them. But Wendy avoided her heart because she was scared of it. Scared of all the emotion it held.
"But, I– I cant. My heart is just putting itself back together, I don't need more damage," Wendy mumbled, picking at her nails.
"Maybe this is what you need then to pull all the pieces right where they started," Dr. Hill assured. "Have you asked your friends their opinions?"
"No, and I'm not so sure I want to. I know what they're going to say."
"And what's that?"
"That I should do it. That I should 'follow my heart,'" Wendy gagged as she put air-quotes around Dr. Hill's words.
"And you don't think you should?"
Wendy sighed, flipping her hair to one side of her head. "I don't know what I think."
"Well, let me ask you, why do you think you shouldn't?"
"Because. . . Harry is no good. He's not a good person to me, and my life is so much better when he's not around. My whole life he's been annoying, always picking on me, always competing with me in every little thing. It's been ever since that first day in first grade. I did not a thing to him except be nice but he just disregarded me, labeling me as this girl that wasn't worthy of his friendship. Not that I needed him to be my friend but he was just nasty for no fucking reason. I can't stand him, so I'd rather him just leave. But last week, I don't know, I just hated seeing him walk away," a tear slipped from her eye. God, she really needed to stop being so emotional.
"And why did you hate that? Is that not what you want?"
"That's exactly why I hate him! Because he makes me so fucking confused. There's this pit in my stomach that I get when I get a bad feeling about something. It's the same feeling I got before I received news about my family," now Wendy stood up, pacing the room.
"A pit in your stomach?" Dr. Hill wrote this down on her notepad. She's always writing something and Wendy wished she could see what it was that she was thinking.
"When Kenny asked me to be his girlfriend, the pit grew deeper, like it's telling me I shouldn't be his girlfriend. But I didn't listen to it because Kenny is everything I could've asked for. Although, when Harry continued walking further away, the pit became an abyss.
Whenever he's around bad things happen. Whenever he's not around, I feel. . . empty? I don't fucking know, and that's why I hate him, so much," Wendy let out an exasperated sigh, sitting back down on the leather couch, rubbing the headache that was growing in her temples.
"Do you want my opinion?" Dr. Hill spoke after a minute of silence. Wendy nodded her head, not daring to look up from her feet.
"I think, you try to hide how you really feel. Just like him, but I can't really speak on his behalf because I only see him through your eyes. But from what I can gather, you both are so afraid of facing your feelings that you mask it with this burning hatred. And you may already know that. . . but, you should talk to him. Screw everything else, and just talk. He's leaving for England, what, tonight? Tomorrow? Your time is limited, because something like this is not meant for over the phone."
"I know, but I can't face him," Wendy mumbled, still continuing to rub her pounding head.
"You can, and you should. When he's gone, that abyss in your gut, is gonna remain there, maybe for the rest of your life, and you're going to regret never speaking to him. I can already see you coming in in the next few days, crying about how you missed your chance, because you don't know if you'll ever see him again. So, Wendy, I want you to really think about what you want, that's your homework from me," Dr. Hill tried to joke, but Wendy just groaned in response.
"If I'm wrong about all of this, I give you full permission to take your anger out me. Maybe stab me a few times, I'll completely understand. But, if I'm right, you can thank me later. And we both know I have a reputation of doing my job very well. So think wisely, Wendy, and, please, get out of my office," Dr. Hill smiled, showing Wendy to the door.
Wendy flipped her off and sauntered out of the room, receiving a laugh and a door slam in return.
But when Wendy showed up to Patty's, like Patty had requested, Wendy went full on mute mode and actually thought about everything. Plus, she really couldn't talk to Patty, as she and Derek were kind of all over each other.
But this was good, because she needed the time to reflect, and if she needed to, she would interrupt their lovebird fest.
The night of Derek's family dinner, Patty says things actually went really well. The Johansson's actually were nice to Patty, despite everything from the past. Patty said she could've cried at how they accepted her. Times were changing, and people finally started to accept that anyone could love whoever they wanted to love. Wendy could've hugged the Johansson's if she was there.
So now that the blessing was finally amongst them from Derek's family, they really never stopped being with one another. Wendy wanted to rip their tongues out so they could 1) stop shoving it down each other's throats and 2) so she would stop hearing their incessant cooing and lovey-dovey words towards one another. After a while it became really sickening.
But she blocked them out with her own thoughts. The main thought that stuck in her mind was if confronting Harry was a good idea. What she had with Kenny meant so much, and she didn't want to risk losing him just as quick as she got him. All of that agony over Harry? She thinks not.
But she couldn't ease her mind no matter how hard she tried. So she turned to her friends as much as she didn't want to.
"I need your guys' opinion on something," Wendy blurted, standing up in front of the couple.
"And that is?" Patty asked, a small smirking lying on her face.
Wendy didn't know how to come right out with her thoughts. So she decided to work through this whole process slowly. "Well first, I have a question."
Wendy remembered that that day Harry came over, he mentioned something about Patty and Derek telling him something to do in regards to Wendy. And she wanted to know what advice they couple possibly have given him. So she asked them just that.
"Wendy, it's not our place to tell," Derek admitted, a sorrowful look on his face.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Wendy asked dumbfounded.
"Look, when Harry came to us, he made us promise that he'd be the one to tell you. Even if he backed out at telling you himself, which he most obviously did, we swore we wouldn't tell," Patty started, sitting more upright in her spot on the couch. "So let me guess, now you want to ask our opinions on approaching him?"
Patty knew her best friend too well.
Wendy pursed her lips, placing her hands on her hips, nodding her head in agreement. She felt like she was being interrogated even though she was the one standing above the two on the couch.
"I'll tell you what I told him. It's better to face your fears than to hide from them. The quicker you understand that, the easier it'll be to rip the bandaid," Derek claimed, shrugging his shoulders. "Trust me, I know firsthand." At this, Patty rolled her eyes.
"Wendy, listen to me when I say that you and Harry are in the exact same position. However you're feeling, that's how he's feeling. And I know you don't want to admit it, but we– I, know you. Let the truth out, there's nothing to be afraid of," Patty smiled.
A loud shrill of a ringtone bounced off the walls of the room, Derek immediately going to grab his phone. "I'll be right back."
Derek left the room in a hurry, answering the phone as soon as he was out of sight but not out of earshot.
"But, Patty, I'm horrified. I can't just, forget about our history. It's too painful, he's a reminder of everything I want to forget. And I, I really like Kenny. How shitty am I to be feeling like this about another guy when I'm two weeks in to a committed relationship?" Wendy was truly and utterly exhausted. She just wanted to sleep for days on end.
"But it's not like these feelings are brand new and we both know it. Just took you some time to realize it."
"When does he leave for England?" Wendy muttered, leaning on to her friend's shoulder for support.
"I think he's at the airport right n–"
Again Wendy shot up, interrupting Patty's sentence. "He's already there?"
Dr. Hill was right when she said Wendy would feel regret, and he didn't even leave the country yet. Dang you, Dr. Hill.
"Yes he is," Derek came back into the room, a smile on his face. "But, lover-boy forgot his passport and needs me to bring it to him. So we better hurry up ladies."
With that all three shot out of the house, climbing into Derek's car. Harry only lived a few blocks from Patty's, so Derek zoomed there as quick as possible, ran inside to get his passport, then hopped back in the car, trying to get to the airport as soon as possible.
Wendy's heart pounded in her chest, her nerves coming over her again. She never felt nervous about boys. But lately she's been feeling a lot of things she never tended to feel.
Dr. Hill's words loomed in the back of her mind. If she doesn't get this off her chest she's going to regret it for the rest of her life. But, somehow, Wendy also felt that if she did get this off her chest, she would regret it just the same.
But for once, Wendy disregarded her mind and followed her heart.
—
mm nearing the end of the summer, how do y'all think it's gonna go??
thank you all so much for reading <3
don't forget to vote :P
stay rad xo
-g