**This is going to be a long chapter, just so you guys know :) I divided it into two separate chapters so it wouldn't be as long.**
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Somehow, the smell of garlic managed to weave itself into Wade's dream, which happened to involve two Caribbean girls and not enough Swiss cheese.
Which was really weird.
Wade cracked his eyes open, squinting at the sudden light burning into his eye sockets. He closed his eyes with a groan, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands.
"Peter, what are you doing?" He questioned groggily, halfheartedly searching for his phone on the coffee table next to him.
There was a bang, followed by swearing. Wade sighed, tossing the light blanket off of his torso -he doesn't know how it got there- and walking to the kitchen.
Peter was knelt over the stove, rubbing the back of his head with one hand and searching for something in the counter with the other.
"Nothing- nothing," he said speedily, making a noise of triumph as he pulled out a brown spice with a green label.
Wade cracked an eyebrow up, taking the remaining steps forward until he was standing right behind Peter. "What are you doing, Peter?" He asked again, more teasingly than intended.
Peter shrugged carelessly, but Wade knew that he was panicking on the inside. Wade would never tell Peter how he knew, because Peter would somehow try to correct it in the bathroom mirror. By the way, the corner of Peter's lip curves up a microscopic millimeter.
Peter sighed, setting the spice down next to the stove. "I forgot that today is Aunt May's birthday...again."
Wade laughed, placing both of his hands on either side of Peter, using the oven handle to support his weight. "You forget every year, don't panic."
Peter scowled at him. "I don't panic," he corrected. Wade gave Peter a yeah-right look. "You were totally panicking."
Peter's eyebrows shot up into an attempt at a glare, but was harassed with his laughing. "Was not." He swatted one of Wade's hands away so he could walk to another counter, where a mileaniuiam of spices was waiting for him.
Wade smiled behind Peter's back. "Well, to solve your panicking Petey, I have already thought this through." Like a sales person, Wade opened the fridge and gestured inside it while leaning on the door.
Peter turned around, his eyes turning into round orbs as he stared at the sight. There was a sky blue cake sitting in the front of the fridge, white fringe surrounding the bottom and top of the masterpiece.
The outside top layer of the cake had candles crammed all around it, and in the middle sitting rich yellow cursive lettering spelling out 'Happy Birthday Aunt May.'
And Wade would never forget the look of pure joy in Peter's face.
Peter quite literally squealed, like in a bad chick flick movie. Wade's eyes widened in shock, just as Peter tackled him to the kitchen floor in a cascade of kisses.
"I. Love. You. So. Much!" He said in between kisses, mauling Wade like a hyper dog. Wade laughed, holding Peter above him with his arms and knees.
"It's just. A cake. Peter," He said with furrowed eyebrows. Going cross eyed every time Peter kissed him.
"I know, I just wanted to do that," Peter said after his successful attack, a slight blush creeping up to his ears.
Wade flicked his nose, and Peter snorted. "I love you too," he said with a smile, and looked up towards the living room just as his phone began to go off.
Peter was off in an instant, using his web shooters to pin one of Wade's hands to the floor.
Peter!" Wade shouted in suprise, yanking his arm against the strain of the web.
Peter laughed playfully, picking up the ringing phone and shaking it in his hand with wiggling eyebrows. "It's Mariee."
Mariee was a clueless blonde who gave Wade her number in a grocery store, with Peter standing right next to him.
He slid the green bar across the screen, putting the phone to his ear as Wade desperately struggled with the web.
"Hello, Mariee," Peter sang, making sure that Wade could hear him from the kitchen. "Wade's a little..tied up right now."
Wade sent a glare at Peter, still tugging at his arm. "Peter-"
"Yes, this is he!" Peter said over Wade's voice, giving Wade a shut-up-I'm-talking-to-this-oblivious-chick face.
"Hi, Peter. Umm.. could you maybe ask Wade if he wants to go to a movie or something tonight?" Mariee's nasally voice echoed through the receiver.
Peter's eyes instantly turned murderous, and Wade knew that he had to save Mariee now from the wrath Peter was about to release on her.
Wade gave his arm a good tug, and the webbing gave way from his skin.
Wade lunged at Peter, snatching the phone out of Peter's grasp just as he opened his mouth.
Wade rolled across the coffee table, easily landing on his feet and keeping the phone in place next to his ear. Almost magically, none of the magazines on the table moved an inch, and Wade caught a glass cup before it hit the ground almost effortlessly, not bothering to look as he did it.
"Hey, Mariee." He said without a beat.
"Hey, Wade. So, I was wondering if-" Wade quickly interjected her. "I don't think I can go out tonight, Mariee. I'm kind of in a relationship already so.."
Mariee's voice instantly went high. "Really? You can't share?"
Wade rolled his eyes. "Bye, Mariee." He ended the call, throwing his phone on the couch.
"Bye Mariee," Peter mocked, folding his arms over his chest and slurring his words deliberately. "That-"
"Guys, you ready to go?" There was a knock on the front door, and Wade sighed with relief. "Yeah, Harry. Come on in."
Harry opened the front door, his eyes shifting between the two men in the room. "Is this some relationship obstacle that I need to leave for or..?"
Wade stuffed his hands into his pockets, just as Peter waved him off. "No no, we're okay." He picked up his jacket that was laying on the arm of the couch, turning to Wade as he made his way towards Harry. "Get the cake?"
Wade nodded, and Peter walked out of the door. Harry turned towards Wade with furrowed eyebrows, watching him pull out the cake from the fridge. "Dude."
"Hmm?" Wade shut the fridge with his foot, holding the cake with both hands.
"What happened?" Harry asked, jutting his thumb towards the doorway, over his shoulder.
Wade shook his head, picking up his phone and stuffing it in his back pocket before returning his hand to support the cake. "Some girl called and Pete got mad. Nothing to worry about."
He walked out of the door, Harry turning the lock on the handle before shutting the door behind the two. "Do you mean 'jealous' instead of 'mad'"?
They were walking to the elevator, and Wade just stopped in front of it with raised eyebrows. There was a shocked silence, before Wade actually spoke. "I don't know, honestly."
Harry leaned over and pressed the down arrow. "He's jealous. Pete's so jealous."
Wade furrowed his eyebrows, just as the elevator doors opened. "Is she blonde? Does she have a lot of money? Oh, I bet her name is something tropical-"
Wade shook his head, the elevator doors closing behind them when they stepped in. "Her name is Mariee and I don't like her. She just calls me."
"So she is blonde?" Harry questioned, and Wade playfully pushed him into the elevator walls. "Yes, she's blonde."
Harry laughed, lightly punching him in the shoulder. "You should give me her number."
Wade raised his eyebrows. "Do you have a kink for blondes, Harry Osborne?"
Harry looked shocked. "Do I have a kink, Wade Wilson?"
Wade smirked, shaking his head as the elevator doors opened to the first floor. "If you want her, you can have her. She's just a leech on my back."
Harry winced, walking out of the elevator. "That's harsh." Wade shrugged, following him out. "I only need one person in my life, Harry, and he so happens to be pissed at me right now."
Harry's jaw dropped. "I didn't know you were mushy like that. You need to toughen up, man."
Wade had a flashback of cutting off innocent people's heads for money. Toughening up is not what he needs for anyone's sakes.
They made it to the car, where Peter was waiting patiently leaning against it. "Took you two long enough," Peter said, annoyed.
"The elevator was slow for us today," Wade snapped back, sarcasm evident in his voice.
Harry made an oh-snap face, getting into the drivers seat and turning the ignition. Wade got into the passenger seat, and Peter slid in the back, setting the cake in he seat next to him.
***
The drive to Aunt May's was silent, save for the music Harry was blasting through his speakers. Peter was on his phone, deliberately stopping any communication between him and Wade.
This day was supposed to be about Aunt May, not Peter's relationship problems.
Harry parked in front of her house, dodging a puddle that was flowing around the curb that was separating the street from her yard.
Peter was the first one out, taking the cake with him and completely ignoring Wade as he walked into his childhood home.
Wade and Harry shared a look over the roof of the car, Harry then shrugging, followed by an exaggerated eye roll from Wade.
They climbed the small yard together in silence, keeping pace with each other until they reached the front door.
MJ threw open the door before Wade could even grab the doorknob, her facial features brightening to a smile when she saw them.
"There you are. We thought you weren't going to come in." She tugged the two into the house, smiling.
Peter was in the kitchen, obviously. He was sitting at the bar, talking to Aunt May who was across from him.
Wade turned towards the Living Room. The big flat screen television was on, playing a Football Game. Harry and MJ took occupation on the couch, whispering quietly to each other under the sound of the television.
Truthfully, Wade didn't want to know what they were whispering about.
"Oh Wade, honey." Aunt May called out from the kitchen. Wade spun around from the game, turning towards the kitchen doorway. "Yeah?"
"Would you be a dear and help Peter get some ice from the Garage?" Peter straightened in the stool. "I'm perfectly capable of doing it my-"
Aunt May shot him a sideways glare. "Please, Wade."
Wade sighed, nodding. "Sure, why not." He lightly put a hand on Aunt May's shoulder, before heading towards the Garage.
He heard a groan behind him, followed by footsteps and a door slamming shut.
Wade turned around, seeing Peter's furious face glaring burning holes to hell at him. "Are you going to help me?" He questioned, and Peter rolled his eyes.
"The freezer isn't even in the Garage, Wade." Peter scolded. "She wants us to talk."
Wade groaned, leaning against the Garage Wall. "Well, if she wants us to talk, what does she want me to say?"
Peter folded his arms across his chest, shrugging. "Maybe about how much of an asshole you were for letting Mariee give her number to you."
Wade narrowed his eyes at him. "Maybe she should know that it was common courtesy. I didn't even call her, she called me So, you can tell Aunt May that it's okay to be nice."
Peter laughed. "Right, right, because nice involves a pretty blonde Oogling over her nephews boyfriend."
Wade groaned. "Well, maybe her nephews boyfriend just feels like being nice to said Oogling blonde because her nephews boyfriend wants to get to know people other than be paid to decapitate them."
Peter's face turned red. "Then maybe her nephews boyfriend needs to find other friends that aren't tripping over him like a sack of fucking potatoes while said nephew has to endure seeing it!"
"Well, maybe her said nephew shouldn't be jealous of whomever comes in contact with her said nephews boyfriend because maybe her said nephews boyfriend would like to be normal for once!"
There was a knock on the Garage door, and both men turned towards it simultaneously. "Sorry to interrupt boys, but you might want to see this," Aunt May's worried voice was muffled from the door, but clear enough for then to understand.
Peter shoved past Wade, carefully opening the door. "Aunt May were kind of-"
"Oh, I know. But your professor Doctor Conners is on the news, Peter."