Ill protect you from harm
What's wrong with me?
The thought kept bubbling into my mind every time I found myself bent over the toilet. I was throwing up every day. Sometimes twice a day. I had never been sick like this before. Brahms was getting stressed. He wasn't sure how to take care of me and he didn't seem to know what was wrong either. At night he would hold me close. Arms so tense they would shake. Almost as if he were afraid I was going to disappear. And with how weak I had started to become, I was afraid too.
Queasiness followed me into work like a dark cloud. I would have called off but the hospital bill and car repair payment had set us back a bit. I need to earn more to put us back in a good spot. It was hard to support two grown adults with my wages. My hand shook as I reached for the button on the elevator. I felt like I didn't have enough strength to press it.
Just as the doors were about to shutter closed, I hear a "Wait! Hold that." I almost didn't move. I felt like I couldn't. Any sudden movements might cause me to teter to the grey speckled carpet below. After another moment of thought I decided I wanted to be a good person today and reached out my wobbly arm to stop the doors from closing. I heard a sigh and a thank you as woman with deep brown hair and wide glasses stepped into the small space next to me.
A weak smile painted my lips as I realized who she was. "Good morning Leah."
"Oh Danielle, Good mor..." her face fell when her framed eyes rested on me. "You don't look too good,"
"Gee thanks." I snickered in response. The elevator began to ascend.
She shook her head with furrowed brows. "No no.. I mean you don't look like you're feeling well,"
"I'm good. Don't worry about me." I replied shaking my head, not really sure if the elevator was swaying or if it was just me.
"Are you sure? I can cover for you if you need?" She asked, eyes studying me cautiously as if at any moment I would collapse.
I reached out to the wall to steady myself. It did sounded tempting, but I needed the money.
"Thanks but..." nausea suddenly hit me like a wave from the ocean, and I almost couldn't finish. "I'll be alright."
Leah raised a brow then shrugged in defeat. Lifting her arms with her shoulders. "Alright but let me know if you change your mind."
I pursed my lips tightly and gave a nod, too fragile to smile at the moment.
When we finally reached our floor, I walked as quickly and smoothly to my desk as possible. I needed to sit down. I breathed in a deep sigh of relief as soon as I hit the chair, but the relief didn't last long. Another wave of nausea hit, then churned and suddenly the room was super-hot. Perspiration pricked at my skin like a million tiny cool needles. Just relax Danny I told myself. I tried my best to regulate my breathing to relax my over worried mind.
Crash, churn.
I began to salivate profusely causing me to swallow hard. Oh no.
Crash, churn.
I needed to get to the bathroom before I was too late.
Crash, churn.
I didn't care I began to run.
Crash, churn.
I made it just in time, not even bothering to close the stall door behind me, before I heave my guts out into the porcelain bowl below. After a second of emptying out my insides, I hear the door open behind me.
"Danny?" Leah's nervous voice asked.
At any other time I would have felt degraded if someone saw me in this vulnerable of a position, but the sudden relief I felt far outweighed my embarrassment. I spat into the toilet and sighed before flushing and turning to her. Her brows were knit in concern and she smiled a sympathetic smile.
"Are you sure you don't want me to cover for you?"
I stood slowly, limbs shaking, and made my way to to the sink. "I honestly don't know Leah. I don't know know what's wrong with me,"
Leah followed me inquisitively to the sink.
"What do you mean?"
I sighed and squeaked the cold water faucet on. "I've just been feeling really queasy almost every morning, and a few times during the day." I said, reaching my hands into the cold stream. The icy water against my hot skin felt soothing.
"Almost every morning?" Leah asked appearing behind me in the mirror.
I nodded before cupping my hands and splashing the frigid water into my face. It felt so good after feeling so over heated. I inhaled a breath after the water drained off my face, and reached for the paper towels.
"I think it might just be a drop in my blood sugar or something. Although I'm not sure why it's started being bad recently."
"For how long?"
I dabbed my glistening face with the harsh paper towel as I thought. "About a week." I finally calculated.
"Have you been sensitive to smells?"
What an odd question. How would she know? "Yeah a few strong ones. Why?"
"Danny, when was your last period?"
Did she think I was pregnant or something? I let out a laugh and shook my head at her question. "No I'm not..." then paused, face falling.
Was I? No I couldn't be. Brahms and I hadn't had allot of... well... actually we had. And never used protection. Why would we? I felt my face turn white and quickly fumbled through my pockets to find my phone.
This can't be happening.
I shakily grabbed my device and opened up my calendar. My eyes flicked back and forth across the screen nervously. I almost felt like I was going to drop it as I calculated the numbers in my head. I turned to Leah with a grave expression.
"It's been 4 weeks."
~*~
All I could do was stare blankly at my computer screen, face still white as a sheet. After talking to Leah for a bit longer in the bathroom, I came back to my desk and she took off somewhere. I'm not really sure where.
I tried my best to swallow down my fear but I couldn't. Did Brahms get me pregnant? I covered my face with my hands and concealed my embarrassment. Why didn't we use anything? Why didn't I care? Did Brahms not care? And oh... what was Brahms going to think?
A light thump suddenly caught my attention and I looked up to find Leah standing on the other side of my desk next to a plastic grocery bag she had just dropped on it.
"What's this?" I asked reaching for the bag.
"I thought you'd want to take a test," she answered.
I looked in the bag to find two small boxes of pregnancy tests. My eyes flicked back to her and I forced my lips into a smile. "Thank you." I said. I was so grateful for Leah, I just didn't want to be in this situation.
She looked at me expectantly for a second before exclaiming, "Are you going to take them?"
I stared down at the boxes wishing I never had to see them. But the question of whether or not I was pregnant was burning such a hole through my brain that I couldn't put the tests off. I blew out a nervous breath.
"Let's do it."
~*~
My hand visibly shook as I held up the small test. It was almost Funny that such a cheap piece of plastic could hold my fate. Almost. My heart beat so loud I could hear the blood pumping in my ears.
"What does it say?" Leah asked from the other side of the stall door.
"It still needs a minute!" I responded, slightly annoyed she kept asking every two seconds.
I squinted into the small circular window to see if I could spot any signs of a line. Nothing yet. I closed my eyes and took slow breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth, trying to pull myself together. I almost felt like I was going to fall apart.
This was taking forever!
I thought about Brahms and how worried he had been lately. He did such a good job trying to take care of me. He was so sweet. A smile crept on my lips. I could have really used one of his encompassing hugs.
A knock on the stall suddenly popped me out of my thoughts. "Anything?" Leah asked.
I had almost forgot.
I glanced down at the stick and my veins turned to ice. Contained in the circular window was a dark, dark plus sign.
*Hey everyone! Brahms and I would just like to give a shout out and say thank you to one of our awesome readers, AlternativeSunset! They helped come up with the idea for this chapter and helped motivate me to get back into this story. They have really sparked my interest in continuing, so please express your thanks to them and maybe give them a follow.
I am so sorry I have been a bad author to you all, but I promise to be good and I will try my best to have regular updates and finish this book. You guys are the ones that keep me going and If you have any ideas for this story please dont hesitate to share by messaging me. Im always looking for some inspiration. Thank you all!