I've seen Matteo mad plenty of times. I've watched him almost strangle Barron after making a snide comment about my "unfortunately disproportionate forehead". I've seen the internal turmoil within his dark eyes when Jack pushed me off of a chair, and there have been plenty of instances when Matteo was angry with me for stupid things I had done. Being angry just seemed to be Matteo's normal state of being. So much so that by this point, I wasn't very effected by it. Well, I didn't believe I was.
I couldn't quite connect all the dots after Jack made his declaration. I thought that maybe I was just having a late reaction, and it would all sink in in five minutes or so. Well, about an hour passed, and I still wasn't making any pictures with my stupid dots.
Coincidentally, after the whole incident Daniella brought everyone something to shift back into except for me. I wasn't too bothered by it because I just assumed that I would stand around and listen to them in wolf-form, but Matteo had other plans. He instructed two of his men to take me back to the house. I tried to fight it, but I knew I wasn't going to win. I decided it would just be best to listen.
I wasn't happy about it, but I went back to the pack house with two of Matteo's men. I already knew I was in for an argument with Matteo. That was a given. Anyone could have guessed that he was going to be angry that I chose to put myself in danger in order to protect him. I would never take it back, though. Quite frankly, I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Being the nosy little kid that I am, I intently sat in Matteo's chair and watched the security cameras from his computer. It had quickly become one of my favorite guilty pleasures. The amount of stupid things that I catch people doing astonishes me, but I wasn't watching just random pack members accidentally knock over a stack of plates onto themselves. Instead, I was watching Matteo and about seven other pack members, one of them being Jack, place the three wolves into three separate cells.
"Interesting form of reality TV you got going on there," Daniella chimed as she poked her head into the room. I furrowed my brows together in annoyance, not removing my gaze from the screen. I thought I locked that door.
"I was kicked out of the operation, so now I have to watch from here," I grumbled as I focused in on Matteo talking to two of his men. I couldn't help but be annoyed that I didn't know what they were talking about. Why don't security cameras have sound?
"Yea, he really did not seem the happiest with you earlier," Dani chuckled as she came into the room and closed the door behind her.
"I didn't even do anything. He's being dramatic."
Dani sat down in one of the chairs in front of Matteo's desk. She didn't say anything. Instead, she angled the computer a tad toward her so that we were both able to see what was going on. I flickered my eyes over to her to see her eyes focused directly on the screen. I clenched my teeth together and contemplated which question I should ask her first because the Lord knows I had a few of them.
"Stop staring at me," she snapped without removing her gaze from the live video on the screen.
"Why did you lie?" I asked bluntly.
"You've gotta be more specific. I lie a lot," she replied in a bored tone. Becoming annoyed, I angled the computer screen away from her.
"Why did you tell me that Jack had a mate when he obviously didn't," I accused. Werewolves get one mate. There aren't any do-overs, any second chances. There was no way Jack would have already had a mate if the psycho bitch that tried to kill me and my man is his mate. Dani leaned back into her chair as a pondering look covered the features of her face.
"I told you that?"
"Yes!"
Dani stopped to think for a moment. Her head dropped to the side a bit and her eyes blankly looked down at the desk. I couldn't begin to explain how badly I wanted to choke her in that moment.
"In what context?" That just managed to increase my want to strangle her.
"Are you kidding me?" I asked in exasperation.
"Does it look like I'm kidding you?"
"You told me that Jack had a mate, but she died. You said something about some sort of weird accident or whatever. Do you really not recall this?" I was beginning to think by the bored look on Daniella's face that I was going crazy.
"No," she stated bluntly.
"You said it!" I shouted as I pointed at her accusingly. "You told me that his mate died after the two of you kidnapped me when I was being petty and ran away!"
"You ran away?"
"Am I in a simulation or something?" I shouted at the ceiling as my hands ran through my hair.
"Who are you shouting at?" She asked looking up at the ceiling.
"The simulation!"
"Okay, crazy, calm down," Dani said without a hint of amusement in her voice. "Explain to me again what I lied about." I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and pinched my arm as hard as I could. "What are you doing?"
"Trying to make sure I'm not in a simulation," I answered as my eyes remained shut, and my fingers continued to pinch my arm. After a few more seconds, I let go of my arm and opened my eyes to see Daniella staring at me like she was watching a kid eating sand.
"Are you done?"
"Yes," I sighed as I leaned back into my chair. "After Matteo and I had that fight in the training grounds, I ran off the territory. You've gotta remember when you found me with a dead guy," I started. Realization hit her in that moment, and her mouth opened into an 'o'.
"Oh, yeah. I forgot that happened. You wouldn't talk to Jack after that," she recalled making me smile.
"Yes! And you told me that I should listen to Jack because he had a mate before, but you lied!" I accused. Dani pursed her lips and nodded slowly.
"Yes, I did," she agreed. "Good job." She reached over to move the computer screen back toward her, but I smacked her hand away.
"Why?" I countered as I turned the screen even more toward me. Dani let out a heavy breath and crossed her arms over her chest.
"Gosh, Kaia. I don't remember," she sighed. "It was probably just the easiest way to get you to agree to talk to Jack at that time." I'm sure by this point my eyes were bugging out of my head. I couldn't help but wonder how many other times has she lied to me. "Now, let me see," Daniella snapped as she grabbed the computer screen and brought it toward her.
"You are so rude," I stated in astonishment. She didn't answer me. She just shrugged and continued watching the screen. Her eyes narrowed for a moment before mumbling 'what the hell'.
"What?" I asked just as the door of Matteo's office opened up. Daniella and I both turned toward the door to see Matteo walking in. The minute he entered the room, the air felt ten degrees colder. Something about the look in Matteo's eyes the moment they landed on me made a hollow pit form in my stomach.
"Daniella, out," Matteo ordered. The deadly, cold tone of his voice made my mouth dry. There was something different about Matteo's anger this time that made the blood in my veins feel like ice. He wasn't just angry; he was infuriated.
"Yes, Alpha," Daniella complied as she left the room silently with her head down. It was obvious that she was just as frightened by Matteo in this moment as I was.
An eerie silence settled between the two of us. For the first time since I had seen my father just weeks ago, I was scared to speak. I don't think that I had ever been afraid to speak to Matteo, but there are definitely firsts for everything.
"Come here," Matteo said calmly. I swallowed nervously but stood up from his chair, nonetheless. I didn't make any attempt to walk over to him, though. The cold look in his eyes kept my feet planted to the ground.
"Kaia, now." I could feel the authority in Matteo's order wrap itself like two hands around my neck making it hard to breathe. His jaw was clenched to the point that I was afraid he may break his teeth. My eyes kept flickering from his hand that was balled into a fist at his side back up to his dark eyes.
"I'm not coming over there until you calm down," I said trying to keep my voice as even as possible.
"Kaia, listen to me when I speak to you," he snarled angrily. My lips locked shut and my jaw clenched. My silence obviously didn't settle well with Matteo because he lurked toward me with long, deliberate strides. I took a step backward, but it wasn't a match for Matteo's movements.
His hand wrapped itself around my forearm, and he pulled me close to him. Out of instinct, I growled and aggressively shoved him away from me. He let go of my arm and stumbled backward. I took that as my opportunity to bolt out of the room.
"Kaia!" I refused to stop until I was inside of our room. I could hear his heavy footsteps trailing behind me.
"Jack!" I screamed, not knowing what else to do. I had never seen Matteo more angry in all of the time that I had known him. "Jack!"
"Kaia!" I slammed the door behind me and ran into our bathroom.
"Kaia!" I locked the door and climbed into the shower on the opposite end of the bathroom. I sunk down onto the floor of the shower and watched the door as my chest heaved up and down.
"Shit," I swore to myself as I realized I didn't lock our bedroom door. That soon became obvious when the door of the bathroom flew open. "You broke the door!" I shouted accusingly seeing pieces of wood on the floor from where he broke it and part of the frame. Matteo didn't answer me. He just stalked toward me, grabbed each of my forearms, and pulled me up so that we were face to face.
"Listen to me when I speak to you! I am your Alpha!" He snarled in my face. Sharp canines were brought into my view making my throat feel tighter. In that moment, I knew I was not only dealing with an angry Matteo, but an angry Alpha wolf.
"Matteo, my arms—" I sputtered as his grip tightened. It wasn't super painful, but his grip sure wasn't pleasant. My comment seemed to go completely over his head because he didn't loosen his grip at all.
"When I want you to move out of the way, you move out of the way. You will not disobey. Do you understand?" He seethed. His question came out between clenched teeth.
"I—I uh—was just try to—"
"I don't give a f—k what you were trying to do!" He shouted at me as he shook me out of anger. I could just barely hear heavy footsteps coming into the room over Matteo's furious hollering. "You don't put yourself in dangerous positions, and then disobey me!"
"Matteo, let her go!" I instantly recognized Jack's voice. Shortly after hearing him, I saw him emerge into the bathroom. Matteo must not have noticed or cared because his eyes continued to bore into mine.
"Do you understand?" He repeated, raising his voice. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
"Matteo, you've gotta calm down. You're going to hurt her!" Jack shouted as he wrapped his arms around Matteo and attempted to pull him off of me. Jack wasn't strong enough.
Matteo's hands gripped my arms tighter sending a painful jolt through my arms. I inhaled sharply from the sensation. My fists found themselves balling into fists, and my arms wrenched backward successfully breaking Matteo's grip.
"You're hurting me!" I growled out in both physical and emotional pain as I raised my right leg and sent him backward with a kick to the chest. This allowed Jack to gain control over Matteo as he pulled Matteo out of the room.
"Dude, please! You've gotta stop!" Jack's plea was followed by a loud thud which I assumed was Matteo throwing Jack off of him and the loud slam of our door. My teeth ground themselves together, and a painful sting resided within my throat. My chest rose and fell violently as I just stood in the shower staring at the broken pieces of wood on the floor.
I wasn't sure how many minutes had passed that I spent just standing there. At some point in that time, my right hand found its way to my left forearm where it cradled the place that Matteo's hand had just been.
"Kaia?" I wanted to respond to the worried voice that had entered the room, but I didn't trust my voice. "Kaia?" Daniella repeated as her small frame peeked into the bathroom. Our eyes connected, and a frown emerged on her face. "Oh, no," she mumbled sadly as she walked toward me. She reached out slowly to grab my arms. Taking each of them in her hands, she pulled them toward herself so that they were more visible to her. Her frown deepened as she looked up to see the look on my face. "I've never seen him this angry."
I wanted to agree, but I was too busy staring down at the bright red marks currently encircled around my forearms where Matteo's hands held me so tightly.
"I genuinely don't know why he would do that. He's always so in control of his anger," Dani said making my heart feel almost as cold as Dani's hands on my arms.
"Please, go," I whispered as I retracted my arms from her hands.
"Kaia, you—"
"Please," I cut her off abruptly, "leave." My tone was pleading but cold to the bone. With a sad look, Daniella left me to be alone in the bathroom.
I couldn't quite put my finger on what I was feeling. I was definitely not happy. That was for sure. Sad? Upset? Yes, but maybe confused would be the better word to use? Anger was there, and it made sure that I was well aware of its presence. The ache in my hands wanting to send my fists straight into Matteo's face was overwhelming, but that also could have very well been the intense feeling of needing to seek revenge burning through my body. Undeniably, I could feel one emotion lurking behind all of those—fear.
I wasn't fearful of Matteo because he "hurt" me. I don't think he intended to leave any sort of mark on me. I was sensible enough to know that. I was fearful, however, that he was going to come back, and do it again. It scared me to think that maybe Matteo wasn't acting out of anger toward me, but out of hatred.
I shook my head as my back hit the shower wall. My knees grew weak allowing myself to slide down to the floor. As my butt hit the floor of the shower, I felt it.
I felt the foreign pooling of tears well up in my eyes. It stung in a weird type of way. I tried blinking them away before they could escape, but it was no use as a tear escaped from my eye and began its march down my flushed cheek. Instead of wiping it away, I continued to try blinking the rest away. To my disappointment, that only caused more tears to escape down my cheeks.
I inhaled heavily. My head raised so that I was now looking up at the ceiling. With my legs brought up to my chest, my arms wrapped themselves around them making me feel the slightest bit more secure.
I continued staring at the cool, white paint on the ceiling until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.
I don't know what I was expecting when I woke up. I knew what I was hoping to see when I woke up, but I guess I was expecting to just wake up alone in a bathtub. That turned out not to be the case. Instead of the cold marble of the shower floor, my legs were cocooned by the warmth of a familiar set of sheets. My senses were immediately invaded by his scent so intensely that it felt like he was in front of me.
It's probably because he was.
As my eyes opened and adjusted to the room around me, I discovered that I had been not only placed but tucked into our bed. Matteo sat at the edge on his side of the bed, watching me. If I wasn't wondering about what time it was so much, maybe I would have noticed the frown on his face and the sad look in his eyes a bit sooner than I had.
"What time is it?" I asked as I pushed some stray hairs from my face.
"Like eightish," he said tiredly. My brows knit themselves together in confusion as I looked toward our window. Judging by the fraction of light that just barely managed to illuminate the sky and the fact that Matteo still had on the same clothes that he had on earlier, I assumed that it was eight in the evening and not the morning.
"Oh." I think that's probably when I noticed it—the sadness and regret that washed over his face. I didn't want to be the one to acknowledge it, though, so I just rolled back over and tried closing my eyes, again.
"Kai, what are you doing?" Matteo asked. I could hear the pain in his voice most likely caused by my rejection. I just didn't want to fight with him anymore.
"Going back to bed," I mumbled.
"Will you please turn back around? I want to see your face when I speak to you." His voice was soft and begging. My lips pushed themselves together in a flat line as I sighed. The way he spoke with such sincerity made an unsettling feeling swallow me up inside. Deciding to give in, I rolled back over so that I was facing him again. I didn't say anything, though. We both just watched one another until one of us had the courage to speak first.
"I'm sorry."
If I could have hit a button and left him saying that on repeat, I would have.
"I should have never laid a hand on you let alone grabbed you like that. No matter how angry I get with you, there will never be a circumstance when that will be necessary," he continued. "I'm sorry." I frowned as I thought about his apology. It was obvious that it was sincere. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that it wasn't, but I was questioning how far his apology spread.
"And yelling at me? Chasing me around the house?" I questioned, noticing how he managed to avoid apologizing for his verbal aggression.
"I'm sorry for chasing after you."
"And yelling at me?" Nothing but silence followed my simple question. I had hoped for more, but expected nothing less. "So, you're going to apologize for leaving a stupid mark on my arms, but not for screaming at me for trying to help you?" I asked in disbelief.
"No. I'm apologizing for hurting you. I am not, however, going to apologize for being angry with you when you do something so stupid," he stated calmly. My teeth clenched together in anger as I looked at him in total anger.
When I do something so stupid.
I don't think I had the words necessary to voice how much he had just irritated me, so I chose not to speak at all. Instead, I flung the covers off of my body and rolled out of the bed.
"Kaia," Matteo warned, already knowing what I was going to do. Anticipating my next steps, he managed to beat me to the door before I had time to even reach for the handle.
"Something so stupid? Really, Matteo?" I snapped angrily, avoiding eye contact with him.
"You could have been hurt or even killed," he argued. I could tell he was doing his best to not raise his voice, but I wasn't.
"So you're allowed to protect me, but I'm not allowed to protect you?"
"Not when you're their main target," he countered me.
"She was trying to attack you!" I argued back in exasperation.
"Yes, because she wanted to get to you." I could hear the strain in Matteo's voice as it raised the slightest bit. He was moments away from losing his cool.
"Well, I would rather she go after me than you!" That one did it. It was as if I threw a match on spilled gasoline.
"That will never happen," he snarled, becoming tense. I could see the intensity of his anger flare up within his eyes. "This entire pack will be in ruins before anyone sets a hand on you."
"This isn't about your pack!" I groaned as I angrily ran a hand through my hair. "This is about us! This is about me and you! You protect me, and I protect you because that's how this works, you idiot!"
"I'm trying to protect you!" He shouted back at me, finally becoming just as outwardly angry as I was. "You're the one who keeps putting yourself in dangerous situations!"
"Oh my god!" I screamed in frustration as my hands flew into the air. "You were the one who was being attacked! I was just trying to help!"
"Why would you even do that?"
"Because I love you, asshole!"
You ever say something and not even realize it? Like the words just tumble out of your mouth before you even have the chance to process them? Well, I do a lot. Most of the time, I don't really care, but this time I wanted to projectile vomit.
Silence followed my confession. The look of anger had disappeared from both of our faces. Instead, shock stood in its place.
Should I say I was kidding? Is it April 1st? Should I try to be like "but in a brotherly kind of way, ya know"?
"You love me?" Matteo asked, finally breaking the awkward silence.
"I f—king said it, didn't I?" I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. I refused to meet his gaze. If I did, I probably would just throw up right in his face.
"But—like—you mean it?" He pushes which only managed to make me feel more sick to my stomach. Did he not want me to?
"I'm starting not to." I was looked down at the floor when I felt Matteo's hand grab my chin, forcing me to look up at him. I don't know what I expected him to do. Maybe throw up in my face and be like "that's how I feel"? I was caught off guard when he leant his face down toward mine and found my lips with his.
That weird feeling that I had felt when we kissed on our walk in the woods re-emerged. It felt like a fire had erupted within my chest that had spread throughout every part of my body as if my veins were filled with electricity. Matteo's other hand settled itself on my hip and pulled me flush against him. Feeling his body against mine, I relaxed, but the fire burning within me didn't. If anything, it felt like the room was getting hotter. The tips of my fingers felt like they were holding sparks strong enough to electrocute someone.
Too soon Matteo pulled away. Our foreheads rested on one another as we both stayed silent. My heart was thumping wildly against my chest. Usually I was pretty good at reading Matteo through his actions, but this time I was stumped. Was that like a "I just want to be friends" kiss? Or a "You need to calm down. That's such an intense feeling that I don't have the capability to feel" kiss? I wasn't following.
"I love you, too." Whomp, there it is. If I didn't think that burning sensation within me could get any hotter, I was wrong. I think my organs were beginning to spontaneously combust at this point.
Deciding that not enough action was happening for me right then, I grabbed both sides of his face and pulled it toward mine. Our lips met, again. If I could have stayed like that for the next fifty years, I would have. Unfortunately, Matteo pulled back. He really loved leaving me hanging today.
"Please understand how terrified I am that something is going to happen to you," he admitted softly. "The thought of something happening that I could have stopped—"
"I understand," I said, cutting him off before he had the chance to even finish his sentence. "I really do, but that's never going to change the fact that I will protect you with my life." It was strange for me to care about someone so much that I would rather die than lose them, but I couldn't help it. If I couldn't have him, then I didn't want anything.
Never thought I'd be saying that. It was enough to send a shiver of disgust through me.
"It will never need to come down to that. Just trust me enough to listen to me. That's all I need from you right now." My teeth clenched themselves together. What does one say to a declaration like that? Trust him enough to listen to him? To have complete faith in everything he says? I don't even trust myself like that. There was no way that I could agree to that. "Do you trust me?" Of course I trust Matteo. I'd never trusted anyone more, but that would never stop me from risking my life for his. Maybe that's what love is? Trusting the shit out of someone until you get yourself killed? I realized I was silent for way too long as I watched Matteo's features become nervous. Instead of saying anything, I just brought my lips back to his.
We were definitely best at showing our emotions through actions. I think it made both of us more comfortable than actually having to say it.
Both of Matteo's hands rested on my hips and held me against him as our kiss remained soft. His warm lips making me melt more and more by the second.
But, I didn't want soft. I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him impossibly closer to me. My tongue peeked out and slid itself across his bottom lip teasingly. Understanding that I wanted more than what I was getting, he allowed me in. Our kiss went from sweet and soft to lusty and passionate, quickly.
Maybe now wasn't the best time to do this, but timing has never really been on my side before. I knew what I was feeling in that moment, and it was far from angry or upset. I knew what I wanted, and a fight wasn't it. I wanted him—all of him.
My hands pulled away from his neck and ran down his chest. A tingling sensation danced across my palms as the heat of Matteo's skin coming through his shirt met my hands. Freezing at a point just above where his abs began, I fisted the fabric of his shirt. I felt his breathing hitch slightly as I took a step backward and pulled him with me. One step after another, we eventually made it to the bed. I couldn't help but notice the hesitance in every move that Matteo made.
A painful heat settled in the pit of my stomach as my back made contact with the blankets that were messily strewn across the bed. Never breaking the kiss, Matteo moved on top of me. One hand was planted on the bed beside my head while the other hand caressed my cheek which somehow managed to make our exaggerated, sloppy kissing seem almost gentle.
His lips left mine, but never left my body as they trailed down my neck. My arms and legs ached, feeling the need to do something, but not being able to. It was as if I were glued to the bed. All I could do was let out a breathy moan and squeeze my eyes shut until I was seeing colors.
"Matteo, please," I begged knowing that he was purposely not kissing his mark that happened to be mere centimeters from where his lips had stopped on my neck. It was making my throat feel like it was going to close in on itself the longer he stayed away. Finally giving in to my wants, his lips hovered over the sensitive spot before placing a gentle kiss to it. Almost instantly, my entire body felt like it had just fallen through the floor.
"F—k," I snapped, my head falling back as my eyes squeezed shut even more tightly than they had been. He pulled away quickly, but my hands that still held onto his shirt stopped him from taking a step back. "No, no," I mumbled hurriedly as I pulled him back to me. It was purely a fortunate accident that his shirt managed to rip in the process.
Choosing to make my life easier, I resorted to tearing the rest of the shirt away from his body, revealing his well-defined torso. Matteo's hesitance returned, most likely brought on by my sudden shout. I could only assume that he was afraid that he was hurting me, or I was regretting what I'd just started. "Matteo, please," I breathed, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him down to me. Obeying my plea, his soft lips returned to the sensitive spot on my neck making my toes curl in pleasure.
Matteo's fingers lightly traced themselves down the sides of my body until they hit the gap in fabric between my jeans and my shirt. They played with the hem of my shirt for a moment before I felt the cotton slowly being raised. He broke his contact from my neck to lift the shirt over my head. Instead of returning to my neck, his lips danced over the skin of my collarbones before eventually reaching the small bit of my breasts that were exposed. I internally groaned, wishing that I could bust out of a bra like the Hulk. As if reading my mind, he unhooked the pesky piece of material.
His fingers, finding a new piece of material to play with, fiddled with the button of my jeans followed by the zipper. His assault on my chest raged on, causing my back to arch itself upward in satisfaction. Looping his fingers into the belt loops, he made quick work of pulling the jeans from my legs. I moaned feeling my body become even warmer despite the loss of clothing.
"Matteo, please," I begged as I raised my hips to his. He peered up at me through his thick lashes. He lips still lingering over the skin between my breasts.
"What do you want?" He asked in a voice that was quiet yet firm. His warm breath danced over my skin causing goosebumps to form all over my body. He didn't seem nearly as far gone as I was in that moment, but the breathlessness of his words proved that to be incorrect.
"Please," I pleaded, grinding my hips into his. I wished I had gotten rid of his jeans earlier when I had the chance.
"Kaia, you need to tell me what you want," Matteo reaffirmed. The intensity in his deep voice made my stomach clench in need.
"I want you. Please, Matteo. I need you."
Questions were out the window by that point. There wasn't a single thing on my mind other than the perfect fit of our bodies in that moment.
Every kiss, every touch igniting an inferno that continuously consumed every cell of my body. A new type of ecstasy replacing whatever abstraction of it that I had before filled up every nook and cranny of my being.
I knew what sex felt like. This wasn't just sex.
My mind, my body, and my entire soul were entirely in the hands of the man on top of me. The man who not only sent my body into a frenzy, my insides into knots, and my mind into a hazy state of euphoria, but also owned every inch of my heart.
It wasn't just sex. It was love.
_________
5/5/19
So that just happened...