Lexi's POV
"I think you should come back a few more times just so we can talk more abou..." She tries to subtly and sneakily call me in for the next time but as I've said I'm quite straight to the point, so, I very aggressively and insensitively cut her off. "What do I have? I know you have a diagnosis." I spit out. She doesn't look taken aback and tries to reason with me. "It takes a few more sessions for me to even come close to a diagnosis I..." Yet again I cut her off. "Don't lie I know how these things work, just tell me now." I dictate, my tone rising slightly above what I would consider acceptable, but guess what, I don't fucking care. "I really can't say now..." This time I stand up and proceed to try and leave the room. "That's bull shit and you know it!" I howl picking up my pace towards the door, I can almost sense my therapist despair. "Stop!" She says raising her voice for the first time in the past two hours, her tone shrieking. "I have something in mind, it's not final but, I..." She rambles, I instantly turn walking closer towards her. "Say it." I muter through my gritted teeth. She still looks hesitant. "Say it," I utter a bit more harshly. She bites her lip before finally announcing. "Schizophrenia. My suspicion is of Schizophrenia. A slight degree of severity, not too deep but, definitely not light." Her voice soared through to me, her words like a punch to the chest that knocks me down brutishly, making me fall down on the couch.
"I believe that it was triggered by social anxiety and slowly you started getting..." She tried explaining but I interrupted her again. "How do you know?" I question, my voice a lot weaker than before, as my mighty mask falls shamefully to the ground. "Through this session, you have shown signs of aggression, hostility, hyperactivity, agitation, And the story you just told me showed signs of social isolation, disorganized behavior, lack of restraint, persistent repetition of words or actions, hallucinations." She mumbles on and on and my heart sinks more and more. There's something really wrong with me. "How do I fix it?" I inquire. She chuckles lightly before sitting back down.
"That's a plain way of putting it. There is no fixing, there is treating and controlling but you can't be "cured" of mental illness." She informs me of all the things that I'm already aware of, I don't even know why I asked. "More therapy sessions are required but, since you made me reveal my diagnosis... We might as well start with the treatment." She rambles on and on about my treatment, trying to convince me to go to group therapy but, I don't fucking have time for this. "You'll need to take these once a day, preferably in the morning. I also recommend buying these because you can take them whenever your social anxiety gets too much. On your way out schedule another session for next week, if you ever feel like you need to talk, give us a call and we'll find you an appointment that day." She clarifies after handing me the small doctor's note with calling the hardcore medication I'm gonna need.
I just nod before wistfully leaving the room and out into the open. I take a deep breath of fresh air and for a second I forget everything that has gone down the past week. It was foolish of me to believe they wouldn't come back to haunt me, frames started flashing in my mind of all that happened this week. The fights, the goodbyes, the panic, and the pain, the accident and the screams, the voices and no sleep. They started to suffocate me. That's when I see her. Standing out there with her fancy ass core water in hand waiting patiently for me. Something shifts and I find my balance again and that's when she spots me. "Hey! Your out." She says getting closer to me. I just pull her in for a hug before taking her water bottle stealing some water smirking at her while she glared. "What?" I ask humorously. "You stole my water!" She exclaims childishly. "Just a little gulp dems." I whisper in her ear before pulling her towards the car.
'Fuck, I need to get the medication. Dammit.' I realize inwardly. After a moment of silence, my gaze shifts to Demi and I can't instantly see she's holding back on asking. Like she' literally biting her lip so she doesn't ask. "You can ask if you want to." I say in an ironic tone. She lets out a relieved breath making me chuckle before asking. "How was it?" I instantly remark with some mundane replay like 'you know whatever.' and she rolls her eyes knowing it wasn't the whole truth. There is no way in fucking hell that I'm gonna tell Demi about today, at least not in a while, I'm not ready. I need time and space to understand it before I can share. "Ahh Dems my mom asked me to buy her some Advil you mind stopping by a pharmacy like you don't even have to get off the car." She nods with no apparent suspicion. I congratulate myself on y how good I've gotten at lying. We stop by a pharmacy and I instantly go straight to the back asking a woman for y meds while I search for the Advil. The lady hands me two boxes of medication and I just take them, with the Advil towards the check out picking up some other stuff to try and look less suspicious.
I get into the car again with the bag filled with things from the pharmacy immediately laughing at Demi's face. "I thought I might as well pick up some shampoo!" I comment cheerfully before leaning in to kiss her trying to distract her from the bag. Our lips touch but, unexpectedly Demi pulls away. "What are you hiding from me?" She sarcastically questions me. "Dammit." I mutter under my breath pulling out the very strong schizophrenia medication or whatever it's called. "Aripiprazole... uhhh, an antipsychotic? So you have anything to tell me?" She lifts her eyebrows in a threatening manner. "Not by my choice I don't even know what that is." I say truthfully for the first time in the last few minutes. "I made her give me her diagnosis..." I whisper shamefully. "Lexi! It was only the first session, they are only trying to get a bond with you before telling you that you have a mental disorder." She scolds me making me mutter something like 'I'm well aware.' She scolds me all the way to my house. I just stop listening after a while. "I'm schizophrenic." I announce before getting out of the car running into my house with my bag of discórdia. I can hear her shouting "Lexi come on here!" But I don't give a shit right now.
"Come on babe let me in!" She keeps screaming outside my door until I hear my moms voice. "Demi, stop screaming will you!" My mom and she have gotten closer during the past few months to a point where Demi respects her like her own mother. "I just, I need to see her, I'm worried...I.." She rambles uncontrollably, despair and concern evident in her strained tone. "Calm down honey... take a deep breath. Ok go downstairs and wait for me, now." My mom affirms in her authoritative tone. Soon a knock soars through the door. "Lexi, amor, open the door please." I don't know if you know this but my mom literally controls me so I do as she says, I open the door. "What's going on, Demi is really freaking, out there." She expresses in her calm and composed tone. "We went to the doctor right? And she just gave me a diagnosis." I breathe out staring at my mom. "So quickly? I'm sure they aren't supposed to.... you pushed her to say it didn't you?" She asks in a knowing manner. "Yes... I'm... schizophrenic." I tell her, her eyes are filled with worry but her forehead shows she's thinking. "You aunt is schizophrenic too. You've always been way too similar to each other." She says chuckling pulling me in for a hug. "It'll be fine honey." She assures me by whispering in my ear. I nod holding in the tears. "Now. I'm gonna call Demi up here and you'll talk to her, poor thing was freaking out." She declares pulling away and clapping her hands with each syllable.
I just sit on my bed waiting for her face to appear, waiting for her light steps to come closer, waiting for her Minty breath to trickle onto my neck. Soon enough she's standing in front of me, and I quickly invited her to sit next to me. All of this happens in complete and utter silence, well, until my mom screams "I don't hear much talking going on!" From downstairs making both of us laugh. "Uhhh, I'm sorry?" I say I'm a questioning manner. She smiles before exclaiming "No! No really, I'm sorry. I really should be kissing your feet, apologizing to the moon and back." I just chuckle at her remark before placing my arms around her. "No, I need you to be here not halfway to the moon." I explain in a jokingly childish tone. "Your wish is my command." She dictates looking up at me with those beautiful puppy brown eyes that I would literally kill for. I simply smile at her before placing my lips on hers. "I love you, I'm literally crazy in love with you." I joke chuckling at my own stupidity, only to make her reveal an unimpressed face. "I love you too, don't call yourself crazy because I will get angry." She proclaims.
There's a weird and heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach, I need to tell her. I need to talk to her about the feelings that I haven't even allowed myself to think about. "Uhh I just, I don't know how to understand this. I just, I want to be the best I can for you and I feel like, I've been doing a shitty job. I should be the one to protect you, love you, hold you, cheer you up, give everything you deserve, I want to be able to laugh with Maddie and make you laugh. I just feel like I'm not enough for you anymore. I'm crazy and I don't know how to fix it." I explain letting myself vent all the feelings I've been burying deep inside. Suddenly tears start streaming down my face, I just can't help them. "I don't even know why I'm fucking crying." I exclaim dramatically, starting to chuckle at my own crazy ass. I feel arms slowly wrap around me pulling me closer to her. "Hey, it's ok. This is just you adjusting to something new, you'll be fine, your fucking protected ass heart needs to open up a little. You're allowed to be upset love. Be upset, destroy things, cry and let it all out. If you're anything like me it'll soon get better. I can promise you, my angel, making yourself numb will feel no better than letting it all out." Her words are so perfectly strung together, her tone so calming and soothing. She is literally a calm in this shitshow of a storm.
We both just lay underneath the warm covers, entangled in my bed. "When that old soul song starts to play in my head, and the beat of the music is a silent pledge, I know it's gonna be alright, I know it's gonna be alright" I whisper sing the familiar melody that has been 'Playing' in my head all week, I guess you can say, the perks of Schizophrenia. "Wait, what was that." Demi questions shooting upright in the bed looking at me fixedly. "Just the melody that's been stuck in my head all week." I say like its not a big deal which it really isn't. "I quite like that! Come on baby." She says pulling me out of bed making me moan and groan about how I wanted to stay in bed all day. "I promise you'll like it!" She exclaims dragging me out of my house, not before screeching a loud goodbye to my Mom who simply smiled at me amazing girlfriend. We get in the car and soon we arrive at her house.
"You brought me to your house? If you would have told be I wouldn't have been as fucking annoying about leaving my house." I told her kissing her cheek before opening the car door. All I can see through my side eye I seem Dem smirk, what is this woman plotting. We enter the house and I'm about to make our typical route of up the stairs into the bedroom when Demi yet again, drags me, to another corner of the house that I'm pretty sure I've never been in. A small wooden staircase that seems to be taking us into the basement. Why was Demi taking me to the basement. "Please tell me you are not about to confess that you are into BDSM, I think I've had too many surprises today I'm not sure I would survive." I say softly using my sarcastic tone. I listen as Demi's laugh fills the stairwell being magnified by the echo. "No love, not today." She whispers as we stop at a door at the bottom of the stairs. "Welcome to my favorite place." She whispers opening the door. "Next to our bedroom of course." She says humorously making me laugh this time. She turns the lights on and I see a recording/music room. I instantly start looking around in complete aw.
I walk around gawking at all the gear she has down here. "Damn Demi this is awesome!" Is say as I sit down on the comfortable editing chair. I completely geek and zone out exploring pro tools. There are just so many cool features, how could I not!? I turn around to see Demi leaning against the door smiling at my childlike behaviour. "You've had this all this time and never even commented, I am honestly feeling betrayed. "I guess it just slipped out of my mind to be honest. This is my most sacred of places, but, I always need someone to help me with the sound engineering so I only come here occasionally." Demi explains walking a few more steps into the room, therefore, getting closer to me. I smile goofily at her before starting to mess with the little synth laughing at the weird sounds I could make. All I did was mess around with it and soon I had a full blown song filled with interesting bass lines and cow bells. I don't really know how that happened but it was awesome. I stretch my back on the chair only now remembering of Demi's existence. I can swear I had never seen her this surprised. "Lexi, I don't think you realize how amazing this is. You literally just wrote a whole song." She gushes out surprised. Her legs stiffly walk towards the chair and she throws herself into my lap. My arms instantly wrapped around her body, as if I were trying to grab hold of all the warmth she was emanating. Something about this moment is so perfect as she just stares at all the endless numbers of track files placed together. I find myself smiling, a large, real, genuine smile. "I'm happy." the words stumble out of my mouth as I bury my face into the crook of her neck. Watching how her face lit up in the light of my news was quite amazing. "That's great, baby." She screeches excitedly, holding me even closer. "It's quiet." I whisper yet again in an unplanned way.
"What's quiet?" She questions, lifting her face away from my neck. "My mind." My eyes squishing together in a peacefully relaxed form. After a long while of silence I pull my arms away from Demi, re-adjusting so she was comfortable while I was using the computer.
Something about her childish nature was so incredibly relaxing. So within my bliss, I minimized the previous project, and started a new one. Slowly, beat per beat, the song started to string together quite nicely. After the overall pre-recording work was done, I looked down to find Demi asleep so, I very carefully lift her and place her in the comfortable, cream coloured couch that rests upon a dark, sound proof wall. I brush a strand of her hair away from her face before giving her a gentle kiss on her forehead, leaving her to sleep.
Between smiles and excited giggles I go into the sound booth, exploring a little, seeing the equipment available and what I could possibly do. I found a small tablet laying upon a table next to the chair, a tall studio quality microphone standing next to me. I can't help but grab the tablet and explore all it has to offer. As soon as I unlock the device I'm met with my music project. "So fucking cool." I whisper out realizing this was really high end stuff, I could probably control recording through here so I didn't need anyone to sound engineer, plus if there where any problems I could probably fix them with editing. I make my way back out of the sound booth to make sure all the sound was coming out of the ear phones so I wouldn't scare my sleeping beauty. Once I was assured of that I made my way back into the sound booth, closing the heavy door slowly. Of course Demi has some really cool instruments in here, some of which I could only dream to get my hands on. My eyes meet my literal dream guitar. "No fucking way!" I say loudly, slowly grubbling until I got to where a beautiful, metallic turquoise fender telecaster. "You have got to be kidding me!" I screech in excitement, slowly taking the guitar off the rack. Quickly I spot a strap and soon I find the guitar around my body. I can't help but connect it into the nearest outlet and using the tablet start the previously made beat, I guess it started recording what I was doing but I didn't really care.
Power chords and riffs came rushing through my finger and I can't help but feel an immense amount of joy wash over me. This guitar is literally so sexy, almost as sexy as Demi, not quite there though, but, the closests it gets. I'm sure Demi will be happy about the fact that the only one I think is close to being as Sexy as she is a guitar cause, it isn't a girl! I guess I zoned out because next thing I knew there were thousands of tracks, one layered over the other, it seems I switched to the Piano at some point and now the music was basically complete. Instead of editing through the tablet I slowly open the door leading into the room where Demi still lays sleeping. I waddle my sweaty body in her direction with only one intention, caressing her soft face and so I did. Surprisingly without waking her up might I add, one more silent glance and I make my way back to the large screen where my huge project is. A small chuckle escapes my lips, I really did go all out, but, what can I say, I was having way to much fun!
After fixing a few things here and there I decided that the song is missing something, a singer, a melody that would stick and make the song that many times better. "Sometimes in my dreams I forget..." I whisper, and that was the start of the lyric making, of course as well as a loose melody which I had replayed over my mind. Passing the file to the screen inside the studio I yet again made my way into the studio. I must say, the guitar was amazing, it really was, but, something about sitting on that high stool felt so powerful. I place the tablet on the tall wooden stand opening a window with my lyrics keeping half the screen on my pro tools file and half on my lyrics. I play the song over, singing lightly just to test volumes and the microphone, this was easily one of the best microphones I have ever heard in action, my voice sounded so silky smooth, jesus. Finally after adjusting everything I decided it was time to record, this time singing for real. I used a lighter voice before reaching the chorus where my voice went into full vocal derangement mode.
"When that old soul song starts to play in my head,
And the beat of the music is a silent pledge,
I know it's gonna be alright,
I know it's gonna be alright,
When the rain keeps tapping on my window sill,
And the days keep dragging like an old cheap thrill,
I know it's gonna be alright,
I'm strong I'm gonna be alright."
(I ask you don't take the lyrics as mediocre as they might be, they are mine, and I would like to possibly recycle them in the future.)
What I didn't notice however, was that by some bizarre reason I had stepped on the earphone I was using while getting into the room, and as my foot tangled with it the ear phones came popping off the soquet. As soon as I started my test run for the microphone my girlfriend had been awoken from her peaceful slumber, she didn't complain though, as something about what had woken her was extremely pleasant to the ear, she went almost into a limbo between sleep and consciousness, almost in a bliss.
Demi's POV
The music stopped, and so did the bliss. My eyes shot open trying to understand what had just happened. I shoot up from the couch and walk slowly to the comfortable computer chair, sitting myself waiting to listen to that wonderful song again. Surprisingly enough, only a few seconds later the song starts to play again, and as I look at the file notice and the new instrument has been added, not labeled yet, but it's there. After a detailed and intricate introduction to song quiets down, a voice fills the speakers and I instantly recognise it, I mean how could I not, it's my lovely girlfriend, but like, on steroids or something.
"The wind reminds me that I got to breathe,
The tree starts singing to this melody."
The bridge brings back a small portion of the intense introduction and soon my breath is taken away as her voice soars through the chorus, wow, that is one powerful voice. I find myself smiling intensively. She's so good. Once she finishes going over the entire song at once, she fragments the songs in a few 'problem' areas, I never could use that tablet with such precision, I was always dropping it or something. A few counts later she walked out of the soundproof studio, her eyes droopy for what I expect to be exhaustion of a long and stressful day. A sharp breath escapes her lips as she looks at me, surprised at my awoken presence. "Your up already?" She asks, awkwardly placing her hand on the back of her left shoulder, something she does often when she has no idea of how to react to something. "Yeah I wanted to listen to you." I whisper, slowly raising myself off the chair taking small steps through the short distance between her and I. "You sound amazing, Love." I love how she shivers simply from the sound of my voice. My arms slowly envelope her, bringing her closer to than I ever thought possible.
"Never leave me."
She stated, her voice vulnerable and raw. I know for a fact I wouldn't handle life without her, and these past few weeks, where she was distant have been hell, but, I'm sure we'll strive through whatever comes our way. I love her, and no one will take her away from me.
"Never."