Kellin's P.O.V
I watched Brooke on stage, singing each lyric. I couldn't help but think of how this was how it needed to be, her performing with me. Music might have saved her. Only I saw her face and could tell why she had hidden herself from the world. I wanted to know what triggered such a break down, and it only felt worse not being able to hold her. But the music washed away her sorrow, and it only made me smile. As she finished her last song, the last song of the whole performance, she said goodbye. She was allowed quite a long one, no one would care.
"I want you to raise your hands if you had a fucked up parent!" She yelled. I knew what Brooke was doing, showing all of our weaknesses.
"Now, look around. Take in how many hands you see. Now, how many of you have done self harm?" Brooke's hushed, breath of a tone was strict and straight to the point. I found it strange, she rose her hand each time.
"How many of you were bullied?" She finished. Nearly every hand shot up. Including her's.
"All of you, know you aren't alone. When the world hits you, we pick you up. Use music as your home. Take my songs literally, take the guys' songs literal! And know we stand together, the ultimate Outcasts," She smiled. And you could see the faces lighting up, the nervousness dissappearing from everyone. No one felt uncomfortable, they felt like an Army. Brooke made them realize this.
"Thank you for coming. Just never forget, ever. Always and Forever!" She always ended with that at concerts. Always. You couldn't find anyone without a smile on their face. Even the ones working back stage showed signs of happiness. Black Veil Brides, my band, Blood On The Dance Floor. Especially Dahvie, he was bullied once. Rise and Shine showed that. Jayy smiled at his fellow band member, his friend. Brooke was still staring into the crowd, and her eyes sparkled when she saw one small, fragile, girl there. She jogged over there. Then it hit me, her tears, her breakdown. This little girl had hit somewhere emotionally. I racked my brain for the answer, and only one memory came to mind.
All it took was a simple statement to turn everything around. What might this sentence be?
Brooklyn Mackenzie and several other victims have just been discovered at the sight of a tragic crash. Only Brooklyn and a younger girl survived.
That one, short, statement ran through my head. A younger girl. I neede dmore information, I wanted to help Brooke. The only way would be to talk. She finished with the young girl, and by the end the little girl looked so much better. Brooke turned around after saying goodbye, to find me. Just watching her.
"You okay?" She questioned, starting to walk towards the backstage area.
"Yeah, I am fine. I just.........Look, I saw you go over to that girl. And.......I saw you cried before the concert," I chanced. You could see al her emotions from this. No one had the nerve to talk to her about the crash, obviously, until now.
"I...........Katy," She croaked. I nodded to the tour bus near by, and she accepted the invitation for talking. We sat down and I just faced her, preparing to hear what no one else has been allowed to know.
"She.............she was a little girl on the bus. Her mother, Lee, was there with her. They were going somewhere to get away from an abusive dad. And............Lee let me eat some lunch with them," She took a shaky breath, "And that night, when we slept on the bus, when we got hit, I sang her to sleep. I.............And then.........." By now plenty of teardrops had fallen.
"You don't have to go on," I insisted. I could only imagine. Brooke had felt like Katy's death was her fault.
"Katy asked me, when....w-we were bleeding to death. I played her favorite One Direction song and she asked if she'd ever marry this Lou.........." Her breathing sounded like a pain. Her eyes had no emotion. Cold. Hard. Small. But tears still ran.
"And then............I left her. I fell down. Katy was left to............She was left to die. I heard them say she just wanted me. Her death came the minute they made it to the hospital. Eyes open. Begging for me." She let sobs out now and I briskly moved to her side, envoloping her into a huge embrace.
"But what hurt the most.........." She whispered in a pained voice.
"Did you think I hated you? Regretted our relationship?" The question was abrupt but I only nodded. I had thought Brooke hated me. Despised me. And I'd never see her again.
"My last thought................." You could hear her choking up with emotion. Her final thought...............Before she was drowned in the abyss of darkness...............before her life crashed down before her.
"I wanted to give in. To just die. But my last thought...............No matter how much I told myself I didn't care about us anymore, I found myself think this. And didn't care. It felt good to admit............." There was a pause to absorb this. She had wanted to hate me, hate herself. But couldn't.
"What was the thought, sweetie?" I mumbled into her soft, jet black hair.
"But it was for Katy........for Kellin," She breathed out, "That was the final thought."
And that sentence ran through my head. Over and over.
But it was for Katy........for Kellin.
It was for Katy. For her to live. But then it became for me. And she wanted to give in, but her little voice told her to survive.................for me.
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Brooke's P.O.V
This whole time, only when memory replayed. I bit back but it flashed as we sat in silence...
Pain. You'd think I'd have it. But how? How could I when I had experienced so much in life. All I remember was Katy's pleads for me to wake up. Then sirens. Oh, those sirens. It was funny, Sleeping With Siren's consumed my life, while right at that moment, I was sleeping with sirens. Now I wasn't, I heard a faint beeping, the rush on voices and hushed inter-comes. I distinct feelings that were left in the numbness. Cool sheets sweeping over my body, metallic tools dissecting me. But of course, those abilities left me all to quickly. Only my thoughts were left to me, and they were surrounded with darkness. With Kellin, with Katy, with Harmony.
Remembering that, how empty I felt, how numb. It was strange.
"You okay?" Kellin checked. I simply nodded, lost for words.
"I.......I never knew what happened. I was only told you and this younger girl, y-you guys survived. They didn't tell me how it went down, where it went down, how many people were hurt. If you knew or were close to anyone. I wish I did, I would have done everything to........to be your therapy," He finished. Come to think of it, Kellin was my therapy. He stitched up any wounds and washed away my pains. He was therapy. He was my therapy. And it felt so good to know he was only mine.
"I guess you can say..............All I can remember..........my life, it flashed before my eyes. That's all that stands out. Us, our memories, our love story. I relived it all." I stretched out the word all, because I did. I went through the heartbreak, the love, the confusion.
"I couldn't imagine going through everything over again. Your whole life? I.....I can't come to think of my reaction. Did you even know your......heart i-it stopped?" Kellin stuttered from the overwhelming pain we both felt.
Yes, I did Kellin. I watched you mourn over me. I watched everyone suffered as I only thought the selfish thoughts. The ones about dying, getting it over with. Dying.............
"Yes. I........For some reason, I could tell I was dying. And I counted my heartbeats...............and they stopped. It was the strangest feeling.......not breathing........hearing and feeling people tugging and clawing at you to come back to life......." A few shaky breaths, blissful tears, and loving hugs later, I got the nerve to look Kellin in his eyes.
"What did you think? Feel? What went through your head.............when...........I was dying..." I whispered softly. Kellin was frozen for a second.
"I...........I didn't understand. I felt all happpiness leave, like it only followed you. It was something I never thought would happen, something I never wanted to plan on happening. Just..........everything. Our relationship and my life. IIt all played back in my head. Like you described your expirience." This was something I never expected. He felt the same way I did, reliving out past. Yeah, this was a lot to take in. But it became easier the more I thought about it. My reaction would be the same if Kellin had died.............
"We seem to stutter a lot," Well, way to go to break a moment. Kellin just chuckled at my awkwardness.
"It's a hard topic to discuss, especially being so personal..." With that, silence followed. Not an awkward one, like you would expect, but a comfortable one.
"Shouldn't we get back to our bands? You know, so they won't worry?" Kellin inquired. Again, I gave a curt nod and stood up with him.
"Kellin?" I asked out of the blue.
"Yes?" He turned a few degrees to face me.
"Thank you. For talking to me, for letting me get that off my chest. It feels like therapy...........like you are my therapy. It helped, I don't feel so......" I was lost for words once more.
"Lost? Destroyed? Lonely?" He put out a few words. I took a sharp breath in. He got those words perfectly, but I knew something else.
"I don't feel so stripped. So torn. I feel like you put me back together. Like you fixed something that was broken," The rough explanation caughts us both off guard. But we merely smiled and got off of the bus, wondering off to our bands. And only one thought was left to be caught.
Had I just opened up to Kellin, even more than before? Did I give him more power to absolutely tear me down as he builds me up?
EHLLO!!!! I know, short :( BUT THE LAST ONE WAS FRIGGIN LONG. LONGER THAN THE FIRST CHAPTER. Be like, epically proud :'] Yeah, I hope you liked it! I was sick today and wrote like no other :c I wish I went to school <'3 Yes, only kid who hates staying home. Am I weird? Eh, guess so. I guess I feel more.........interacted with at school xD BUT NO MORE RAMBLING. I FOUND OUT HOW MANY CHAPTERS I MAY HAVE!! :D And this chapter is dedicated to alt3rnativ3rocklov3r because they know the ending sorta, so I musht HIDE IT! :o They black mailed me, I swear. NOW ENJOY AND VOTE AND COMMENT. Please? I write faster with encouragement from comments xD Until next time my snowflake Cupcakeys. :3
Playlist:
Safetysuit - Gone Away (In side bar....yes, only song. F U. THAT WHY)