Chapter 1
ASPEN HAD NO idea how the hell she managed to get herself in this situation. She wasn't even that drunk where she couldn't figure out where she was; just a little past tipsy, a nice buzz in her system, but nowhere near wasted that would leave her victim to drunk circumstances. So how in the world did she end up in a club throbbing with life, especially since it was its opening night, when it was the absolute last place she should be? The more she thought about her surroundings and where she was, the more her buzz was going away and forcing her gradually clearing mind to grasp the severity of the situation. She was going to murder her friends.
Who, at this point, were a mesh of faces in the thundering club. Through her sobering confusion, Aspen couldn't remember how they even got in here, seeing as when they arrived the queue was wrapped around the block—or maybe that happened after they got on line after bar hopping for the past few hours. The pounding music made it hard for her to think.
"You look miserable!" Aspen almost sighed in relief at the familiar voice of her best friend, Jodi, shouting in her ear over the music. She glanced to her left, catching sight of the blonde peering at her. Aspen was grateful that out of their group of friends, Jodi had decided to be the sober one of the night.
"You know it's a bad idea for me to be here," Aspen responded, pressing against the indoor balcony railing of the club, glancing down at the bodies in the center dance floor and many more littered around the club. Aspen figured this was a successful opening night. Looking back at Jodi, she couldn't help the worried expression taking over her face. "It's opening night—he might be here. I can't see him."
Understanding flashed across Jodi's face as she, too, looked around, as if they'd find the face they were trying to avoid. But it was dark and the only lights were coming from the ones flashing to the beat of the music and the ones that made up the dancefloor. "I doubt we'll run into him, Penny," Jodi tried to comfort with a smile. "It's packed in here. The chances of seeing him are basically slim to none."
But that didn't stop Aspen from nervously chewing on her lower lip, probably eating off whatever lipstick she had left. Honestly, it was her own damn fault for not paying attention where she was being dragged off to. If she had even an inkling that they were waiting in line to get into Wicked Sensation, then she would have bolted in the opposite direction before anyone could bat an eye. Now she was in the heart of the lion's den and she was admittedly shaking in her heels.
"Come on," Jodi spoke up after a few moments of silence between the two were passed by with Aspen cautiously looking around. "Let's get you another drink. Maybe it'll help you wind down a little."
Aspen snorted as she felt Jodi's hand grasp hers. "Oh, yeah, just feed into his business," she sarcastically quipped, missing the way Jodi rolled her eyes as she pulled her down the stairs and towards the bar. They pushed through the many people around, though it wasn't too difficult. There were lots of people here, but not to the point where everyone was packed like a can of sardines. That'd be a fire hazard, after all.
She stuck with a beer this time, having had enough of the hard stuff as she took a sip of her drink and looked around. It was a nice club, she had to admit; a DJ set up front and the balconies they were just on connected up on the sides and above the DJ booth, a VIP section off in the corner on the right, and the bar taking up most of the left side of the area with three bartenders working it.
For the most part, as Aspen slowly finished her drink, she felt okay. Jodi sat next to her, nursing a soda, as the two of them sat with their backs against the bar and eyes on the dancefloor. They eventually caught sight of their small group of friends, the girls and guys dancing with one another or some interested stranger. Aspen wasn't much of a dancer, only when she was too drunk to care, and she was perfectly content with just sitting and watching.
By the time she had finished her beer, Jodi was standing up. "I'm gonna join them—you wanna come?"
Aspen shook her head, putting her empty bottle on the bar as she, too, stood up. "I need to head to the bathroom first. I'll be back."
Jodi nodded and Aspen wandered off, her eyes having already located the black and white sign for the bathrooms off in the corner. She made her way through the bodies and eventually stepped into a small hallway, relieved to see there wasn't a queue as she stepped inside the surprisingly large, multiple stalled bathroom.
Once she used the toilet and washed her hands, Aspen paused for a moment and looked at herself in the mirror. The club's music could still be heard loud and clear in here, and there were a couple of girls drunkenly giggling as they touched up their makeup, wandering out after complimenting Aspen on her dress, which she smiled at. She loved drunk girls in club bathrooms.
But then her smile diminished as she realized whose club she was currently in, and a bitter taste was on her tongue—none of it any residue from the alcohol she'd consumed. It was almost painful, being here, but she didn't want to ruin her friends' fun, especially because they were all drunk off their asses and didn't make the connection of why Aspen would be against being here. Still, that didn't mean she couldn't wait to go home.
With a sigh and running her fingers through her dark hair, Aspen gave her head a shake before heading towards the door. She was about to turn to her right to exit the hallway, but even over the sound of the deafening music Aspen could hear soft thuds and contented moans coming from her left. And she had no idea why she stopped and looked, but she did, and she didn't think she could regret a decision so quickly.
It was a couple, with the girl pressing and all too willing guy against the wall as his fingers dug into her hips through the material of her dress, kissing her heatedly. But then the girl shifted, directing her lips to the exposed skin of his neck, and the guy tilted his head back and his lips parted at whatever feelings she was invoking, and Aspen felt herself sucking in a sharp breath when his face was suddenly in clear view for her.
Oh. Oh, fuck.
She thought the music was too loud, but her gasp could be heard in the hallway, and suddenly his eyes were opening and Aspen felt every drop of blood in her body freeze when his dark eyes met her green ones, and the air stilled. Her mind was screaming at her feet to move, to get the hell out of dodge, but those eyes. . . She hadn't seen them in four years, and just like they used to, they were again freezing her in place.
Aspen saw the way his eyebrows furrowed at the sight of her, and she was stunned that the realization that set on his features had come so quickly as his head suddenly straightened and lips previously parted in satisfaction tilted downwards in confusion. Everything suddenly felt too hot, felt as though the walls of the hallway were beginning to close in on her. It wasn't until Aspen noticed his ring clad fingers grip the girl's shoulders, about to push her away, when her body kicked into gear. Aspen didn't spare another breath as she took off, going as fast as she could in her heels and practically running out from the hallway and into the lively part of the club.
She didn't bother to see if he was following her, her heart hammering like it's never done before, her wide eyes going towards the dancefloor and the crowd of people gathered on it. Aspen felt so lucky that she caught sight of them right away and threw herself into the crowd, ignoring the bodies rubbing up against her as she pushed her way towards them hastily.
Knowing she was the most sober one, Aspen grabbed Jodi's hand, who looked at her instantly as Aspen shouted over the music, "We need to get out of here! Now!"
Jodi took a brief moment to take in Aspen's demeanor, noticed her panic stricken eyes and drawn together eyebrows, and she instantly knew what Aspen had feared came true. The two girls shouted a haphazard goodbye to their friends, all of them too drunk to notice or care, and they were suddenly making their way towards the door.
"What happened?" Jodi gasped out as they stepped out into the cool New York air, not even pausing as they hurriedly made their way down the sidewalk away from the club, crossing the street towards a twenty-four hour cafe.
"I saw him," Aspen breathed, ignore the sharp pain in her right foot because of the heel as they entered the cafe, pressing a hand to her forehead as she looked at a shocked Jodi. Aspen breathed heavily, hoping to catch her breath that had been lost not during their quick getaway, but because of what she saw. Who she saw. "Oh, God, Jodi," Aspen groaned, clenching her eyes shut as she turned away from the door and began speaking too quickly, like she always did when things got to be too much, her words jumbling together. "I saw him. He was right there and he saw me. I'm pretty sure he was coming after me but I just—I ran. But he definitely saw me. Oh, fuck."
Aspen was pretty sure she was about a second away from having a full blown breakdown. She didn't even care the workers and some of the customers at the cafe were throwing looks her way. For four years she managed to avoid him, and now that completely changed in a matter of moments. She was freaking out from seeing him that she didn't even want to acknowledge everything else that was being brought up with the sight of him—especially with the sight of him making out with some girl. Was it some girl he just met or a girlfriend?
The fact that she found herself concerned over that made Aspen want to punch herself.
"Relax, hon," Jodi soothed, squeezing her hand while her free one worked on her phone. "The Uber is gonna be here in two minutes. You won't have to see Calum again."
Aspen swallowed the lump down her dry throat. If only she knew how wrong Jodi had been.
*****
When she heard the excited yet light knocking on the door, Aspen found herself smiling knowingly as she walked over. Right when she opened the door, she heard the unexpected shriek of, "Mama!" before a small body was attaching itself to Aspen's legs.
Aspen's older brother, Richie, chuckled in amusement as he entered the apartment and the green eyed girl bent down to pick up her four year old daughter. "Hi, bubba," Aspen cooed, grinning at her little girl, whose chubby cheeks were pushed up as she grinned happily to show off her tiny teeth. Aspen kissed Luna's cheek loudly before asking, "Did you have fun at Uncle Richie's?"
"Yeah," Luna responded happily as Richie put down her overnight bag on the couch, making his way over to the kitchen to help himself in the fridge. "We watched Moana and Zootopia and Frozen and lots more."
"Oh, yeah?" Aspen hummed with raised eyebrows, wandering over to the kitchen as her eyes landed on her bemused brother, unable to help her smirk as she knowingly asked him, "How'd that go?"
Richie narrowed his green eyes at her, pointing at his sister with his bottle of water as he responded, "Next time, you're sitting with three little girls and having a Pixar marathon. I've had it."
Aspen let out a laugh, knowing that this would definitely not be the last time Richie was forced to watch those movies with his two daughters and niece as he huffed and took a sip of his water. Looking back at Luna, Aspen asked, "You hungry? Want a sandwich?" When Luna nodded, Aspen set her to the ground. "Go wash up."
As Luna ran off down the hallway, her small feet thudding lightly on the sleek floors, Aspen walked around into the kitchen to prepare her a plate. "How'd last night go?" Richie asked, sitting on the counter that separated the kitchen and living room, no walls separating the two to make it a more open space.
Aspen took in a sharp breath as she put together Luna's roast beef sandwich, one she picked up a taste for over the past few weeks, chewing the inside of her lower lip as she thought of the night before's events. If she was being honest, she hadn't been able to get any sleep last night; every time she closed her eyes, she saw the disbelieving look of realization she'd seen on Calum's face at the club before it transformed into the one of utter heartbreak she'd seen four years ago.
Too many memories had been dug up last night, and Aspen had spent the night staring at the ceiling and wondering if the universe was against her or something. She had tried not to cry, but she'd be lying if she said a couple of tears hadn't escaped. Four years later and it still hurt. She was still upset, maybe a little angry—but it was a confusing situation. Her anger wasn't directed at Calum. Just at the circumstances.
"I saw Calum," Aspen admitted with a sigh after putting the plate on the table for Luna, arms crossing over her chest as her gaze flickered to her brother.
She didn't think Richie was one for dramatic reactions, but upon hearing her words, he choked on the water he was drinking, sputtering some out as he coughed. Aspen's eyes widened a bit in startlement as his coughing subsided before he exclaimed an incredulous, "What? Where?"
Aspen let out a long slow breath before recounting last night's events to her brother, watching as his bemused expression of when she said they went to Calum's club transformed into one of what could only be described as yikes when she mentioned catching him in the hallway with some girl. Then the shock returned when Aspen said how Calum seemingly recognized her and was about to walk over to her before she bolted.
"Shit," Richie breathed, his eyes wide as he leaned back. Then he shook his head, eyebrows pulling together as he said, "Sorry you had to see that son of a bitch again, sis."
"Richie," Aspen said in a warning tone, shooting him an exasperated look. "It's not—it wasn't his fault. He doesn't know."
"Which is a bunch of bullshit," her brother retorted, scowling in disapproval. Richie scoffed lightly with a shake of his head, asking, "Don't you think he should know?"
Richie couldn't even get that entire sentence out because Aspen, who had known what he was about to say, immediately began speaking over him. "I don't want to talk about this. What's done is done."
"What's done is do—are you kidding?" Richie countered incredulously, hopping off the counter as he stared at her in bewilderment.
Aspen pressed the heels of her palms to her temple before dropping her hands to the side, demanding, "What am I supposed to do, Rich? Go up to him and say, hey, Cal, I know I broke up with you without a decent explanation but here I am, four years later to tell you you're a dad!? I can't do that."
Richie had an expression of indifference as he crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't see why not."
Aspen parted her lips to retort, taking a breath, only to pause when Luna ran into the kitchen-slash-dining room and pulled herself up on the chair, immediately digging into her pasta lunch. Aspen watched her, standing next to her chair as her hand settled on top of Luna's dark, thick curly hair that she inherited from her father. Aspen swallowed whatever words she was going to say as she watched her daughter, feeling her heart settle heavily in her chest.
Knowing Richie was right left a bitter taste on her tongue, which felt thick from guilt and the hurt she'd been carrying for four years, which she had hoped to be rid of by now but was still ever present. Luna deserved to know her father, and while the little girl didn't question Aspen quite yet why most of her friends in pre-school and her play group had fathers and she didn't, Aspen knew it was only a matter of time before she did. And telling her the bitter truth was not something Aspen could bring herself to do.
How was she supposed to tell her four year old daughter that her father wasn't even aware of her existence?