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Recap
Liam's POV
I struggled to regain my breath as I spoke. It was hard though. I felt like someone had smashed my chest in with a brick and was now burning coals on it.
I sucked in sharp breath. "...Niall?"
He stood there with his mouth open and shock evident in his eyes. He tried to say something but nothing came out. We stood there, staring at one another and it was like I was dying over and over again. Why wasn't he saying anything?
Another moment passed in silence and that's when I couldn't take it anymore. I blinked, causing more heavy tears to roll down my cheeks. I bit back a sob and took a step back. Then another and another. I turned my back and without a word, silently and brokenly walked away from them.
....away from the boy who held a piece of my heart and shattered it.
End of Recap
** ** **
Niall's POV
I wanted to die.
I broke the heart of the boy I love. And because of that...I wanted to break my own and just die.
The pain I felt was overwhelming. It was so powerful that I felt like I couldn't breathe and as if someone was drowning me in a fire. My heart ached so much.
But I know that Liam's is hurting even more.
Ever since the...incident...a few days ago...well let's just say that we're back on the no talking term. Whenever we see each other...we usually just turn away or just not speak at all. I wanted to speak to him. So badly. I wanted to touch him, hug him, tell him that it was forced.
Which it was. I had no idea that Zayn would do that. I had no idea that he would kiss me and potentially ruin me and Liam's relationship.
That fucking ass.
I wanted to smash his face in and beat the living breath out of him. I should have. I should have socked him in the face the moment I pushed him away. I should have tried harder to get him off. I should have shown Liam that I didn't want Zayn to do that. I should have went over to Liam and kissed him with all my might and told him that I belong to him. Not Zayn. I should have done those things...
...but I didn't.
Instead, I had allowed Zayn to kiss me. I had allowed him to get away with what he did. I had allowed myself to just stand there like a fucking idiot and watch the boy I love crumble. I had allowed Liam to just walk away without explaining what really happened. I allowed the love of my life to break apart.
I am such a damn bastard.
I smashed my fist into the wall again, not caring that my knuckles were bleeding. The hole before me was now bigger than before as some of the pieces fell to the ground. I didn't stop though. I continued pounding my fist into it over and over again. I didn't care that everyone could hear me. I didn't care that they were threatening to break open the door.
I didn't care.
I only cared about Liam. I only cared about him. No one else. Only him. I wanted to talk to him, I wanted him to talk to me. But neither one of us spoke to the other. Because of this, I smashed harder into the wall. My vision was becoming blurry and the tears were now cascading down my cheeks. I was now practically beating the life out of the wall. I didn't care.
I let out a scream of frustration and smashed my fist into it one more time, creating a very loud crack to echo through the wall. I slumped to the floor, defeated with ridiculous tears dripping from my chin. I couldn't control my body as the sobs took over and I allowed myself to lay down, curling into a ball.
I rocked myself back and forth, hugging my knees to my chest. Another bang came from the door but I tuned in and out as the boys yelled whatever they were saying. I wasn't really listening, though. I couldn't because of the horrible rushing sound beating through my ears. I sobbed harder and clutched my eyes tightly, thinking of Liam.
"Niall! Open the door!" I heard Louis exclaim. I didn't answer; instead, my loud cry of anger did. I used my other fist to pound once at the ground and I ran it furiously through my hair. Everything was falling apart all because of one STUPID kiss!
"Niall, please." I heard Harry whimper. My body convulsed as another sob wracked through me. I pounded at the floor again, sobbing in frustration. Summoning the rush of adrenaline and energy that suddenly pushed through me, I screamed at them.
"LEAVE!! Go away and leave me ALONE!! I don't want a-any of you!! I want L-Li-Liam!" My voice ached once I finished. I didn't care and I only coughed out another sob and shook harder. The tears flowed faster and so did my anger when a familiar--and at the moment, hated--voice spoke this time. I tensed in pure aggravation.
"Look, Niall. We know you're upset...I know you're upset. But please just...open the door." Zayn whispered. I don't' know what happened. But once those words left his mouth, I was suddenly up on my feet and charging towards the door.
I grabbed the knob and yanked it open so forcefully, all three of my band mates stepped back in surprise. I narrowed my eyes when they landed on Zayn and went over to him, shoving his chest.
"T-this is all your fault, Malik. D-don't you DARE say you know how I feel. YOU DON'T!! You caused this!!! I H-HATE you!!! Just l-l-leave me alone...I NEVER want to s-see you again..." I sobbed pitifully as the last words left my mouth. Zayn's eyes widened as he took in my expression and I shoved him again, making him stumble back. A hurt look flashed across his face but I didn't care. He hurt me and he hurt the man I love. Zayn deserved it.
I cried in anger when I felt someone wrap their arms around me. As I started to thrash and scream profanities at the person, I felt my body start to shake violently and before I knew it, I was wailing like a baby in their arms.
Burying my face into the person's neck, tremors shot through me and bit by bit, my body began to calm down; slowing to little silent cries. I clenched my fists tightly, not caring that both were aching from my previous violent acts. I instantly recognized the scent as Harry's and clutched his shirt, trying to get closer for comfort.
As much as I appreciated his presence...he wasn't the one I wanted. I wanted Liam. Where was Liam?
"L-Liam..." I whimpered pathetically as Harry began to stroke my hair. He shushed me gently and nuzzled me against his body. I slumped in his arms, making him support my weight. Harry didn't seem to mind, though. Instead, he was happy when I did and in one easy movement, lifted me into his arms. I wrapped my own around his neck and continued to cry when Louis spoke sharply to Zayn.
"What the hell did you do?" He hissed at him. I opened my blurry eyes just in time to see Zayn bite his lip nervously and bring his eyes up to meet mine. I flinched and turned away, pressing my face into Harry's neck.
Harry kissed my forehead as he began to carry me to his bedroom. I clutched onto him tighter, not caring that I was probably going to bruise his neck. At the moment, I didn't really care about anything. I only cared about Liam.
Harry finally set me down onto his bed, softly stroking my hair before going over to shut the door. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and rocked back and forth as I had done earlier. I ignored Harry when he lied down beside me to wrap his arms around my waist and pull my back up against his chest.
We lay there for a while; the sounds of my silent sobs the only things being heard in the room. The entire time, Harry kept whispering to me and telling me everything was going to be okay. I knew he was lying, though. He was only trying to make me feel better.
I refused to feel good about anything.
I pushed his hand away when he tried to brush some strands of hair that fell into my eyes. Harry frowned and sighed.
"Ni...please don't cry anymore. Everything will be alright. You just gotta be patient--"
"No Harry, " I stopped him, "nothing will be alright. Liam probably h-hates me..." I bit my lip angrily and shut my eyes, replaying the moment I broke his heart.
*Memory*
...Liam had the most broken look on his face. It made my heart shatter into a million pieces and I nearly died when a single tear fell down his cheek...
We stood there, staring at one another. I could tell he was waiting for me to speak, waiting for me to explain. But like the damn idiot that I am...I said nothing. To shocked and scared to say anything.
Another moment passed when he finally gave me the most broken look I had ever seen grace his face. He blinked, making many more tears slip down his beautiful cheeks, and took a step back. I watched in pain as he continued to step away from us.
Finally, without a sound, he gave me one last look that smashed my heart to pieces before he turned around and disappeared through the hall of mirrors.
I choked back a sob and turned my body around so I was eye-to-eye with Harry. He had a sad look on his face and it grew even sadder when he looked at me. Using his hand, he brought it up to stroke my pink cheek with his thumb. I held my breath, trying to prevent the other sobs that wanted to come out.
"Don't say that, Niall. No one could ever hate you. Especially not Liam. No matter what, that boy will always love you. Don't you see the way he looks at you? My goodness, it's like your his whole world when those eyes are laid on you. Only a fool wouldn't be able to see the love that shines in his eyes when he looks at you." Harry murmured, smiling gently at me when I gazed at him.
I shook my head furiously. "You're wrong...he doesn't love me anymore. I know it. How could he love someone as stupid and selfish as me?" I croaked out. A look of anger passed through Harry's eyes and he grasped my face in between my hands, looking straight at me.
"Niall James Horan, I forbid you to ever say that again. You are not stupid nor selfish, do you understand? You're the most amazing, loveable, sweetest and adorable leprechaun that anyone can ever know. That's the reason why Liam fell in love with you. You're such a sweetheart and you're always thinking of others. You're not perfect and that's what makes you perfect to him. How could you ever say those things about yourself? Can't you see how beautiful you are to him?" He whispered gently at me.
I felt another tear slip down my cheek and Harry used his thumb to wipe it away. I shut my eyes for a moment, picturing Liam's beautiful face, his smile, his eyes. I felt my own smile reach my lips and I opened my eyes again to see Harry grinning softly at me. I let out a tiny laugh.
"You're a wonderful friend, Haz. Thank you so much." I smiled at him. Harry rolled his eyes jokingly and flashed me a funny smile.
"I know. It's about time someone finally admitted it." He teased. I laughed again and allowed him to snuggle me against his chest in another hug when a knock came at the door. I was still being squished against Harry when I noticed it was Louis who came in.
He raised a brow at our position and grinned wildly when he saw the happy look on my face. Without warning, he dashed across the room and pounced on the both of us, making groans arise throughout the room.
Harry shoved Louis off of his legs and sat up, bringing me with him. I rubbed my eyes and nearly fell over Harry and onto the floor when Louis began to jump on the bed. Harry let out a laugh filled with amusement and I chuckled when Louis dropped onto the bed and climbed over Harry.
"You've made our leprechaun smile!! What a wonderful friend you are, Hazza-Bear!!" He exclaimed happily before showering Harry with kisses all over his neck and cheeks. Harry giggled in excitement as he tried to get Louis off of him. I giggled myself as I watched the two wrestle with each other. I started to laugh really hard when they both fell off the bed, still wrestling to the death, when I heard a door slam downstairs.
Immediately, all three of us stopped, holding our breaths. When nothing was heard again, I climbed off the bed and went over to peek out the door and down the hallway. I strained my ear to listen downstairs and furrowed my eyebrows together in confusion when tiny voices were heard. I couldn't understand what they were saying but I knew that there was people down there.
I was about to turn around and indicate to the other two to follow me when I almost collided into a chest. I let out a tiny shriek and would have fell back if Louis hadn't reached over and grabbed me. I smacked both of them and pouted.
"Don't sneak up on me like that!" I scowled playfully. They both gave me sheepish grins and I sighed before stepping out into the hallway and silently walking towards the staircase. I looked over my shoulder to see the other two walking silently as well but were stretching their legs far apart as if to make them look like sleuths. I held in my giggles and turned my eyes back to quietly stepped down the stairs.
As I finally reached down the last step, I found that the voices led towards the kitchen. I started to head towards there when another familiar voice stopped me.
"--thank you so much, Li. I really appreciate it..." I froze, feeling everything in my body tense up. Both my anger and sadness spiked up in me all over again. I felt like crying my eyes out but I didn't. Instead, I leaned back against one of the other two boys, seeing that they were already standing behind me, and buried my face into my hands.
The person, I found as Louis, rubbed my back soothingly while Harry touched my arm before listening in on the people in the kitchen. His face turned into one of realization when he understood why I was upset.
He looked over at Louis and mouthed 'Danielle' to him. Louis tensed up as much as I did and I ran a hand down my face in tiredness. How much more drama had to come between this band?
All three of us stood there, not really knowing what to do when we heard footsteps coming towards our direction. I didn't want to be found as an eavesdropper and I started backing up, almost tripping over Louis. It was too late, though. We hadn't moved quick enough and that's how Liam and Danielle found us.
They stepped through the arch that led from the living room the the kitchen and paused when they saw us. My breath caught in my throat when my eyes met Liam's. Time slowed down for the both us and I felt my heart squeeze. He was watching me with a sad look and because I could tell his eyes were swelling with tears, my own began to as well.
Liam turned his eyes away, making me cry out mentally. I wanted to hold him and kiss him but I knew I couldn't do that anytime soon. I turned my eyes over to Danielle and glared coldly at her. She didn't glare back, though. Instead, her eyes were filled with conflicting emotions and she tried to smile weakly at me but failed. My glare turned into a confused look and I brought my eyes back to Liam when he spoke.
"Ah...boys um...Danielle is going to be staying...with us. Is that, um...okay?" He brought his eyes up to mine when he said that last part. I knew he was asking me that and I didn't know why. If anything, he shouldn't be asking me for permission on anything. Considering I broke his heart, you'd think he'd just go on ahead and not care what I thought. I wouldn't blame him.
Apparently he was still respecting me even though he had every right not to. I don't understand why Liam was so calm about these kinds of things. I didn't want him to treat me civilly. I wanted him to scream at me, tell me that he was angry with me and that he didn't love me. I deserved it. I deserved it all.
I swallowed as I gazed into his eyes. "You don't have to ask."
Liam let out a tiny chuckle and ran a hand through his hair. He kept his eyes on me, as if trying to remember what I looked like. I did the same.
"I...I want to know what you...want..." He murmured towards me. I bit my lip and looked away, making the tension in the room grow. Someone coughed awkwardly and I looked up to see Louis giving me a look as if to say ' now's your chance to talk to him'. I glared at him and shook my head so that only he could see. Though, he acted as if he didn't see it and turned his eyes over to Danielle.
"That's alright with us, mate. Danielle, why don't me and Harry show you where you can stay. Liam and Niall...we'll just leave you two..." He told us before grabbing Danielle's and Harry's arms before leading the two upstairs.
I glared at his retreating form and only pulled my eyes away when he was out of sight. Silence surrounded the air around us and I brought my eyes back up to see Liam watching me quietly. I felt my heart lurch and cast my eyes down the the floor, feeling unworthy to look at him.
A moment later, I felt his hands cup both my cheeks to bring my face up. I was feeling a bit shocked. I didn't think he'd ever want to touch me again. I absorbed as much of the warm contact he gave me as possible and gasped when he pressed his lips against mine.
I melted against his lips. My cheeks flamed up and it felt as if my heart was beating a thousand miles a minute. Liam kissed me harder, bringing one of his hands to the back of my neck to deepen the kiss. I allowed him entrance when he asked and moaned deep into his mouth when he pulled at my hair. I felt him wrap his other arm around my waist to pull me against his body.
I shuddered when he pulled his lips back to graze his teeth against my neck and bite me. Hard. My lips were parted and I couldn't help the loud moan that escaped through them. I blushed deeper and closed my eyes when he pulled back again to press his forehead against mine. Our breathing was jagged and breathy. I couldn't find my voice when he spoke to me.
"I'm sorry."
This shocked the complete hell out of me and I was about to speak when he shook his head. What the hell did he have to be sorry about? If anything, I should be the one on my knees begging for forgiveness. As I thought these things, I froze and finally got my questions answered when he spoke again. And trust me when I say that I didn't like what he said. It broke my heart.
"I'm so sorry I wasn't giving enough to you. I should have been. Maybe if I had loved you a little more then you wouldn't have had to kiss someone else to get that love. I don't blame you. I blame myself. I had so much to offer you but I didn't offer it as much as I should have. Because of that, I'm not going to make the same mistake twice." His voice had gotten a lot deeper when he spoke the last part. It caused shivers to race up and down my spine.
Liam brushed a hand through my hair and leaned down to press his lips roughly against mine. They moved with such passion and intensity, I felt my legs give out under me and would have fallen if he hadn't caught me. Liam brought his lips back to kiss and nip up and down under my chin and trailed it so it was above my collarbone. I inhaled a sharp breath when he sucked viciously against the sensitive skin.
When he finally pulled all the way back, I had to stop myself from shaking in excitement to hear what he said. And yet, when he did say it...it caused me to be even more excited than before.
"I won't give up, Niall. I'll show you just how much I really love you. I'll prove to you how badly I want you and trust me love, " he paused to lean forward and graze his teeth against my earlobe.
"...nothing will prepare you for what I can offer."
I stifled a moan.
Oh fuck.
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There you guys go :) Hope you enjoy this chapter so please comment and vote. It means a lot :))
♥♥♥Lots of love♥♥♥
August 31, 2012