Author's Note:
I released this chapter earlier on the week, however I decided to take it down as it only had a small section and after some consideration, I wanted to re-uploaded with a bit more added so that it would speed it a long a bit.
For those who managed to read it before it got taken down, that section remains the same for now. I don't have plans to change it, just a basic edit of the whole chapter maybe tomorrow or the day after... or on the weekend :)
Let me know what you're thinking, cheers!
Happy reading!
Suz
X
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C h a p t e r T H I R T Y - S I X
[rough draft]
I stood up in my seat, the chair behind me scrapes audibly.
"Yes darling? I'll be open to questions after I finish explaining this section so please hold on till then," Mrs Yan announces with a ruler one hand pointed to the map whilst thirty heads turn towards me.
I make my way towards the door.
"Miss Harper where do you think you're going?! I have not excused you!" Mrs Yan calls out. I ignore her.
"Get back to your seat this instant, I demand you!" Her voice yelled out angrier and louder as I break away, running now, anticipation in me growing. "You will be having a word with the principal Harper!"
I didn't know what overcame me to defy the teacher's instructions, I had never acted this way on impulse before. But what was driving me was the thought of those eyes.
I knew I to go there and find him now, it would be my last chance before he left.
I didn't even know where he was going, why he was going, or for how long?
Would this be the last time we get to see each other?
It couldn't end like this.
With those things swirling in my mind, I ran as fast as I could to the English corridor.
The moment I made it to the other half of the school campus, I stormed through his classroom door, slamming it open without a care if I was disturbing a class inside.
I had to see that cursed face of his. It was haunting me in my nightmares.
Mr Green looked startled as he stood packing away what appeared to be some of his belongings into a box on his desk.
The room was empty besides us.
"Rose, what are you doing here?" His eyes were wide in surprised before a frown appeared.
My heart ached.
Why did he look at me as if I was the last person he was expecting? I pushed the feeling away and proceeded forth, mustering up all the pent up feelings that had been left festering for so long. Finally they could be addressed.
I prayed for an outcome so that I could finally get a decent nights sleep - One that would allow the both of us to let go of the animosity in our hearts.
"Where have you been?!" I demanded, slamming the door shut behind me. I marched over to his desk out of breath from the run.
I peered down angrily at the box of things he was preoccupied with. Inside was the recommended books he always had on display for us to read, a bunch of files and most noteworthy of all was the pineapple coffee mug he drank from everyday in class. My suspicions grew wary.
So, he really was planning on leaving huh?
"Where are you going?" I flickered my eyes sharply towards him, my tone was curt.
"I-I..."
Mr Green opens his mouth for a bit before shutting them tight, his jaw tensing as he looked away. He sighs and steps a way from his desk, running a hand through his delicate hair.
He takes another breath before speaking. "It's as it looks, I'm leaving."
"Why though?" I challenged. "Why are you leaving and why have you not spoken to me since?"
He turns and stares out the window, the large of his back towards me. He wrapped his arms around his chest as if he was protecting himself.
I couldn't see what he was thinking. Mr Green doesn't move from his statue like position while he gathering his thoughts silently.
"Is this how it's going to be? Are we not going to sort things out?" I stalked towards him
"There's nothing to discuss," he says distantly.
Excuse me?
It takes me a second before I exploded. "What do you mean there's nothing? There's EVERYTHING to discuss!" I head towards him and grabbed his arm in frustration, trying to force him to face me. As usual he hardly budged.
"How could you go about and plan to forget everything that happened? I mean, WHY DIDN'T YOU EVEN KISS ME BACK??!"
My hands flew to my mouth.
I felt my breath hitch as I realised what I said at the very last minute.
Jasper snaps around instantly, his icy eyes were glowering with absolute disbelief and I knew at that moment that I had made a grave mistake.
I let go of his arms quickly as shame started pouring through my being. I cursed silently to myself at my stupidity.
Was this really what I thought about deep down? Even if it was, how could I bring it up now, he'd only think of me as unwell.
Jasper advanced forward, closing the distance between us in one swift move and for the first time since I found out my true feelings for him, I cowered away.
"What. Did. You. Just. Say?" His growled with so much venom in his voice that it scared me more than that night at the carpark.
That wa because this time it was aimed at me.
I gulped.
Trembling backwards in fear of his formidable gaze which was piercing into me... dissecting me... judging me, I felt myself shrinking.
"Why didn't I KISS you? Are you seriously INSANE, just LISTEN to yourself Rose! LISTEN!!! How could you be talking about kissing?!" He hissed. "You're not thinking right!"
A scarlet haze scorched my cheeks as my heart plummeted to the pits of my stomach from his words. I wanted nothing more than to disappear at that moment and I started to second guess coming here.
I didn't want to regret not seeing him sure, but not like this. At least not like this please.
I felt tears starting to prick at the corners of my eyes.
"What do you mean..." I spoke a quietly. I was starting to loose confidence in my voice and it was showing. "Why are you being like this to me..."
"Being like what? It is you who is not acting right Rose." He towers over me with a ferocity.
"You. You're acting like someone with stockholm syndrome."
I gasped and narrowed my eyes, willing myself not to cry right now as the tears filled my eyes.
"WHAT?" I spat.
"You heard me," he stared back ruthlessly. There was no affection left in his gaze, only a cold and distant feeling.
I feel my legs give out from underneath me and I fall to the ground.
Shakily I lifted an accusatory finger towards him. "How d-dare you! How dare you say that to me?!"
Okay at this point I was sobbing.
Uncontrollably.
I couldn't help it.
His words were far too cruel. I put my hand over my mouth to muffle my cries and it's worse that he doesn't come to console me. No, he stands even further away, reminding me of how he stood away from me in the kitchen... I was poison to him.
Mr Green forces his gaze to the ground and swallows hard as an unreadable shadow casts onto his face.
I can't look away though, I tried studying him to see if he was just joking with me.
This had to be a prank. Did he really thinks I have s-stockholm syndrome?
After all that I'd been through, the one and only damn fucking time I had ever came close to having romantic feelings for someone, and it's all reduced down to this? Two crucifying words?
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
"Are you telling me that this was n-nothing? What about you, did you feel nothing at all this whole time...?" I manage out between my gasps. I watched him carefully through my blurry eyes.
They were stinging like crazy now.
Blasted tears!
The veins in forehead strained against his skin, as did the ones along his forearm lining down to his clenched fists.
I noticed the slight indication of silvery skin that had been scabbed over along the knuckles of his closed fists.
I bite my lips down hard to hold my tongue so I could stop myself from saying anything foolish further.
This wasn't fair!
I hadn't even got the chance to ask him about that yet! It appeared that his wounds were healing well... though it only meant that all the evidence of that night was truly fading away.
He starts packing again, and his deafening silence answered to me clearly the question of what he thought of me. Regret.
Then he was done packing.
He swings his shoulder bag over one arm and picks up his box.
"Wait, don't go yet!" I choke out to him breathlessly and scramble to my knees. However it only lasts a step as I soon buckled back down onto the ground from the lack of air into my lungs. I was crying too hard but honestly I didn't care!
I was going to chase him until the end of the Earth, even if that only perpetuated the already tarnished image he had of me.
I won't stop until he gave me a proper explanation. It wasn't fair. He had no right going around calling me a mental case when he was the one who felt things too, I was sure of it! He wasn't as innocent as he seemed, I couldn't let him get away. He can't escape from me yet!
This phony bastard owed me!
Finally he turned his face towards me and I was met with the stunning blue eyes of my captor. His eyes melted my heart and I found myself lost in their mysteriousness once again. Yes, this was what I craved the most.
His expression softened slightly and I felt a sense of relief wash over me.
I had them.
I had him.
It was all I wanted.
"You shouldn't have to feel like you need to go away," I begged in a whisper knowing he could hear me in the silent room. "I forgive you..."
"Don't do this, Rose." His torn strained voice came out softer this time. It seemed like he had already made a decision and was trying his hardest not to waver from it.
It gave me a glimmer of hope. He was still in front of me, I could still persuade him! Yes!
"I forgive you Jasper," I repeat and I watch him close his eyes, breathing deeply through his nostrils. Was he contemplating?
It wasn't too late after all!
My heart swelling with a mixture of nerves, excitement and anticipation. I put both my palms on the floor and pushed myself up slowly and carefully, hoping that my legs wouldn't betray me for the second time.
"Please, it's not right for you... For me. This was all wrong, I'm sorry..."
Seeing me get up, Jasper makes his way towards the door.
"Wait... W-where are you going?" I asked him in a panic as he gripped his hands along the handle. He turns to me momentarily.
"Somewhere far away Mary," I hear him say with resign before he slips through the door and disappears.
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"Happy Birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Rose, happy birthday to you!"
I looked around the table as all my friends, family, cousins and co-workers sang out at the top of their lungs, their cheerful faces greeting mine.
Annie sat next to me, though her cheeks were still swollen from medication and she required a breathing tank, she shone the brightest of all. I squeezed her hand gently as she cheered for me excitedly.
I smiled at everyone, thankful that they had all made the time to come and celebrate my eighteenth!
Mandy and Mum had schemed together to make this birthday party at the restaurant a huge surprise. I thought the plan had originally been to have a little meal with a few of my friends from school, little did I know that that after being blindfolded by Tom who drove me to the destination, I came into The Cobblestone to see it decked out with balloons and streamers everywhere as everyone popped out from their hiding places, showering me with confettis, hugs and kisses.
Mum, Dad and the rest of the restaurant crew had literally transformed the place just for me and Gloria and the chefs cooked us a fantastic feast which had our bellies full until the next day.
Hip hip! Horray! Hip hip Horray!
I clasped my hands together in front of the candles as they continued to sing.
"Don't forget to make a wish baby!" Mum tells me from behind her mobile which she was using to record. "I love you sooo much!"
"Love you too, love you all!" I giggled.
I closed my eyes and then blew out the candles.
My heart feeling half full, half empty.
Whether my wish was well spent or not, I wasn't sure.
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I don't know why I was back here again.
As I sat with my knees drawn in the protected bay created by the surrounding bushes, the soft flutter of shrubbery tickled the space around my ears carrying a gentle drift of cool dirt and faded oak into my senses. The road was only a few feet away but the secludedness provided by the lush greens made me feel like I was all on my own.
It was already mid spring yet mother nature had decided to hold on to the frost that bit longer. Much to my disappointment it also meant that it was far too early for lavenders to bloom, though just being by this house was enough to knock on the doors of my conscience.
I mean, I could always smell them in my memory if I wanted to anyway – imagine the touch, the warmth and all the abundance it had provided me all along, maturing me with experiences. I couldn't even forget them if I wanted to and sometimes I wished I could.
I didn't even have to go as far as the mirror to see how much it'd made me grow into who I was today.
My hair was long now - something that I had wanted for some time since the start of the year.
My cheeks had also slimmed down, loosing some of that roundness I'd worn my whole life. Though it was not because I was starving myself again.
I was just growing up.
Time was still passing by no matter what, and with time, I will only heal more.
I rest my head down on my arms, I close my eyes making sure to soak it all in knowing that I'd be leaving soon.
Above me a couple grey finches chirped above as they hopped from branch to branch in search of their next grubby meal, doing the best they can as the warm weather had yet to arrive to hatch out all the baby caterpillars.
It was peaceful and helped calmed me down. I imagined this would be a perfect resting spot for a lamb, away from the world so it won't be disturbed, but close enough that it's parent could come to it's aid if need be.
Carried by the wind, the joyful sound of children's laughter wafted through the bushes of my hiding spot.
I felt both torn and elated to know that those barren rooms would now be occupied.
In my mind I remember the first time I came and saw them.
-
It was the day after my Birthday party.
I'd woken up, taken a nice shower to get the hairspray and glitter out of my hair, then sat for breakfast downstairs with Mum and Dad before they drove to the restaurant. Tom and Emily had also stayed overnight from the birthday party so they left not long after.
Then when the clock struck eleven, I put on the radio – no I blasted it throughout the house so that I could listen to something funky and uplifting whilst I was doing the chores. I didn't exactly have to have it on today, my energy felt like I'd had three cups of coffees when really I hated coffee. Nonetheless, it was fun to have something in the background.
Mop in my hands and grooving to a new Calvin Harris song, I was in a sure fire cheerful mood. It was a beautiful Sunday morning, and I'd already peeked through all my presents from the night before so I didn't mind too much that I was left alone with the housework.
I set my mind later on opening up the piano and putting in some practise for the up coming lesson I had on Thursday with my new piano teacher.
I had already attended his classes a couple of times now.
It was Mr Yan – The husband of my history teacher from school, who was taught me. They ran after school music theory and classes straight from their homes. Mrs Yan teaching the flute, violin and cello whilst Mr Yan taught the piano and music theory.
Very much like she was in school, a strict, merciless teacher, Mrs Yan too was like that when it came to music.
"THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL PRACTISE?! THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!" I could hear her shouting at other students from the walls.
Her husband on the other hand, though he too had ultra high asian expectations, he was surprisingly more subdue and open to student's own interpretation and rendition of the music.
I was thankful that he at least allowed me to play a Rachmanioff piece the whole way through before deciding to question me.
Mr Yan leans back on his seat, hand on his chin, pausing momentarily before he delivered his judgement on hearing my playing the first time.
"Now tell me, why did you play it that way?"
"What do you mean sir?"
"Did your previous teacher teach it to you to play it like that?"
"No, I learnt it on my own, it's just my own interpretation. Why, is there a problem with it?" I asked nervously, bracing myself for a barrage of comments to be thrown my way.
Oh no, I completely screwed it up! I'd trashed this great composer's work. I thought as the older man takes the music sheets off the stand and to study them closely.
"Huh, I'd never heard anyone play it that way before. It sounded quite wistful and sad... Not sure it's entirely how Rachmanioff intended, but..." He puts the sheets back on the stand in front of me and continues, looking into my eyes. "It is however, interesting and I like. Come, play me another song you've learnt!"
That was when I decided to cast aside all my doubts with going with another piano teacher, especially so soon. Mr Yan was a good choice for me, I could feel it.
Don't get me wrong, just because he let me have somewhat of a free reign in how I choose to express a piece , it didn't mean I was able to do what I liked. If I strayed too far in portraying an unconventional mood, he'd pull me back immediately and reprimand me.
And if I hadn't practised enough that week, boy one stern look of disappointment from his bushy brow was enough to make you feel his wrath. Oh he'd had plenty of experience raising his children into doctors and dentists to let you know not to ever cross of disobey him.
Nonetheless, it'd been a very structured learning curb with him, and honestly it was probably what I needed most at this stage in order for me to progress. I needed to feel that sense of stability again in my life. Almost thought I lost it at one point.
Once I'd been done dusting the windows, my mobile rings suddenly from the other room. In my rush running to fetch it, I skidded across the wet hardwood floors from when I'd mopped and praised myself for managing to smoothly glide all the way without falling down and somehow managing to press mute for the radio in the process.
If only I had managed to video tape it! I'm sure Tom would get a kick out of it! It was the closest he'd ever get me to skate board of any sorts.
"Hello?" I picked up enthusiastically wondering who it could be. Did someone call to wish me a belated birthday?
"Good afternoon, this is Constable Stacey from Larrington Police Station. May I know if this is Rose Harper I'm speaking to?"
I frown. "Yes, this is Rose. How can I help?"
With the birthday call idea scraped, I started to feel a bit of concern.
Don't tell me something had happened to my family on the way to work. Was I only hearing about it now? It'd been two and a half hours since they left already!
Oh god.
I pulled out a dining chair and took a seat.
"Yes, Rose. Do you have time right now? This is quite a serious matter that we wish to discuss with you and we'd assume it would take some length of time."
"Uhh... Yes, I have time...?" I say timidly, bringing my fingers up to my head and scratching aimlessly.
My heart started to beat faster. The remnants of my breakfast from earlier was threatening to escape from my stomach as I really started to feel worried now.
"Okay, great. So... we understand that years ago your family filed a case in regards to the incident of your sexual assault." Constable Stacy informs me from the other side of the call, a hint of sympathy oosing from her otherwise restrained voice. She had to remain professional and unbiased.
"Um..." I rub my hands which were now starting to sweat along my pants, my voice started to shake. "Y-yes..."
"Well, we've received some news and would wish to inform you of the updates. Seeing as you are now over eighteen and is of a legal adult, we are obliged to contact you first hand before contacting your listed parental guardians, do you understand?"
"Yes..." I swallowed.
"Is your parent's around by the way?"
"No...?" I answer hesitantly, spacing out. My vision was starting to become blurry.
"Do you wish for us to contact your parents?"
I rest my forehead in the palms of my hands over the dining table, grateful that I had decided to sit down earlier otherwise I was sure I would start to black out. My mind was already starting to go all fuzzy. "No... I don't." I tell her slowly.
"In that case, Rose. I guess we'll update you on the news first and then we'll work from there. Basically... your attacker has voluntarily come forward and is now currently in police custody... " My head starts going numb.
"-Male approaching his mid twenties, dark brown hair, solid tall build and blue eyes, matching your description..."
I drop my phone on the table as an ear splitting migraine developed all around my head...
I started choking, unable to return to the phone with my now soiled hands as a small puddle of bile erupts from my throat and escapes through my fingers, spilling perfectly on the floors I'd just mopped.
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