Alesha
It's been nearly a month since that night. I spent the first week, in my apartment away from everyone and everything. By week 2 I was back at work but still skittish at loud sounds and sudden movements. I couldn't sleep, my mind was recycling nightmares and images of those men. I haven't been able to get any of it out of my head. I haven't been able to get him out of my head.
I couldn't find words to say to him, so I avoided his frequent calls and ignored his incessant visits with relentless knocks and pleads at my door. I wasn't mad at him or scared, he just didn't seem the same, especially after our talk.
~
There was a ringing in my ear and my eyes were stuck on a blood drenched Christian. My stare followed as his attention turned behind me to the front door. Within seconds of recognizing Antoni and Sebastian, my heart drops straight into my gut at the loud *BANG*.
Sebastian's head shattered, leaving droplets of brain matter splattered on the wall and floor behind him. I looked wide eyed between Christian's extended arm holding the gun and the additional dead body missing a face before settling on the latter. I was in so much shock I didn't notice Antoni moving until his hand reached up to wipe something off my cheek. Pulling his hand away, I see it matches the muck that was seeping from Sebastian's head.
I walked quickly to the bathroom making sure to avoid stepping on any of the massacred corpses or the liquids oozing from them. Getting in the bathroom, I lock the door and rush over to the toilet. Everything I ate that evening was coming out in uncontrollable spews. My throat burned from the vomit but even with an empty stomach, my body was still dry heaving looking for anything to expel.
After a while, I got up and washed out my mouth before taking my place back in front of the toilet bowl. I sat there for what felt like only a minute until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see Antoni again looking at me with apologetic eyes. A worried Christian stood behind him next to the broken bathroom door.
Antoni leaned into my face dragging my attention to him, I could see his lips moving but couldn't hear him, everything was coming out in drowned murmurs. He helped me onto my feet and guided me upstairs. I felt numb.
Steam rose from the water filled tub. Antoni's words started getting clearer as he walked around the bathroom collecting a few things.
"-shot so close to you. I never liked Sebastian, but I don't know how Julian Howard will take the news of Christian killing his son. The muffled hearing should be going by now, can you hear me?" He stopped moving around long enough to watch me nod. "Hopefully he didn't frighten you breaking the door down like that, but I think he nearly popped the veins in his head when you weren't answering."
He hung everything on the hooks next to the tub as he continued. "A, I know it's a lot to take in but you've gotta know he didn't mean for you to be part of any of that. I can't imagine what it'd be like if Rochelle found out what I do for a living; she'd blow my fucking brains ou-" He stopped himself.
...
"He loves you, you know that." His eyes and soft smile still held that 'I'm sorry' look. "I've gotta call the cleanup crew. You just have a bath and try to take a nap, I doubt you'll be able to, but you need some rest. Just whatever you do, don't come downstairs. I'll come get you when it's clear." With that he left.
I tried relaxing and taking the bath, but it wasn't enough, I needed to scrub tonight off of me. I got in the shower and scrubbed until my skin was sore and it still didn't feel like I washed it all away.
After I got out of the shower and brushed my teeth I just wanted to go home. I put on a pair of gray sweats and a white t-shirt with some sneakers and sat on the edge of the bed waiting for Antoni to come tell me it was okay to leave. I could hear Christian's hushed frantic whispers coming from outside. I walked to the door pressing the side of my head against it, trying to ear hustle.
"How was she? Does she need anything? Has she said anything yet? Does she still look scared?"
"Boss calm down. She's gonna need some time for all this to settle, but I think she'll be okay. She's not talking yet but she's also not freaking out. What she needs is for those bodies to be as far away from her as possible, which I will handle.. but you man; she might not feel like it yet, but she needs you. Maybe just tidy up a little first, best she doesn't see you like this."
-
It was 3:45am and I was still sitting in the same spot on the bed. I'd turned the lights out because the brightness was starting to hurt my eyes. I felt tired but I couldn't bring myself to keep my eyes shut for very long. My mind was on a constant loop of the evening. I'm out of my depth and not prepared for any of this.
Christian stepped into the room in a fresh pair of black sweats and t-shirt, he walked across the room, taking a seat in the armchair to the corner and resting his head in his hands. He let out a deep sigh before starting.
"Baby, I'm so sorry you had to see any of that. It's not something that should've happened, and I swear to God I'll make sure it never will again."
Hearing him talk about it made my mind run through the night's events. I completely forgot that he was shot! I got up rushing over to him. He looked up as I stood in front of him motioning for him to lean forward, I pulled his shirt up noticing the gash was now covered with a bandage.
"I'm fine. Toni stitched me up." He hugged my waist burying his head into my stomach and I couldn't help but feel a wave of relief that he was okay and seemed back to normal. Still, this isn't something I can go through again. I know he said there wouldn't be a repeat, but there's only so much you can promise when this is your life.
"Christian I'm so sorry, but I need to go." I said in a voice barely above a whisper.
I kissed the top of his head and pulled out of his hold. He looked at me with pure confusion stirring in his green eyes and said nothing.
I was already at the door reaching out for the handle when he finally spoke.
"Alesha, where do you think you're going?" he asked in a deep and unsettling tone.
"I just saw you commit mass murder Christian. I can't be a part of this world, your world. I'm not built for this life, if this is who you are then.." I let out a humorless chuckle. "I couldn't stomach today let alone the rest of my life. I need to leave, and you need to let me." My voice was so low, even breaking toward the end. Each word provoked tears to spill from my eyes and even more came rushing when I could see how what I said must've felt like daggers to his chest.
"You can either stay and talk to me or calm down outside and we'll talk when you're ready, but you are NOT leaving me." His once sexy, endearing voice turned cold and sent frightening shivers throughout my body and I don't know who was staring back at me, but I could no longer see my Christian, not the man I love.
"I can't stay. If you need to hate me that's okay, I should've thought it through before jumping into this." At this point I could feel the tears seeping through my t-shirt and onto my chest. "I love you b-"
"YOU DO NOT GET TO SAY THAT THEN TURN AND WALK THE FUCK OUT!" The bass and volume in his voice shook my core. I've never seen him like this, this angry.
"Goodbye Christian." I picked up my purse, keys and the bag holding my dress and shoes. I left the room and got to the garage. Driving away from his house all I could feel was regret. I wanted to turn around and go be with him. I just couldn't.
~
"Hey, you paying attention? Where do you wanna go out for dinner tonight? I beg of you no more seafood. I'm pretty sure you had me eat the entire ocean this week." Richard and I were sat at a cute little restaurant in a quiet town just outside Paris.
We'd been in France almost 2 weeks for Fashion Week and it's just the break I needed. He'd also noticed how differently I've been behaving, so suggested we stay an extra week to relax after the shows were done.
"Actually, if you're up for it Danielle and her beau should be landing in a few hours, we can grab some dinner with them?"
"That sounds great, I haven't seen her since the whole Chris and Liam fiasco."
"She's said not to bring it up anymore. It was your fault anyway. You know how she is, but the minute you get the Hemsworth brothers as clients you invite her to the office to meet them? Rookie move Dunkirk."
"You're right I'll take blame for that one. I just didn't expect one person to have so many sexual jokes and innuendos at the ready."
We finished our lunch and went around the small-town sightseeing before heading back to the hotel.
I'd texted Dani and Raf telling them which restaurant to meet us at. Richard and I got there early and decided to open the wine while we waited. We were chatting and laughing when out of the corner of my eye I spotted Dani.
Richard and I stood up getting ready to hug her. She looked nervous as she walked over. She pulled Richard in for a hug while I tilted my head smiling a little confused.
"Hey, where's Raf?"
"I didn't know he was coming, don't hate me."
"What are you talking about?"
I looked back to the entrance and smiled as I saw Rafael walk in. The grin was gone just as fast as Christian followed behind him.
JJ x