[FOUR]
"I think I live in my head, sometimes I think that I'm dead, I hide behind my youth. No, I been losing my mind and I'm a little behind, step inside my shoes."
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JAEHYUN wiped the snow off of his boots on the mat by the door, and peeled his large winter coat away from his arms and hung it on the coat hanger. His eyebrows knitted together at the tranquility of his home, as there was usually at least some noise. He walked inside further, and shouted, "Mom?" There was no answer, but soft shuffling aroused closer to Jaehyun.
His mother peaked around the corner, flashing him an insincere smile. "Hey Jae," she spoke, eyes flickering around anywhere but him.
Jaehyun's eyebrows perked in concern, because any logical and smart human being would know that she was hiding something. He urged to move forward to the hallway where the bedrooms were, but his mom blocked the way. He halted, worry now evident on his face. "What are you doing?" he asked slowly, analyzing his mother's suspicious body language.
She shook her head. "I—I wouldn't, um, Donghyuk is sleeping."
Jaehyun still continued to walk quietly to the hallway, his mother trailing closely behind his feet. He stopped at Donghyuk's door and reached for the doorknob when his mom squeaked out a "no!"
His hand stopped midway in the air, and he turned back to her. "I am if you don't tell me what's going on right now," he said calmly, and his mother chewed on her lip. He gave her only a minute to say something, but unfortunately she didn't once the time ran out. Jaehyun opened Donghyuk's door, it creaking warily. He stepped inside, and was shocked to see no one was there.
Donghyuk's bedsheets were untouched from this morning, still messy. Papers and binders were scattered all over the floor, as if they were just thrown about carelessly. There were drawers on his dresser opened, and his clothes weren't neatly folded inside anymore. It looked as if someone was in a rush to grab as much as they could, and quickly left. He looked at his mom who was standing in the doorway, her hand on her temple.
Jaehyun raised his hands in the air, anger crawling up on his face. "Well, he isn't sleeping," he hummed matter of factly, hard eyes demanding an explanation.
His mother sighed, hand covering her mouth. "Look Jaehyun — I knew you were going to be mad, especially with what happened this morning, but please consider my point of view," she said softly. Her son's head tilted to the side questionably.
"Where is he?" he inquired curtly, eyes scanning the revoked bedroom.
His mom's lips pressed tightly together — so tight that it was like she rather had just glued them shut than speak a word about the situation. She watched as Jaehyun started to shift around things in Donghyuk's room before stating, "I'm going to need you to calm down before I tell you anything."
Jaehyun dropped the piece of clothing he was holding and held up his hands as if surrendering. "Okay, tell me," he pressed impatiently.
Her head dropped as she turned on her heel, waving for Jaehyun to follow. "Let's go somewhere else," she said timidly.
The two sat down at the dining room table, Jaehyun anxiously tapping his fingernails on the wood. His mother's posture was rather stiff as she sat down, and she went back to chewing on her lips. She drew in a shaky breath before informing carefully, "Hajoon came over today." Jaehyun's opinion on the man was clear to her when he clenched his jaw and looked away. "Jaehyun," she warned, and the young boy rolled his eyes. "Anyway, he came and—" the woman gulped. "He came and took Donghyuk with him. He said they needed time apart for a while," she spoke in a hushed voice.
Jaehyun slammed his hands down on the wood in a spur of anger before raising from the table and pacing the room, fingers clawing at his hair. His scared mother stood up as well, watching him worriedly. Jaehyun mumbled to himself loudly and irrationally, saying things like "I was supposed to watch him" and "that sneaky bastard." His mom ran over to him, but flinched when Jaehyun suddenly turned to her and yelled, "why did you let him leave?! What if Donghyuk gets hurt? What were you thinking?!" Tears streamed down the woman's face as she reached for Jaehyun, but before touching the boy he rushed to the door and threw on his coat and boots.
"Jaehyun don't think you're going to be leaving this house!" his mom scolded as she ran after him, but the boy was lost in his own world of spite.
"Where did they go?" Jaehyun questioned, but his mom shook her head.
"Calm down! I don't know where they went, but Donghyuk is okay. Hajoon isn't—"
Jaehyun looked at her if she'd said something absolutely ludicrous. "Do you want to know what Donghyuk told me in the car today? He said that Hajoon was 'taking stuff out on him'. Don't condemn me for being fucking enraged," he said, and his mom widened her eyes.
"That's not true, Jaehyun. I've known Hajoon for years," she spoke quietly, voice faltering.
"Well then you're delusional," he hissed before leaving, slamming the door while he was at it.
-
If he was being honest, Jaehyun had no idea where he was going or what he was doing.
All he knew was that he was furious and extremely upset. If he came to terms with this, he'd know that there was no way in hell he'd find Donghyuk anywhere, but his brain was so fried with anger and the need to feel secure that he looked everywhere for them; parks, grocery stores, even alleyways. He drove for miles on the backroads, for whatever reason. His gas in his old car was at E by the time he realized that he wasn't getting anywhere.
Jaehyun sat in his car at the gas station down the road from his house, picking at his fingernails. The sun was starting to go down and the blinding white lights on the ceiling of the station was straining his eyes. He would've played on his phone if it wasn't for his mom calling him every minute, so he shut it off a long time ago and settled with tearing his nails down to the point where they started to hurt.
A roaring headache coursed through him so badly that he figured while he was here he should pick up some pain killers. He got out of his car and jogged to the glass doors of the building, entering with a faint ding. Jaehyun stepped to the back where all the over-the-counter drugs were, and his eyes quickly scanned over them before he found some ibuprofen. He took it off of the metal shelf, then his eyes caught a few hand warmers and he took those as well — it felt like below zero outside.
The boy made his way back to the front where the cash register was, setting it on the counter and sifting through his wallet for money. He waited for the teenage girl — who didn't seem to what she was doing — to ring him up. It was unfortunate that she was so utterly confused that she had to travel to the back to get another employee to help her. Jaehyun tried to hold in his impatience, but it was pretty difficult considering he was already pissed.
He stuffed his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his feet to calm his nerves. He glanced at the clock that so happened to strike 8:00 PM the moment he looked at it. His heart jumped out of his chest once hearing the ring of the door opening behind him.
Jaehyun's eyes averted to the entrance, and he was surprised to see the boy that Doyoung had tried to coax him into meeting — the so called 'hermit'. His glossy dark brown bangs hid most of his features and tiny flurries of snowflakes was stuck between the strands. His body was also shivering immensely — most likely due to the thin black jacket he was wearing — and his breathing was very shallow and fragile. What pulled Jaehyun's attention most about him was the way his gloved fingers held onto the upper part of his jaw, hiding the fair skin that, hypothetically, would be behind it.
Jaehyun's gaze lingered on the very petite boy as he walked away and to the random shelf that was close to the front of the store, hand still placed on his jawline. He took a pack of cigarettes immediately, and then hesitated, his eyes growing pained before also reaching for a cheap pencil sharpener. He timidly stood in line behind Jaehyun, head bowed down to the ground so it was impossible to see his face. It was harder for Jaehyun to hide his bored staring, so he only occasionally flickered his eyes back to the boy who kept a good distance behind him.
Finally another employee was able to ring Jaehyun up, and he was thrown out of his stupor. He handed the lady his cash and grabbed the few small things he bought, then rushed out the door. Jaehyun's bitter fingers reached for his car door handle, his heart weighing heavily in his chest. He bit his horribly chapped lips, and lowered his hand, turning back around and watching the gas station doors vigilantly.
Once the unnamed boy exited the gas station, holding his arms and goods close to his chest as an attempt to keep warm, Jaehyun ran up to him before he could get too far away. The boy gazed up at Jaehyun through his thick eyelashes, anxiety seeming to swirl in the dark orbs of his. He held tightly onto himself as if he felt deeply insecure, and Jaehyun couldn't stop himself from taking note of how small he seemed held all bundled up. Jaehyun flickered a tender, dimpled smile at him, and handed out the hand warmers he'd bought. The boy looked not far from astonished, and he glanced at the warmers inquisitively, his stiff hands not making any initiative to take them. "You can have these, okay? You need to stay warm," Jaehyun insisted, and felt relieved once the boy unsurely took them out of Jaehyun's hands.
A little bit of a smile eased its way on the boy's lips, and Jaehyun felt a waft of warmth fill him at the otherwise unimaginable sight, making the cold winter day seem much more feeble. "T-thank you," the boy said quietly, voice soft and airy.
Jaehyun nodded, still trying his best to smile. "Get home safe," he inclined, and the boy nodded quickly, cheeks dusted in a rosy pink. He walked away, the small of his back growing further and further with each step and eventually diminishing between the white fog of the falling snow.
Jaehyun's smile faded, and he gazed at the glittering snow beneath his feet.
The boy forgot to cover the dark bruise on his jaw.
When Jaehyun opened the front door of his house, he was instantly greeted with his mother who collapsed into his chest. He felt sort of awkward, because of the recent fight they had, but enveloped the small woman into his embrace. After awhile of incoherent muffling and crying into Jaehyun's clothes, she backed away and weakly hit him on the arm. "Don't you ever leave me worried like that again!" she ordered, her motherly tone showing its color more in her words.
Jaehyun looked away, guilt swelling up in his chest. "I'm sorry," he apologized, and sympathy casted a shadow on his mom's face.
She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I understand, but you had me so worried. You're grounded for at least a week," she frowned, and Jaehyun nodded compliantly, slipping off his extra layer of clothes to battle the cold. "And because you're not arguing with me, I should probably tell you what I found out."
Jaehyun's eyes peered up in interest. "What? Is Donghyuk okay?" he swiftly asked, jumping on one foot as he tried to pry a boot off of the other.
His mother smiled slightly. "The good news is that he'll be back tomorrow. Hajoon and I talked it out and everything's fine. They're staying at their relatives for now," she explained.
Jaehyun bit back his words about Hajoon, knowing that it would only make his mother upset. He didn't really respond as he moved to the kitchen, fetching a glass of water. "Is Hajoon done being a dickhead?" he suddenly questioned, venom lacing his tone. His mom glared at him.
"Jaehyun, language. And to your knowledge, yes. He was drunk that night and stressed out so give him a break," his mother argued, crossing her arms.
Jaehyun snorted. "Yeah. Okay."
"We're not starting this again. Watch your attitude," she snapped back, and Jaehyun shrugged nonchalantly, walking to his room.
"I'm going to work on homework," he mumbled, his mom watching him solemnly.
-
Jaehyun's brain was numb, his thoughts were fuzzy and jumbled, and his foot just wouldn't stop falling asleep. Pretty much, he barely got any sleep last night. Not that he decided to; he just couldn't keep himself from stumbling into the kitchen and sipping on endless glasses of ice water, replaying his music playlist at least three times before he finally fell asleep. His mother was surprised to see Jaehyun passed out on the living room couch instead of his bed, but that's not the point. It was that his foolish nightmares and longing for the next day now shoved a crap load of consequences in his face, and he can't even imagine making it home before falling asleep in his car or even now.
He jolted awake when a hand flicked the side of his temple, and meagerly opened his eyelids to see a blurry form of a boy grinning down upon him. Jaehyun's eyes rolled to the back of his head as he buried his head back into the soft, cotton sleeves of his sweatshirt, muttering a "go away Doyoung."
"Since when am I a smartass that gets his butt wiped by every teacher down the high school hallway?"
Jaehyun's stomach dropped; yeah, that was sure the fuck not Doyoung saying that. His eyes warily gazed up at a handsome, smiling face who had only a hint of a Japanese accent as he spoke.
Nakamoto Yuta.
He was only wearing gym shorts and a tight fitting black t-shirt, but you could tell that all the girls sitting in desks besides them were drooling. Had Jaehyun not of been so shocked, he might've rolled his eyes once more; just for the irony of the situation. Yuta bended down to be eye level with Jaehyun sitting at his desk, tilting his head to the side. "Sleepy much?" he questioned, laughing when Jaehyun caught the drool from the side of his mouth.
Jaehyun sighed heavily. "Okay, at least I'm drooling 'cause I was sleeping and I'm not the posse of girls drooling over your—" Jaehyun waved his hands in the air dynamically, "—large biceps and dazzling smile." Yuta scrunched his nose up and lightly punched Jaehyun's shoulder who just smirked mockingly, noticing all of the glares surrounding females were shooting him.
He would've totally winked at the girls if it wasn't for Jaehyun teasingly watching with a cocked eyebrow. Yuta shook his hair out of his face, afterwards quickly pulling an empty chair from behind him. He sat across from Jaehyun, eyes bright. "So I was wondering if you'd like, maybe, want to join the sports club."
Jaehyun's eyes widened, his face dropping in surprise as well as excitement that he tried to conceal. He wasn't doing too good of a job by the way Yuta grinned in amusement, adding to his cocky demeanor. He totally had Jaehyun wrapped around his finger, but anyone would be. The sports club wasn't only the hardest one to join, it was also full of opportunities and future scholarships that otherwise would be difficult to grasp. The club was definitely the most popular, so it was easier to get noticed and gain a reputation by nearby colleges. Art club could get you an art degree, yeah, but literally everyone had those. This was something much, much more.
"Really?" Jaehyun questioned, expression skeptical but demeanor more than elated. Yuta nodded nonchalantly. "Then hell yeah, I'd like to join," Jaehyun beamed.
"So yeah, this is like my favorite part of art class. It can be embarrassing for the kids who don't try, but for me it's like a thing like, 'hey, look what I made!' I don't really know what I'm saying — it's just really fun."
Jaehyun's lips curved downwards as he reached for the classroom door, his left ear bleeding from Doyoung's never ending tangents about what they were doing today, or how they were going to do it, or what it'd be like. He imagined a world in which he could just blatantly tell Doyoung that he wasn't interested, and didn't necessarily care about this class at all, but unfortunately that alternate universe didn't exist. The only thing that kept him optimistic was the fact that he'd be out of this class by the end of the semester and will be joining the sports club — something he was genuinely excited about. He couldn't wait for the day that's the last of entering this damned room, just so he could exit it with a huge ass smile on his face that flaunted the fact he would be switching to a club that held the most admired and popular individuals; much, much different than the artistic and obnoxious people here. It'd be like a breath of crisp fresh air — he couldn't stop fantasizing it.
Maybe, he thought, maybe then he'd finally be valued and not ignored. He honestly hated that other high schoolers even associated him with the art club. It was — it was gross.
A smirk spread across Doyoung's face. "What are you smiling about?" he asked, leaning against the wall. Jaehyun shook his head, smile fading and mind returning blank. "Are you excited about your sketch?"
Jaehyun wanted to snort. Far off, Doyoung.
"If you are, I think you did a really good job. You might even get sketch of the week, you know. I did half of it, but hey, it still counts." Doyoung smiled softly, crossing his arms as he analyzed Jaehyun's barren face. "I know you'd think I'm joking, but I believe in that if you really tried you might be amazing at art — your ideas are respectively creative. You could even be one of the top artists."
Jaehyun tried to ignore the compliment, feeling quite flustered as he knew that would never happen. He tugged on the cool metal of the handle, but it wouldn't budge. He furrowed his eyebrows, then twisted it again, but it was the same thing. "It's not opening," Jaehyun informed, expression becoming perplexed. Doyoung nudged Jaehyun to the side and attempted himself. The door seemed to be locked.
Doyoung leaned in so his ear was closer to the wood of the door, chewing on his bottom lip. He stepped backwards, folding his arms. "I think there's someone in there. Let's just wait for a minute. We're a little early anyway," he said, eyes flickering to the clock that read 11:07 AM. Jaehyun nodded, but his gaze was still skeptical.
But they didn't have to wait for long.
Jaehyun's sneakers skidded back when the door abruptly opened, merely balancing himself on his heels as he was processing what just happened. A smirk was embarrassingly cascaded across the raven haired's small mouth, making the fact that Jaehyun almost fell flat on his butt a hell of a lot more obvious. "Shut up," Jaehyun snapped, tone grumbling.
"I didn't say anything," Doyoung crooned.
Jaehyun's eyes peered up to see Mr. Moon's large and blinding smile, his coal black eyes gazing upon the two students outside his classroom. "Good morning Doyoung, and um—" his smile twitched.
"Jaehyun," Jaehyun addressed.
Mr. Moon inhaled a short breath from his nose, nodding. "Right! Thank you, Jaebum." Jaehyun cleared his throat awkwardly, nodding. Doyoung's face was red and his lips were pursed, clearly trying to hold in his laughter. Jaehyun glared at the boy out of the corner of his eye. "Anyway, I'm glad you are here. I'm guessing you didn't get the notice that class was, uh, dismissed today," Mr. Moon continued, observing orbs protruding on Jaehyun.
"Oh, then we better get going," Jaehyun quickly said, his left hand clinging onto Doyoung's jacket. His eyes frantically pleaded the older to agree, but before any further nonverbal communication continued, Mr. Moon beat Jaehyun to it.
"Not so fast. You guys wouldn't mind some extra credit, would you?" Mr. Moon asked.
Doyoung glanced to Jaehyun, who's expression screamed 'I don't want to be here.' The raven haired dismissed it, turning back to Mr. Moon. "Actually, yes. Extra credit would be awesome," Doyoung chirped, and Jaehyun had a hard time holding in his groan.
The two boys followed the short man into the classroom, Doyoung easily keeping up with the teacher while Jaehyun lagged far behind pessimistically; you could almost see the gray cloud looming over his head. Once Jaehyun caught up besides Doyoung, Mr. Moon raised his arms as if he was presenting something. Behind him was a plaster board full of papers, all having some sort of art — amazing or downright disastrous — sketched on them. Above them all was little cut up and colorful letters stringed with two nails that spelled 'SKETCHES THIS WEEK.' Jaehyun's eyes caught his own that blended in the midst of all of the other ones, and instantly cringed. It looked so much worse compared to some other ones displayed.
Doyoung's eyebrows furrowed slightly. "Excuse my question, Mr. Moon, but where is the sketch of the week?" he inquired.
Mr. Moon's arms dropped from the air as his hands clasped together, gaze switching between Doyoung and Jaehyun. "Well — that's for you guys to decide."
Jaehyun switched his gaze to Doyoung ludicrously, mouthing 'what the hell?' Doyoung looked like a kid who just got their first Xbox for Christmas. Jaehyun found it hilarious how much the raven haired was attempting at remaining modest. "Really?" Doyoung squeaked, and afterwards realizing his girly tone, covered his mouth. Jaehyun grinned.
Mr. Moon nodded. "As long as you don't pick your own — that's the only exception. Yes, you can pick the sketch of the week, but you'll also miss out on the opportunity of yours being such. So if you don't want to—"
"No! We do," Doyoung's gummy smile lit up his face.
"Great. You have until this period is over. I have a doctor's appointment, so just put it on my desk. See you guys tomorrow," Mr. Moon chimed, waving as he moved out the door.
Doyoung jumped in place, his fanboy-like excitement finally getting the best of him. A weird sound somewhere in between a laugh and a squeal came out of the high schooler. He shook Jaehyun's limp shoulder, who didn't have much of a reaction except for a shadow of an entertained smile. "This is so cool, Jae!" he beamed. "Fucking Jungwoo won't get sketch of the week this time! Not today," he uttered, sadistic smirk dancing on his lips.
Jaehyun shook his head playfully, backing off from the boy and stepping closer to the board. His eyes scanned all of the artwork, teeth nibbling on the corners of his mouth in thought. They moved quickly past the many that held bright sketches of puppies, coffee, and sunshine, uninterested.
His wandering gaze landed on a drawing posted up near the edge of the board, one that would've been easily missed if it wasn't for Jaehyun being extremely agile. His orbs itched to move from the sketch, but they stayed protruded on the piece, as if his subconscious was mesmerized. Now that he was really staring at it, he found that it truly stuck out like a sore thumb in his mind.
What would've been a happy piece of art that had obnoxiously loud and radiant colors like yellow, green, and pastel pink was instead pigmented in watercolors of deep blacks and blues, with only a hint of orange on the bottom horizon of the picture. There was a shadow of a boy lying in the shaded depiction of grass, eyes closed and body curled up underneath what seemed to be a blanket. Above the sleeping boy in the dark sky was a foggy and wispy image of a beautiful middle-aged woman holding an open book, her barely plausible eyes gazing away at the distant moon. Something about the sketch made Jaehyun's heart hurt; it definitely didn't make him feel the theme happiness, but totally made him feel something.
He flinched once feeling Doyoung's boney fingers rest on his shoulder. The boy's eyes drifted up to the gloomy drawing, interpreting it for a moment. "Do you like that one?" he asked.
"I—I don't know, do you?" Jaehyun shot back.
Doyoung shrugged and smiled. "It holds more meaning than a picture of Starbucks, so yeah, sure."