"My suggestion is that we GO back North, to where we defeated Aelle. We should establish a permanent camp, as you say, but near the coast, from where we can raid wherever we want" said Ivar.
"Our father's dream was that we wouldn't be just raiders. That we would behave in a different way" said Ubbe.
Hvitserk was silently observing once again, quiet as you were, but for a different reason. He was studying both sides of that arguing. You already knew who was going to win.
Since what happened, you were silently listening to Ivar's strategies and Ubbe's appeals for claiming the land and settle down. A discussion already solved in your mind.
You just couldn't understand why everyone insisted on try to prevent Ivar to do what he would do with or without permission.
"No... It would seem like a withdrawal" Ubbe denied Ivar's plans and you saw, at that moment, he wasn't even paying true attention to what Ivar was saying.
"It is tactical, Ubbe." You said, causing them all to look at you "We'll go back to the coast, where we are near the sea, closest to our homelands and not surrendered by enemies as we will be if we settle here, in the middle of the country, as you want. Were you even listening to what Ivar was saying all this time? Do you even listen to each other?" you finished, getting up "We should go York. Is the town you want to raid, isn't it, Ivar?"
Your aggressive tone didn't prevent his smile.
"Exactly. It is..."
"Built on a major river, close to the sea and is built in a stronghold shape. We'll be able to settle your damn farming camps with walls to protect it, a constant flow of water that can't be cut and a secure connection with our own markets to drain the production. Also, if you stop to tie his elbows on yours, Ubbe, Ivar will be able to go wherever he wants with the damn army and expand, raid, do whatever he wants to do. I agree we should go York, not because Ivar is saying it, but because is the smarter plan and you would have seen it if you weren't so afraid to let Ivar walk with his own feet, forgiving me the idiot pun" you said, causing Ivar to frown and Ubbe to look directly to you.
He was so pissed off. But you didn't know if he was pissed with your agreement on Ivar's plan or on his freedom to follow his own path.
"If he wants to raid, let him go, Ubbe. It doesn't mean you have to go with him. Or any of us." you dared to sink your fingers on the wound that nobody wanted to touch in that table and Ubbe clenched his teeth.
"It is not like..."
"He is already, Ubbe. You think he is not able to lead this army, but he is already doing it. The men respect his mental ability as a strategist more than his own brother is doing and want you or not, they will follow Ivar. Sooner or later he will follow his own path. And his path is to battle. Deal with it Ubbe." you finished with harsh words that caused him to smile annoyed, agreeing with the plan unwillingly and leaving the tent.
Hvitserk was lost as the puppy he was, looking from you to Ubbe then to Ivar, without a single word. Ivar smiled, but before his irony allowed him to complete that arrogant smile on his lips, you sighed looking at him.
"It doesn't mean I'm by your side, Ivar." You said, catching his eyes on your "You must stop trying to overthrow Ubbe of what he is. He's the older son of Ragnar here and he is right: your father's will wasn't you to be raiders. He wanted more, so if you want to be a raider and want to have your own will respected, you should start trying to respect your brother's will to follow your father's dreams. But I don't even know why I'm trying to tell you anything... You're a grown man now. And you know pretty well how to take care of yourself." You completed before he had time enough to catch the air for an answer to your words "We'll go to York. And as soon as you have your stronghold, I'll quit."
Now it was time for Hvitserk and Ivar to look at you, both with surprised expressions on their faces.
"I'm tired. I lost too much. As Ubbe, I want to settle down, but not here. I want to go back to my homelands, find a place guided by my gods out of the reach of that usurper queen hands. I want to stop, Ivar. I want to have a home, to go back to the same place every day and sleep in the same bed. A bed, not a pile of furs. Instead of you, I have been traveling for years enough and I just want a place to call home."
Ivar rolled his eyes but Hvitserk lowered his glance... You knew he didn't want to stop yet. But you also knew you needed some peace. And even if he wanted to keep raiding with Ivar at England, you would go back and stop. You needed to do it for yourself.
"We should go to our tents and have some rest. York, as we said, is a stronghold and is not gonna be that easy to take. Good night to you all."
You left the tent, walking to your own, feeling when Hvitserk touched your shoulders, turning you to him.
"Do you really..." he started but you didn't let him go forward.
"Yes. I want to settle down and have a life, Hvitserk. Not like Ubbe. I don't want to farm forever. But I want to have time from swords and blood. I need it. And I will understand if this is too soon for you. I'll be waiting when you decide it is your time to come back."
Your fingers touched his face and you felt when he leaned into your touch. He would stay and gods it would be so hard to leave him. But you needed...
You needed to pull down your sword, not to come back to old times as Ubbe desperately wanted but to create new times, new moments, to build your own word again. And you were ready to make your world a safe base for him to come back when it was his time... You would only pray to the gods to guard your heart and bring him safely to your arms once again.
As you were waiting and according to Ivar's plans once again, the raid on York was a tremendous success. The city fell easily than you were expecting - good touch from Ubbe, by the way, remembering your godfather Ragnar and his knowledge about the Christian towns and their saint days.
But as much as the confidence on Ivar - who was now standing on his feet with that strange leg armor and crutch he has paid the blacksmith to do for him - it was growing the tension between your brothers. And the disgust in your heart for what they had become...
Ubbe's fear about Ivar was so enormous now that he could barely be happy for seeing his brother standing on his own feet. He was so blind by the fear that his only feeling about the moment when his little brother realized a childish dream was the horror to see Ivar growing even bigger than he was already.
"If he can surpass his own disability, what he can't defeat, Hvitserk?" you heard them talking in that same night.
And your heart filled with anger hearing Ubbe's voice.
"He'll become unstoppable." He said, taking a nervous sip from his cup to almost choke with it when your voice echoed in the tent he was almost hidden with Hvitserk to talk about a brother who wasn't there to defend himself and who was already sleeping, exhausted, once his new activity training his walking skills was draining his energy and increasing his constant pain.
"And why should we fear it, Ubbe?" you asked, seeing the surprise in that blues you were used to admiring so much. "Are we his enemies to fear his greatness? Are you seeing your own brother as a potential enemy, wolf? I think I was wrong when I named you. If this is what is happening so 'wolf' is not a good name to you, once wolves don't turn against the pack, Ubbe. Are you turning against your own pack?"
He looked at you with disbelief in his eyes.
"Can't you see what he's becoming, Y/N? I'm not the one who is turning 'against the pack' as you say. He already killed one of us, Y/N. If he is able to kill his own brother in an arguing, so what he is not capable of?" he said so accusing, so harsh.
Your tongue became bitter to remember you once thought about him as a future husband. And your eyes went to Hvitserk.
"Do you agree with him, Hvitserk? Is that what you think?"
"I still don't know what to think, Y/N," he said and you giggled.
"Evasive, as always..."
"No!" he said before you could continue. "I just don't think Ubbe is totally wrong about the fact that Ivar's greatness can be dangerous. But I'm not so sure of what he is saying. I don't think Ivar killed Sigurd premeditatedly. It was an accident. A terrible one, but an accident and Sigurd also knew our brother was explosive."
It was Ubbe's time to giggle in disbelief.
"You know I'm right, Ubbe." Hvitserk continued "Ivar was always given to angry outbursts and Sigurd provoked him beyond the edge talking about our mother. She wasn't so close to us as she was to him. Ivar is suffering way more than us. Sigurd touched a delicate point and you know that."
"And it justifies our brother's death?" Ubbe said, looking to Hvitserk. "You're telling me that you don't feel the fear to be the next one to 'provoke Ivar beyond the edge'?"
You could see clearly the way Ubbe was using the right words to make Hvitserk's self-confidence tremble.
"By the way, what edges are we talking about?" he continued, smiling disgusted "Do Ivar recognizes any limits? He'll become greater and greater and one day he'll swallow us as he did with Sigurd. When it happens, don't tell me I didn't warn you! Both of you!" he said, before leaving the tent.
Hvitserk was dizzy once again; you could see it in his eyes. Maybe, all this time, he wasn't acting for himself not because he doesn't have his own opinion but because Ubbe was keeping him so tightly under control that it was numbing his vision of the facts and making him see everything by Ubbe's eyes. How far your wolf's need for controlling that family was going? How scared he was to lose his brothers or admit he wasn't Ragnar and for more he was trying to do his work, he wasn't his brother's father?
You kept yourself silent this time. But you started to observe.
And your answer soon appeared: it was right after the explosive success of Ivar's plans to defend the city against the Saxons attempt to recover York. He left those Roman walls unprotected and unguarded for months. And the stupid Saxon fishes bite the hook as it was the most delicious dish. They had come right from those walls directly into Ivar's traps and schemes that ended up in that amazing scene: your younger brother seated on the ground almost unarmed, in front of the entire Saxon army, screaming like a wild beast. And they haven't the balls to shot him an arrow. No one moved a bone and you could see the horror in their eyes. You could see the greatness on Ivar's screams and the way your men were answering him like a commander.
But you also could see all the fear that was drowning Ubbe's heart. What he was doing telling the men to wait that way? Ivar was in danger! His hesitation could have cost his brother's life... How far his fear was growing?
"Let's all make peace..."
Too far.
Too soon.
You heard the conversation between Ivar and Ubbe with disgust. Your older brother, your wolf, was trying desperately to stop the huge growth of your youngest one. And for this sake, he was doing a wrong move that would cost him dear...
"The Saxons lost the battle but they have not yet lost the war. I would beware of trying to negotiate with them".
Wise words. You never thought you would ever see Ivar being so wise and Ubbe being such a fool... But more than that, you were right: Ubbe was really trying to control as much as he could of Hvitserk's thoughts and will... Maybe Hvitserk was the only one he could keep under his embrace and it was becoming too tight now that he lost Sigurd and was losing Ivar... Tightly enough for him to wake Hvitserk from your side in the bed to follow him into that stupidity for a deal you knew Ubbe didn't want for real.
"You know he is right, don't you?" your voice reached them before they leave the room, causing both of them, Hvitserk and Ubbe, to look back to see you seated on the furs Hvitserk had just left. "You know is not the right time for negotiations and you know you're doing a wrong movement. Don't you, Ubbe?"
"I'm trying to put an end to it, Y/N. My father's dreams..."
"Oh please, stop it." You said, disgusted, getting up and going to him "You don't come to me with this disgusting speech about your father's desires. This is not about Ragnar, Ubbe. This is about you trying to control your brothers and doing everything wrong! This is about your fear of Ivar's greatness and how far he is going from your hands. This is about you terrified of losing Hvitserk's reins!" you spit on his face all that harsh words that were stuck in your throat. "This is not about to follow your father's dreams and wishes for you all, Ubbe. This is about stopping Ivar's rush for his own dreams! This is about dragging him into that crawling crippled that you could carry wherever you want and that he is no longer!"
He looked at your face, surprised, but you sighed frustrated.
"Wanna know what? Go. Both of you. Take your brother with you into the enemy camp, Ubbe. Do your last efforts to stop your brother's dreams. Go, Hvitserk. Follow Ubbe as the damn shadow you are and always will be! Go! But go with the knowledge that if you make this deal now, you'll be cutting Ivar's dreams right at the moment they are blooming. And if you don't, the gods have mercy of bringing you back alive. I'm tired of trying to make this family stick together. I'm tired to see your fear consuming what you are, Ubbe. I'm tired to see your inertia transforming what you are, Hvitserk. Go. At least it will put an end to this. One way or another."
You had enough.
You turned your back on them and get back to the pile of furs you were using as a bed. In your mind, your decisions were made.
If they made the deal, you would take Ivar with you and make his head to come back to Kattegat, to avenge his mother's death with you and then, with his leadership proved and the crown of Kattegat freed, you'll find him men enough so he could follow his own path and raid as much as he wants.
And if they weren't able to make that deal, all you could do was pray for them to come back alive, because their fates would be sealed and Ivar would finally prove himself as a better leader than them all. And with the failure, you would be finally able to open Hvitserk's eyes and take him out of Ubbe's control.
It was just a matter of time until it all crack into pieces...
Your past was ended. Your family was destroyed.
It was just a matter of time before it all comes to an end.