I need to get it right,
Need to see some light come in
Can I just turn back the clock?
Forgive my sins
I just wanna roll my sleeves up
And start again
I know that I messed it up
Time and time again
I just wanna roll my sleeves up
And start again
-Start again
-OneRepublic
-Logic
•••••
What was I thinking?
I couldn't do this!
I'm weak, I can't do this.
"You ready?" Ryder asked, standing beside me by my locker.
I was thankful my face was currently buried inside the tiny space instead of facing him, so he couldn't see just exactly how unprepared I was.
No.
"Yes," I squeaked out, failing at trying to conceal the fear that had settled into the pit of my belly. It made me sick to think about what I was about to do, but it was better than spending another day with that maniac.
Today was Monday.
Also known as, the day I die.
Today was the day I was supposed to walk straight past Brandon's table and sit with my friends. So far, Brandon had avoided our past two classes because he had 'business' to take care of...whatever that meant. Trevor had warned me that Brandon would be back around lunch time and since then I'd been sweating bullets.
I'd seen Brandon mad plenty of times, mostly because I was usually the cause of it. It wasn't a pretty sight, and it always resulted in someone getting hurt. I couldn't bare the thought of him hurting my friends, the mere thought made me see red.
I couldn't believe I was going to be the reason he'd be mad today.
"Come on Carter, you'll be okay," Ryder wrapped an arm around my waist, attaching me to his side.
"I'm right here."
I gulped and finally shut my locker door once I saw Violet, Cameron, Kyle and Noah make their way through the still crowded hallway towards us.
Violet grinned once she saw how Ryder was holding me and raised her eyebrows at the both of us.
"Don't even think of saying anything," Ryder warned, once he saw Violet open her mouth, no doubt going to make a remark about the both of us.
Violet held up her hands, "Relax, I wasn't going to say anything like that. I was just going to ask Riley if she was ready to go to the cafeteria?" Violet said sincerely.
I felt the uneasy feeling I had felt when Trevor told me Brandon was coming settle in my stomach once again.
I stiffly nodded earning a sympathetic smile from Violet. Ryder tightened his arm around me and tilted his head down so that he was looking directly at me.
I titled my head up, not prepared to see all the unknown emotions which swirled in his grey orbs. My breath slightly caught in my throat, making me cough out a reply.
"What was that Riley?" Violet asked, trying to suppress her growing smirk.
I glared at her amused expression.
I was this close to strangling her.
"I think I'm ready to go," I said, my voice coming out surprisingly steady despite how much I was quaking on the inside.
Ryder stared down at me with a concerned expression etched into his features.
Even when he's worried he's hot.
This is so unfair.
"You know, we can just sit outside instead of the cafeteria if you want. You don't have to do this," he whispered, his hot breath blowing onto my neck making sure I only heard it.
I blew out a shaky breath.
You can do this.
I cannot do this.
Suck it up with a mop.
"No, I'm ready. I can't keep letting him chase me," I whispered back, meeting Ryder's gaze.
Ryder smiled down at me, with awe shining prominently in his eyes. I returned his smile, trying to prevent my lips from quivering. I felt like I was going to break down any minute now, and I wasn't ready for that.
The fear of what Brandon was going to do was beginning to consume me, and it wouldn't stop until there was nothing left. I couldn't let him win, so I took the first step forward, signalling to everyone that I was positively sure about what I was about to do.
Don't mind me, just signing my death certificate.
Ryder squeezed my waist, only slightly helping to relieve the twisting of my stomach. Just slightly.
We all stopped outside the cafeteria doors. I knew what everyone was waiting for, they were waiting for me to go in first so they would know this is what I really wanted.
Behind these double doors, were two scenarios. Only one would play out.
Scenario One:
We go in, Brandon sees me and chooses to ignore my seating. He corners me after school and then asks me what the hell is going on.
Scenario Two:
Brandon sees me, he chooses that moment in time to make a scene and possibly hurts one, if not all of my friends and everyone in the cafeteria.
Freedom or friend's safety?
I inhaled a deep breath and let it out slowly, counting to five, before pushing open the doors to the cafeteria housing the Devil himself.
Every seat was occupied in the cafeteria, except for the table we usually sat at. It seemed like the universe was taunting me. Out of all particular days, this was the day everyone decided to come and eat in the cafeteria.
What a coincidence...not.
No one looked up when we walked in, except for Brandon's table. Kodak was the first to look up, his eyes nervously flitting from Brandon to me. Trevor gave me a slight nod, to prove everything was taken care of. Everyone else sitting at his table stared at us, Caleb and Zach feigning surprise as they knew very well what was going to happen.
I still wasn't too happy about including Caleb in on the plan. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something told me that he wasn't completely trustworthy.
I connected eyes with the person who was the sole reason my life had turned upside down. The person who tried to make my life a living hell. He was the reason I am the person I am today.
But I wouldn't let him control me.
Brandon's eyes held so much anger as they bored into me. I lifted my head slightly higher, showing him he couldn't scare me.
Not anymore.
I led the way with Ryder attached to my side, everyone else following alongside the both of us. We all took our seats at our usual table and started talking, as if nothing strange had occurred. As if we were never separated.
Throughout the whole lunch period I had been tense and on alert, despite Ryder's attempts at trying to get me to let loose. I was waiting for Brandon to come up to us and demand what was going on.
But he never came.
I was beyond confused, knowing very well how much he looked for an excuse to fight with anyone. Brandon loved trouble, he was notorious for getting into fights in Wintersville, fights he always seemed to win no matter what.
So when a whole lunch period passed without any interruptions from Brandon, it set me more on edge than anything that could have happened during the period if he had interrupted.
I stood up, the queasy feeling remaining in the pit of my belly. Ryder nudged me out of my thoughts, making me snap my head up to see what he needed.
"He didn't do anything," he said, silencing the conversation between Noah, Kyle, Cameron and Violet.
I nodded, chewing uneasily on my bottom lip.
"I know. It's weird, I wonder what he's going to do," I added wearily, starting to walk towards the cafeteria doors.
"Maybe we scared him off," Kyle said smugly.
Cameron rolled his eyes at him, "Something tells me it couldn't have been that easy."
"Do you think he's going to try and ambush you Riley?" Violet whispered to me.
I shook my head.
"He loves causing a scene so I expected him to confront me in the cafeteria, but he didn't. That's what's scaring me," I whispered back.
Violet gave me a sympathetic look.
"Do you think he'd try to hurt you?" she asked, her brown eyes widening a fraction of a bit.
"Not with me around," Ryder said firmly.
I looked up at him with a grateful smile on my face. I wondered who would win if Brandon and Ryder ever did have to fight, I was hoping it would never happen but before I would have no doubt said Brandon. But Ryder had been training twice as hard as usual, whether it was to try and protect me or for completely different reasons I wouldn't know.
"Thanks Ryder," I whispered, leaning my head against his chest.
Ryder and I walked into English, practically attached at the hip. I couldn't help but compare how different Ryder and Brandon truly were. Brandon was so harsh, always forcing to get his way. Whereas Ryder tried to understand your way although he could be very stubborn.
They may of had two completely different hearts, but the feelings they both gave me were extremely similar.
Brandon used to make me feel ecstatic. Everyday with him was filled with exhilaration and danger. He made me feel alive, until it all faded into nothing.
Ryder made me feel like I was floating on cloud nine, he was incredibly intoxicating and I couldn't get enough of him. Everything about him drew me in further each day, it scared me way beyond my greatest fears. I was scared of seeing him go, I was scared of losing him. But everyone should know that along with danger comes loss due to impulsive decisions.
That was the tragedy of life, yet some people still chose to live their life the dangerous way. I had unknowingly walked right into its trap and now I could never be free.
Why do addictive feelings come with unavoidable consequences?
I was pulled from my thoughts by Ryder who leaned closer to me, to whisper something in my ear.
"You've been so spaced out lately. I wish I could do something to help."
I gave him a sad smile, "You've already done so much for me."
Ryder shook his head leaning back in his seat once Miss Wilkins walked in, receiving a chorus of groans from the students who were already seated. Me being part of them.
"I'm glad you all missed me too," Miss Wilkins sarcastically drawled.
Miss Wilkins handed out a pop quiz on the first few chapters of Romeo and Juliet to be completed by tomorrow.
I stared at the two empty seats in front of me, feeling even more anxious that Trevor and Brandon had not shown up to class yet.
Brandon never showed up for both English and math, meanwhile Trevor walked in to English halfway through the class and gave me a comforting smile. That should have set my nerves at ease, but it didn't.
I was beginning to think this was really all some trap, until Trevor caught me by my locker after maths just before I could leave North Grey High. Ryder instantly edged a little bit closer to me as soon as Trevor came to stand beside us, protectively laying a hand on my hip.
"Riley," Trevor started, bending over his knees to catch his breath.
I raised my eyebrows at him and pulled out a bottle of water I had bought at the vending machine earlier on, and handed it to him.
"Thank you," he said, still slightly breathless.
Trevor gulped down half the bottle of water before finally opening his mouth to talk to me. Ryder stood patiently next to me, also curious to see what Trevor was going to say.
"Brandon, is furious. He left with Kodak, Archer and Caleb to go look for the files we deleted. He said they'll be back before school's over, but hopefully us deleting the files will hold him back so that you can leave," Trevor said, staring intensely at Ryder and I.
I took comfort in the thought that Brandon wasn't at school and Ryder and I would be able to leave without bumping into him.
"What will happen when he realizes the files are missing?" I asked.
Trevor shook his head, "I'm not sure really. All I know is that he'll probably need me when he does realize it, so I have to go."
I nodded, "Thank you, for everything Trevor."
Trevor gave me a small smile before leaving Ryder and I standing by my locker. I shut the door and turned to Ryder, who was busy studying me with a look I couldn't decipher.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing," Ryder said snapping out of his trance, "where to now?"
I shrugged, "Dylan, wants me to meet him at the ring for extra training."
"Did you tell Dylan about Brandon?" Ryder asked curiously.
"Well, he kind of already knew Brandon was back, but what he doesn't know is that Brandon actually spoke to me."
Ryder frowned, "Why didn't you tell him?"
I bit the inside of my cheek, "Dylan, would have wanted to move and I don't want to leave."
Ryder kept quiet as we exited the hallway and entered the parking lot.
"Why are you so afraid of this Brandon guy? What does he do to make himself so dangerous?" Ryder asked, a hint of annoyance in his voice.
I stood still as I processed Ryder's words. I could tell Ryder what Brandon had done to make me think twice about each decision I had to make, or I could lie and just brush his question off.
I trusted Ryder, of course I did. But I didn't think he'd like to hear the thing that makes me shiver whenever I hear Brandon's name. He wouldn't think of me in the same way ever again, he probably wouldn't even look at me without the slightest hint of disappointment.
I didn't want that. Not after all we've been through and how far we've gone. It would completely wreck our relationship.
"I thought we agreed no questions asked," I said softly, referring to the night Ryder had become my roommate.
Ryder's eyes narrowed as soon as he heard what I had said.
"I thought that rule was trashed after we very clearly broke it that day," he said stiffly, emphasising the that.
It took me a minuet to register that he was referring to the day we had kissed. The day he found out a bit about me and I found out a bit about him.
I ignored him and continued walking.
I stopped dead in my tracks once I spotted a sky blue Chevrolet parked directly opposite Ryder's skyline.
Ryder bumped into my back, mumbling a string of curse words.
"Why'd you stop?" Ryder asked, coming to stand in front of me.
"He's here," I got out, in between my increasing breaths.
Ryder stared at me with confusion swimming in his eyes and turned around once he heard a door slam behind him. I heard him growl as he took in Brandon's form, slowly walking towards us.
Ryder squared his shoulders and shielded my body with his.
"Well, if it isn't my princess and her pathetic boyfriend," Brandon said coming to a stop a few metres in front of Ryder and I.
I rolled my eyes at Brandon's old pet name for me.
I stepped in front of Ryder so that I was face to face with Brandon, my fear smacked out of me as soon as Brandon opened his big mouth.
This has gone on for long enough.
"It's over Brandon. Leave us alone," I said, satisfied when I never stuttered.
Brandon let out a loud laugh, "Oh darling, this is just the beginning."
I could feel Ryder practically fighting to keep calm and not lash out at Brandon. I was doing the same.
"It's over," I emphasised, "you failed. Accept it and move on."
Brandon's smirk fell from him lips and was replaced by a scowl.
"I don't know where you found this confidence from, but if you remember correctly, you'd remember that I never give up. I haven't failed princess," Brandon said sternly.
I clenched my jaw, trying to keep back the waterfall of profanities which wanted to flow out.
"Can you not just give up? Stop already and leave me alone!" I yelled.
Ryder came to stand next to me and wrapped his hand around my wrist, tugging me past a smirking Brandon and into his skyline.
Why was Brandon letting us go?
I wish this game would just end already.
Brandon opened his mouth to say one last thing, "If you think deleting your friend's files from my computer is enough to make me stop, then you've got another thing coming for you. My fight is with you not them, I couldn't care less about anything that has to do with them. In the end it's you I want."
I stiffened in my seat, keeping a neutral expression to prevent Brandon from getting a kick from seeing just how vulnerable I really felt.
However, Ryder wasn't as good as me.
"That's it!" Ryder exclaimed, unbuckling his seatbelt and opening his car door.
I stared at him with widened eyes, praying he wasn't about to confront Brandon. I put a hand on his to prevent him from getting out of the car.
"Please," I said softly.
It was one word, but as I looked up to see Ryder's pained expression, I realized the power it had on someone. He looked between Brandon and I, with a conflicting look on his face like he was having an internal battle with himself.
He made his decision and shut his door with a frown on his face. Brandon stood in the same place he was when he first came to talk to us, staring at Ryder and I with a huge smile on his face.
He waved tauntingly at Ryder as he drove out of the parking lot. As we passed Brandon, Ryder rolled down his window and waved his middle finger in the air keeping direct eye contact with Brandon through the rear view mirror.
I watched as Brandon's smirk fell from his face and a sour look rested on it instead. I laughed at his expression and watched as Ryder's frown fell from his face and he smirked as we drove to the ring.
•••••
"So, you've basically kept me in the dark for two whole weeks?" Dylan asked me, dodging the punch I threw at him.
I nodded, slightly out of breath from all the talking and fighting I had to do at the same time. Ryder watched silently in the corner of the room, against Dylan's better judgment, as Dylan and I trained. I didn't think Dylan liked Ryder yet. We were going to have to work on that.
"Alright, so Brandon came back. He threatened you, and you've been doing exactly as he said for all this time. Tell me why I only find out about this now?" Dylan demanded, trying to trip me.
I huffed out a breath of frustration when he succeeded in making me stumble, but not fall.
"He told me he'd hurt you if I told you! What was I supposed to do?" I yelled, bringing my fist up and punching Dylan in the jaw.
Dylan grunted, "Oh I don't know, maybe tell me?"
I rolled my eyes at his sarcastic tone and kicked him in his stomach, feeling satisfied once he was flat on the floor.
"Well, what would you have done if you were me? I didn't really have a choice if you ask me," I said, throwing my hands up in the air frustratedly.
Dylan glared at me from his position on the floor. He opened his mouth to say something before Ryder interrupted him.
"If I may interrupt-"
"No you may not," Dylan said, cutting off Ryder's sentence.
Ryder rolled his eyes at Dylan, "For some odd reason I get the feeling you love having me around."
Dylan slowly started getting to his feet, "I thought you said it would be like you weren't even here."
"Oh would you guys cut it out," I said.
"Why'd you even bring this kid Riley?" Dylan asked.
"Hey! I'm the same age as her, and probably not that much younger than you," Ryder said, defensively crossing his arms in front of his chest.
I sighed as the two of them continued to bicker between each other.
"I'm twenty two kid, it's a decent four years older than you."
Ryder narrowed his eyes, "That's not a lot-"
"Whether it was four years, ten or even two days, either way I'm older so you'll always be a kid to me," Dylan said.
Ryder huffed out a breath, a look of irritation plastered onto his face.
I silently laughed at the both of them, and how they resembled eight year olds who were forced to be on a play date when they hated each other.
"I think that's our cue to go," I said, making my way out of the ring.
"Yes please," Ryder said, eagerly jumping to his feet.
"I guess you can go, you're doing reasonably well. Just, please don't ever hide something like this from me ever again."
I nodded and hugged Dylan, pulling him tightly towards me. Dylan sighed once he released me, smiling softly to himself.
"Thank goodness you're okay," he whispered, placing a light kiss on my forehead.
I smiled at him and exited the ring with Ryder by my side. We sat silently during the car ride, until it was broken by Ryder.
"So are you and Dylan a thing?" Ryder asked, his voice coming out a bit too tight.
I stared at Ryder with a confused expression, "No, he's like my older brother. I said that like three times since we've met Ryder, why don't you believe me?"
"He kissed you," he pouted.
I grinned at his childish expression.
"Yes he did, but he didn't kiss me on my lips. Just my forehead," I said smiling.
Ryder stared at my cheshire cat smile with a frown on his face, "What's so funny?"
"Oh nothing, just the fact that you're jealous over mine and Dylan's relationship," I teased, laughing when Ryder scowled at me.
"I am not jealous," he bit out.
"Oh I think you are," I sang.
I enjoyed teasing Ryder, especially when he reacted like a child. The sight was hilarious and would put a smile on my face any day.
He puts a smile on my face.
"Yeah yeah, whatever Carter," Ryder mumbled, a hint of a smirk playing on his lips.
I snuck glances at Ryder throughout the rest of the car ride home, remembering how I compared Ryder and Brandon earlier on.
I was wrong.
The feelings Ryder gave me were better than anything Brandon could have ever given me. Ryder was pure, he was like solid gold. He was like a dream come true, he was everything I wanted in my life. He was beautiful and broken, like a lost angel.
He was all I could have asked for and more.
What I felt for him was more than just mere feelings of attraction. I felt so much more that it was indescribable. He was indescribable.
He was everything.
•••••
Just to clear this up, no Ryder and Riley aren't dating. : )
Thank you for reading my chapter : )
-Grayx