Frankie's point of view:
Why did we fall in love with fictional characters? Was it because they helped us escape our reality? Was it because they lived a life we craved? Was it because they had everything that we wanted?
Possibly.
Romantic novels were my guilty pleasure, I read them until my eyes stung and my chest hurt. I read them until the sun was coming up or I was falling asleep with the book in my lap. They helped me feel things that I hadn't felt in real life. They made me get that boil of excitement in my stomach. They made me get that sharp pain in my chest. They made me get those tingles from head to toe.
They made me fall in love.
But these feelings where something I had only experienced by reading, or watching films. Even with Matthew, those feelings - even though they still hurt like hell - weren't real. Not like the ones I had felt for Noah and Allie from The Notebook, or Landon and Jamie from A Walk To Remember. I craved it, God did I crave it. I wanted the love, the passion and the tenderness.
But now, here I was sitting in the battered old arm chair with a half-finished novel in hand, trying so desperately to reconnect with the characters and the feelings I had gathered for them. But I felt nothing. The fuzziness, gone; the excitement, faded; the love, disappeared. I had felt nothing towards these fictional characters now when only a few weeks ago I was staying up past midnight just to read another page.
The house was quiet as I slam the book shut with a frustrated sigh, the bizarre feelings churning at my insides. It was before seven, and my lack of sleep was causing my temples to throb and my back to ache. Tossing and turning majority of the night, I counted the early hours that seemed to crawl by until I could no longer take it.
Reaching for the cold coffee cup, I gather myself and trudge tiredly to the kitchen to dump the dark liquid down the sink, washing it away and hoping my troubled thoughts would go down the drain with it. They didn't. Sighing, I hug my knitted cardigan around my pyjama cladded body and lower myself to the breakfast stool with the same daunting thoughts repeating like a broken record.
The kiss.
Even the thought of it made my insides jiggle like jelly. My lungs restricted my breathing, but in a good way. The restriction that made me giddy, made my toes curl and head spin. I couldn't forget it; I didn't want to forget it. But now, I was more confused than ever.
Our kiss, it lasted no more than a few measly seconds and the emptiness I felt when the luscious pink pillows left mine was something I never expected to feel. I wanted to grab him by the collar, shoving my body into his and claiming another kiss - I didn't. He brushed my hair back, ran the tip of his index finger past the corner of my eye and across my lower lip, and smiled.
Then it was over.
We didn't speak another word, instead we returned to the festivities inside and it was like the intimate moment outside, didn't happen. We sat next to each other, knees and elbows touching, sharing awkward and timid glances to one another before stalking back to our rooms late that night without a bid of goodnight. Now I sat here wondering how today would be - we had two more days with my family before returning back to the city and back to normality.
Well, sharing a house with my boss who kissed me on the porch of my childhood home, normality.
"I thought I heard someone up." Paul's exhausted yawn greets me. He drags his sleepy self to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of chilled water and nudging the door shut with his hip. "You're early."
"Couldn't sleep." I reply.
"Nothing to do with the awkwardness between you and Jason last night, is it?" He says with a slight smirk hiding behind the rim of the bottle. "Don't ask how I know; everyone knows. The tension between you two could have been cut with a knife. So, what happened?"
"I don't know if I'm comfortable discussing my problems with my brother-in-law."
Paul narrows his eyes and wrinkles his nose. "Not comfortable discussing your love-life yet you were comfortable enough to talk to me about your monthly cycle and send me to the store for your womanly items multiple times. Nice try, Frank - spill."
My shoulders rack with laughter and the memory of the flush faced teenager escaping from the corner store with a packet of tampons shoved up his thin t-shirt while I curled in the fetal position in the back of his pick-up truck, displays in my mind just like it was yesterday.
I let out a throaty groan of annoyance. "He kissed me." Paul's eyes enlarged and I nod. "But now - well, now I don't know what to do or think. We didn't speak about it, it didn't even seem like it affected him! He just came back inside and it was like it never even happened."
"Did you try to speak to him about it?"
"No."
"Maybe you should try that?" He says. "Maybe he feel the same way as you do, like it didn't have an affect on you either. Or, maybe he thinks that he's messed things up with you. He might think that he's pushed a boundary and that will just push you away. Your situation isn't a normal one, Frank, you both work together and are now staying in the same house. If he thinks that you don't feel the way he obviously does, then that's just made everything ten times worse. He's screwed everything up in not only your personal life, but business and living wise too."
"But I don't know how he feels."
"And he doesn't know how you feel." He retorts. "That is why you both need to talk things over. You need to sit down like grown ups, talk about feelings, talk about the kiss and be adults."
"That sounded like something my dad said to Flo in high school." I snort with a giggle.
"Are you saying I sound like your father?" He gasps, exaggeratingly slamming his hand over his chest and clutching the material of his t-shirt. I cock my brow and he laughs. "All I'm saying is that he seems like a genuinely good guy who has a incredible interest in you; why I'm not so sure, you're not even that funny."
My leg shoots out instinctively and pushes against his thigh making him chuckle deeply.
"Flo and I have both agreed that we haven't seen you this happy in the longest time so the guy must be worth something. All you need to do is talk."
"At least you would have a job if Dr Phil retires." I joke. I groan in frustration, my head still swarming with unanswered questions. Paul laughs from above me, tapping me on the shoulder before he leaves to creep up the creaky stairs and back to bed, savouring the last few minutes before Vivian's hyperactive body bounces in to wake them with barbie dolls.
Does Jason really think that the kiss messed everything up?
Did it?
"Morning." His raspy, croaky voice greets from behind. Deep and dark. My spine is enlightened with a tingling sensation and the ache within my skull vanished at the simplicity of his presence. He was already dressed in a maroon, waffle knitted sweater and dark jeans with a pair of black boots that lacked the shine they beamed when they were first bought. He smiles at me and in a millisecond, my heart swooned.
"Morning." I squeak, clenching my intertwined fingers tightly and straightening my posture, feeling my back muscles cry for attention. "I, uh- didn't think you would be up so early."
He shrugged, his intense and fiery gaze not flickering away from me from a second. "I tend to be a early riser."
I nod, pursing my lips into a tight line. The tension was building around us making a bubble swell within my stomach and creep up into my chest. Something had definitely changed last night. I clear my throat, "You heading somewhere?"
"I was just going to take a walk." He says. "Would you like to join?"
I hauled back the overwhelming feeling to throw myself of the chair and shove of the rainboots by the back door over my pyjamas. Instead, I nod timidly and hop from the stool, sending a shy smile as I squeeze past him to dash upstairs as quietly as I could. The snow had stopped again, but left a teeth-chattering bitterness so early in the morning.
Zipping up the brown knee-high boots and tugging the bottom of the thick, cable knitted sweater that dipped below my bum and covered my hands even with two rolls in the sleeves, I pull on the bobble hat as I make my way back downstairs. Jason stands in the kitchen where I left him, back towards me and hovering over something on the countertop.
"Ready?"
He turns to me, a half-ate bagel hanging from his crumble covered lips. I giggle. "I made you one too, I expect your dad or Flo will make breakfast later but I thought you should eat something now since you've been up awhile." How did he know? He hands me the bagel with a smile. "Ready now."
We grab our coats from the pegs on the way out, wrapping scarves around our neck as we begin to make tracks and ruin the picture perfect, untouched snow. The neighbourhood was deserted, not even a bird chirping on the cold morning only the crunches of the layer of snow beneath our boots. I dust my fingers from the crumbs and shove them into the warmth of my pockets. Still, we were silent.
"So, dad likes his bike."
I wanted to bury myself in the snow at the lame shake of my voice. Jason chuckles. "I thought that. I was wondering if he was genuinely considering sleeping in the garage with it last night."
"That wouldn't have been a shock." I giggle. "You didn't need to do that, Jason. Get him that bike."
"I know." He said simply, keep a small grin hidden behind his scarf. "I saw how hard you've been working yourself, almost running yourself into the ground most days. Don't think I don't see those starbucks cups hidden in the trash either."
"I like coffee?"
He laughs at my questionable words. "No, you like tea. Plenty of milk, no sugar and the teabag only dipped three times." My breathing catches in the pit of my throat and my fluttering heart starts a uncontrollable rapid rhythm. "I also know that you prefer a sugar donut over a glazed, that you paint your nails three to four times a week and that you like peppermint chewing gum."
"Wait - how did you know I like peppermint?"
"I tasted it last night."
Well in the name of the lord above and all things holy.
I gulp back the yelp that was inching to escape. Again, our silence returned and I was thankful. I was too afraid to speak, or to hear what else was going to pour from his lips. But it didn't last long, my tongue was burning with questions.
"Jason?" I murmur, my quivering voice barely holding above a whisper. He hums in response, never taking his eyes of the untouched sidewalk in front of us that we started to ruin. I take a breath, pleading for my words not to jumble in nervousness. "What happens now?"
His steps slow, "What do you mean?"
I clear my throat and lick my drying lips. "After last night."
He halts and I turn back to face him. His eyes were intensely dark, sparkling with a mysterious whirl of emotion and his hands were still shoved into the depths of his pockets. I push my toe through the snow, creating a anxious hole where I stood as I awaited his response. Nervously, I looked back to him and find myself being sucked under the hypnotising glare.
"Last night," He began with a lack of confidence hindering in his voice. "Last night meant something to me, and I'm not entirely sure if the feelings were mutual but I don't want things to be different between us now. I don't want to jeopardize anything and I think that maybe my actions did that yesterday."
"You didn't."
"Frankie," He says again. This time, he retrieves his hands and reaches for me. Through the thickly padded coat, I feel his feather touch trail from my elbow and pick my hands from my pockets, taking them in his own. "Over the past few months, you have been my reason for everything. You have been my employee, my collegue, my midnight calls and agony aunt in many ways, but you have been overall the most wonderful, incredible friend-"
Friend.
A single word that could send my heart plummeting into the empty cove of my sickly stomach. My entire body crawled with embarrassment, my inner conscience scrambling to save themselves from the further face-to-face embarrassment this conversation would uncover.
"And I don't want to risk any of that. I realised that as soon as I kissed you. I kissed you out of greed, out of ignorance and out of selfishness. I can't apologise enough for that, but I hope that you can forgive me enough to forget about it all. The last thing I want is this to ruin our friendship and I would hate for this to mess with our work schedules."
That was enough confirmation for me.
Jason saw me as his employee, and that was all.
"Frankie?" He speaks again, dipping his head to find my lowered gaze. "Are we good?"
No. No we're not good because I am crazily, stupidly, idiotically and beyond madly in love with you.
"We're good."
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I can't apologise enough for the longest wait in history for a update on this story. Due to circumstances, after my trip to Venice, things got ahead of me and it resulted on me having to abandon a lot of things including writing.
BUT IM BACK!
And God do I hope that you guys are still reading! I will have another chapter posted in a few days, and don't be panicking, things are just going to get better for these two!
Please vote and comment xoxo
PS: 22k in views - I have no words how grateful I am for every single one of you lovely little honeys!