Breanna Michelle Santana
"Fuck!" I screamed at myself in the car as I rolled up on a stop sign.
My mind was telling me to be smart and not fall into temptation but my heart - my vagina, I mean - was crying out for him.
Curse Grayson for having that effect on me, I thought. You'd think it'd go away after a year.
Truth is, I hadn't been satisfied since we'd last been together.
Stop it, Brea, he's old news! This is a new chapter, remember?
My brain was hurting from all the back-and-forth. With no cars near, I put the car in park and whipped out my iPhone XS Max. I went to Snapchat and accepted the request Grayson had sent me about a week before my arrival.
Without much consideration, I called Grayson and waited impatiently for him to answer.
"Yes," he answered the call via Snapchat in an almost sarcastic manner.
I had no time for small talk, I cut right to the chase.
"Send me your address, I'll be over in thirty," I stated and quickly hung up, feeling instant regret once my courage faded away.
I let out a breath of relief that the hard part was over and threw my phone in the passenger seat. Before driving straight to his house once I got a message including his whereabouts, I thought about something.
"Shit," I cursed stretching the waistline to my leggings out. I needed to shave!
"Shit, shit, shit," I fretted all the way home.
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TAP! TAP! TAP! The yellow, disposable razor clinked against the porcelain sink in the guest bathroom.
I fanned my cooch and waited a second to pull the sweatpants I changed into on properly.
I had just showered and shaved and was ready to go, or at least I thought I was.
All this had taken well over thirty minutes, I was sure he'd thought I bluffed on him.
Second thoughts started clouding my vision.
Should I go, I asked myself in my head. What good what come of it? We fuck and then what, get coffee the next morning and stroll down memory lane? It had gotten to a point where our conversations never ended well or I would cut them off before getting to that point. I didn't want to try again with him romantically but God, I wanted him to impregnate me. Eh, well, babies scare me so never mind, but practice wouldn't hurt.
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"I can't do this."
I ran away from the door a split second after knocking on it.
This is a mistake.
This is a mistake.
This is a mistake.
Normally I was so confident but this man... this man made me weak.
"Brea," Grayson caught me. The door widened and the inside light shone on me, revealing my guilty face once I turned to see him standing there.
"Heyyyy, Gray," I spoke shakily and made my way back to the entrance.
It was a nice place - a fitting townhome for him alone - minimal decorations but good pieces of furniture and no clutter except for a chair that seemed to be used as a coatrack.
Already, it was going nothing like I envisioned. In my head, I saw him opening the door and me springing into his arms to be taken straight to the bedroom and thrown onto the bed, ordered to strip. However, he only offered me a drink and engaged in small talk. This was fine, though.
There was a lump in my throat and I swallowed it. It was like I had never slept with him or anyone before, I was so nervous!
"So, what made you change your mind and hit me up," he asked me, his eyes on me intently as he held up the countertop while I sat on the edge of the kitchen chair at the mahogany table.
I swallowed. "I was bored, thought we could talk."
Grayson went "mhm" as if he didn't believe me. He cleared his throat and leaned back, his ankles crossed like the arms over his chest.
"Breanna," he exhaled my name sternly,"it's almost midnight. You didn't come over here just to talk."
I wasn't about to let him think I was just some slut and there's no way I'd admit he was ever right.
"Why else would I be here?" I was curious to know what he'd respond.
He put his palms on the edges of the counter and hunched his shoulders. "Talk, then."
Except, I had nothing to talk about.
Yes, we could've caught up and shared some old college stories. I could've talked about my photography or went on about my dad since he knew him, too. I could've listened to Grayson go on about soccer and tell me about all the other women in his life since me, but truly, I didn't give a shit.
"—You can turn something on, if you want," offered Grayson, getting up to turn the lights in the kitchen off.
I eased back into the cushions on the couch and reached for the remote. "How about a movie," I suggested, already looking for one to watch.
"Yeah, that's cool. Popcorn? I think you liked popcorn, right?" He tried to recall.
I nodded my head,"Please."
"Got you." The plastic was torn off of the pack before being thrown into the microwave. Grayson then walked back into the living room and stood over me. "I'll be back, I'm just gonna change. Yell if you need a blanket or something."
"Okay." My voice was sweet as I watched him turn and jog up the stairs.
Vibrating my lips, I patted my palms on my thighs and looked around aimlessly. My eyes focused on a clock on the wall.
12:23 AM
What am I doing, I found myself asking. A better question: what was I NOT doing?
"No. No. No." On Netflix, I clicked off of any and all romance movies or horror films. If I had intentions of cuddling or pursing a relationship, I would be taking things slow and turning on a romance or horror film, but I wasn't. I wanted to get dicked down and leave so I needed something kind of rowdy - a thriller, but not super compelling and it had to be crude so he'd get the hint.
Shark Night (2011).
"Bingo." I clicked the movie and immediately hit the 'Pause' button.
He was taking a while so I got up and went to the bathroom to do a smell check. Don't judge me.
Everything was all good, I was just super anxious. Grayson really turned me out in college so it was a real drag to go from that to what I endured with Kaign in bed.
The sound of the microwave beeping prompted me to wash the soap from my hands and dry them off with the hand towel on the wall.
As soon as I opened the door and readied to step into the kitchen, Grayson sauntered over first and got it, telling me to sit.
Getting comfortable on the couch, I took my hoodie off and instantly regretted not asking for a blanket.
Gray joined me in the living room. He walked up behind the couch I was on and asked,"What's this," handing me a bowl of popcorn with movie theatre butter - just how I liked it.
"Thanks," I said softly about the snack and then answered his question,"'Shark Night'. Have you seen it?"
His head shook and body eased onto the recliner.
Right when I pressed 'Play', I offered Grayson some popcorn. He stood and I looked at his lean body in the black shorts, white Hanes socks, and plain t-shirt, his watch and chain still on.
Switching from the recliner, Gray took the seat beside me and took a handful of popcorn to shovel down his throat.
Adjusting my seating, the bottom of my foot accidentally grazed his hairy calf.
"Oh, sorry," I excused myself and sat upright.
"Your feet are cold," he said and shared the comforter with me.
My phone, on the coffee table a foot in front of us, vibrated and lit the lockscreen. It was a text but my brightness was down so I couldn't make out who it was from. I ignored it but saw Grayson cut his eyes at me.
"You gonna get that?" His jaw clenched when he asked that question as if he were upset about it.
I didn't wanna deal with his attitude so I didn't say anything, only raised the volume to the flat screen and tuned into the movie.
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So, I was wrong. We should've watched a chick flick or slasher film, at least that way I'd have an excuse to cuddle up with him. Instead, I spent the whole hour and thirty minutes awkwardly sighing and clearing my throat, sitting at a ninety-degree angle.
As the credits rolled, I cracked my aching back and closed-mouth yawned.
"Well. This was fun." Not.
I stood and snatched up my jacket, stomping towards the door.
"You say it like you're disappointed," Grayson tainted me and he knew it.
I dropped my head and shoulders, huffing. I turned at the door and protested,"I am. Grayson, you really think I came here to talk?"
He was being sarcastic, I could tell. He shrugged, feet away from me, on his way up the staircase.
Boldly, I marched right up to him and stopped at the bottom of the staircase where his body loomed over me still.
I looked up and pouted but couldn't help it. Taking a step up, I tugged at his shirt as if to hint for him to take it off. "I want you," I said in an almost whisper, my voice seductive.
"Brea," hearing him say my name only turned me on more. Biting down on my lip, I looked up lustfully into his eyes.
He let out a small and airy "aha", removing my hands from his body.
Luckily for him, I was used to rejection from Kaign or that would've hurt my feelings.
I knew when I wasn't wanted, though, and I don't beg. So, I rolled my eyes and stormed off to the front door.
"Brea, you have a boyfriend," he spoke up before I could leave.
My eyebrows furrowed at his statement.
"Boyfriend," I mumbled to myself, utterly confused. "I don't have a— OH!" I laughed,"I don't have a boyfriend, I lied. Trust me."
It looked like he didn't know what to say but I wouldn't believe me either.
"I don't get it, you're the one who reached out to me and here I am throwing myself at you and you don't want me? Like me having a boyfriend ever stopped you before. Whatever," I disputed. I bent over to put my shoes on and then reached for the doorknob. I hesitated, thinking he'd stop me but I was wrong.
Discouraged, I made my exit and trudged to my car. I pushed to start and sat there for a second, but only to check my phone.
It was a text from Kaign who's number was saved under:
Do Not Answer
Grayson used his knuckles to tap on my window but I didn't put it down.
All I heard was the start of his speal,"Come on, Brea," but I stopped listening.
Suddenly, the driver's side door was forced open and Grayson stuck his head in. He unfastened my seatbelt and I looked at him.
"What're you doing," I asked, mad at him.
All of a sudden, there was a... moment? Our eyes locked and I stopped his hand on my thigh.
In the blink of an eye, Grayson grabbed the back of my neck and crashed his lips into mine. We locked lips and they synced, rhythmically smacking as our tongues found each other. I was completely submitted and quickly became aroused. It's like I was heavily sedated by a hypnotic, feel good drug where everything enhanced - my senses - but all I could focus on was the pleasure of kiss and the sensation was heightened.
Grayson pulled away, leaving me hungry for more. I followed his lips blindly and opened my eyes wide when I heard my car turn off.
He took the keys, holding the door open, waiting for me to get out. "Come on," he repeated and dint have to tell me twice.