One Month Later
6:45 A.M.
The sound of my alarm going off awakened me from a sleep that was really just getting good since I didn't go to sleep until 4:30 this morning. I was up all night preparing and practicing for my presentation in my Business Ethics class. It's 20% of my final grade, so I really need an A.
After snoozing one time, I turned my alarm off and dragged myself out of bed and to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and washed my face, then waltzed back into my room and casted my phone screen to my TV so that I could play some music throughout my entire bedroom.
Just as I was about to shuffle Jadakiss, my phone starting ringing. I looked at the caller ID and all I could do was smile, because it was Devonte.
"Hey!" I answered, not caring about how loud and excited I sounded.
"Wassup, Ma?" Devonte said, his raspy voice melted my ears like cotton candy in water. "You good? You up? You got a big day today."
"I knoooow, I'm about to get ready now. After I got home I stayed up practicing for this presentation, so I feel pretty good about everything."
"Word? Damn, you ain't even have to leave, forreal. You could've practiced on me, I woulda been your audience."
I was smiling so hard that I was sure my cheeks were gonna get stuck; luckily we weren't on FaceTime, so he wouldn't know.
"I'm about to turn on ya boy while I get dressed." I chuckled.
"Who's my boy?"
"Jadakiss."
Devonte laughed. "I'm tellin' you shorty, Kiss of Death is a classic."
"Yeah yeah," I teased. "We gon' see."
"That's wassup," Vonte said and by the way he said it, I know he nodded his head. "But listen Cyn, I just called to tell you that I woke up thinking 'bout you and to wish you good luck on your presentation."
I swear, my heart melted from my chest into the phone.
"Aweee, thanks Vonte." I cooed. "You're the best!"
"You comin' over when you done with everything?"
"That's the plan."
"Bet. I'll see you later, Ma. Look, don't even sweat that shit, you got it. Aight?"
"Okay," I said, a little more excited than I should've been.
"Aight. Later." Vonte said as he hung up.
"Bye."
I pressed the red button at the bottom of my screen and then let out a huge breath. I wasn't even in a bad mood, but hearing Vonte's voice boosted my mood 1000 times over. It's crazy that one call put me on cloud 9.
Ever since that day when Vonte and I slept together (and JUST slept) then went to Cade, we've been inseparable. That night sparked up something that just can't keep us apart. Every day after class, I go over there and chill with him and Killa. During the week I normally go home at night when he leaves, but lately I've been spending my whole weekends with him. Nikki is my girl and I love her forever, but Devonte has truly become my best friend.
I never get bored or tired of being around him. We talk about any and everything and it's never forced...it's like we've known each other our whole lives. Being around him is so easy. We just get each other. And God forbid I try to sleep in the guest room...Vonte will literally drag me down the hall to his room. I like his bed better though, it's much more comfortable than the guest bed. And the way he holds me when we sleep makes me dread having to wake up in the morning. Whether my back is pressed against his chest with his arm slung around my torso holding me in place, or his face is nestled in the crook of my neck, or my head is laying on his chest listening to his heartbeat...I've never felt so protected in my life.
He's slowly been opening up to me about his childhood, which I know is hard for him, but it's given me such a better understanding of him and why he is the way he is. His dad died when he was young, and his mom relocated them from New York and had to work two and sometimes three jobs to take care of him. That's why my mom used to watch him so much...because she was never home. When he was in high school he used to sell weed and pills, and that landed him in juvy. The boys in there used to pick with him for being from up north, so he had to fight almost everyday. Being locked up was really tough for him, and it's one of the reasons why he's so cold and insensitive. He doesn't really trust anyone, and the list of people he cares about is very short, but I think I've worked my way onto it...
I've been opening up to him too; I told him all about my anxiety, and how I've never really felt like I fit in, and even about my daddy issues. My dad left us when I was four, and my parents officially divorced a short time after that. At first my daddy was still coming around for me, but as I got older the visits and calls became less frequent...then they just stopped. Even though I was young, I still remember how my mom cried for him, and the pain in her voice every time she spoke about him, and how her whole body caved whenever someone would even mention his name. But being the strong, independent black woman she is, she pulled herself up by her own bootstraps and made a wonderful life for the two of us. My mother works her ass off to provide for me, and I'll always be thankful for that. My plan is to finish college, get a good job, and in five years be able to start paying her back for all she's done for me.
My mom is happy that Vonte and I have grown so close. She thinks we're gonna end up together, but honestly, we're just great friends. I even got him to make a Snapchat, but all he does is send pictures and videos of him smoking to me.
Following an hour and a half of listening to Jadakiss' Kiss of Death album (which is actually a decent project) and transitioning from regular Cyn to business professional Cyn, I stood in the mirror looking myself over one more time.
"I am beautiful, I am confident, I am smart, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and I can do this." I repeated over and over as I smoothed the sides of my blouse.
I grabbed my already packed bookbag and a pair of black heels, then slid my feet into a pair of slides and exited my bedroom, closing the door behind me. Since my mom already left for work, I set the alarm and walked out to my car. I waved to Ms. Elaine across the street, who was sitting on her porch smoking a cigarette, before tossing my heels and backpack into the passengers seat of my car. As I backed out of the carport I chuckled at the pile of clothes, which were a mixture of mine and Devonte's, that had accumulated in my backseat.
I got to school and found a parking spot exactly fifteen minutes before my class started, so I got a few moments to look over my PowerPoint one more time before slipping my heels on and making my way into my lecture hall.
I was assigned the second slot to present, but since the person in front of me didn't show up to class, I presented first. I took a deep breath as I walked up to the front of the classroom with my flash drive in my hand, hearing Devonte's voice in my head telling me 'you got this shit, Ma'.
Ten minutes I was walking back to my seat, in awe of the fact that I actually killed my presentation. Everything went as planned; all of my links worked, my PowerPoint held everybody's attention, and I didn't stumble over my words once.
After class dismissed, I met up with Nikki at the exit of the lecture hall that leads to the quad. She has class in the same building at the same time.
"How'd everything go?" She cheesed as we linked arms.
"Bitch, I killed that shit!" I bragged.
"Oop, period!"
"Girl yeah! But right now, I need to come up out these shoes."
"You hungry?" Nikki asked me as we walked to my car so that I could put my slides back on.
"Yeah." I answered.
I switched shoes, then put one AirPod in my ear and played some music. I took a few selfies, then posted my favorite one to Instagram as we walked out of the parking lot and back to campus.
@lifeofcyn_: Aced my presentation ✅
We almost made it all the way to the cafe, but of course a nigga had to stop us to talk to Nikki.
"Wassup shawty," Some random nigga that I've seen around campus a few times bit his lip and said to her.
He's not cute at all, and Nikki's body language is clearly giving uninterested. I rolled my eyes, but kept quiet.
"Excuse me." She said, moving around.
"Nah, come holla at me." He followed.
"Bye, I got a man. And you ain't even acknowledge my homegirl. That tells me everything I need to know about you and the type of person you are." She sized him up and down, then rolled her eyes. "Not interested."
"I ain't tryna talk to yo black ass homegirl," He scoffed. "I'm tryna talk to you."
"Nigga have you lost your mind?! Don't ever disrespect my friend like that, the fuck?!"
Nikki got to cussing him out, but my blood started to boil in my skin, so I walked away and found a tree in the corner of the lawn at the quad far away from where I left Nicole. I dug my phone out of my pocket, and opened a snap from Devonte. I laughed to myself; seeing him smoke his blunt made me feel a little better inside.
I decided to call him, so I closed my Snapchat app and FaceTimed Vonte's number.
"Wass good shortyyyyyyy," He answered on the first ring. Hearing his voice soothed me right away. "How was everything?"
"It went great." I said softly. "I did really well."
"That's wassup Ma. But I ain't surprised, 'cause I already knew you was gon' kill that shit. My lil Michelle Obama."
"I appreciate the bout of confidence." I playfully chuckled. "Can I come over a little early today? I'm not feeling the rest of these classes."
"You got an open invitation ma, you'on never gotta ask. And Killa miss you anyway. He won't stop sniffing the jacket you left over here."
"Tell him leave my shit alone," I teased.
"Cyn?"
"Hm?"
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing." I lied.
Vonte smacked his lips. "Nah, you got that shit plastered all on yo face, Cyn. Wassup witchu?"
Tears welled in my eyes as the earlier events replayed at the forefront of my mind, but I put the phone down so Vonte wouldn't see them fall.
"Just come over." He said.
I agreed then hung up, quickly making my way to my car. I texted my mom to let her know that I did well with my presentation and would be spending the rest of the day with Devonte, and she responded by congratulating me and telling me that she's going to be working late. I also sent a text to Nikki, and she said she was sorry for how that jackass acted and she understands why I walked away.
When I pulled up to Vonte's, he was outside on the porch smoking a blunt. Killa was inside, scratching at the storm door waiting for me to come in. Once I hopped out, Vonte met me on the walkway and immediately pulled me into a hug. I inhaled deeply as I took in his scent, and let his body consume mine. After about a minute, he let me go and told me to get situated in the house. I released him too and went to greet Killa as Devonte grabbed my bookbag out of my car. He slung it onto the couch, then came and cuddled up next to me and Killa. I turned the TV on and settled for reruns of Maury.
"Aight, so what happened that had you all upset?" He questioned as he pulled my back onto his chest.
"Nothin'." I shrugged.
"Please don't start lying to me."
"I don't know...sometimes I just feel so out of place in my own skin. I look at Nikki and I see all the attention she gets from guys, but all I get is 'I don't wanna talk to her black ass'. It's been like that for all of our lives. I didn't ask to be this color, it's not something I can control. If I could be light skin with a fat ass and long hair flowing down my back like her, I would. Ya know?" I explained, not even realizing that I had tears falling out of my eyes.
"Somebody said that about you?" He asked.
"Yeah, at school today." I sighed. "And Nikki stood up for me, it's not like it's her fault. I love my best friend, but she just doesn't know how it feels. I feel like nobody does."
"What did you say back?" Vonte questioned.
"I didn't say anything. What could I say?" I said lowly.
"Word, I would've rocked his shit." He said, matter-of-factly.
I rolled my eyes at his comment. "I can't fight no nigga, Vonte."
"Yeah, but you got a lil mouth on you, shorty. You could've popped some shit. You gotta start standing up for yourself. Stop letting people walk all over you and shit.
"I don't let people walk all over me." I snapped.
"Cyn, every time somebody says something you don't like, you hold yo head down and start talking all low and shit." Vonte told me.
Out of habit, I hung my head and started fidgeting with my fingers.
"See, you doing the shit right now."
I wiggled out of his embrace, then got off the couch and went to dig in the refrigerator. I didn't eat with Nikki when we got out of class so I was beyond starving, plus all that crying and being in my feeling definitely helped me work up an appetite. I found some fried chicken and mac and cheese. After I warmed my plate up, I went back into the guest room and ate. Killa followed me back, and I occasionally fed him pieces of chicken while watching Netflix on my laptop.
"So I say something you don't like, and you walk away from me? Instead of having an adult conversation?" Vonte questioned, marching into the room. "And ain't nobody tell you to eat my food."
Without saying a word, I put the plate down on the nightstand and continued to watch my movie.
"Nah, go 'head shorty." He said, walking over to the nightstand and handing me the plate.
"I don't want it." I stubbornly replied.
"This what we doing, Cyn?" Vonte sarcastically chuckled. "We acting like we three years old?"
Pouting, I ignored his slick comment and crossed my arms over my chest.
"You got an attitude with the wrong fucking person."
Again I ignored him, partly because I didn't feel like arguing and also partly because I didn't know what to say.
"And for the record," He continued. "There's nothing wrong with the way you look. You beautiful. Fuckin' perfect. Forreal. Most beautiful thing I ever seen."
Butterflies formed in the pit of my stomach as I tried my best to keep a smile from forming on my face.
"Wow." I mumbled. "Thanks."
He nodded and left out of the room, leaving me laying there with Killa to replay his words over and over again.
I eventually fell asleep, and was awakened by Killa whining, which let me know he needs to use the bathroom. I grabbed my phone and checked the time; 5:33 pm.
"C'mon." I said softly, petting Killa so he would follow me to the kitchen. I slid the door open, and he ran out into the backyard, rolling around in the grass for a little bit then going to the corner to shit. I laughed out loud a bit, thinking about how nice it must be for your only worries to be eating, drinking, and shitting.
"I'm bouto leave." Vonte said, making me jump a little. I turned to face him and damn near melted at the sight of Devonte in a Puma tracksuit.
"You need anything while I'm out?"
"No. I'm okay. I'm bouto head out too." I told him as I brushed past him, going into the bedroom to grab my belongings.
"Can you please chill with all the attitude." He said, standing at the doorframe and blocking me from leaving. "My fault if I upset you earlier."
"It's fine. I'm not upset." I mumbled, trying to move around him. He grabbed my arm lightly and pulled me back into the room.
"Don't be mad at me."
"I'm not." I said. "Swear."
"So don't leave. I want you here when I get back."
His hand slid down from my arm to my fingers, intertwining his with mine. A hot feeling ran its course through my body; like fire was running through my veins instead of blood.
Without even thinking, I stood on my tippy toes and kissed him. At first he seemed a little surprised, but it didn't take long for him to kiss me back. Our lips moved in perfect sync as I held on to the back of his head, and he slithered one hand around my waist and the other to cup my ass. I moaned lowly in his mouth, feeling the butterflies from earlier come back with a vengeance.
He broke the kiss for a moment and just stared at me, then took the hand that wrapped around my waist and grabbed my neck. Before I could object he crashed his lips into mine again, kissing me hard and slow as my whole body tingled in pure ecstasy and exhilaration.
He pushed me all the way to the back of the room, lifting me off the ground and pinning me to the wall while not breaking the kiss. I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist; my tongue fought for dominance but my body went completely limp. He moved his lips from mine down to my neck, kissing and sucking lightly as my clit gained a heartbeat. I threw my head back, enjoying all that was coming with this moment.
"Fuck Cyn, why you do that?" He pulled away and put me down before wiping his lips.
Humiliated, I didn't utter a single word. I quickly grabbed my bag and ran out of the room, yanked my car keys off of the counter, then rushed to my car. I don't know if Devonte came after me or not, because I was down the street before I even processed what happened.
What the fuck! Why did I kiss him?
I drove home in silence; my thoughts were loud enough and I didn't need any music to add to them. On top of all that, my clit was still pounding in my panties because I couldn't shake the feelings of his soft lips on me; kissing, licking, and sucking on me.
I sat in my car for what felt like hours, shocked at myself that I was that bold. I've never made the first move with anyone, and I can't believe that Devonte is the person I decided to try some shit with. He doesn't even like me like that; I'm like his little sister.
Cynnnnnn, why did you do that?
Finally, I dragged myself into the house. I prayed that my mother was asleep, or at least in her room with the door closed so that I wouldn't have to explain myself. But of course, she was sitting right at the kitchen table, her laptop in front of her, typing away with a stack of paperwork at her side.
"Hey Cynny Binny." She said, not even looking up from her laptop.
"Hey ma." I said softly.
I headed straight for the stairs, trying to avoid having to hold a conversation with her.
"What happened between you and Vonte?" She asked, still not looking up from her laptop.
"Huh?"
"You heard me girl." She closed her computer, took her glasses off of her face, and looked right at me. "What happened?"
I sure hope there's no hickies on my neck.
"Wh—why do you think something happened?" I questioned.
"Devonte texted me and told me to let him know when you get home safely. That means he knows that you're not gonna text him. So I'll ask again. What happened?"
"We had a disagreement, that's all." I said.
"About?"
"I'd rather not talk about it Ma. I just want to take a shower and go to sleep." I sighed.
Mommy squinted her eyes at me, like she was trying to figure me out. She finally let out a long breath.
"Alright Cyn. I don't mean to be all in your business. But I know that Devonte cares about you, honey. And I know that you care about him too."
She returned to doing her work, and I marched up the stairs to my bedroom. I grabbed my towel and then waltzed to my bathroom. I stripped out of my clothes and stared at my naked body in the mirror, especially focusing on my chest and neck. There were faint purple bruises starting to appear, so I made a mental note to cover them up in the morning before I go to class.
My eyes drifted from my neck to my vagina, where I noticed the mess that Vonte helped make. Both of my thighs stuck together a little, being bonded by sticky fluids the seeped from me earlier.
Damn, I got this wet from a kiss?
I shrugged it off and cleaned myself in the shower, letting my hot tears mix with the even hotter shower water.
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