A/N- SORRY I DIDN'T UPDATE IN OVER THREE MONTHS. LIFE IS CRAZY. I HAD MOCK EXAMS AND PROLLY FAILED LMAOOOO. I'M GOING ON A RESIDENTIAL FOR TRANS KIDS THIS WEEKEND AND IM SO EXCITED AHH. ALSO I'M SEEING ALL TIME LOW, AS IT IS, IDK HOW AND PARX IN TWO WEEKS SKSKSKKSKSKSKSK
ANYWAY YOU PROLLY DON'T CARE, ON WITH THE STORY
~Dallon's POV~
I've fucked up so badly. Why didn't I charge my phone? Why didn't I just charge it beforehand? I nervously drink some water and wait for my phone to charge a bit. Anxiety fills my body to the brim as I think of just how much I fucked up. It takes every muscle in my body to not throw the phone at the wall. That won't solve anything, that'll make it worse.
I turn the phone on impatiently, not caring that it's only at 7%. That's enough. Notifications flood in and my heart sinks really low. Ryan tried to contact me so many times, texting me and calling me and I wasn't answering. I scroll through all the texts and count the missed calls. I've messed it up. Any chance of us being together is now gone because I ruined the one thing that was supposed to change everything between us. Well, now everything is changed, but not in the way I wanted it to.
I fucked it all up.
~Spencer's POV~
I pull out my phone and quickly text Jon. Ryan's hugging me, face resting on my chest, almost completely asleep. I'm holding him close as well. I just watched my old best friend nearly kill himself, I don't really wanna let him go now.
Me: Hey babe could you come over? I want to pick Dallon up <3
Jon: I'll be right there xx <3
I look through my phone and find Dallon's contact and take a deep breath as I begin to type out a message.
Me: Hey I'll explain when I get there but I'm coming to yours to get you. You need to tell Ryan what really happened basically
He reads it and I sigh. I just wanted to make everything better for Ryan. If I had a wand, the first thing I would do is make his life easier. Ryan has had nothing but problems his whole life and I hate seeing him go through shit, especially when he's so low. He tries to convince everyone that it's no big deal but this finally broke him. He thinks it's all his fault now.
Ryan tenses, inhaling and looks up at me with tired, puffy eyes. He has been crying on and off since I found him, and he's still crying. I hug him tight, turning my phone off and tossing it to the side. I want him to be okay.
~Jon's POV~
When I walk into the house, I frown sadly at Ryan. He looks exhausted, pale, and sick. He looks over at me, blinking tiredly. He frowns and sits up in Spencer's lap.
"Wh... what are you doing here?" He asks. Spencer tenses a bit.
"Spencer texted me. How are you feeling?" I ask Ryan, but he looks down.
"I just want it all to be over. I haven't felt this low since... Keltie," he says, and both Spencer and I tense up. He never really talked about her to me but I know that he ended up in hospital many times for attempts when everything with her happened.
I don't really know what went on. Ryan only talked to Spencer and he didn't want anyone else to know. I got the jist of it though, Keltie was toxic and wasn't good for him
When he said he felt as low as he did when he was with Keltie I was extremely worried. Spencer and I need to do something to help him. Ryan can't keep going on like this
Spencer eventually stopped stroking Ryan's hair and stood up, still holding him. Ryan sighed and looked up at him as Spencer placed Ryan onto the sofa. Usually, Spencer slightly struggles to hold Ryan but he lost so much weight that Spencer was holding him with ease
"Hey I gotta go somewhere, Jon is staying with you Ry. See you soon" Spencer smiled before walking out the door. Ryan quietly whimpers at his exit being so abrupt and sudden
"W-was it s-something I did?" he asks with fear laced in his tone. I shake my head and tears start to form in his eyes again. Maybe Spencer could've been more gentle with him. I didn't know what to do, Ryan was on the edge of tears and he probably wanted Spencer back.
"Hey, he's just gone to do something. You've done nothing wrong Ry" I smile sadly and play with his hair. Ryan buries his head into my chest and I feel a few tears soak into my shirt
"C-can you h-hold me J-Jon? P-please" He whimpers and I pull him into my lap. I feel him relax and stop tensing when my arms wrap around him. I sigh and close my eyes, keeping Ryan close to me
When he eventually calmed down, I told him that I was going to get a shower. He just smiled at me, I didn't expect an answer. Ryan wasn't really in a talkative mood which is understandable.
I made my way upstairs after I checked that Ryan would be okay on his own. I want Ryan to be okay. It doesn't take much for people to know how Ryan's been struggling left and right for his whole life. What I didn't know and what Spencer most likely predicted is that Ryan is still struggling even after the split.
Ryan seems fine now. He's exhausted, even a blind man can see that, but he will be fine.
And that's all that matters right now.
~Spencer's POV~
I sat in my car for a few minutes before turning the ignition on. I hoped that Jon would make sure Ryan stayed safe. I trust that he will keep him safe, I'm just scared of losing him. The soft humming of the engine reminds me of where I need to go.
Once I reach Dallon's house I send him a text
Me: I'm outside Dal
He opens the door and smiles at me before going to lock his door. Dallon gets into the passenger side and looks at me expectantly. "So, I'm taking you to Ryan's house. Basically, I need you to explain what happened today. He didn't say much but all I gathered is that you' were supposed to meet or something? He's just really upset. Please talk to him Dal" I ramble on and hope he knew what I meant.
Dallon nodded in understanding "Yeah.. We were supposed to but then Brendon called me in. I'm happy to talk to him" he smiled at me and I smiled back
We set off back to Ryan's house and I let Dallon choose the music. Surprisingly, old grandad weekes has good music taste
~Ryan's POV~
Jon went upstairs to shower. That was a stupid idea, who would leave me alone after earlier? I'm not going to kill myself, I don't have the energy. I'll try another day. While Jon is gone I'm going to drink. If they're not gonna let me self harm then I'm gonna use my other coping mechanism
Once I hear the shower turn on, I go to the kitchen and grab some alcohol. Sitting on the floor, I bring my knees to my chest and down the drink like its juice.
I feel my head start to spin but that doesn't stop me. I need to forget. This will help me to forget everything
~Dallon's POV~
I gently knock on the door, heart ready to be broken again. I look back at Spencer, who is sitting in the car, and watch him give me a thumbs up.
The door opens and I turn back. Ryan looks at me, blinking a few times, and I can immediately tell by the way he's leaning on the door that he's not sober. He doesn't smell like weed, so I'm going to assume he's drunk.
"What're... you here... what?" He asks.
Yeah, definitely drunk.
"I wanted to talk to you, are you alright?" His eyes flash with something and he opens the door so I can walk in. I do, and after following him a bit to the living room, he suddenly grabs my collar and pulls me close.
"Have I ever told you how hot you are?"
My face heats up.
"Wait, what?"
He pulls me close to the couch, keeping his pretty face near mine.
"I love you. You and your body and your voice and your smile, everything about you is so fucking great," Ryan says, not taking his eyes off my lips.
"You're drunk," I say.
"And you're hot," he tells me immediately. We fall onto the couch and he pushes his lips against mine, taking my hand and leading it to his crotch. I melt and for a split second, I consider going further, but remember why I'm saying no.
"Ryan, we can't-"
"That was our first kiss," Ryan's eyes light up as he talks with that cute smile of his.
"Yes, but-"
"I want you to fuck me."
"Ry, we-"
"Nice and hard and rough," he says with a drunk smirk as he continues to force my hand to palm him through his jeans. He moans softly, other hand through my hair on the back of my head.
"Ryan, you're drunk, we can't-"
"Please," he says quietly, leaning forward. I hate myself for considering it, and I hate myself more for letting my hand take control. I want him, I really fucking want him.
He moans a bit and I realize what's happening. I push him down, quickly standing up. He's hard and I'm a little turned on, but this isn't happening.
"Why'd you stop?"
"I'm not taking advantage of you being drunk," I say, swallowing hard.
"I'm giving you the advantage, please take it," Ryan whimpers, but he looks too tired to even stand. I turn away, deciding to go to the kitchen and get some water for him. I walk back out.
"I don't want to have sex with you," I say because maybe he won't do anything if he thinks I don't want him. Though, when I look at him, I realize that he's asleep. I sigh and place the water down, then grab the blanket that's hanging off the back of the couch and place it on him. I kiss his cheek, walk to the kitchen and grab two ibuprofen for when he wakes up, and then leave.
I get in the car and sigh quietly.
"So?" Spencer asks.
"He was drunk and tried to have sex with me," I say.
"And you pulled away?"
"Obviously," I say, and he nods.
"Good."
"I'll check on him again tomorrow. I feel horrible about everything that happened."
"What did happen, exactly? All you said was that you like Ryan and something happened with a date?"
"I had a date with Ryan earlier. My phone was dead so I couldn't tell him, and I didn't really know how to tell you guys, so I just tried to finish everything as soon as possible, but it wasn't soon enough. Ryan stopped talking to me, and-"
"Ryan tried to kill himself," Spencer cuts me off. I freeze, heart sinking and shattering at the same time. "It makes sense now, he kept going on about how no one would love him and he even started talking about-"
He doesn't continue, so I frown slightly.
"Who?"
"Keltie. She, uh... she was really abusive. Occasionally hit him and always acted like he was the one to blame. He was really depressed about it. She made him chase for her love, then broke up with him on valentines day when he was planning on proposing again and accused him of cheating to the whole world. It broke him so hard, that's why he left panic," Spencer explains, looking uncomfortable. I get it, I'd be uncomfortable if I was bringing something up like that after years.
"Proposing again?"
"He proposed three times, each time was because she would complain why they weren't married. She said no every single time, and on the third time he finally broke down and kept yelling at her how she can't just do that, but she cried and made him the one to blame, as usual. It sucks, he just wanted to love someone and be happy, and she hurt him. That's why he probably won't talk to you, he's scared you'll do the same thing.
I look down, because what happens if he's already scared of me?
"I know you won't if that's what you're worried about. Just relax and wait until tomorrow to talk to him. You guys are gonna be okay."
I take a deep breath. He's probably right. I'll do anything to make Ryan happy.
We're gonna be okay.