Sunday, 10:30 p.m.
The time went by painfully slow. It's been days since James spilled out everything about him changing and never letting me go. He also kind of showed it. Since I came home, he didn't go out. Instead, he tried spending time with me, buying me gifts and respecting my choices. You could say I took advantage of that, I told him it would be good if he went out and celebrated somewhere else and that I needed to be alone this night. Surprisingly, he did as I said and decided to go and celebrate with his family.
I, on the other side, have been sitting by this window for hours now, just staring at the sky and the small glitter dots, representing stars. I was ❜celebrating❜ New Year's alone. I wasn't completely alone, I had a vodka bottle lying in my hand, and when it hit midnight, I would let loose and numb my mind. Even if it was for just for a while.
James tried to convince me to spend New Year's with him or together with him and his family, but he respected my choice. Lorenzo texted me almost every day. He wanted to let me know that he still thought of me. He even offered me to follow him to Atlanta and celebrate with his family. It was really a kind and thoughtful offer. But I declined it. I haven't heard from Tasha since wednesday. We usually talk on the phone quite often, I even texted her that James was gone for the night.
I looked at the bottle in my hand again. The red label on it hypnotized my eyes, making me more and more eager to open it. I never wanted to numb my feelings with any kinds of drugs, including alcohol. But seeing James do it, how he just lets loose and takes a break from everything after the alcohol passes his throat, intrigued me. I had a rough couple of days, or a rough couple of years, that I felt like I deserved a pause. I couldn't lie that I would feel a little guilty afterwards, when I can just put aside this bottle and just don't do it. It sounded easy, didn't it?
Just put it aside, do something else, meet up with someone, celebrate like others do.
The truth was: I could put it aside. I could put it back on the shelf. I could even throw it or smash it into a million pieces. I was never dependent on alcohol. But I was dependent on James. I still am. And if this could make me take a break, even for a little while, on New Year's Eve, I'd do it.
Was I a coward for trying to put my miserable feelings aside? Some may consider it so. But if you had been feeling stuck, locked up, imprisoned and trapped for several years, that begin to feel like decades, and you have tried so much and it just feels like you can't do anything more, wouldn't you want to take a break? I can say, I would love to.
There were just two hours left till a new year started. Would it be another lengthy chapter, or perhaps one filled with adventures and news? Or would it be a happy, or sad ending? Maybe, it would be a whole new story? I was just playing with my thoughts. But soon, I wasn't alone with my thoughts.
The loud knock on the door made me look at the door and reconsider if I should go and open it. I continued sitting by the window and ignored it instead. But the knocking went on. I sat up, not even minding to put down the alcohol, but going towards the door with the bottle in my hand.
❞Surprise!❞
She really got me surprised. I thought I would be here alone for a longer while, but now I had company. It wasn't just any company, it was my best friend, the one and only Tasha. She wore black, glittery shorts, blinking with every move she took. Her top consisted of silver, blue and black glitter, matching with her glittery eyeshadows that were the same colors. She looked like she just finished her work for today.
❞Oh, looks like we had the same idea.❞ She indicated, focusing her attention on what I was holding.
She held the same thing. Except, she held two. One in her right hand and one in her left hand. She came in and placed the bottles on the table in the living room. She took off her black coat and shook off her silver heels, throwing them near the door.
❞Tasha.❞ I said. ❞I truly am surprised.❞
She came closer, like she was going to hug me. ❞I hope it's a good surprise.❞ She said, smiling.
She hugged me. I felt her warmth, not even her cheeks were cold. That indicated that she just came here from work, after all the dancing. I suddenly felt comfort. I thought our friendship was falling apart with me ignoring some of her calls, not eating and not being so open about myself. After all, I haven't heard from her in four days, and that was a long time considering that we called or texted each other almost every day to tell one another that everything was fine. She could be doing so much now, but she decided to come here and spend time with me.
❞It is a very good surprise.❞ I replied, hugging her even tighter.
❞Did something happen?❞ She asked, noticing that something was wrong.
I looked away for a second. ❞No, you know I'm just...❞ I shrugged my shoulders.
She hugged me again. ❞You know you can always talk to me.❞ She acknowledged. ❞And sorry for not answering your calls and texts, I worked in Buffalo, some guy saw me dancing the other night and wanted me to try and dance in his club.❞ She explained, ❞I'm not gonna' lie, I made some good money there.❞ She added, making me chuckle.
She took my hand, leading me to the couch as we both sat down. She wanted to say something, but the bottle caught her attention once again.
❞You never drink.❞ She said in confusion, ❞But I understand New Year's can be an exception.❞ She added with a wink.
❞I'm just so... Frustrated. I don't know what to do anymore.❞ I admitted. ❞So I thought... A break would be great.❞ I smiled.
❞Let this be our night, Cat. Let's just drink and open our souls up and... Drink.❞
I laughed, ❞I agree.❞
It was just half an hour left till New Year. We could already hear fireworks outside, but we didn't pay much attention to them. We were too busy spilling out everything about ourselves and laughing till we got a stomachache. There was only one full bottle on the table by now, and a tiny bit in another.
❞You are lucky, your love life is pretty good. Lorenzo is a good man. And his muscles...❞ Tasha said before she started fantasize.
I shook my head. ❞Tasha.❞
❞Okay tiger, chill.❞ She laughed, ❞He's all yours.❞
❞Yeah, if he isn't in bed with his ex-fiancé by now. She really seems to be trying to get him and Marco back.❞
Tasha was shocked, ❞I know we aren't really 100% ourselves now, but that was rough.❞ She mumbled. ❞Don't say such things, Cat. You know Lorenzo would never do that to you. He loves you.❞
I laughed. ❞Don't be silly. How could he ever love me?❞ I slurred my words. ❞He has a son with his ex-fiancé, not to forget to mention that she is back and spending more and more time with both of them. Tell me, what makes you so sure he doesn't still love her?❞
Tasha put away the now empty bottle from her mouth and held it sloppily in her hand. She raised her eyebrows and swallowed the vodka.
❞I never said that.❞ She spoke, ❞You'll always love your first, true love or whatever you want to call it, it isn't easy to stop. But your heart will always have that tiny little bit of love for them, no matter how much they've hurt you.❞ She explained, her look turning quite sad. ❞But, if Lorenzo loved her more than you, would he really text, call and think of you every day, even when his first love came back?❞
I went mute. It was just me who was scared of the fact that Lorenzo would choose someone before me. I took the full bottle and removed the cap.
❞Why does it have to be like this?❞ I thought out loud, leaning the bottle towards my mouth.
Tasha weakly laughed, ❞Tell me about it.❞
It was quiet. Tasha played with her empty bottle, while I held my almost full one and looked through the window,
lost in my blurry thoughts.
❞Have you ever loved someone, Tasha?❞
Tasha was silent for a second, before she began to speak. ❞I never loved someone as much as my family. My sister, especially.❞ She spoke gladly, but that tone was soon gone. ❞After the accident, I lost myself. It was my 18th birthday and I only had one wish. I was driving, which wasn't a good idea since I wasn't fully myself. So, another car drove into me because I... Well, I wasn't a great driver, especially not on that day.❞ She admitted. ❞The guy went out of his car, running towards me. I was almost unconscious, but I could still see him, with a worried look on his face. Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital, waking up just to see the same guy who's car I crashed into, sitting beside my hospital bed.❞
She smiled weakly at the memory, looking straight through the window from the couch.
❞I noticed his tan skin, his dark, curly hair and his beautiful brown eyes, full of hope. Those eyes. He didn't say anything as I woke up, he was just sitting there, his face lighting up as he saw me open my eyes. Even though he didn't say anything for a minute, I noticed his eyes. I know it can sound silly, but his eyes just told me ❜Have hope, it'll be okay.❜.
❞That's the reason for the tattoo?❞ I asked, pointing at the tattoo on her wrist, that said ❜Hope❜ with beautiful, handwritten letters.
She nodded and smiled, looking at the tattoo.
❞He brought light into my life. He visited me every day in the hospital, bringing me my favorite foods, movies and music. He helped me with my bad habits, made me think about other things in life than the tragedy that ruined it. He was my light.❞ Her voice cracked, she stopped for a second. ❞But every light goes out after a while. I found out that he had a sick mother, and selled drugs to be able to pay for her medications and appointments. I learned that sometimes, we have to do tough things in order to do good things. But his mother died, on New Year's Eve.❞ She took a break, looking down. ❞Instead of selling them, he started using them. I tried to help him. I flushed them down the toilet, tried every way to make him stop. He got abusive, started beating me.❞ She stopped again for a second. ❞It didn't stop me, I knew that it wasn't him doing that to me, it were the drugs. New Year's Eve was approaching us once again, we decided to just spend it at home, watching movies together like the old days. I made my way to his appartment, all happy to be in his arms like I used to. But when I opened the door, happiness was the last thing I felt. He lay on the floor, his mouth covered in foam.❞
❞Tasha...❞ I almost whispered in grief. ❞That's horrible, I'm so sorry.❞
❞You know what the worst part is? The part that is killing me to this day?❞ She looked at me. ❞I left.❞ She confessed.
❞I called the ambulance and left immediately. I couldn't bare with someone more leaving me forever. Instead of being with him at his worst, like he was with me, I left. I couldn't hear the doctors tell me that they're sorry for my loss again. I didn't want to know if he could be saved. Because if he couldn't, I couldn't have handled it.❞
❞What was his name?❞ I asked calmly.
❞Sam.❞ She smiled. ❞My Sam.❞
Tasha was looking at the clock on the wall, noticing it was just a quarter left till midnight. She took a sip of the alcohol again and turned to me.
❞So, Cat, how has your year been?❞
I turned to her and we looked at each other. I felt the corners of my mouth curve up, before I started laughing. It didn't take long untill we both bursted out laughing.
❞Great. Fantastic.❞ I said sarcastically, we both continuing laughing.
❞I hate New Year's. It reminds me of that night.❞ She drank from the bottle again.
I muffled my laugh, actually thinking of the year. ❞It's been better than the few before.❞ I spoke. ❞I met you, and you became the best friend I could ever wish for. I met Lorenzo, who made me feel... Unreal. When I'm with him, it's like I'm living in a fantasy. I saw Carter again.❞ I thought of my best friend and smiled. ❞He encouraged me to never give up, made me realize how strong I am, how much I've changed. I confronted James after all this time. I'm helping Daisy again. I'm helping Marco.❞ I felt my smile widen. ❞He's already doing so much better.❞ I expressed, proud of him.
❞I'm proud of you, Cat.❞ She said. ❞Punching Emma for taking my customer and getting kicked out afterwards was the best thing that happened this year. It led me to the bar, where I met the rich lady, dressed classier than everyone in the room and sat alone with her drink.❞
I laughed at the memory of how we met. ❞And here we are now, holding the thing that led us to each other, again.❞
She raised her drink.
The fireworks were going crazy, as the clock hit midnight. There was not a single color that was missing. Fireworks in every colors and shapes were blasting up in the deep blue sky. They were so loud, I couldn't even imagine how much louder they were for the people standing outside. We didn't bother standing up to watch them, we could perfectly see them from the two couches we were lying on. We looked at each other.
❞Cheers.❞ We said, before we let the alcohol pass down our throats again.
We watched the fireworks for a while, not saying a word, just lying on the couch. When the fireworks calmed down,
I spoke,
❞So, what are the goals for this year?❞
Tasha thought before she found an answer, ❞Keep being myself, not let the tragedies in my life imprison me. Do what I love. And maybe, just maybe chase my dream for real.❞ She answered.
❞To become a dancer?❞
❞Yes. But that'll never happen, I didn't go to college, I've only worked in coffee shops and now I'm a stripper.❞ She laughed.
❞Stop it,❞ I said, ❞I know that one day, I'll be sitting in the audience, watching you dance in front thousands of people.❞
She muffled a laugh, ❞I wish.❞ She said. ❞What about you, rich lady?❞
❞I don't really know. I-❞
Tasha interrupted me. ❞You know what? I'm gonna' answer for you. You're gonna' get back what's yours, leave the asshole of a husband you have, run to Lorenzo and be with him and Marco. I know you love them both.❞
And so, we fell asleep in the living room. After hours of drinking and talking we fell into a deep sleep, our headaches building up, just to wake up with the worst hedache ever and every single drop of the alcohol I consumed, escaping my body out into the kitchen sink.
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January was becoming a very busy month for everyone. The hotel was full of people who visited their families for New Year. The restaurant was full of bookings, families, couples and friends that wanted to celebrate the new year by eating luxurious foods, instead of partying and getting drunk.
I was one of the few people getting a time to meet Nathaniel King, he was a really busy man. I stood in the hallway, wanting to get this over with. I just wanted to know if it would work or not, I was tired of waiting for results, just to be disappointed at the end. Suddenly, a woman, who I assumed was King's assistant came out and called my name.
I took slow, elegant steps towards his office, trying to keep calm and polite. The gorgeous woman held the door for me, closing it as I walked in. The man was concentrated on some papers that were lying on his desk, I couldn't see his face.
❞Welcome, take a seat.❞ He spoke with his husky voice, his hand motioning me to sit down
on the chair in front of his desk.
I came closer and sat down on the chair, and that was when he looked up at me. I was caught in surprise, as I saw the man that approached me and gave me hope, the night the gender reveal party took place. Once again, I was met by his beautiful brown eyes, holding thousands of mysteries for themselves.
❞It's nice to see you again.❞ He said casually, lightly smiling, keeping it professional.
I went mute for a second, ❞You.❞
❞I apologize for not introducing myself the other night, that was very rude of me.❞ He spoke with his intoxicating, calm voice. ❞I'm Nathaniel King.❞ He reached out his hand.
I was completely mesmerized by his voice. I put myself together and shook his hand.
❞Catherine Richmond.❞
❞Thank you for coming in. May I ask why you thought I might be worth talking with?❞ He said calmly.
I told him how he was suggested to me by a friend, how I heard that he is a lawyer who's suitable for my case and how I needed a good, stable lawyer.
He listened to every word I said, keeping everything so professional. ❞Thank you for that.❞ He said, before he called in his assistant to type on the computer for him. ❞Please explain your problem, and what result you are looking for.❞
Once again, I told my story for someone who was supposed to help me. But this was my only chance,
and I really hoped it would work.