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Ι' ve philosophised it! Everything is a matter of composure. This is where I lose the upper hand. I can' t structure my feelings. That is my biggest mistake!
A callous bitch, shouldn' t be affected by her feelings. Anger, jealousy, love, joy, sadness, desire ... I shouldn't feel none of this under any of the circumstances of my life. I have to resist Matt' s spell and not let myself be drawn by Bruno. It' s a matter of practice I think. All i have to do is not to care about anything and show to my enemies that their words do not touch me. Simple as that! I want to believe in that at least.
For the time being, i must fight Bruno back. He keeps criticizing me about my age. He calls me "little girl" and every time he findσ an opportunity he gives prominence to my immaturity. Before he found the opportunity and mocked me by using the band Trading Yesterday. Hence, since he likes the songs so much, I'll learn him another one, which will certainly remind him of me. From what Chris told me, he has gone to sleep. Therefore, now it's my big chance to confort him. I ascend to the second floor as quietly as I can. I notice that it is much bigger than mine. I haven' t been here before since it' s Bruno' s personal space and I was forbidden to come here. In the thought of it, I roll my eyes. With my tip toes, i walk straight to the hallway to get to the last door, which is probably his bedroom. I turn as quietly as i can the handle and open the door. I look hastily to the dull in black and white colors of his bedroom, and then head towards his bed. I see him lying face down on top of it. He wears a pair of gray sweatpants, which has dropped low enough to reveal his boxer briefs. He looks incredible in it. My gaze falls unconsciously on his firm butt. It has the same influence over me, as it has to Bruno the fact that my straps slide down my shoulders. My eyes ascend to his bare torso and his large broad shoulders and then end up on his face. This contrast of the sweet and wild, angel and demon, drives me crazy! Now that his eyes are shut and he can' t hypnotize me, I can notice his face better. His plump lips, his straight nose, his high cheek bones, his firm jaw ... But above all, his jet-black hair and thin beard, who makes his face look wild and highlights his sexy side. Simultaneously, however, he' s serene and sweet, hugging his pillow. Surprisingly, the scene with me seducing him at Lily' s party, is being recalled in my mind. I take a deep breath and banish it. My eyes shifted from him to the alarm clock that he has upon the nightstand beside him. I take it in my hands and realize that he has put it to wake him up in less than half an hour. So, I change the song that will awaken him. I put the song This little girl (Murder) of Cady Groves and placed it where he was before. I smile satisfied and I get out quietly, without waking him up.
I climb down and change quickly. I wear a black mini skirt that clings to my body combined with a short white shirt with open neckline. I straighten and tease my hair, and add black pencil eyeliner on my eyes and chocolate lip gloss on my lips. I put some dark gray low wredges and rush out of the room.
While i descend the stairs, i face Bruno standing in the doorway with his arms crossed. He' s still half naked, barefoot, wearing just his gray sweatpants. His hair is a mess and it looks like he has just woken up. I estimate that his alarm clock had just rang. However, he' s still hotter than hell. His blue eyes devour me, but i act as if I haven' t noticed his presence. He comes closer to me grasping my chin and turning my head, giving me no other choice than to look at him.
<<So, little girl, are you capable of murder? >> he asks, repeating the words of the song i put him to hear.
<<When they hurt me, yes. Didn' t you hear? Besides, you're not the only one walking ' round with a loaded gun. >> I use the words of the singer, to refer to Brandon' t murder.
<< You know well that I don' t need a gun. My teeth alone are quite deadly. >> He lengthens his canines for a few seconds, and then bring them back to their original size.
My face approach his.
<< Mine too. Don' t forget! Just one bite of mine and you' re instantly in hell meeting Brandon! That' why, get out of my way and let me go. >> I shove him off and head to the front door. Just when i open it he shuts it with a push of his strong hands. With both of his hands, he grips my arms and he sticks my body to the wall. His own arms flex so much that the curve of his muscles lengthen. He lifts me slightly and i feel my body dangling. Nevertheless, surprisingly, i' m not hurt.
<< I'm one step from the edge . Don' t push me over it, because you' re the one who's going to lose. You know that I can do it. So let me go. >> i warn. I try to show that my patience is starting to run out.
His hands relax. He lets go of my arms. One hand moves through my hair and the other on my waist, which curves making it ease to him to pull me close. My eyes are forced to meet his.
<< You didn' t hear the song i put previously little girl. If you had listened to it, you'd understand why I said you were young and immature and you wouldn' t get so angry with me. >> he mumbles with his lips inhaling my breath. Although i 'm dizzy by his gaze and the intimate contact, I try to bring to my mind the words of the song. << Not everything revolves around you, Eve! All this time, i was trying to comfort you for Matt. You' re angry with me, because i didn' t tell you something that you would normally have to deduce by yourself. I save the world from a bastard who raped you and you attack me. But you' ve never asked to learn my side of the story. How I feel. That' s why you could never understand. You could never understand the demons that i face. You can pretend all you want to yourself, you believe that you're right at everything, but if you're not a little conciliatory, you could never see things clearly. That' s why you' re immature, little girl. >>
My eyes lose their color. Suddenly the walls that I have built between us, crumble. His words and his blue eyes, cut the resistance. My mind ceases to scrutinize his words and focuses on his half-open lips that are like gates for the heaven, which long for me. I'm his stooge. I'll do whatever he says without being able to control myself. His gaze is pointy nail on mine. His lips are at zero distance. The attraction between us overcomes my strength. Unconsciously, my finger, copying his, tangle through his hair. My lips are being parted and i stretch my neck with yearning to erase the distance. But i don' t find time to do it. He immediately move away from me. He took his head and out of my hair. My breath is nearly cut off. A strong pain pressures my chest. It's too bad this feeling of rejection just before the acceptance. As if you have a chocolate in front of you and when you take a tiny bite someone takes it out of your mouth. And this someone always happens to be Bruno.
<< Plus, dressing like a slut, won' t do any good! >> he mumbles, staring at my breasts.
I am outraged. I can' t let him play with me like that. I have ceased to be weak and vulnerable since Matt revealed me the truth. For sure, I can' t let Bruno throw away my confidence again. Therefore, when in fact I want to slap him across the face and then kiss him, I actually hold down my desire and smile. I lower my shoulder, to let the strap deliberately fall. I rest my head on my other shoulder and rub with my hand my stripped one. His eyes goggle.
<< And yet, as you can see it does good in one thing, which is enough for me. It drives you crazy! >> i murmur with a calm, sensual voice. I turn sharply, open the door and walk out.
Spontaneously a satisfactory somile appears on my face. I manage to hold my nerves. Okay, I know that at first i showed him that he can control me, but after i proved to him and as much as he provokes me, I've taken the decision to ignore him.
I walk towrads Bruno' s car. I "borrowed" his keys, since it' s a bit difficult to ride my motorcycle with this skirt. It's so short that if i wear the shorts i usually put on under skirts it would be noticed. Besides, I want to try something new. Therefore, i will cut off the motorcycle for a while and drive myself to places with a car. I get inside and drive off.
***
Once i park the car and climb out of it, i face Brian waiting for me right outside.
<< Brian! >> i exclaim.
<< I was surprised you called me. >>
<<Why don' t we go sit inside and talk there. >> i suggest.
He nods. We walk torwards the café-bar. Once we sit and order, he asks me again:
<< Well, why did you call me? >>
<< I wanted to get out of the house and i thought i could call my bestie to join me. Shouldn' t have i done it? >>
<< No, of cource you should. It' s just that you haven' t gotten me used to that lately. You know, apart from the party that you had to come, you never called me. You were a wreck. Even at the party where you tried to look happy, you weren' t really. I saw it. >>
<< Things have changed, hun. I've changed for good! >>
<< Well, that' s for sure! >> he exclaims looking me up and down. << I hope this change id for your own good. >> he adds.
I shrug my shoulders.
<< Who knows? Anyway, change the subject. What happened with the Blondie at the party? >>
<<Do you really expect me to answer that? >> he asks me, smirking.
I laugh, but i stop instantly. My eyes goggle in anger and surprise.
<< What the fuck? >> i exclaim in surprise, with my eyes staring over Brian' s shoulder.
<< What' s going on? >> he asks me puzzled, but within a few seconds the answer comes from elsewhere.
Zozef, Jake, Ryan and Demi sits next to us quickly. They behave with complete intimacy, which no one has ever given to them. And as I think, that they are here because of Matt, to supposedly protect me makes me even more furious. But of course i' m not going to keep up appearances or to pretend to be comfortable with it when actually I'm not. I hate it when both sides know that it's not all right between us, and yet they behave as if they are. Hence, I go straight to the point, omitting the cliché phrases and manners.
<< Did you ask anyone to sit here? >> i ask sharply.
<<No. So? Whom should we have asked? >> Ryan responds loosely.
<< I don' t know, what do you think? Whom should you have asked? >>
<< Stop, baby girl! Τhe guys won' t do any harm. >> Brian cuts off.
<< Knock it off a bit. >> I say abruptly, and just when i see him frowning i grab his hand and add sweetly: << I know what I'm talking about. I'll explain later. >>
After that, i address them, trying to state what I want as clearly as possible.
<< Well, I know very well why you're here. You made this clear in the morning. >> i mumble, looking mainly at Demi and Zozef. <<And I want to make this clear myself that i don' t have a problem with you. On the contrary, i even like you . But I want to stay away from anything and anyone who has anything to do with him. Maybe i wouldn' t mind if you would just have stopped refering to him. But when i know that he has forced you to take care of me, until i give in his pressure and spells, doen' t make me feel comfortable with us talking to each other. So I' ll ask you kindly this time to stay away from me and if he pressures you for the opposite tell him that nothing will make me go back to him. >> i explain. I get up and get ready to leave.
<<Hang on! I can' t understand why you're so angry with him. And what the heck mesmerization and spells has to do anything with all ? >> Demi asks me playing perfectly the ignorant' s role. Of course, she can' t fool me. None of them! I am well aware that vampires specialize in lies.
<< Don' t pretend you don' t understand. None of you! I'm sure you all know very well what he did to me. And i' m not angry with you for not telling me anything. I understand. He' s your friend anyway. Since he wanted to play and steal my feelings, you wouldn' t be able to go against him. That's why all I'm asking for is for you to leave quietly and not bother me ever again. >> i plead them.
<< You know that tha's not gonna happen, right?>> Jake asks.
<< I asked you politely the first time. This doesn' t mean that i will treat you the same at the second. And for your good you should listen to me and go. Because if you don' t, then you, your brother and your chicks ... >>
<< Then what?>> he cuts off my question.
<<Then ... >> i whisper in his ear, so Brian won' t hear. << ... unfortunately i will bite your girlfriend and kill her. >> i threaten and get up to leave. But while i walk, I turn around to see Brian who' s bewildered sitting at the exact same point that I left him not wagging eyelid.
<< Well, aren' t you going to come?>> I ask him slightly irritated.
He looks at me with an unfathomable look.
<< Will you? >> i repeat, more insistently this time.
He gets up from his position, obviously angry and comes towards me. He grabs me by the arm urging me to walk faster.
Once we reach the parking lot, he lets go of my hand, which I suspect is bruised from so much pressure, and he addresses me.
<< I want to know right now, who were those people. What does all this have to do with Matt, for whom you were apparently talking. What the hell was what you were saying about controling emotions, spells, pressures and I don' t know what else. And most importantly, what did you whisper in his ear that terrified him so much. >> he states decisively.
My eyes fall on the road in despair. What am i supposed to say to him now?
All this time when i was spluttering, my nerves was luring me and I had forgotten that he was next to me and listened to every thing I said. And my giddiness is what I pay now.
<<Well?>> he urges me.
<<Nothing. >> I make a pause. << Nothing important. >> i add. My gaze continues to avoid his own.
<<Nothing? That' s the only thing you have to say . Pity that i thought you trusted me. That you're a true friend. But as it seems you can' t even be that. >> he accuses me.
<< Brian... >> i murmur sweetly and gently caress his cheek.
<< Back off! >> he shouts. <<Over the past month and a half, you're a wreck. I was calling you and you never picked up. I came over your house and you never let me talk to you. And as you saw, neither i complained, nor did i pressure you. However, after your behavior at the party and the current incident brought me over my limits. Even if i' m trying to get closer to you and figure out what' s going on you don' t let me in. You said you want us to be friends. But there' s no friendship without trust. At least it doesn' t last. You haven' t even told me what happened with Matt. He dump you, say it, don' t be embarrasted about it. And if you want me just as a quick call every time you' re bored, just say it. I will not criticize. But I can' t tolerate this hypocrisy. >>
<<To want you just as a quick call? >> i ask me surprised and disappointed.
<< But that' s what you' re doing Eve. You use me when you're not feeling well and want company. Then, even though I know I'm in love with you, you provoke me! >>
<< What? >> I' m mystified.
<<Am i lying? Look at the way you're dressed ... >> I feel a sense of shame overwhelming me. I try to hide my naked belly by pulling at my skirt and hiding my chest.
<< Just drop it now. It doesn' t really matter. And you know what? I'm tired. I don' tknow if you believe that your change was good for you, but personally I don' t like it. And I can' t live with it. I prefer not have you at all in my life than to have you like that. If you don' t decide to talk to me clearly about what' s going on in your life, don' t ever call me back. I don' t want to waste any more time listening to your vile, fake voice, which fully coincides with your current character. >> he says decisively. He leaves me speechless looking at me stunned. His words hurt me, but I couldn' t disagree. He is absolutely right. I can' t pull him with me in the dark. I must release him. I must let him go, depart, escape. And that' s what I' m doing. Without any reaction i stare at him climbing up his motorcycle and drive off. I am ready to burst out into tears by this goodbye, but I don' t. I'm still too stony for crying and tears, although me drifting apart from Brian is something really painful! i sigh.
I get into the Lamborghini and start driving around the city streets. I think that i should predict that sooner or later we would reach to the point where i would have to explain. I wouldn' t be able to hide from him anymore all of these strange thing that was happening before him and he pretended that he never noticed. The day he decided to speak up and give me an ultimatum that if i don' t reveal everything to him, i won' t see him again, arrived. So I am glad that I' m not allowed to reveal anything. That I am not allowed to untwist the jumbled thoughts in his mind. The secret must remain a secret. Vampires put it clearly. My farewell to Brian was inevitable. Sure, it's better that way. By saying goodbye to him today, i save myself from the imminent goodbye that would have happened, anyway, in a few months, when I turn 17 and turn into a newborn vampire.
Moreover, it hadn' t to be me you ditch him. I know that I wouldn' t afford to go back. Since he was the one who left and dump me, he managed to escape from me. Just like I did with Matt. I adversely affect Brian, so he has to stay away from me. And since i can' t push him deliberately away, to not be allowed to reveal something that it' s going to turn him back, smooths my way.
When I get home, it' s already dark.
<< Who are you?>> I ask a brunette, young, beautiful woman, who' s crying outside my front door.
She raises her gaze and her smudged, black and swollen eyes, peer into mine. However, she remains silent and teary.
<< What's going on? >> i ask softly this time, hoping to make her talk to me. I bend and sit beside her.
<< Bruno!>> she exclaims as if she blames him for her downhill. She bursts into sobs and falls on me, soiling my blouse with her tears.
Oh, Bruno! What did you do again and hurt her?
I stroke her hair to comfort her.
<< What did he do to you?>> i ask calmly.
<<He dumped me ... >> she screams, crying even louder.
Comparission flooded within me for the poor girl. I know very well how irresistible can Bruno become. Furthermore, I have experienced in my own skin, how much he likes to play with women. To make them fall for him and then dump them.
<< Stop crying! >> i urge her crucially . << And tell me what happened. >> i add.
<< We had met a couple months ago. >> she starts saying, wiping her tears on the sleeve of her jacket. << In a club. He had approached me first. I at first played it hard to get, but I couldn' t really resist his beauty and especially his aura, the glow he emitted. Especially when he called me 'princess' i gave in without a second thought. >> she continues. I completely understand what he means. << So, after some time, i gave in. I knew, of course, that he wasn' t in love with me, but even that was enough for me then. We met up and then he always left. He rarely spoke about himself. And overall he was very strange. But I didn' t care. I was blurred and i didn' t want to ask him for anything. I feared that if I became too pushy i wouldn' t want me anymore. That he would dump me. >> she sighs. << Anna, by the way. >> she adds.
<< Eve! I' m the daughter of his mother's husband. >> i explain.
<<I know! >> she states and continues her storytelling. << I' ve told me. He rarely spoke, but when he did, you were mentioned too often in the conversation. Well, as a matter of fact you were always mentioned . He was talking for you with such awe, such admiration ... >> My cheeks are on fire out of shame. << I envied you. I really envied you. Even now i envy you. I can admit that to you. But then again, i didn' t complain about it. I let him speak for you, neither complaining nor catting him off. I had reached a point where I knew exactly what you' re daily routine, your characteristics. Your strong and weak points. We were discussing the last ones several times. He came to my house angry with you and relieve his tension at me. Then, he began to talk about you again. About how furious you made him. He renumbered your flaws, but suddenly his tone changed, he was staring into the floor, smiling and began to say that even if what you say maked him see red, you still look beautiful in his eyes. Sometime i cut him off and asked him: "Are you that in love with her?" >> she says surprising me. I confess that I knew he was attracted to me. But I thought he just wanted to sleep with me. I never thought he could have developed feelings towards me. And even so strong feeling, as she claims. << He didn' t answer me. >> she continues. << H egot pissed and left. Maybe because he didn' t like the truth. Perhaps because he hadn' t even realized it himslef and he was at denial. After that, he never called me again. He never came back. He didn' t even reply to texts. I hadn' t seen seem for. I had gone mad. I was cursing myself, for not being able to control my mouth. I realized how much I was in love with him. So, I made one last attempt for us to get back together. I came here today to talk to him, to apologize for what I said. I asked him to come back to me and I assured him that i would never say anything to him again. But he wasn't listening. He threw me out of the house and told me to never set my foot here and bother him again. >>
As she explains me her problem, I remain silent and listen to her. I am surprised by these revelations. I can' t say anything. What can i tell her exactly? That she' s wrong? That what she saw, heard, lived is a lie? And on the other hand, if it isactually true? If he' s really in love with me? What do I do? Of course, I know that my attraction for him is unusual, but I can' t do this to myself. Besides, I am or rather I think I am still in love with Matt. Okay, well I know now that that' s not true, but until i win the battle with his influence in my heart, I have no choice but to pretend that I haven' t heard anything. Whatever she told me today would be like it was never said. Besides, what am i supposed to tell him? Your ex told me that you're in love with me. How about try to have a relationship? It sounds ridiculous!
<<I' m sorry. >> the only thing i manage to say.
<<It' s okay. Anyway, life is a bitch! >> A fake smiles is painted on her face. << Time to leave. I wasted enough of your time with my bullshit. >> he adds and hops up.
<<Wait! >> i prevent her, grasping his shoulder. << I don' t let you leave in this condition. Stay here tonight. In my room. Bruno never comes there, don' t worry >> i add, wishing to make amends, because i kinda feel guilty for their break up.
<< No, it' s not necessary. I can go >>
<< I insist! >>
<< You' re not gonna let me leave, huh? >> she aks me, knowing that the answer will be negative. Probably Bruno had explaind to her how stubborn i am.
I shrug my shoulders smiling. I open the door and she follows me inside.
Once we get to my room, however, we face bewildered Bruno lying on my bed with great comfort. His intense gaze shifts toward us. He isn' t amazed at all. Not surprising for a vampire. However, I wonder why he' s here. Since he knew we would come, since he most definitely heard us, why did he come to my room? His focus was directed straight to Anna.
<< I think I told you to leave? >> he yells at her looking angry with stubborn eyes. The girl is terrified and hides behind me. It makes sense, since Bruno especially with his unshaven jaw and furious, may seem very scary. No, of course, in my eyes. This image is actually watering with craving my body. Especially after Anna' s revelation the only thing I want to do now that I see him, is to finish what we started doing at the party. I take a deep breath and concentrate. I should help Anna.
I open my mouth to protest, but before I could, she had run quickly out of the room. Within a few seconds, i hear the sound of the front door closing.
<<You enjoy imposing on others and make them cry, do you?>> I ask while I climb onto the bed and sit with my knees beside him.
<<If that' s the only way to push them away, I have no other choice. >> he responds, without moving from his position.
<<You have an option. No need to send them away. She talk to me previously, she told me what happened ... >>
<< I know, I heard. I'm a vampire, remember? >> he asks me smiling at me. <<And about what she said to you ... it was bullshit, don' t listen to her. >> he adds, trying to patch up what Anna explained previously.
<< Don' t you think i believed her ... >>
<<Seriously? >> he asks me, his eyes narrowing in disbelief.
<<Yeah. I thought, that either she was just her imagination, or you had told her to tell me those stuff?>> i lie wanting first to convince myself then him.
<< Me? >>
<<I thought I said. Past tense. >> I make a pause. << However, it isn' t good what you do? >>
<< What about? >> he asks me, trying to find out what i want ot say, as i lay beside him. I look at the ceiling when I feel his gaze shifting to me.
<<That you don' t let people get close to you. >> i explain. I roll onto my side, tuck my hand under the pillow and let my honey eyes align with his blue ones.
<< I can' t let myself get too attached to anyone. Because when you get attached to someone and let him in, and then fight with him, it hurts like hell. Take you as example. I let you in. And nevertheless, you were angry with me, because i didn' t reveal you Matt' s secret. >>
<< I wasn' t angry. >> i mumble. He raises his eyebrow. << Okay, maybe a little. >> i admit, but his gaze doesn' t change. << Okay, maybe a lot. But now I know that i shouldn' t be so mad at you. Maybe it was your fault for not telling me, but perhaps you did it so i wouldn' t get hurt. >>
<< So this mean you' re not mad anymore, right?>>
<<No, why? >>
<< Um, i thought since i' m lying here, you might also let me sleep beside you. I' m tired ascending the second floor, you know. And don' t worry, it' s not a sexual innuendo. >> he whispers looking at me with his familiar irresistible look.
<< And what if i want it to be? >> i ask him, going even closer to him.
<<Huh? >> he exclaims surprised. << You mean to continue what we started at the party?>> Definetely as if he previously read my mind.
<<No! I did that justso i could learn what you were hiding. >>
<<I figured that out! >> he frowns.
<<It was my mistake. >> i point out and touch his jaw, forcing him to look me in the eyes. << I make a lot of mistakes lately. I don' t know what' s going on with me. I don' t know what I feel. What to do. I'm confused. In one side I want to run back to Matt, on the other I want to jump up on you and kiss you until i cut off your breath ... >> I start saying quickly and hastily, wanting to explain to him and especially to share with someone what' s on my mind. But he cut me off.
With his hand on my waist he pulls me towards him, while his lips desperately are searching for mine. I kiss him without overthinking it. It' s something spontaneous, an incomprehensible desire, that I can' t control. Perhaps it' s a test for what I feel. The need to untangle my emotions, my mind, my heart. Trying to clear Matt' s influence.
His lips are so soft, so markedly and welcome to mine. They' re so well-matched together. So, that the beginning and the end of each other can' t be distinguished. They writhe so much the one for the other. The nostalgia is so much that neither mine nor his lips want to split again. When they don' t have another choice, they' re just trying to be as close as they can to each other. After a few minutes, he breaks the silence first.
<< Everything that Anna told you was true. >> he murmurs softly and deletes with his fingers my cheek gently, reaching my half opened lips. His eyes devour me and his breath hypnotizes me.
<< I know! >> i whisper.
He places his fingers over my ear and then through my hair. He looks at me with affection and longing, when he pushes my body on his, smashing his lips to mine again. I let my tongue be rolled on his neck, and my hand slides lower, grabbing his ass.
<< How I wanted do this! >> i mumble through his mouth, without shifting my hand. I feel his eyes smiling.
***
They finally truly kissed... What did you think?
xx kardasakia