"Okay, we are done," said the hair stylist, taking off the foils from Jeonghan's hair, "Time to wash out."
"I kind of zoned out," Jeonghan remarked, smiling slightly at his reflection. His hair looked weird with all the bleach, and he had a momentary doubt as to whether he had made a good hair decision, but brushed it away.
"As expected," she laughed, putting a towel around his shoulders, "You had to wait ages. Right, let's wash it out, then all that's left is to tone it."
"Thanks, Eunha," he said, getting up and following her to the basins. He sat down and she moved his head to rest above the sink, turning the little shower head on. "I didn't know if I was ready to take a big step like this."
"Hair is a strange thing," she agreed, "It's a big part of someone's identity. Every time I get mine cut short again I'm like shit, did I make a mistake? But it's what makes me feel more like myself."
"I'm not really sure what most like 'me'," Jeonghan remarked, closing his eyes as the spray from the water pattered on his forehead.
"You'll find it," she assured him, tucking her chin-length black hair behind one ear before wrapping his hair in a towel and gently drying it off. "Sometimes it's nice to have a drastic change."
"You still haven't gone blonde," one of Eunha's colleages pointed out as she passed.
"I'm not the most drastic person, okay," she replied with a shrug. "Okay, let's get this hair dry. How much were you wanting off, again?"
"Just a little," he answered, smiling at his reflection in the mirror. He felt a sort of inner glow that morning, already imagining how he would style his new hair. Would Seungcheol like it?
"So what inspired the change?" she questioned as she picked up a hairdryer.
"I'm going through some changes, I guess," he considered, "In life, or whatever. I'm... actually receiving treatment at a centre, and I've come so far, I almost feel like a different person." He glanced at her reflection in the mirror as she combed through his hair. She wasn't judging him. Jeonghan was surprised at how much easier it was to talk about it now; the months had gone by so fast and he was ready to take back his life again.
"So, who is the new Jeonghan?" Eunha asked playfully, "A cute blond?"
"Hopefully," he said with a slight laugh. "I might even come out soon."
Eunha's eyes widened. "Am I the first to know?" she whispered loudly.
Jeonghan's cheeks reddened a bit. "Maybe the second? Well, to formally know, I guess. I haven't gone public or anything."
The hair stylist clutched the hairdryer to her chest. "It's a really hard thing to do. But if you're in a good place, I say - go for it. My girlfriend didn't actually come out until we'd been dating for three months, but she had to do it in her own time."
"What about you?" he asked curiously.
"Oh, I was pretty much the only out lesbian in high school," she laughed. "But whatever's best for you, I'd say. Anyway, I'd better start drying your hair, I can talk for days."
Some time later, he was transformed.
"I love it," he uttered, running a hand over his shoulder-length platinum blond hair. It was soft, and framed his face gently, the colour complimenting his slight tan.
"Time for a change, was it?" his step-father asked, getting up from where he had been sitting in the waiting area. He had gone to do a bit of shopping in the meantime, but returned some ten minutes before Jeonghan's hair was finished.
"What do you think?" Jeonghan asked, almost nervous.
"I think it really suits you," said the older man.
Jeonghan grinned. "Thank you, Eunha," he said, hugging the hair stylist. "I wouldn't have been able to do this without you."
"I'm glad you love it," she answered, "I only gave a slight nudge to make you go all the way."
"It turned out to be a good choice," Jeonghan replied. "How much is it all together?"
"It's already been paid for," Eunha told him with a grin.
He frowned, turning to see his step-father smiling at him. "You didn't have to - I should pay you back, it was expensive."
"Don't be silly," the older told him, handing him an iced coffee, "It's my treat."
"Thank you again, Eunha!" Jeonghan called, waving as he left the shop. "I'll be back next time I feel like a drastic change."
"I'll bear that in mind! Good luck with everything," she replied, waving back.
"Nice place," his step-father commented as they headed back to where his car was parked.
"Yeah, I'm surprised I'd never gone there before," Jeonghan replied, sipping on his iced coffee as they waited to cross the road. "Well, I don't think I would have done that before, but whatever." He noticed the passing stares from some girls as they went by, whispering and giggling to each other. He glanced up to see a young man hurriedly avert his gaze from across the street.
Jeonghan smiled to himself, sliding his hand into the pocket of his jeans. People were looking at him. They liked what they saw. For once he didn't feel like a specimen under a microscope, his skin didn't crawl when people looked at him, and he actually found himself liking the attention.
"I think you've become popular," his step-father suggested. "Lots of young women - and men - are looking at you, you know."
"Oh, I noticed," Jeonghan replied, startled to find himself sounding a little smug.
His step-dad threw him a look. "I suppose you'll start dating soon," he remarked, making Jeonghan look at him quickly.
"What makes you say that?" he demanded, his step-father chuckling.
"Just that you probably won't find it a problem, whoever you take a fancy to," he said, unlocking the car and getting in.
"Would it bother you who I decided to date?" Jeonghan questioned getting in also and reaching for his seatbelt.
His step-father shrugged. "It doesn't matter to me. As long as you're happy. And I know that you and I haven't seen eye to eye these past years, but for what it's worth, I do care about you, Jeonghan."
"Thanks," he mumbled. Maybe this weekend wouldn't be as bad as he thought.
But he was wrong.
Entering his house that early afternoon was the worst thing he could have imagined.
"Honey, we're home," his step-father called as he opened the front door, letting Jeonghan go in first.
Jeonghan took off his trainers and left them by the stairs, starting to feel a little hungry after the iced coffee. He froze at the living room door when he heard voices and laughter.
"Are you going in?" his step-dad asked, closing the front door behind him. "What do you fancy for lunch?"
"Lunch?" he echoed.
"Yeah, figured I might cook something," the older man said with a smile. He paused, listening. "Ah, I think your mother has some friends round."
Shit, Jeonghan thought. His mother's friends were the moms of the kids he went to school with. The kids who hated him, isolated him, talked about him behind his back. Nakamoto Yuta had been the only one who was remotely nice to him during those years. Jeonghan wondered how the Japanese guy was doing now.
"Well, I'd best get started on lunch," his step-dad remarked, moving past Jeonghan to enter the living room. The long-haired boy heard the older greeting several people.
"Ah, fuck it," he muttered, and went through the door. It was still his house; no one could stop him existing in it.
"Jeonghan?" a middle-aged woman asked. She had a short bob haircut, wearing jeans and a sweater, sitting nearest the window. "My you've grown since I last saw you."
"Mrs Lee," he answered, smiling slightly.
"And blond now," another woman remarked, Mrs Kim. "My son is dyeing his hair too these days. College kids, eh?"
"Are you in university, Jeonghan?" a bespectacled woman - Mrs Jung - questioned. "Your mother hasn't mentioned much about you."
"Not for a while, I think," Mrs Lee commented.
"I thought I heard another person come in," a fourth woman, wearing a simple dark green dress remarked, emerging from the kitchen. Her straight, shoulder length hair was dyed a light coppery brown and she wore a kind smile. "Jeonghan, it's so good to see you." She came over to hug him immediately where he hovered awkwardly in the doorway.
"You, too, Mrs Nakamoto," he said, smiling genuinely. The smile felt almost foreign on his face; he hadn't smiled properly since last seeing Seungcheol, and the fact that his every other thought went back to the nurse had begun to bother him. Of course, it was because Seungcheol still hadn't contacted him. He fought the urge to check his phone again.
"How have you been?" she asked, bringing him to sit down on the sofa between herself and Mrs Kim. "You're looking well."
The latter comment was kindly meant, but almost felt like a slap in the face from the past self that he now felt so disconnected to.
"I've been... alright," he answered, forcing a brief smile. He could hear his mother and step-dad talking in the kitchen, and it didn't sound overly pleasant. He tuned it out.
"Yuta mentioned what you've been up to," she said tentatively. Jeonghan nodded. Yuta had stayed in touch whenever he had been MIA, and didn't pass judgement like others had. Yet they still weren't particularly close.
"Yep. Been in treatment," he said.
"What for?" Mrs Jung asked curiously.
"Jeonghan," his mother began, entering the living room.
He looked her straight in the eye when he answered. "Anorexia."
There was a collective quiet gasp from the other mothers, apart from Mrs Nakamoto, of course there was - they'd had no idea. He was past the point of caring what other people thought about his eating disorder at this point.
"Jeonghan," his mother said harshly. "What have you done to your hair?"
"Just fancied a change," he answered plainly.
"I told your step-father to have you have your hair cut short," she said through clenched teeth.
His step-father shrugged unapologetically from the kitchen doorway.
"Well, it suits him, doesn't it?" Mrs Nakamoto suggested, "Yuta has this long red hair currently, though he looks a little scruffy. Boys these days are looking like kpop idols, don't you think?"
"It's certainly a trend among my Taeyong and his friends," Mrs Lee added, looking sympathetically at Jeonghan, who was busy trying not to let his emotions show on his face.
"You look like a disgrace," his mother muttered. "Anyway, Jeonghan has been bettering himself so he can come home and go to college in the new year. Isn't that right, son?" The last word sounded like a struggle for the woman.
"Have you been in hospital?" Mrs Kim asked, "You said you-"
"Right, who wants some cake?" Jeonghan's mother said briskly.
Jeonghan sighed and rose, walking towards the door.
"You look ridiculous, get out of my sight," his mother hissed when she passed him.
He froze.
"Jeonghan hasn't decided what he wants to study in college yet," his mother explained.
"What did you enjoy in school? Science? Math?" Mrs Jung suggested. "It can be hard to decide."
Jeonghan shrugged.
"He was never that good at school," his mother went on, "So I don't know what he'd be good at."
"Not everyone is academic," Mrs Nakamoto said, "Yuta got a dance scholarship and wants to open a studio. Maybe you'd like to try his weekend classes, Jeonghan?"
"That's if he can handle the exercise," Jeonghan's mother remarked.
"What do you mean?" Mrs Kim questioned.
"He didn't take care of himself," she sniffed, sitting down in the place where Jeonghan has previously sat. "Didn't listen to me in the slightest."
"You didn't exactly help," he pointed out.
"Don't be ridiculous."
"Why do you think I started starving myself?" he uttered, forgetting for a moment that the room was full of people. He was only speaking to the woman he refused to call Mom. "You told me I was fat when I was fourteen."
"That's irrelevant-"
"You ruined my self-esteem, made me self-conscious of the way I am - as if I can change myself! I wanted to be better, to look better. I let that voice in my head tell me I was fat and ugly. But you would say the same, so don't act like it's nothing to do with you."
"Jeonghan, I think you need to leave," she said, appearing to be calm.
"I'm here for another day, then I'll be back at the treatment centre that you're paying for. I thought you wanted me to get better."
"You are being insolent. If you're suggesting that you were doing that to yourself because of me-"
"You made everything worse, don't even pretend like you didn't fuck up my entire childhood," he snapped, "Why do you think I participated in all those after-school activities? I didn't want to be at home to get beaten for just existing."
There was a collective gasp from the other moms.
"She used to beat you?" Mrs Nakamoto asked, tears in her eyes.
"He's lying," his mother said quickly, "I was a great parent. It was him who was the failure, and now trying to blame me for his mistakes."
"Oh, shut up," he told her, lip curling in distaste. "Don't even start."
"I never said anything that was untrue," she said, sitting up straighter.
Fat, ugly, disgusting... Jeonghan's hands clenched into fists.
"You're the liar," he said quietly, "I'm lucky enough to have someone who cares. You can say what you want but I'm beating anorexia, without any help from you. And I don't care what you or your friends think of me, I don't give a shit. So go back to your fucking tea party."
He was at the door. His mother was red in the face, speechless.
"Also, I'm gay," he added, "Get over it."
Jeonghan walked out of the room, silent and head held high. He exhaled when he got up the stairs to his room, leaning against the door as it closed. He slowly sank to the floor, and that was when he cracked.
Only he could hear his muffled sobs.
"Seungcheol," he whimpered. I wish you were here.
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hello guys I meant to update this a week or two ago, but got stuck on the confrontation scene in the second half of the chapter
I felt some pressure in writing it, I wanted to get it right as it's a serious topic. I haven't felt pressure in writing before so that was unexpected, I know you guys are supportive of my work regardless so I thank you all for that (and for putting up with such rare updates lol)
this book should continue with regular updates now as I am back from my break, expect more drama, romance and comedy from these characters - I've grown to love them so much ^.^
taellipses out x