"You can't come?" Pouting, I slipped on my shoes as I finished getting dressed for Brian's party. My phone was leaning upright on my dresser. Jun's sad face was on the screen. When I looked at him, he frowned and shook his head. I frowned, too. "I thought this would be perfect for you guys to meet," I said to him.
I wasn't sure where my brother was. It was dark. I knew it was night, and there was a thunderstorm outside, but that storm was in my area, not his. On the video call, he looked like he was in a closet or something.
"I want to be there," Jun said, sighing. "It'd be cool to finally hang out with you without drama, you know."
Jun had a point. The last time we'd seen each other was the day he picked me up and drove me into the city. There wasn't much fun then. And it'd been raining, too... just darkness, clouds, and stress.
Thunder roared outside, and I told myself tonight would be different. It was Brian's birthday. It'd be a fun night.
I took in a deep breath. "Well, you'll have to come and visit soon then, okay?" I said to Jun, forcing a smile on my face.
Jun nodded. The look in his eyes was apologetic. "I will, sis," he said. "Text me tomorrow, let me know how tonight went."
"I will." Grabbing my phone, I also reached for my umbrella and purse. I took the slowest steps to the door. "Tell the missus I said hi."
Jun laughed and waved. "I will. Tell Brian I said hi."
"I will." I couldn't wave back, so I shook my head from side to side and laughed. "Bye, Jun."
|||
When I hung up the phone with my brother, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't riddled with disappointment. I wanted him to meet Brian; I wanted them to be friends. But I also knew there'd be plenty of time for that. It would happen before I knew it. So, I forced my way out of my apartment, called a taxi, and made sure I was on time for my boyfriend's party.
Rianne had done a fabulous job decorating the coffee shop. Red and black streamers went around some of the tables and hung from parts of the walls. Shawn had picked up last-minute balloons and scattered them around the front of the shop. Brian had a thing for the 90s and early 2000s music, so I took it upon myself to properly thumb up and down on his favorite bands until I had a nearly perfect radio station, and that's what I streamed from the speakers.
While the music played, we all chatted away with drinks and small sandwiches. Brian, dressed perfectly in a black button-up and dark jeans, introduced me to a few friends of his who could make it.
There was Wilma, Luis, and Joe, three of his old co-workers when he'd worked at a bar. A cousin of his, Kyle, came. And with a big birthday bag, too. He was tall, like Brian, but a bit wider and rougher. So, after Brian introduced me as his girlfriend, I almost screamed when he grabbed me in a really tight hug. He apologized right after.
"Hey." Shawn came up to me while I talked to Wilma and pulled me to the side. Excitedly, he rubbed his hands together. "Rianne's in the back. I think she's finished the cake."
I covered my mouth to hide my squeal. "The cupcake cake? With my recipe?"
He nodded, looking over his shoulder to make sure Brian couldn't hear. "Yeah, think so. Look—" Shawn turned me towards the back door and pushed me towards the counter. "—we'll keep him distracted out here. Just have Rianne shoot me a text when I should turn off the lights, and we'll surprise him."
"Good plan, good plan." I hurried past the counter and through the back door, just in time to see Rianne place the cupcakes in a neat circle around a tray. In the center was a small cake she picked up from a local bakery. On that, she placed twenty-one candles, and the ten cupcakes around it each had one.
I couldn't hide my smile as I stood beside her. "It's perfect," I gasped against my fingers.
"Oh, it is, and this recipe?" She pointed at one of the cupcakes before giving me a thumbs up. "It's delicious! I may have to steal it and make it myself."
"You can," I said, grinning ear to ear as we faced each other. "Just give me credit."
"I will," she said, smiling at me. I took the chance to look at her dress, then down at my skirt and cardigan, and couldn't help but feel a little underdressed. But leave it up to Rianne to notice my insecurities without me saying a thing. She grabbed both of my shoulders and gave me a small shake as her smile turned into a quiet laugh. "You look great. Brian looks great. And the two of you together—" She blew me a playful kiss. "—are just so fucking perfect."
"Stop," I laughed, shaking her off.
"No, I mean it!" She pulled out her cell phone and scrolled to Shawn's name, ready to tell him we'd come out with the cake. "The way Brian looks at you, smiles at you, ugh! I'm jealous. I wish I had a guy who looks at me like that."
"You?" I lifted both of my brows as I lit the candles. "You don't have a boyfriend?"
"Girl, no." Rianne shook her head. "Being single is a little easier for some people. But, you two—" She nodded towards the door. "—you guys are meant for each other. I haven't seen Brian this happy in a long time, and really, it's such a nice change."
Staring into the candles' flames, I let what she said linger in the air for a minute before I looked at her. She hadn't seen him that happy in a long time. I thought she'd only been hired a little before I was.
"How long have you known Brian?" I asked her, grabbing the tray in my hands.
Her thumb tapped 'send' on her message before she placed her phone on the small table beside the door. "Since high school. We graduated in the same class."
"Oh?" She was thirty, too? "So, you know about his friend then?"
There were a few complaints as I saw the lights shut off from under the door. Laughter followed those complaints, and clearly, I could hear Brian say, "Hey, hey, don't think you're going to surprise me like this!"
"Friend?" Rianne settled her hand on the doorknob. "What friend?"
I stepped towards her as I heard the coffee shop door open. A few gasps followed.
"The one who died. Six years ago."
All the color drained from Rianne's face for a second. The doorknob squeaked under her grip. "He said... it was a friend?"
Whoever gasped outside the door laughed excitedly. I thought someone call out, "Leeny!" but I wasn't sure if I'd heard it right, because music still played, and I hadn't met a Leeny at the party. Or invited one, either.
Still not thinking about it, I watched Rianne try to force her expression to change. "Let's... um... get him his cake."
She pulled the door open before I could protest, and the light from the candles partly broke the darkness within the shop. I took one step forward, then another, my hands shaking as I fought hard to keep the tray steady in my hands. I scanned the laughing crowd until my eyes landed on Jade's, who sat just near the far-left window, far from Brian as he had requested. She shook her head once before Shawn finally noticed me and flicked on the lights.
"Happy—" I started to sing the song, but no one followed me, and the first word died on the tip of my tongue. The crowd of friends who smiled at me just minutes before slowly parted, revealing Brian's back to me. He held someone in a tight hug, planting kisses on their head. I watched her hands slide up his back and grip his shirt. When he turned, she turned too, and I locked eyes with a woman I'd never met before.
Brian saw my expression as my heart shattered once, then twice, before bleeding, draining all color from my face, just like Rianne's. He pulled his brow together as he let the woman go. With a trembling hand, he motioned me to come to him. "Babe, this is—"
I dropped the tray, and the cake splattered around my feet.
|||
I slid on the cake as I turned and back into the kitchen behind me. I caught sight of Rianne's face as she shut the door, and I locked it once I knew I could. Then, as tears pooled around my eyes, I slid down to the floor. The cake on my shoes stuck to my clothes.
"No! Leave her alone!" I heard Jade yelling on the other side. "Don't go after her!"
I turned so my back was to the door. With trembling fingers, I pulled my phone out of my pocket.
"Stop, Jade, let me go through!" he shouted back as murmurs echoed from his friends. "You're overreacting!"
"Overreacting!" Jade screamed. "You're over here, hugging this bitch—"
"Woah, woah!" the mystery girl responded. "Who are you calling a bitch?"
"You!"
I scrolled through my text log rather than my contacts. With tears in my eyes, I couldn't see straight. Think straight. I needed Jun here, my big brother, to protect me. And with my blurred version, I thought I'd selected his name.
I pressed down on a recent contact, put my phone to my ear, and let it ring. But when Mario's voice came on the other line with a confused, "Babycakes?" I quickly hung up and let the cries slip out from my lips.
Like that, every part of my past came back to haunt me. Mario's voice carried the onslaught. Babycakes was my nickname whenever he'd messed up, whenever I caught him with another girl. Like Brian... right now. I never thought I'd see this within the man I thought I could actually love; within Brian.
But I remembered how Mario had done this, the same thing, all the time. And how I even believed him when he said, "Babycakes, she's just a friend."
But how do friends end up pregnant with your boyfriend's child?
Slamming my head back against the door, I cried out. Loudly.
My phone buzzed in my hand and I quickly pressed the buttons on the side, ignoring whoever called.
"Kay!" Brian's voice was near the door, but I didn't want to open it. I couldn't help but feel as though Brian would give me the same response about the chick out there. The 'she's a friend' crap, and I didn't... I didn't want to hear it.
How had the girl known about the party? I had been the one to mail out invites, not him. So, her being here meant he invited her. And didn't tell me.
Was she the one who called him early in the morning, too? Or late at night? All of those phone calls I didn't question, all of those important 'meetings' I never asked about. It had to be her, right?
And Rianne's face when I mentioned his past... his friend... he hadn't been truthful about that, either. I allowed him to lie to me until I fell for him, and now, aside from the music that echoed from the speakers outside, it was just the sound of roaring thunder and my slamming heart to hide my tears.
"Jade, if you don't get the fuck out of my way, I swear I'll—"
"What?" Jade hissed. "Going to hit me?"
"What? No," Brian scoffed.
I heard the other woman next. "He won't, but I will. Stop being dramatic. He can explain!"
Dropping my phone, I covered my ears and hummed. I couldn't do this. I couldn't stay here.
"Jade, move!"
A key was pressed into the door, unlocking it. It opened, but it wasn't Brian or Jade who came in, but Shawn. He shut the door behind him, nearly knocking me over, but knelt in front of me with care. He slowly pulled my hands from my ears and wiped the tears from my face. He shushed me, his brows knitting together with concern, yet I couldn't stop my quiet hiccup.
"Let him explain," he said. "It isn't what it looks like."
"Oh?" I slid my hand over my nose, wiping my snot. "What? Are you going to say she's his friend, too?"
"What? Who said she's a friend?"
"Oh!" I jumped up, slightly pushing him away from me. "So, she isn't a friend!"
"Wait—" Shawn shook his head as I turned to pull open the door. "—no, that isn't what I meant!"
The shouting stopped, but the music hadn't. Soft, sad rock played over everyone's frantic breathing. All eyes fell on me. Kyle, with regret on his face, stepped forward. He lifted his hands in defense. "Look, I'm the one who invited Eileen. I didn't know that you—"
"That I, what?" I tried to sniff my tears away. "That I'm dumb? That I didn't see a cheater right under my nose?"
That pain returned to Brian's eyes, but I didn't believe it. I wouldn't fall for it again. The fact that no one said anything after didn't help him, and I wouldn't wait around for another story.
As if she knew, Jade held my jacket out for me to grab. "Go home," she whispered to me as I pulled it on. "I'll call you."
"No, wait—" Brian tried to stop me, but I slipped between him, his cousin, and the woman who ruined my night. She looked at me with sad eyes, but I didn't care for the expression. They were full of lies, like everyone in this room.
My hand wrapped around the shop's front door and I tugged it open. With the force of the wind, it pushed against my chest and rain slapped my face. I didn't have time to call for a taxi and honestly, I didn't care to. I didn't live far, and rain never stopped me. If it could, I would have never left home when I did.
Not that it helped me escape anything...
"Kay, wait!" Brian followed me out into the street. I hurried to cross it, trying to head down the next sidewalk, but he grabbed my arm and forced me against his wet chest. The rain beat down on us both. "Stop," he pleaded.
"Why?" I shook my head and rain fell from my hair, into my eyes. "You're going to try to explain who she is?"
Lightning sliced across the sky.
"Yes!" He pulled me closer, but I pulled back. "It isn't what it looks like."
"All right, shoot—" I yanked my arm free. "—tell me what it is."
Brian paused for a moment, looking up at the sky as rain fell on his face. He opened his mouth and let some hit his tongue before he looked at me. That darkness that clouded his eyes when he talked about the dangerous night returned, and I saw tears mixed with the rain that rimmed his eyes.
No, don't believe it. I took a step backward on the sidewalk.
"She's my sister-in-law," he said.
I sucked in the rain as I shook my head and rolled my eyes to fight my tears. "Oh, you're married. Great. Just fucking great!" I nearly screamed. "Is that why you have missing pictures on the wall?"
Brian blinked, confused. "Pictures, what—"
"In your apartment, on your wall!" I shook my hand as I pointed in a random direction. "You took them down, didn't you? So I wouldn't see your wife!"
"I didn't take them down for you!" he shouted as thunder nearly blocked out his words.
"Then? For who, hm? Another girl? Was there someone else before me?" I turned around, admitting defeat because I allowed myself to listen. He was married. That beautiful apartment he had was shared with someone else. I knew I couldn't be the only person he had shared it with, either.
Where was his wedding ring? Not bothering to look, I pulled my soaking wet cardigan around me as I hurried down the sidewalk. He followed me, still.
"Kay?" Music came on between his words as my phone disconnected from the shop's speakers and played from the insides of my wet pockets. "She was the only one before you..."
"So, where is she?" I looked up at the black storm clouds as I walked. "Where is your wife?"
"Dead." The word stopped me, but I couldn't turn to face him. "She's dead, Kay."
The song changed. Sad as the previous, but harder, angrier. Still, with the rain and distance, it struggled to play from my phone as I stared at the single car that drove down the street.
Brian's hand fell on my shoulder. "I never... tell anyone... that I'm a widower, Kay... I can't..."
"You couldn't tell me?" I bit my lip. "You had to keep it a secret?"
He tried to turn me, but I wouldn't budge. "Kay, I told you I tried to move on and leave my past behind me. I said that I—"
Now I turned. I looked up into his eyes as I shook my head. "Easy to forget if you lie about it."
"Kay—"
"Easy to forget if you try to tuck it away. You could've just told me... you could've been honest."
Brian struggled to compose himself. He shook his head hard against the rain and slid his hands over his head. A low growl slipped out of his mouth as he fought to find the words.
I wanted to wait and listen, but I didn't understand. If he could lie about something as big as that, what else was he lying about? I turned to walk away again.
"How can I be honest about what I'd done, Kay? A cheater? Yes, I was a fucking cheater! I was a liar! A lowlife! Everyone told her not to marry me but she did, and I was the one who let her die!"
I slowed my steps.
"She caught me with her best friend, and Kay, I never apologized for it. Instead, I yelled at her! Drunk out of my mind, I called her a needy bitch and let her leave that bar at night. They took the necklace I gave her, her wedding ring, stabbed her, and left her for dead. And where was I?"
Rianne's words echoed in my head, "What's in the past should stay there."
"Everyone said I killed my wife," Brian choked on his words, "and I believed them. I believed every word they'd ever said about me because it was true. That coffee shop was for her. The apartment by the beach; that was for her, too. I did everything I thought I could to make it right, but nothing can fix the past. I wanted to move on. I needed to forget it... but I couldn't openly admit it. I..."
"He's a pretty good guy."
"I love you, Kay..."
I felt his wet hands brush my hair away from my neck; his other arm wrapped around my waist. Quietly, he cried in my ear. "I love you..."
I shook my head slowly, biting my lip.
"Kay..."
Brian tried to turn me again, but I couldn't look at him. I couldn't see his face, not after everything he'd said. "Look at me," he said.
No, I can't look at him.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"I'm sorry," I said the words in my head as I pulled from his grip and ran down the street, and as I heard him yell my name once more, I wasn't sure if I was apologizing to him, or myself.