I am dedicating this to sangith because your enthusiasm and exicetement just struck on to me. This must be the most toughest chapter that I ever wrote because creating loosing ends is far easier than tying them. I learnt it the tough way. Ever character needed proper closure. I had even come to terms with the outline, but each time you sit to type, I feel no.. no.. it must be other way round. Something or other. But sangith's comment just made me think like if I am completing, it must be today. (Psst. Everyone's comment and votes counts. Each time I've a notification stating that I've recieved a new vote or comment my heartbeats crazy like it did the first time. And here's a secret. I read each of your message twice or sometimes even twenty to n times, trying to control the squeal, hey i got a comment. people like my works. Thank you, people. Love you, not literally, you romantics out there.)
20. Embarking A New Journey- Part-II
Seema's P.O.V:-
The whirlwind world that Raj and Ria belonged to, or rather fitted to, was really too much for a medicore doctor like to me, to handle. What, I was used to was high-end, collosal medical terms, emergency cases, long dicussion hours with my dean and other collegues, dealing the tantrums of my little patients and finally working hard to give them a new lease of life. This was all I knew in life. These were the only things that I was exposed to and in a way I was happy with that life. Eventhough, our profession is considered prestegious, as life saving gods, I still feel that the strees level that we're subjected to far different that the deadline, event managements and what not!?! In a way, comparing to Raj and Ria's passion-thriving carrers, our white-job careers are far secure, laid back and stress-free than their's.
But, no matter, how I complain, I'd never fit here, coming to the camp, was the best desicion that I ever made in my life. It made learn a lot, relaern a few ideaologies and in it's own thought-provoking style made me rethink as why I chose to become a Doctor in the first place.
It was parental-rather than peer-pressure. But to think above that, I think I know, why I chose this profession. I was introduced the habit of reading books, by one of my favourite teacher, who happened to be my ninth grade English teacher, Neeta Singh. For the first few times, she accompanied me to our school library and reccommend some good books for me. The first few books that I read was R.K. Naryan's "Swami and friends". It was funny and great. I loved his writing skills so much that I started reading his other books, like "Malgudi Days", " English Teacher", " The Guide", etc. Slowly, I read every book that our library could offer us. By the end of my ninth grade, I had to pester my parents to get me a library membership in the local library. After much fuss, dad accepted. So, that's how I got a pass to a whole new world. Agatha Christe, Sherlock Holmes, Jefferey Deaver, G.K. Cherston and there went my total dective period obsession. Slowly, I discovered Robin Cook's medical thriller and that was pretty much like the start of my career. There came in a romantic obsession period, Nora Roberts, Mills and Boon classics( Medical series, where about came by this famous notation that men in white, doctors are not just handsome, but a thorough who save lives but break hearts). By this time, I was set on my descision of becoming a Doctor. Afterall, wasn't that the best way to meet handsome doctors? Works hands-on-hands with them, rub shoulders with and ultimately fall in love with the Dr. Right? Right, great plan, isn't it?
Like all dreams come to a crashing end, in world of realism, this naiive heart of mine, had it's first heart-breakup, when I was asked to put my emotions aside to become a good doctor. "Doctor need to have a practical, emotionless, calm mind, to think out of any situation, to work against any difficult emergency....You need to be detached, to treat our patients well. You need to call our patients as case, rather than name.."
These were the exact words that my college dean uttered during my first year, orientation day. Maybe, had these words be told once, I could have shrugged them off. But, when you're subjected to such words on daily basis, as a young mind as mine, is bound to believe such crap.
If only I had magic powers or even a time machine, I'd better go to my past and rewrite or redo them. But, I'm far more practical than that. I know, a few things are done and you just got to live with them. No other way out there. So, yeah, back to past. I started getting emotionally detached and I took their lectures so to heart that I could not evn concentrate the emotional aspect of the relationship. Slowly, I started to prefer the open-relationships than commited ones and that was like the begining of the end of me. Somewhere, down the lane, I met this perfect man of my dreams, Sid, which was too surreal to believe. Sid was like typical, corny, out of a romance book kind of guy and I really never knew how to deal with him. He considered our relationship more commited based and slowly I was forced to follow the pursuit. But, when he proposed me to marry him, that was when I knew we just weren't made for each other. I just don't deserve him; I don't love him. I had just been toying with him all day long. Today, if I think back, I repent being what I was. I really do!
Somehow, whenever, I look at Raj, I feel he deserves to know about the history that I and Sid share. I know, I must feel ashamed and guilty, when I look straight, sqaure at eye with Sid. But weirdly, I don't. Maybe, it just was supposed to happen that way. Maybe? So,back to Raj. In this short course of time, a beautiful, respectful friendship has bloomed between us. I respect Raj, a lot and I know he trusts me a lot. Okay, otherwise, do you think a guy like him, would lent his darkest secret, which is nothing but his fear for reptiles of any kind, lent it out to a nearly perfect stranger like me? Not only that he shares about his likes, dislikes, fears, his future plans and what not? I think, it'd be much better if he just hears from me, than from others. Morever, there are just too many people here who know my history with Sid. Everytime, I see Raj talking with someone or other, I freak out, that maybe they might just slip any news about our history to him. I just can't handle it anymore. I need to tell him the sooner the better.
Especially, after I witnessed Nivin fainting because he realized that he had been living a lie all along, my intentions to come clean to Raj has increased even more. I respect and care him more to be able to put him in such tough situation.
So, I built my courage all up. I am ready to face him. I took a deep breath before I enetered Raj's fashion studio class. It was a class exclusively designed to give young fashion aspirants a feel of being in a real fashion world. When, I enetered, I found Raj sitting behind a table covered by a large piece of fabric. He was either cutting it into a pattern or was he stitching it? Okay, I'm exagerating it but my understanding of what these designers ( including my sister, Swetha), does, is way beyond my understanding. So, let me just cut it short.
I propped myself in the chair opposite to Raj's. The only thing between us was the fabric and the table. " Hi" I initiated a conversation.
"Hi! So, what brought you here, Seema?" He asked me, as he lifted his face from fabric. His face was curious and it also looked like he was happy to see me. Unconciously, I smirked thinking while he still be happy to see me, after he had learnt what I had come to say? I don't know let's see.
I smiled, instantly and noticed that he never really noticed my smirk which I'm thankful to the Good Lord. I had brought a flask of coffee and two mugs. I waved it in his face and he smiled even more. He pushed his fabric aside, folded it and he let me place the flask and coffee. I poured the coffee and we sipped through my coffee.
" I've something to say..." This just snapped Raj's attention from his coffee to me. He just slowly nodded his head.
" I shared a history with Sid!" I just told it and I could see the fury in his eye and look in his face told me that I had to explain myself to him.
I nodded my head in understanding I continued, " I was nearly engaged to Sid, before I radically refused Sid which led to a mutual breakup. So, Sid devised this mega plan like to ...." I just explained everything to him detail. He just absorbed all that I told him.
"Ria never wanted you to know this, but I thought you deserve to know, because I learnt from the Ria and Sid's relationship that a relationship started with a lie, is never going to go great. So, I just wanted to come clean. That's all. If you want to stay angry with me, you can and deserve it!"
I tried to get up and go away from him. But, he just instantly called out to me.
" If Ria has forgiven you, then what right do I have to be angry with you?"
That just stopped me on tracks.
" So, you're okay with it?"
"Yup. It's Ria's life afterall. She's a tough, smart girl, you know? She really knows how to handle her life, well. So, just let her find her path."
I nodded. " So, I just worried for nothing?' He playfully nodded his head. I just shook my head and flopped down onto my seat.
Sid's P.O.V:-
Ria is going from bad from worse. Okay, so if you're just another person watching just her outer behaviour, you might find nothing wrong. But, I'm just an observant person and I can't help but notice those unshed tears behind those cheerful laughter. There's something going in that pretty head of hers, just like always. Still, I need to know what really is troubling her, now? Wasn't she getting better in those nearlt two months that we spent together? Or was she just getting more worse?
No, no, that can't happen. Still, I remember her from the early days. She used to immeresed in her world of fiction. Ears plugs on, books in hands or watching those foreign soaps. But, it's like, she's forgotten that her existence in this world, and instead I find her often crying watching those soaps, listening to music or reading her books. It's as if she's one of them and not us.
It must have been nearly a week since we arrived. Nivin is getting well, and maybe even found a good partner in Megha. He informed me this evening about his new-found love for Megha. I'm really happy, for him. He deserves happiness and I'm sure he's quite near it, now.
So, yes, I've been thinking for the past quite time, that it's high time for me to interogate Ria sa what is really wrong with me. I know that she's really not good with sharing her troubles and emotions well. And that was the only reason why I kept my mouth shut till now. Enough is enough. I can't watch her wright in her pain anymore. She needing a crying shoulder, helping hand and I'm exactly there for her, whether she likes it or not!
She has to learn to take help once in her lifetime. Why not, now?
I'm damn sure that she might push or try to distract me, but I'm not going to let that happen. With the transformation of such strong thoughts turning into determination, I started searching for Ria. It must have been hours since I last met her. I thought that this camp could be a great time for us to bond, but it has been anything but the opposite. We could hardly spent a quality time. If I had not known or understood Ri well, I would have thought that she's running away from me or deliberately ignoring me. But I know her better than that.
It's has been nearly half an hour, since I started searching for Ria. Each one is pointing one way and all these confusion is thanks to her social butterfly attitude.
Can't she just stay in a place for more than 5 minute? It would have made my work easier.
But that's what sets Ri apart. So, I better let her be her. I tried her phone for countless times only to reach the voicemail. In a vague attempt, I even left behind numerous voicemail in a hope that she gets them. I was in a serious verge of breaking down, when Raj found me and consoled that Ri often puts her phone in silence and in trying times like this( oh yeah the work is getting hectic here), she escapes to woods for a walk. When I heard that I panicked. Woods. What if, something happened to her? It was as though Raj read through my silent worries that he answered that the area is quite safe and Ria knows this area so well that she can't get lost here. I smiled a weak smile and went ahead to go and find here.
Another half an hour went by, with me walking about the area that Raj called woods. It was nothing but a vague area between the compound walls and school campus where scarely a few trees were available. It was at that time I saw a shadow a ground.I might have ignored it, but a weird instinct kicked in me. What if it's Ria?
Following that instinct I slowly, but steady followed the shadow to find someone, more precisely Ri perched on a big shapeless stone, with her headphones on, eyes staring blank ahead. I was standing right across her and she showed no reaction. She was still staring blank ahead. It seriously frightened me to no heights.
I can't Ria suffer more.. Atleast not alone..
I caught hold of her shoulder and gave it a gentle tug. She came to her sense with a start and when she saw me she sure did give me one of her bright, cheerful smile.
Unfortunately, I don't belong to those who fall for your acting! I know the real, broken you, Ria.
"Hey, Sid! What are you doing here? Oh, why question you? Come sit next to me."She pulled her earphones out, moved a little to make some room for me to sit. I sat back, gave her a long, hard stare.
" Ria, cut the acting, okay! Seriously, what's wrong with you?" I roared in anger.
Did she not promise me not to keep any secrets from me? To fit me in her life?
Okay, not in exact words, but didn't she just mean something along the lines. She just stared me back, in a blank emotionless stare. She gave away a brittle, sarcastic, wry, laugh after a pause.
" Oh, right. You found out like you always do!" She shook her head and bite her lips to control her tears.
I did exactly what I was supposed to do. I moved closer to her, enveloped her in a warm side hug and said, " Don't hold back your tears, Ria. Let them go. Let they wash away your your pain and suffering.", while my hands were caressing her head which were tried in a messy bun.
She coiled into my arms and nodded while tears sprung out from her eyes like a hot spring. She sobbed so hard, that unconciously tears slipped from my eyes. Seeing her cry, ( anyone for that matter), my heart twisted in a strange feeling as though someone just pulled it out and strangled it out. I placed my chin over her head and let her be herself. She calmed in something son and tried to pull away but I pulled her back into my arms. It was at that time that I realized that it was where she belonged( or where I wanted, no needed her), in my arms. The thought shocked me, not because of how much I liked it, but for the intensity with which I wanted it. I want Ri and I'm ready to accpt in any form I get her. But, why do I like this? Oh, my hopeless romantic side is blooming in happiness, thinking about the possibilities, of our happy ending.
Am I heading towards another heartbreak?
Heart break to a Heart surgeon! Oh, look at the irony of life! What have you done to me, Ri?
Finally, I let her go, sit back and relax. She sat back and when I looked at her face, I felt a sudden thought crossing my mind. Isn't true love, about letting go or atleast letting the other person to be what they really are? I'll let Ri, to decide for herself and learn that she needs me, us, this thing between us, more than anyone else. I'll let Ri decide.
While, I was busy staring Ri, she did the same to me, as such scrutinize me with her looks. Finally, she let out a deep breath, straightened her back and said," I don't know, if you'd appreciate me telling this to you, but I want to!" I nodded and waited for her to continue. She took my head in her hands and pulled me closer, for which I thought she must just kiss me, but she didn't. " You know, Sid? Why I never dated, fell in love or in the first place never even wanted to marry?"
Why? I didn't know. So, I gave her a blank stare. She caught the hinto of it and answer for herself." It was just a rheotetical question, Sid. Every question need not definetely have an answer. But I'm always intended on finding one. So, I can tell you this, little secret of mine. First of all, I've a commitement phobia and I'm scared that if I let myself to love anyone, they might just walk all over me and I'm just not strong enough to bear such hearbreak. But more importantly, I didn't want to trouble another person because of my behaviourial crisis. I didn't want them to be a part of the mess that I'm forced to call my life. I'm just too messed to be able to care, love and be good to others. Still, I did all this to you, which you definetely don't deserve. You deserve better Sid, much better than you."
Ri was ready to continue her blabbering, but I'm not ready to let her dig on herself. I hate it, when she talks ill of her wonderful self. She has done so much, achieved so much but I hate it when she considers herself broken and irrepairable. " Ri, stop this all here. I don't know, if you remember but you'd asked me your helper, helper and partner in your troubles. So, now they're not just yours but mine. Did you just not remember that I had asked you not to worry. Just be and do what you whant and do. Why are over stressing yourself? It's not healthy for you, okay? And yeah, about you not being able to love, care or being good to others, I find that bullshit okay? The problem is something you love, care and be so good to others that forget yourself all together. Okay?"
She was just staring with emotions swirling in her eyes. Atlast, she her lips curled in a wry smile. " Your really are a charmer, Dr. Sharma. How do you perfectly know to say what I exactly want to hear? So, the shy, nerdy looking Doctor is not just good-looking but good hearted too? A perfect combination, you know?"
I didn't know, how to react to her words. But it looked like she didn't care about my reaction beacuse she just went on," If I ever fall for will you not break my heart, like others did?" She paused for sometime to think but then she slowly shook her head, ":No, No, you'd possibly walk over me, but never even realize that. Wasn't that what everyone did to me? Yes, that was it. Friends, family, yeah, that society too. That society which praises me today. It too. Everything, everyone. IS. A . Trouble."
I took her into my arms again unable to see her cry, wail out in pain. She was too good, cute, adorable to suffer. She doesn't deserve this. Any of this. She let me hold her, while I patted her head in a vain attempt to calm her. But it seems that she was slightly going through panic attack. It was because, within quite something she pushed me aside to cry out, " Why had you to eneter my life, Sid? I thought that the depression, insecruity that I battled during my teens was a thing of past. I thought I had overcome, until I met you to learn that I had timidly concealed it rather than clearing it. Why, Sid? Why had it happened this way? I wanted to be independent, but you made me fall back to the same routinue. I wanted to fend for myself, but you made me want to believe that you're that fairytale prince who has come to rescue me. Again, those stupid idiotic teenage fanatasises. They don't work. They don't."
Why had you enetered my life,Ria? Made me taste what real love is, and now deny that, great. Super great!
" Ria, stop it. Ria. Stop it. Now, what's going on your head? What really is your problem, real?" I'm losing my temper and it's really not a great sign while handling someone as weak as Ria. I need to handle my impatience, anger with her. I need to do, it.
" Problem? What's my problem. What was it? Or was it that I created one on my won? I was reading this somewhere, past leaves only wounds, but it's that stupid human tendency to go stracth that wound again and again to make it into scar. Did I just do that? Yes, exactly I did do that. I made them, scars. I made them.."
Now, it's scaring me. I can handle another Nivin, here. i need to save her, before she self-harms herself to an extent that she can't afford to or bear. I need to save her. But, I need to know, how? Man, this is nerve wrecking!
Ria was continuing to blabber some nonsense or other, while I set my mind and heart at the task.
I stood up leaned forward and slightly held Ria and before she could even react, I hauled her up in the air.
"Whoa!" She let out a cry of suprise, as she held onto my shirt, in a desperate try and fear." Don't dare to drop me down. Just let me stand on my own. I am... whoa.. heavy.."
I twirled her along as I carried her bridal style. Okay,recently I read Ria's first novel, which was prescribed(should I say pestered by Raj that if I read it I'll have a better understanding of Ria.) Not just that but I was also forced to go through the archieve of her blogposts. I learnt one thing. No matter how she projects herself to be : she's a kid at heart. She needs the same amount of attention, care and love. Not just that she's a die-heart romantic. Not that I complain.(because apparently I am one too.) She loves those typical gestures and cuddling tops her list of uplifting her mood.
" Oh, really? Okay, tell me the last time you were lifted like this?"
She put on her thinking cap, and then giggled endlessly, " I've been lifted many times, but bridal style never."
"Good." I tapped her tigh with the hand I held her. " Beause I like being the first one doing that to you."
" Possesive, are we now?" Ria asked on a very mocking tone.
Possessive? I was anything but that. But again, when it comes to Ria, you can say that. But gain I'm proctective that being possessive.
"But on a serious note, Sid, put me down. Your hands might ache."
I nodded my head but then pulled a serious face eventhough I was wanting to laugh at Ria's face. Man, she's cute when she pulls that caring face or gesture. " Okay. Ria, but only on one condition." She nodded but a little hesistantly, not knowing what my condition might really be. " You must tell me your life story from the begining." She gave me a very weird questioning look, for which I justified, " Ri, it's just that I want to help you. Please don't close me out. I have an idea of your life. But I want to know, what it really is."
"Put me, down, Sid. I'll tell you."
Her voice seems tired as though she was giving up, her fight. I immediately put her down on her feet. As soon as she balanced herself on her feet, she leaned in to touch my face, pass her fingers through the slight beard that had grown, and then standing on her tip-toes she placed a light feather kiss on my right cheek. " Do you know why I still stick to you, Sid? How, weird this is that without you saying anything I can understand what you mean ? Strangely you're the only one that knows what I want to hear. You're being too considerate for your own good, Sid. Why are are you too good to me?"
"Because I lo-" Ria placed her finger on my lips before i could complete the sentence. "Not now, Sid. I am not ready for it. I know that the love that you have for me is totally unconditinal. You don't need to tell me, I can sense that. It's just that I've never really learnt to love myself, so I fear learning to love you might prove a difficult task."
"Ri, not until I'm with you. What is necessary is that you heal youreslf rather than learning to love me, I can live loving you, you know?" I said with a wink and pretending to be a playboy. She just laughed it off, by playfully punching my shoulders. "Ouch. It hurts you know?" I mock-winced while she shrugged her shoulders and muttered, " As if?"
We were fooling around for while, for which we both rally exhausted ourself. I just gestured her to start with her speech of taking me through her life. She noddede, took a deep breath and finally nmuttered, " Sid it's really difficult but I am trying. Sorry, if it's incoherrent."
"It's okay Ri, all that matters is your geniune effort and interest to tell me." I told while patting her arms while we got ourself settled back to the same position we were seated before, I lifted Ri.
"Hmm, I guess so? Okay, let me just start." Ria turned to face me, " So, let me just start with the beginning. I do love my parents, but in a way, that can't stop me to think they're dysfunctional. They both had different notation than what the normal society had. They believed in being ourselves than pretending to be someone else to please others. yeah, Sid, I understand it's good, great, even best but not when you encounter an anatagonist who claims that all they say is false. If I follow that I'm eventually to fail, had I to follow it. Wel, that anatagonist was none other than my mom's mother, who did everything that she could do to change mom to behave the way she wanted her to behave, which nothing but to pretend being prim and proper, which my mom would never be. But dad accepted mom, just like that, while mom loved him for what he was. They were my first fairytale romance protagonist leading a happily ever after. Whenever I'm with them, unconciously, the love they had for each other, always made me feel a third wheel. They do love me more than anything, still when I look at them, I've aways yearned and believed that I'd live in such fairytale romance as they were."
She paused and looked straight in my face, took my face in her hand, " Just as always, I was too wound up in my dream world to even notice that you were trying just too hard to accept me as I was and excepting the sme from me. Let me just tell you a secret. Your secret that you and Seema shared a history did shock me, but I just used it as an escape route. I just wasn't ready for this marriage. Forcing me to do something like this had always ended in a diaster or rather I make it one."
She slowly slip her hand to slip her palm into mine, leaning more into my shoulder, she continued, " My anatagonist knew my weakpoint. I can do anything to make my mom happy. So, she coaxed me saying that mom will become too happy if I just transform myself from that charming, mischeiveous brat that I was to a prim and proper young lady. I did it, even though it hurt me to core. Mom and dad was happy but that was until, I slowly got exhausted from the acting, that I started to give away, fume and eventually, there started my troublesome teenage years. It was when I was fifteen, that my grades slowly started slipping and it was only the last-before year that I topped my class just to make my mom. My parents used to call me, 'Intellegient but not hardworking type.' It was only that year that mom made me promise that I'll never become a doctor."
I gasped. I didn't know why, but she was talking about my profession. " Mom, has nothing against your profession, Sid. It was just that I had this really awesome biology teacher, because whom I was seriously thinking of becoming a Doctor. But then mm wanted me to do so, because she feared I won't be able to cope with so much syllabus and she also feared that mood swings could cost a life. So, she made me not to take biology group in my eleventh. While, wait, Sid, listen to this,dad made me promise, I'll never become an engineer. Okay, he has nothing against the profession to. Same reasons like mom. So, the two easy options that everyone of our age group selected was slashed for me."
" Ri, you wanted to be a doctor? But why?" I was visibly shocked at this phase. i don't really know, what to ask her any more. Ri is the only girl, no the only person I met that never fails to amuse me.
" Of course to save people. You know, I was learning about cancer in my ninth grade and that made me think I must research more on that. You know, my tata, I mean my maternal grandad dies due to Bone Cancer. He died a few days after my birth. He was so happy with the news of my birth. Conciencidentally, we share the same astrological signs. I became the apple of the eye of the whole family, while I became the scorn enemy of my grandmom. Apparently grandad and grandmom had difference of opinion. Granddad was to idealistic to my practical, realistic, grandmom. So, yeah I wanted to become a doctor. But you know Sid, you being a doctor too acted as an advantage for you when I was deciding as whether I marry you or not."
"Me, being Doctor what does that got to do?" I voiced my thoughts to her.
" Sid, what else do I need. You're doing what I inteded to do. You're saving lives." She slightly bumped her shoulders with me, " You know, I've hots for really hot, cute nerdy looking doctors with cute spectacles" I just brushed her off while she batted her eyelashes coyly. " So, back to topic, whatever promises my parents made me think on what am I really doing with my life? I learnt one thing that I liked my parent's notation then this so called notation of this scoiety. It made me realize I like words, dress and social service. So, here I am following my dreams and passion."
"But to reach till here was no joke, Sid. The day I realized that I hated thelife of pretence, I also learnt that relearning few habits are really difficult. That put me into a very serious depression period, while parents did support, but at one point they didn't know how to handle me. At one point dad got super pissed off, he started to tell things like I'm a loser." Her eyes started to well and now I could slowly visualize a teen aspirant writer standing before her dad cursing her a loser and believing his word. I rubbed her back gently in support and whispered, " Ria, you can cry. Please, don't pretend." She nodded and let her tears.
"It was at that point, Sid that I was seriously thinking of escaping my parents, India, my dreams, go to some South-Asian country work there as an English teacher. But much to my disappointment, Asian English speakers weren't much encouraged, but I never gave hope. But, before that my novel happened and slowly things started changing for good once. It was at that time that I thought that I've finally recovered from my insecurities and depression. But now that I'm with you, i realized that I have barely concealed the. They're resurfacing now, Sid. The demons of the past are trying to shun me down. I want to confess, Sid, I wanted, no even want to escape from you. I even have an escape route ready."
"Escape?" My whole body shivered with fear. I've never imagined a life without Ri.
How would it be? Will I ever be able to survive?
"Ria, please tell me you're joking or lying?"
"Joking? Why must I joke with my life, Sid? Why ? Why must I be forced to love you? Why must be first put in this situation on you, Sid? Why should my heart flutter whenever I see you being so sweet and considerate? Why do I miss you every second I am away from you? You seriously are taking me back to my depressive days. I can't risk my flourishing career! I can't risk losing myself again! Ican't risk you! I can't, Sid! I can't continue going so! Aimless, lifeless and hopeless!"
By the time she had finshed, she was standing up and her heart was heaving, with her breath heavy. i certainly can understand her agony, because somehow I can relate to her. I feel the same. I don't think I can handle it, either. I had my head in my palms. I heaved a sigh.
" Ria, I want a geninue answer from you." She nodded and asked, "What do you want me to answer for?"
"Would you have spared me a second glance had we met on a differnt circumstance?"
She stared, thought for a while and then answered, " Maybe? Yes, i surely would have."
"What if I asked you to give me a second chance and consider that you met me just now? Forget we're married and all those stuffs. Just remember, what we've now, is just you and me."
Her eyes twinkled in delight. She nodded, cross-checked me and said, " Role-play, huh? A really great idea, Sid. I'm in. Let's see, where it takes us?"
Yeah surely we need to see, where this takes us. Hopefully, to a plac where our fanatsies would finally come true.
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Raj's P.O.V.:-
It was shocking to know that Sid and Seema ever shared a history. Well, it just doesn't sync that well with me. Not because Sid is Ria's husband but because they both are too different from each other. Day-before-yseterday was Megha's b'day and today, Ria comes to me to inform that she and Sid is planning to take this day off and she wants to spend this day with him at Pondicherry, the city nearby. Well, we had first reached Chennai and from there, Ria, Sid, Nivin, Megha and me travelled in the car that Ria and I drove on turns. While, uncle, ( Ria's father) asked his driver to drop Seema and other collegues who had travelled with us from Bengaluru. So, basically the car that Ria brought is here, which we generally keep it for emergency purposes along with my own car. Ria wants to take that car to travel and I had to say yes to her puppy eyes. So, they both are off to Pondicherry, this afternoon. They'd stay there tonight and reached by tommorow evening. They're newly wed, they do need some quality time, don't they?
So, here I am at night, doing my usual patrolling. Well, it's just evening 7 p.m., while the night is quite young. I saw some movement near the gate and so I fast approached there. A guard came running and explained me that a lady has arrived claiming to be a volunteer here. But our voluteership registering completed long back. i just need to meet this woman and gave her a piece of mind. Well, yes politely, of course.
But when I reached near here I stopped in track. The lady too noticed me and stood in trance.
"Swetha? Swetha Choudhary from NIFT, Chennai, batch 2006-2009?"
"Rajendran? Raj! Right?" she asked me back in her ever sarcastic voice.
" Swetha... Swetha... Oh god, sorry for not coming soon. Did you reach here safely?" Seema rushed to the gate pushing past me. She wrapped Swetha in a hug. Seema soon realized that Swetha was staring me and so when she noticed it was me, she made polite intoductions, " raj, meet my younger sister, Swetha and Swe, this is Raj, Ria's best friend and my good friend too.
"Yeah, di. I know him already. You know, that guy from colleg it's he." Swetha replied in a dull, irritated voice.
"It's he? It can't be, him. You could've mistaken him..." Seema was whispering to her sister, but I cut her in.
" Seema, Swetha, I really need to get going. Need to patroll you see."
"See, just like always showing off like he's the most important person in the world." Swetha said a little too loud, maybe she intended that I hear it.
So, here is the true fact. The last person I wanted to meet in this world, Swetha Choudhary is Seema's sister and as Seema is more or less like my assistant, so I just have to put up with this Swe, Swetha Choudhary.
Well, yes, I do share a history with Swetha. Now, no..no..no.. not a romantic one. Never in this life. How do you think a man can put up with her? She's adamant, egoist, scene type ( A chennai slang to say that person is a show off) and last but not the least, she was my arch-enemy and even now is. The chamcha of the class, well I guess it didn't pay her in the long run. She here she is.
Seema's P.O.V:-
Raj can never be that guy. I tried Swe explaining this. This can never happen. Raj is morally upright and he'd never even intend to do something like that.
Well, it's noithing that great. It's just that If Swe is to be believed Raj was a year senior to Swe. It always ended up like Swe was the only one that the masters as well as students considered to be equalent to Raj. So, despite Seema being a year junior to Raj they made Swe, Raj and one more senior student, named.. yes.. named Vignesh represent their college as two different contendors to a fashion house, named " Villa". It so happened that on the day of their presentation, Swe found her designs to be in tatters and no matter how much she asked Raj to help her patch those dresses into a presentable one, but Raj refused to do so. Vignesh tried but could do nothing, so Swe had to go to the stage and tell them that she could do nothing. She explained her situation and they accused her of being irresponsible. She was so humilated by that incident that she refused to even face people, let alone do another show. With the help of teachers, family and friends along with Ria's book that acted as a self-help book, she has slowly worked out herself to where she's today. Today, she's working for that same fashion house that once humiliated her. While, Raj did get selected as an intern there but then later, left it to become an independent fashion designer with a fashion studio. Eversince, Swe learn that Raj won that day, she has decided that Raj had purposely spoilt her fashion line that day. She had sworn as she'd never forgive him. Never ever.
I still can't wrap things around my head. I've pacified Swe to a level and she is fast asleep while I am nowhere near to even blinking my eye. But I got to sleep. Day after tommorow, we are planning for a massive pedatric check-up and my inspiration, Dr. Sengupta will arrive tommorow, where we'll have a rehearsal sort of. First of all, our students must be checked, right? So, tommorow, we will run a prelims to check the health status of our students. If we find anyone with minor ( under-weight, malnutrition) or major ( severe malnutrition, infectitious diseases) we would check them up tommorow with the help of experienced doctors. I need to sleep!
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Finally, the day could be no better than I could ask it for. I had a good six hours of undisturbed sleep. Well, I was woken to the usual sound of my sister's blow-drier.It finally felt home after so long. Then we had our prelims checkups. I had to send Swe to raj despite knowing their differences because I was too busy to help them. Hope they solve their differences out and somehow my mind always refuses to accept that Raj could have stooped so low. So, I am sure, they could have come to some conclusion. Yeah, just leave them. It's evening now, and am waiting for the arrival of Sid and Ria. I can't really wait to have some girl talk with Ria asking her as how was the time she had spent with Sid. I know it does seem a little weird and ackward but now that I've learnt that Sid behaves entirely different with Ria now that he's in love, I couldn't ask for more. Morever aren't we a thing of past?
I was walking with such thoughts in mind and was heading towards the cafeteria as that was where Ria had insisted that I wait, even when I told that I want to recieve them at gate. So, as I was going, I wasn't looking and a little girl ran straight into me. I did lose my balance and the girl was so good that she tried to catch me in time. But luckily, I balanced myself without her help. She must be a young beautiful kid of nearly five years old. I knelt down to her, drawn by her cute, lovely, face ad gestures as she told me that she's sorry.
"So, baby, why are you here? Do you take classes here?"
"Baby, I am not a baby. Dadddy said I'm a big girl. I need to take care of me. I came with daddy. i don't take classes." The girl was so expressive and her off-beat English really made her look even more lovelier.
"So, what is your name, big girl?"
"Deepali"
"So, where is your dad now? Why is he here?"
"Daddy is a big doctor. Oh, yes, just like you. He wears white coat. He is here."
Oh, I just forgot to remove my coat before coming and Deepali just got onto it. She pointed her fingers behind me and there I saw a tall, slender amn with sharp features shouting, " Deepali, Deepali, where are you?" Before I could realize, that man ripped Deepali from me and I felt a weird feeling of loss. He turned towards me and muttered, " Oh, mam, thanks for taking care of her." He immediately started telling to Deepali, " Have I not told you not to speak to strangers? How many times do I need to tell you Deepali that you should not run before papa?"
They were slowly moving away from me and before they could move any further, I pounced befiore them and asked while training my eyes at Deepali. " Deepali, is that your daddy?"
"Yes, that's my daddy."
"Oh, I see. So, you're that ignorant dad. Who first of brings his daughter to such campsite, but not only that he also say beware of strangers when he is the one who has let his child alone? Do you know how many cases of calamities we handle each day because of ignorant parent like you? Could you just not ask your wife to take care of Deepali? Or is she too, too busy to take crae of her daughter? How could people become so irresponsible?"
"Mommy gone to god. Not here, Doctor aunty." Deepali replied hgging her dad's leg and hiding behind her dad's klegs.
": Mommy gone to god? Oh she has gone to temple? Okay, people today are so religious that they have let their own children on loose?"
" Mam, please these things are not of your conceren. Did I just not thank you for taking care of my kid? Please learn to think before you react, mam. If you might, please, can I leave?"
" Mam, can I leave? Wow, the gentleman is here. Where was he whn his daughter was running in this cafeteria? She could have got hurt? Then your wife... Come on like father, like mother.."
" Aunty, mommy is not in temple. Daddy said she's dead. isn't it daddy?" Deepali asked tugging her daddy's hand.
"Dead? She is dead? that's what you meant when you said..."
" Dr. Sengupta!" I heard Sid's voice from behind. " Dr. Sengupta it's a great pleasure meeting you."
Sid said as he shook his hand. " Dr. Sengupta?" Now this couldn't get more worse than it already is.
"Dr. Sengupta, please meet Dr. Choudhary. Dr. Choudary, Dr. Sengupta will be your guide from today. Isn't it like a dream, come true for you Seema?"
"Yes, it's. But I think I blowed my oppourtnity up." I whispered the last part to Sid silently.
Dr. Sengupta soon left us, while I explained, Ria and Sid what scene I had caused. Till date, nothing about Dr. Sengupta mattered to me. All that mattered was that he was a really good peadtrician who had saved many young kid's lives. But today knowing that Dr. Sengupta is a young widower with a kid in charge, I feel sympathy does bloom in my heart than admiration. So, Ria came up with this super plan. Mission : Get to Dr. Sengupta's good books by winning his child's heart.
Let's see how this mission really winds up.
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So, yes. I made an update. Next chapter is the epilogue. Final chapter. Yeah, we are finally getting to the end of this story. Aren't you guys, excited to know how this story ends?