Angelica and I were now sat in New York's biggest library, huddled together in a corner. I had a copy of Common Sense written by Thomas Paine in my lap while Angelica is reading Emilie by Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
Angie had told me all about Common Sense and how its affected her way of thinking about the separation from the Colonies and I had to give it a shot. Although I do not understand some words, I was enjoying what I was reading. It was mature and intelectual of her to suggest this prose to me and I appreciate it. In return, I had suggested a recent read of mine, Moll Flanders by Daniel Defoe.
My hand supported my head as I moved the book to rest on the table as I continue to read each word carefully, making sure to taking in every letter carefully. My french mind can easily be tricked when reading English.
"So, you think America should break away from the Colonies and form a Democratic Republic?" I ask, looking up at Angelica. She nods then lifts her eyes away from the book. She smiles, closing Emilie and setting it down lightly in her lap, the folds of the dress draping around the book like it was on a plush cushion. She leans forward slightly, now a serious expression settling on her face.
"Why do you care so much about politics, (F/N)? I haven't met another woman who cares so deeply about this war." She asks in a hushed tone.
She can see right through me.
She knows my plan.
Her eyes show her knowledge and intellect.
She knows.
"What are you planning, (F/N)? Why were you so close to Washington last night?"
I shake my head, taken aback at her by her knowledge. I mean, I knew Angelica was smart but I had underestimated her. Big Time.
I sigh and open my mouth to defend myself against Angelica's accusations but she cuts me off.
"Are you a British spy?"
I gasp loudly. People turn around to shush too, to remind me that I am in a library and that I need to be as quiet as possible. I shake my head at Angelica again. I'm going to have to tell her the truth before she figures it out for herself.
"Angelica, can I trust you? As a friend, can I trust you to keep my secret?" I ask in a hushed tone.
She pauses, thinking, then nods.
"I came here to help my cousin, Lafayette, in the war effort. I came here in place of my father and to aid General Washington as a battle strategist but you cannot tell anyone under any circumstances. I might be sent back to France and I can't leave. Not now, not when I've made so many dear friends here." I gently place my hand on top of hers and smile at her gently.
She stares at me, awe on her face and a silence in her open mouth.
"Angelica?" I ask, trying to get her to snap back into realty. I don't feel safe repeating that information again in a public place, it wouldn't be safe.
"(N/N), that is incredible!" She says, earning the 'shhh's' and the glares that I had a few moments ago. She lowers her voice before saying, "I can't believe I let myself think you were a spy, how stupid of me. I'm so sorry I let myself think of you like that!"
Again, I shake my head but this time in dismissal, "Thank goodness you believe me, I thought you were going to turn me in as a British spy!" I laugh and pull her into a hug.
I was glad to finally get it off my chest, to let someone besides Lafayette and Washington know my secret. I was even more glad that it had been Angelica that I shared this secret with because of all woman, Angelica is the one more likely to understand my needs and wants. I had bonded with Angelica on a tempermental level and I have never had that type of bond with someone besides my dear cousin and John.
I was now starting to see Angelica as a very close friend as we continued to talk about politics, the military, books and our education. My first female friend, Angelica Schuyler. What an incredible woman!
~~~~
"Angelica, we have been looking everywhere for you!" Angelica and I turn in our seats to see Eliza followed by Peggy, approaching. Eliza sits down and smiles politely,
"Hi again, (F/N), lovely to see you."
"And you, too, Eliza, Peggy," I nod at both in greeting as Angelica and Eliza have a conversation about their father. I concentrate on my book in front of me, not wanting to intrude on their family matters but the conversation soon leads to Alexander Hamilton.
Last night, John had introduced me to Alexander and we had talked for a while, becoming friends in the process. I had learnt of Alex's backstory and why he had come to America. I had also learnt that he was Washington's right hand man, meaning I will be working close with him in the near future.
"And he already sent me a letter!" Eliza gushes. The blush on her face and the passion in her eyes makes it crystal clear that she was in love.
"Yeah, look!" Peggy pulls out a letter from Eliza's basket as Eliza tries to snatch the envelope away from Peggy's reach but fails in her attempts. Peggy giggles as she finally hands Alex's letter over to Eliza while making mocking kissy faces at her.
"I guess you could say he's reliable with the ladies," I say and the Schuyler Sisters all laugh along with me at my joke.
"He's just so dreamy and his hair is so soft and his brown eyes are like the new trees in the garden in spring!" Eliza dazes off in her dreams about Alexander as I sigh happily, thinking of John and his own soft ringlets and forest green eyes that are as green as the new leaves in the garden in spring.
"Uh oh, (F/N)'s thinking about John now! Eliza, you've started a chain reaction! Next thing you know Angelica will be fantasizing about Marquis de Lafayette!" Peggy giggles.
"I can't help it! John has these adorable freckles that are placed so randomly but so perfectly like the stars! Don't even get my started about his sun bright smile and his grassy green eyes!" I couldn't stop myself from gushing over John, I had been holding it in since last night and now that I was surrounded by friends, that were girls, I could finally have the opportunity to gush and gossip like a teenager; something I had never got to do before now.
"Yep, she's definitely in love," Angelica teases while she leans over and pinches my blushing cheeks.
"But John just gets me. It's like he's known me my whole life, he understands where I politically and mentally stand and vice versa. It's like an... affinité." I close my eyes, imaging him. I imagine his face being centimeters from mine, his lips on mine, his hands on my waist.
No, I didn't imagine them.
I remembered them.
Eliza and I spent a good half hour gushing over Alexander and John and bonding with each other on a compassionate level before my eyes started to get heavy due to the dim light. I had to go outside for fresh air and to continue on my errand run before Lafayette starts to worry. Before I left, I made sure to give each Schuyler Sister a big hug, knowing that this would be the last time I see them for a while.
As I got to Angelica, I had whispered in her ear, telling her to write to me as often as she deemed fit and I was hoping that when I got to the camps, a letter would soon meet me there.
~~~~
'First. The powers of governing still remaining in the hands of the king, he will have a negative over the whole legislation of this continent. And as he hath shown himself such an inveterate enemy to liberty, and discovered such a thirst for arbitrary power; is he, or is he not, a proper man to say to these colonies, "You shall make no laws but what I please." And is there any inhabitant in America so ignorant, as not to know, that according to what is called the present constitution, that this continent can make no laws but what the king gives leave to; and is there any man so unwise, as not to see, that (considering what has happened) he will suffer no law to be made here, but such as suit his purpose. We may be as effectually enslaved by the want of laws in America, as by submitting to laws made for us in England.'
I was too deep into Common Sense to notice my basket, now filled with fruits, being shifted to the floor as a man in a dark brown, almost the colour of the soil in the flowerbeds, coat sits next to me on the bench. I don't pay any notice to him as I continue to read my book.
The man next to me shifts, almost uncomfortably and he moves his arm to wrap around my waist. He pulls me into his side and kisses my cheek. He sounds oddly like John as he says, "I was really hoping you'd be happy to see me after our last encounter."
"Sir, I would appreciate it if you would kindly remove your hand from my body and leave me alone to read my boo-" I stop talking as I look at the man, his beautiful face just inches from mine and I would instantly recognize those freckles anywhere. "John!"
I close my book quickly and wrap my arms around his neck and he tightens his hold on my waist. I stay there in his arms, just enjoying his presence. I take in his smell, freshly cut grass, as I fiddle with a curl of his hair which was again tied at the base of his head. His coat was warm and reminded me of last night when he wrapped his uniform coat around my shoulders.
"I was hoping that I'd get to see you before I leave." He kisses my temple, holding me close.
"To the revolution, John." I pull back, smiling lightly and study his face. Beautiful. I wonder if he sees me in the same light or just sees me as a regular girl. He smiles sadly, moving a strand of hair from in front of my eyes and tucking it behind my ear. The perfectionist in me wanted to go back home and comb my hair to into the perfect knot at the bottom of my head but I didn't want to leave John's side.
"To the revolution, (N/N)." He whispers. He, like I had, studied my face intently and upon his gaze my cheeks heat up, ferociously. He cups my cheek and I lean into his hand. I smile up at him as I ask,
"Why did you want to join the revolution?"
"Well, I want to fight for this country, I want to make sure this country has a future and the people living here will thrive and the slaves! I can't even describe how I feel about slavery, I absolutely despise it but I've got a new reason for joining the revolution now."
"And what would that be?" I whisper.
"You." He smiles, "I want to return to you and celebrate our separation from the colonies, I want to make sure you in particular have a safe and happy future."
I snake my arms around his torso and lean into his chest. John holds me close as I breath in his scent and listen to his fastening heart beat.
I think about his words and the fact that he wants this country to have a future, not only for the 'regular' people but for black people and slaves too, just inspires me. I can't believe how strong willed he is and how similarly our minds work.
There's no doubt in my mind that I am under John's charms. I am definitely falling for him.
Hard.
"I originally joined after I heard about the Siege of Charleston and I realised how close it was to home, and I knew I had a duty to protect the remaining members of my family."
I could practically feel the sorrow in the air. I recall what John had told me about his family last night. How the second eldest Laurens brother was to take over the rice cultivating business and how the youngest brother was to take over the slave trade house; something John was strongly against and fought with his father about on many occasions. He also told me about his two sisters and how they stayed with their uncle while John, his brothers and his father traveled Europe for the boy's education.
I smile sadly at him, knowing that he too had lost his mother growing up.
"I know you can make your family proud, John. Including your mother."
He smiles sadly before replying, "I strive to make her proud everyday."
"As bad as it sounds, John, thanks to the King, you are making her proud by fighting for freedom." I say, lifting my head from his chest. I remove my book from my lap and place it in my basket. I turn back to John.
"When you come back from the war," I take his hand, intertwining our fingers, "I want to help you abolish slavery once and for all."
He kisses my temple, "I know and we will but under Washington's command, I will have little time during the war to write all these essays myself."
"I'll help from the Caribbean." I say within an instant.
"It doesn't help that Washington's low on men either, we go off to war again soon and he still hasn't found a battle strategist."
"Has he been actively searching for one?" I blush at the irony in the question. Of course he has found one. I am the new battle strategist and will soon fight alongside John and his friends and Washington.
"I assume no, he already has too much on his plate already with congress and all."
"They're not sending enough, umm... Provisions. The military needs... les deux tiers... more of what Congress is sending. It won't be enough to last another three battles, oui?"
"Exactly and even with Alex writing to Congress constantly we're not getting anywhere."
"I'm surprised you are talking about matters like these with me," I look up at his with a sceptical look in my eyes.
"Now why are you surprised, (F/N)?"
"It's not typical that a man, especially a soldier, would talk about such matters with a woman." I say boldly, lifting my chin with a brow angled at him.
"Well, you're an intelligent and trustworthy character. Should it matter that I talk about military matters with someone of the other sex?"
"Not at all, Laurens, not at all. Most men seem quick to judge a woman but you... you are very different to most." I smile brightly at him, knowing his mind still works in the same way mine does.
"Woman should be equal to men, there's no going around that subject and I'm sure in the future they will be." He smiles back knowingly and a faint shade of pink stains his cheek. So faint that I almost missed it under his scattered freckles.
"(N/N), you are a woman of your own nature, a force to be reckoned with."
"Ah, merci, John." I lean my head on his shoulder as we sit in peace. We watch the nature around us, the birds in their nests in the trees, the flowers swaying and the snow falling gracefully.
He shifts, moving his arm to wrap around my shoulders, warming me up slightly in the process and pulls me closer to him. I take his free hand in mine and fiddle with his fingers much like I did with Gilbert's when we were younger.
"Why are you going to the Caribbean? Besides to fight against slavery, couldn't you do that here?" John asks out of the blue.
"I aspire to be a... how do you put it? Philanthrope." I say, keeping my eyes on the dancing grass at our feet.
"Philanthropist?"
"Oui."
"You are incredible." he smiles and kisses the top of my head.
"What would be your dream job?" I ask.
"An artist would be my dream job but I know that this path is leading me down politics and law."
"You would make an amazing artist."
"Actually I was working on some things today, kind of as a science project." He pulls his sketchbook out of his pocket, "Want to see my turtles?"
I snicker slightly before jokingly say, "Is that what the men are calling their phallus in America? Their 'turtle'" I make quote marks with my fingers around the word 'turtle' and John blushes ferociously. The red of his cheeks gleam under his freckles.
"I-I meant literal turtles, n-not anything c-carnal." He stutters and I giggle. He hands me his sketchbook and when my giggling settles down, I kiss his cheek.
"I know, mon soldat, I was only joking."
I open the sketchbook and scan the illustrations. You could instantly tell from the graphite shading that the depictions were of a high quality and accuracy.
The first few pages were of turtles. Softshell turtles, one with a long neck another with large feet. I turned the next few pages to see the details of trees, different woods shaded differently and the textures vary from illustration to illustration.
About ten pages later, I came across some birds coloured with oil paints. The first blue bird was perched on a branch full of leaves. The detail looked almost effortless. Then next bird was a woodpecker with its beak in a hole in the wood as it too perched on the side of a tree.
His illustrations were beautiful. So beautiful that I'm surprised they're not framed or in a museum gallery. I stared at each one in awe and I'm sure if Simon Vouet saw them he would be jealous of John's skills.
"I was working on a scientific journal. I started it when I was in my teens but never again picked it up until a few months ago."
"I'll have to get you to paint mine and my dear cousins portrait after the war." I smile up at him.
"Painting you would be like painting the angels in heaven. I'd happily do it." He smiles back at me and again moves a strand of hair from my facing and tucking it behind my right ear. I blush at John's compliment and turn back to the sketchbook. I close it gently and hand it back to him as I listen to the clock in the town centre sound.
Sixteenth hour. About time I should be getting back to Gilbert's house. I sigh at the thought of leaving John again.
"Mon cher, John, I must be getting back home now; Gilbert will be worrying about me." I say and connect our hands again. I look up to see sadness in his eyes as they flicker down to my lips. Mine imitate his, looking down at his plump lips and moving closer. Soon enough, our lips also connect and move in sync with each other as we know this could be our last kiss. Our last kiss as (F/N) (L/N) and John Laurens until after the war. Hopefully.
As we pull away we stay close, our foreheads leaning against each other's and we just gaze into each other's eyes.
"Come back to me?" I whisper. The thought of losing John to the war leaves an aching feeling in my chest. Almost like an emptiness.
"For you, of course." He whispers back, a cloud releasing from his mouth as the cold catches his words on a wind.
We stay like that for a minute or so, both of us not wanting to leave. But when John pulls back, the aching in my heart intensifies a little.
"Let me walk you back, one last time." He smiles and stands up, offering his hand. I pick my basket up and with the other hand I take his.
And for one last time until after the war, he walks me back, hand in hand, towards my dear cousin.
~~~~
Word count: 3,451
Date Finished: 1/27/2019
Date published: 1/28/2019