Dirk was at the condo held up in his room when Lisa got home. He had just gotten off the phone with Courtney, who continued to drop subtle hints and a line of questions related to his plans for rectifying the situation. Dirk assured him he was all over it.
After aimlessly surfing the net for several hours, Dirk looked up and saw that it was close to two in the morning. He powered down his laptop—a habit he'd picked up from dealing with Lisa's nosey behind—stood up, and produced a long stretch. He headed to the bedroom and then remembered he needed to grab a few rolls of toilet paper from the linen closet for the master bathroom. On his way back to his room, he saw Lisa's door cracked and the lamp next to her bed still on. He walked up to the door and peeked in. Lisa was lying there on "her" side of the bed, her back to the door. She hadn't said as much as boo to him since their big blow up. He stood there watching her body rise and fall and thought about how much he really missed her and how badly he wanted her back. He knew she had been loyal to him, even though all of his ridiculousness.
Easing into the room, Dirk walked over to the nightstand, tapping the touch-sensitive lamp. Lisa stirred; readjusting to her back and drifted right back off to sleep. Dirk stood there only able to see her face from the light illuminating from the hallway through the cracked door. Out of nowhere, in particular, he made a spontaneous decision to do something he rarely did; something Lisa always enjoyed, but after a while stopped asking for. Dirk placed the toilet paper rolls on the floor and ventured down to the end of the bed, gingerly lifting the down blanket and sheet. He climbed underneath.
*****
Lisa laid there dreaming when out of nowhere a pleasing sensation appeared right in the middle of her dream. She felt confused as she tried to figure out how the feeling related to her standing in the line at the grocery store. Looking down at herself, Lisa felt embarrassed as the pleasure increased. Soon, she awoke and realized at once what she was feeling. Trying to gain her bearings, Lisa reached down and attempted to pull Dirk's grasped arms from around her legs. He held on, resisting her efforts. She then tried pushing his head away, but he continued to resist.
"What the hell, Dirk! Stop it!" Lisa demanded, trying to resist her body's natural response to his endeavor.
"Dirk...don't..." Lisa whispered, now only weakly protesting. Eventually relinquishing, she granted herself permission to lie back and enjoy his sexual favor. It didn't take long for her to reach her moment.
Dirk climbed up from under the blanket and lay next to Lisa. She was quiet, her head turned away from him towards the wall. She covered her face with both hands and drew in a deep breath, embarrassed by the episode. Then came the familiar feeling of being duped. Pushing the thoughts from her mind, Lisa resisted the urge to allow guilt to seep in. No, she hadn't done anything wrong. She had been strong for close to two months, not relenting or allowing her "feelings" to override what she knew she needed to do. So, he had given her a sexual favor. She decided to not attach anything to it other than what it was: a meaningless sexual favor. Lisa tapped the lamp on and turned towards Dirk, who laid there staring at her somberly, an expression she was not used to seeing from him.
"What was that about, Dirk? Why are you coming in here with that?"
"Just something I thought you'd enjoy. From the sound of it, I'm assuming you did. Enjoy it, I'm sayin'."
Lisa again feeling uncomfortable, turned away from Dirk.
"That's not the point, Dirk. With where things are right now... you shouldn't just be taking liberties..." Lisa's voice trailed off, and she sat up, thinking she should be more upset, even though on the contrary she was pleased by his unselfish gesture. She couldn't decide if it was related to the physical pleasure of his actions or the selflessness he'd shown in doing it. While Lisa sat there mulling it over, Dirk reached over and placed his hand on her leg.
"Baby, look at me." His tone was soft and endearing, and she was reminded of the first time they'd made love back in college. He'd confessed his love for her that afternoon at his apartment as they laid there in each other's arms. And even though he'd convinced her to skip her chemistry class, and she'd missed a lab, she always regarded that day as a pivotal moment in their relationship. The flood of nostalgia made it difficult to remain indifferent. She turned towards him, paying very close attention to see if he was just running a game.
"Baby, I'm sorry for how I played you. I mean, you know you mean the world to me, Lisa. I don't want to lose you. I just wanna get things back right between us."
Lisa sat there quietly, trying to process what he'd said. She was still discombobulated by everything including being jarred from her sleep in the middle of the night.
"Dirk..." Lisa began, hesitant to proceed.
"What, baby? Just say it," he whispered, tenderly.
"I've heard all this before, baby." The word baby sounded foreign to her as she allowed it to slip from her mouth. Although he seemed so genuine, there was no denying the apprehension she felt.
"You've been saying these things since we graduated undergrad; different verbiage, but same context." Lisa heard Dirk's heavy sigh before he continued.
"I know, Lis. I realized that. And I'm sure you want to know what's going to be different this time."
"Exactly! What's going to be so different this time, Dirk? Is all this because I made contact with an apartment agent and started looking to move out? Because even if you convinced me to stay and things remain the same, it will only be a matter of time before things fall apart and I leave."
"Okay but hear me out. Remember a few weeks ago, when we had that big blow up, and you told me you hated me and you were thankful to God you weren't pregnant by my sorry ass?"
"Yes. I remember, and I'm sorry for being so brash. You know I was really upset." Lisa realized how reckless she must have come across. Even downright harsh.
"I know you were upset so you don't have to apologize for how you felt. But real talk though, Lisa, no matter how hardcore you were, the truth remains the same. However, you chose to say it, it was still a gut punch for me."
"I bet," Lisa blurted out. She placed her head in the palm of her hand and shook her head. "That was rude. I'm sorry. Go on."
"So, anyway after thinking about what you said and realizing that after all these years, the woman I love and have been with all this time would pretty much be devastated to find out she was pregnant with my child...it was like an aha moment for me. I had to see it for what it was. I know you love me, but that doesn't necessarily equate to you seeing me as someone you'd want to spend the rest of your life with or someone you'd picture yourself having a family with. As much as it hurts, I have to face that fact. But you know what, Lisa: I can be the man you need me to be, baby. I'll do whatever I have to do to prove it to you. I mean, I know a real woman wouldn't want a grown man acting like he's still in college, chasing skirts as you say." They both chuckled and Dirk continued.
"Bottom line is either I'm going to get myself together so we can build this relationship and move forward like adults, or we're gonna have to let this go and move on. Either way, I just want you to know I'm willing to do whatever I have to on my end. I know you deserve to be treated right and to have a man in your life that's going to be straight up. You're my jewel, baby. Like Jody said in Baby Boy, 'you ma rib.'" This time, they both burst out laughing. It was just like Dirk to incorporate humor into a tender moment. The entire exchange would have been insincere if he hadn't.
Dirk reached over and took Lisa's hand into his own, and he laid there, quiet as he stared at their entwined hands. She was lost in her own thoughts when seconds later, he leaned over and laid his head in her lap. She stared at the back of his head, tugging at several of his locks, thinking about how sincere he seemed. For so long, she had been pleading with him to share his heart with her, and up until this point, he had resisted, always using humor to spin her. It had been years since she'd felt so close to him.
With Dirk's head still in her lap, she placed her hand on his back, stroking it gently from side to side. She missed touching and being touched by him. Dirk moved up close to Lisa's midsection. Gripping her waist, catching her off guard. Lisa playfully pulled his hair, smiling at his gesture. Moments later, she noticed his breathing growing labored and tilted her head, wondering if she was hearing what she thought she was hearing. His heavy breathing progressed into full on crying. Instinctively, she pulled his arms from around her waist and took him into her arms.
"Oh, Dirk, it's okay," she spoke softly. "It's gonna be okay, baby. It's okay," Not long after, Dirk released her and laid back on the bed, now staring up at her. She wiped his tears with the sleeve of her pajama top, their eyes connected. He'd been so wrapped up in his own feelings he hadn't noticed that she too had been crying, Dirk used his large hands to wipe her tears away.
"You okay, Lisa?" Something about the way he asked implied that he didn't believe she was. She swallowed hard, nodding.
"Baby, it's okay. Just let it go. I know this has been hard on you."
His words seemed to grant her permission to let go. Lisa used her hands to cover her face and burst into tears. Now it was his turn to comfort her. He pulled her down on top of him, holding her tight as she cried in his arms.
"I'm so sorry I hurt you, Lisa. I'm so sorry, baby." Dirk whispered faintly into her ear. Gently stroking her back, he kissed her face over and over again. Eventually, Dirk pulled one of Lisa's pillows over and stuffed it under his head, while Lisa remained in his embrace, her head resting on his chest.
They lay there talking for hours about their relationship and how to get things back on track. Dirk was quick to take responsibility for most of their issues and took the time to provide insight into why he operated the way he did. For the first time, he shared with her how his uncle had taught him to see girls as more of a sport than something to be cherished, encouraging him to avoid being tied down prematurely.
The two laid there talking well into the morning. Dirk had never been so forthcoming and Lisa, completely mesmerized, took in everything he said. She loved hearing him pour out his soul, sure he had never been so genuine. They eventually fell into a spooning position, and as she dozed off, holding on to his arms wrapped around her, she thought of her earlier prayer, and for the first time in a great while, she felt hopeful.