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"Francena!"
The familiar voice of my best friend stripped me away from my thoughts. I shake my head, removing all of my distractive thinking and turn towards the tall boy before me. Graham, always the best dressed out of the trio, sported on Nike grey shorts that reveals his tone leg muscles, matching himself with a half-zipped hoodie in the same shade. His attire falls down to his shoes, topped with black Yeezys.
Sweat drips down his forehead as he pulls a halt to our morning jog.
I stopped once I matched his distance, "huh?" I replied, wiping my forehead with the sweatband on my wrist. "Sorry, I got distracted."
"Yeah, no shit," his breathing pattern in shallow pants. Graham bend himself over as his palms pressed against his knees, catching his breath. "What's going on?"
I feel lost without her.
"Nothing," I shook off his curious stare, "just school really."
"Yeah right," Graham bite back, his words coming off in pants. "That might've worked last time, but Rose is not here, and I'm not taking that answer." Graham refers back to me zooming out while thinking about love letters Julian was receiving, "what's going on?"
I sigh, knowing there's no use in hiding it, "I–it's just–have Julian ever seemed, I don't know, depressed?"
Graham pulled himself back up into a straight position. "What are you talking about?"
"Like during soccer practise, your games, or like around freshman year or during it. I don't know, did Julian ever seem sad?"
Graham paused as he stares at me. I knew it was a stupid question but I had to ask. Having a girlfriend and having been broken up with must've had an impact on you, especially if it's your first love — and not to mention, if you keep mentioning her every now and then. Graham shakes his head, answering my question, "Nope. Not that I knew of." I sigh, expecting Graham not to have notices Julian as much as I would like, "why?"
I open my mouth to reply when a sudden thought stopped me. Am I even allowed to tell such personal things to Graham. I know he's my best friend and all, and I know for a fact that he wouldn't tell a soul if I told him not to.
But, if I had told someone something, and it is expected like a secret? How would I feel if they told their best friend or someone else about it?
Shitty, of course.
"I don't know," I came to an answer, brushing off Graham's curiosity. "Julian just seemed off the other day when we met up. I just thought maybe something happened."
"Come on," Graham bumps shoulders with me, "Dean may be very closed off, sure, but depressed? I doubt it. He's always cheerful and bubbly with his best friends. Maybe it's just a bad day."
You never know.
"Y-yeah, you're right," I reply, even though I'm not fully convinced. "Maybe I'm overthinking this."
"Possibly," Graham said, as his eyes turn to focus over at me for a moment. "Or, is there solid evidence behind this claim?"
Iris always told me that when I lie, my voice turns slightly lowers in pitch than usually — since I'm trying to tame my usual calm features, my voice lowers. Unlike some people who've been told their voices actually raise in pitch; when I lie, I sound like a man.
"There is!"
I release, "so what if there is? I can't tell you about it."
"Why not?"
"I feel like even if he didn't directly say it's a secret, it should be kept as it is until I'm given the all-clear sign. You know me, I hate hypocrites. I'm thinking in his shoes; how would I feel if someone I confide in told a secret to another person — even if it's their best friend — when its meant to be a secret."
"Shitty, of course."
"Exactly!" I jab my hand in his direction as my point is drawn across, "so I don't think I'm allowed to tell you."
"Oh curse you and your morals," I rolled my eyes, "but whatever. I understand. But let me ask you this: are you worried about him?"
Worried? I've known Julian just for a little time, not including the time before this year. So, am I allowed to be worried?
"Yes," I answered without a thought. I look to Graham, seeing his worried expression shifted. "and don't get any funny ideas about why I'm worried. He's a friend. If it was any of my friends, I would be worried."
"But the difference is he wasn't just a friend, Francena! He was your former crush, and the guy you were practically in love with!"
"Hold the rolls," I held out my index finger, "Love is a strong word and I don't think I want to describe that with a crush I had in middle school."
"Francena," Graham sighs as his eyes close and his index and middle finger slapped against his lips, "you were sending him love notes for three years."
"But look where I'm at? I've moved on! My little crush on Julian was small and idiotic. I'm over it, Julian was great and all but he didn't like me; I have to take that into effect. I'm over it, seriously, can we just forget about it?"
"It's kinda hard to forget when you're literally helping him find the copycat,"
I bit my lip; he wasn't wrong. God, its hard to win an argument with Graham when literally he's the epitome of me but with better hair.
"Fine, I'm worried about it. And yes, maybe, maybe it could mean more than a friend. But I can't help to think about that right now. Julian and me are strictly friends right now, and most definitely forever will be friends. He's not over Tasha, I can tell." I grumble, crossing my arms across my chest.
"Is that what this is about? Tasha? Tasha Larson? The girlfriend?"
When I didn't answer, Graham continued, "I don't understand why you're jealous, Julian should be over that girl by now."
"But he's not!" I drop my arms by my side, "he's still in love with her and its affecting him that she's gone."
"I don't understand; in love? They had a lot of rough patches as a couple, how could he still be in love with her?"
"Maybe because you're supposed to have rough obstacles with your significant other to know what love really means. To feel it and commit to it. I don't know," I run a frustrated hand through my hair, "I've never been in love!"
"Okay, okay, fine," Graham holds out his hands in surrender, hoping it would calm me down. It didn't. "Maybe he's still in love with her, okay, maybe he's depressed now, okay, the next question is: what are you going to do about it?"
"I don't know," I answered, "I can barely figure out my life, what makes you think I can figure out the next step in his life."
"Francena," my eyes search for the ground as I begin to kick the pebbles on the sideway. "Francena," the grass seemed entertaining enough and I felt the horrible gut feeling of not being good enough to help Julian drowning the pit of my stomach. I swing my arms side to side, attempting to shake off this thought, "Francena!"
Graham grabs both of my shoulders, forcing me down to hold still. I look up, greeted with the green eyes I'm used to seeing, and a wispy smile grace his lips. "It's okay."
"I—"
"You're enough," Graham cuts in, his voice towering mine, "I know you think you can't help Julian, but you can. All you can do is be a friend for him, maybe that's what he needs most."
I didn't reply, and his lowers himself down as he pecks a kiss on my forehead, "god knows; I needed it."
—
"—I don't understand why I need to learn Spanish, I'm already trilingual. I can communicate in freaking three languages, write in two and read in all. I don't need Spanish!"
"If you're trilingual, shouldn't Spanish be easy to you?"
"I speak Gujarati, Hindi and English. None of which helps with Spanish. Their language, ugh, it's confuses me!" Iris runs a hand through her dark roots as I notice the pinch of highlight she applied on her features. Iris, being the most makeup advocate person I know, loves to prettify her features and bold them out. Especially during school.
"Look at this way, if you learn Spanish, you could be multilingual. That's better than I could be, I know one language and that's it."
"I thought you were part Italian."
"Rose, don't try me. Just because I'm Italian does not mean I know Italian. I'm in America for god's sake."
Iris rolled her eyes as I take a bite of her samosa, "plus, I'm already multilingual. I speak sarcasm, that counts somewhere right?"
"Oh god, Iris, don't be like a Tumblr post. That's the most Tumblr thing I've ever heard from you." I declare, a exaggerated laugh passed through my lips.
"I wanted to try something new, but whatever, it's not appreciated enough." Iris rolled her eyes as Graham grabbed her attention once more and they dig into a conversation about Graham's grades again. What I heard is that he needs help tutoring again.
Lunch was again, the source of gossip as my ears begin to dip into conversation not meant for my mine about the latest gossip. However, to be completely fair, I didn't need to even try hard to listen in as they spoke in so loud, soundproofing the room wouldn't have done any good.
I just wanted to think to myself; having been thinking about Graham and mine's morning run, and our conversation, I didn't know what my next step was to do. But like Graham said, maybe I didn't need to do anything and a friend is all he needs.
The cafeteria doors swing open and once more, the typical four friends — whom I dubbed as F4 — enters through the doors. Julian, however, disappeared from their little group and he appeared no where to be seen.
My head slightly tilted to the side, and I wondered where Julian could be; I seem to caught the attention of Colin and Isaac, who turns to me and gives me a big grin and waves largely. I did the same, politely as I try not to mock their big smile.
"What was that?" I hear Iris questions once Isaac and Colin made their way to their table and stopped giving me their attention. I turn back against my chair, seeing Iris eyeing me carefully.
"What was that?" I replied, becoming ignorant to the whole ideal. Graham shoots me a look, with a knowing grin on his lips as I ignored him and turn to Iris, her brown eyes eyeing me carefully.
"Don't play coy, Francena, I saw that—why is Isaac and Colin waving at you now?"
"It's nothing."
She shot me a look.
"Fine," I let out a sigh, "it's just from helping Julian with Miss Incomplete. Nothing more than that."
"Oh, okay," her tone disbelief, as his expression was unconvinced, "because helping Julian with Miss Incomplete totally comes with being friendly with his friends. Totally."
I eyed her carefully, forcing a snarl on my lips. She shot me back a look that declare she wasn't scared.
"Totally."
I smack her.