Cold water cascaded down Marcus's back snaking around his naked body making him shiver and calming him down at the same time. He pressed his head against the cold tiled wall and squeezed his eyes shut. The surge of lust that he had woken up with was baffling.
Marcus had never woken up with such sexual desire in his entire life. It was rather strange for a man –considering men thought about sex at least three times every minute of every day, to have such a low sexual drive as Marcus did. This led him to believe that he may be asexual, which he was perfectly okay with. But ever since two days ago, where he somehow managed to turn a not-so-sexual kiss into a hot and steamy make-out session inside the office elevator, it caught him completely off guard.
He remembered clearly how he longed for Julian to replace him lips onto his every time they pulled away. How his heart pounded louder and faster with every nip and suck. The feeling of never wanting to let go consumed him. I'm in deep shit. Marcus thumped his head on the tiles and ignored the pain that shot through his skull. He had to deal with what ever the alien sensation was. Thankfully, he was already on New Year holiday which meant that he wouldn't have to see Julian for another few weeks it was more than enough time for him to get his thoughts straight.
Once he stepped out from the shower and had changed into his nightwear, Marcus made his way to his bedroom where he was greeted with a familiar face. A wide grin and twinkling eyes greeted him.
"So, ready to talk or...." the man that sat on Marcus's bed chuckled "do you want to go and take another shower" he chuckled.
"Shut up" wined and dropped onto the bed next to the man. Three showers in one night, not cold showers, although the last one was in fact a cold shower but that was for him to know and for no one to find out... especially the one who had been the main reason for it –Julian. The man with the sinful smile, lips –he mentally slapped himself. Straight thoughts he told himself, but he couldn't help but let his mind wonder.
"What am I going to do Craig?" Marcus muttered under his breath. His question was only replied with a raised brow and a questioning look. Marcus hadn't told Craig anything he knew. This was why Marcus called him over –to talk. Marcus thought, considering Craig was gay he would know, or at least answer some questions. He did trust Craig after all.
Marcus sighed and motioned Craig to sit closer to him, which Craig complied to. Silence and discomfort thickened the air. With a tight lump in his throat he sighed again.
"Wow, this must be something big" Craig paused. "I don't think I've ever seen you 'sigh' this much before" Craig chuckled.
Why Marcus had chosen to trust Craig was not really a mystery. Even after Craig kissed him at the cemetery there was nothing that held Marcus back from acting like he did towards Craig. Marcus loved him like a brother would –more or less, and he trusted him. Craig, in the years they've known each other had never broken Marcus's trust. So Marcus knew that Craig was the one and only person he could trust with something like this and the only person who wouldn't judge him or misunderstand what he was going through.
Cracking a small timid smile Marcus sighed again.
"Spill it Marcus or I might die of anticipation" Craig joked.
"I –I kissed someone..." Marcus's features grimaced.
"Bravo?" When Marcus looked over to Craig, he looked thoroughly confused.
"No" Marcus paused and licked his cold dry lips. "I mean, I kissed a guy..."
"OH" Craig nodded to himself and focused on the floor with a concentrated stare. Marcus waited for Craig's reply while playing with the hem of his shirt.
"But didn't..." he looked up at Marcus "we kiss?" He question while motioning his binger between them.
"Yes...well." Marcus wondered what he should say. "I kissed him more than once...."
"Ahh" Craig sounded slightly disappointed, hurt even as he broke their eye contact. "I can see how that could be a problem. Do you like him?" Craig threw the bold question at Marcus.
Do I? Just as he asked the question his mind wondered to the kiss, in all honestly Marcus had loved it.
"I don't know"
"Okay, so let me get this straight, no pun intended" he chuckled "So you kissed this dude, now you're wondering about your sexuality? Wait-a-minute. Is he hot?"
"I suppose?" what does that have to do with anything, but yes, yes he is. He would make any man and woman jealous.
"What are you thinking about?" Craig asked snapping Marcus out from his thought.
"What...nothing"
"Seedy..." Craig smiled slyly and shifted his eyes. "Explains all the showers," he winked, causing a deep red blush materialize over Marcus's face and neck which makes Craig double down in laughter.
"Oh god!"
"I'm calm. I'm calm. Okay. Marcus," he pauses "are you attracted to this guys?" Another bold question.
Marcus had to contemplate about the reality he had stepped into.
An hour passed and there was not much progression, but inside of Marcus he felt lighter speaking to someone about things that he never had. Slowly all the puzzle pieces were starting to fall into place. There was one possibility... It may not be the exact truth but for the time being that was his answer.
"I get it now..." Craig's gin widened "you're pan-fucking-sexual!" he exclaimed and snapped his fingers. For the first time ever Marcus realized how obviously gay Craig sounded and behaved. He wondered how he had managed to completely not see it during the years he had known Craig.
"That's what I was thinking" Marcus stated nodding his head thoughtfully. It was indeed the exact thought that had passed through Marcus's mind. He wasn't very sexually attracted to anyone but then it was people's personalities that always drew him in. Their beauty always mesmerized him, but what people had in their pants never mattered, which confused, it still confused him to no end. But now it made sense. Marcus agreed with Craig.
He may as well be pansexual...even though the definition for pan-sexuality was borderline confusing.
"It just makes sense.... Don't you think?" Craig said cocking his head to a side. "I guess I was wrong about you being gay after all" he muttered to himself. Even though no one was meant to hear it, Craig said it out too loud and Marcus heard. His head shot to the side with wide eyes. His breath was heavy and disbelief roamed in his mind.
"What are you?" Marcus breathed in disbelief.
When Craig came aware of what he had presumably said out loud his eyes widened. He mumbled a few incoherent words to himself.
"Y-you weren't meant to hear that" Craig spoke his thoughts and immediately shut his mouth.
Marcus gave him 'please, explain' look that Craig immediately understood.
"Well you see" he paused and using his elbows for support he leaned back on the bed. "Don't take this the wrong way Marcus" he paused again and studied Marcus's expressions "I always kind of guessed that you may be gay" nibbling on his bottom lips Craig sighed. "Fine" he murmured more to himself then looked back to Marcus who still started Craig down with utter shock. "I'm going to regret saying this" he paused again and scratched the tip of his nose. "Remember that person I told you about, the one that I used to be in love with, the one who was clueless about his real sexuality?"
Marcus nodded, still with the questioning look on his face... but it only lasted seconds before it clicked inside his brain.
"That was you" Craig said in a whisper. "I was talking about you"
Marcus couldn't believe it. Of cause even if he guessed it before he said it, just hearing it made it sound so unrealistic. But Marcus didn't freak, which shocked him. He nodded understandingly and stared at his own feet for a moment.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, his voice was calmer.
"I didn't want to freak you out"
"Wait... but didn't you say you saw the guy you liked Ki-"
"Yeah that was you" Craig said cutting Marcus off.
"How...When?"
"I can't remember when exactly, but it was right here... in your apartment"
Marcus knew exactly which kiss he was talking about, even as he was in shock he couldn't brush the guilt he felt.
"I'm sorry" Marcus apologized. He didn't know what else to say.
"What for! There's nothing for you to feel sorry for. Marcus, I want you to be happy, and I told you, it's in the past" he reached out and held Marcus's cold hand and squeezed it "this guy you say you kissed, the one you're confused about. Is it the same guy who you were kissing here?" he raised an eyebrow.
Marcus nodded frantically saying yes the tried to hide his head in embarrassment.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Seven hours, seventeen minutes and nine seconds, that was how long Marcus had been awake for. It was early in the morning, too early for him to do anything. As he sat in his bed quietly with his eyes locked on the horizon he could hear a faint snore from his side. With a smile he looked over to see Craig in his bed, flopped on his belly sleeping in the clothes he was wearing the night before.
Their conversation had gone past midnight, and neither of them knew when they drifted off to sleep. But nevertheless Marcus felt relived, like he had nothing holding him back. For the past seven hours he had been wondering about Craig's words. He kept accepting them and then pushing them to a side. Things like this rarely happened to him; this was something he would read in a story and then think of it as stupid. He had to accept it. He wanted to accept it.
Sexuality wasn't meant to be confusing, it was either you knew or you didn't. Marcus still needed convincing. As he ran his fingers through Craig's hair he smiled. He had gone through a range of emotions about Craig's secret feelings towards him, now it didn't bother him.
A loud buzz caught his attention and snapped him out from his contemplation. The buzz echoed again. Groaning he swung his legs over the edge of his bead and stretched. The doorbell buzzed again. It wasn't even bright out yet, who the hell is here at this time he thought groggily and dragged his feet to the door.
Adjusting his hair and his twisted clothes he opened the door. Shock hit him, his stared at the man before him with his mouth ajar.
What's his name?
Charles!
"Charles?" Marcus asked skeptically.
The man with the salt and pepper hair stated at Marcus with aggravation. His clothes sat perfectly, not a wrinkle or a crease. There was something intimidation about him that made Marcus cringe.
"Mr. Berkley, I was asked to deliver this to you" he spoke in monotone and stretched out a cream envelope at Marcus.
Stunned, Marcus slowly took it without another word. Opening the letter his eyes widened.
"It's from Master Allen; he would like you to attend the Annual Dalton Christmas Party." His tone didn't change, it freaked Marcus. "He would also like you to RSVP by tomorrow morning, if that is possible."
"Sure" Marcus said subconsciously and returned his attention to the invite.
"Marcus, where are you?" a winy, childlike voice called from the bedroom, it was soon followed by footfalls.
Marcus's head snapped up to Charles who's unemotional eyes set on the person who now was a few meters behind Marcus. Shit!
Marcus followed Charles's gaze to only lay his eyes on Craig. His messy hair and half-done clothes looked so very wrong. A shock of trepidation and fear shot through him.
"Oh no no no, This.... I-It's not what it looks like" Marcus stammered trying to defend himself. What if Charles went and told Allen... worse yet, if he told Julian.
"What you decide to do in the privacy of your home is none of my business Mr. Berkley" he said turning to leave.
God, wait wait wait...
"Charles, he's just a friend." Marcus tried to explain. He didn't want Charles to go and tell something that was untrue, especially to Julian something that was completely untrue.
"I don't see why you insist on trying to explain yourself Mr. Berkley" he turned once more. "Please do RSVP as soon as you are able to," he spoke before taking his leave.
"Who was that?" Craig asked, wrapping his arms around Marcus's neck and hanging from it like a five year old child. Marcus was mentally kicking himself. He wasn't sure why he cared so much about what the Dalton brothers' thought, he just did.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Marcus cursed himself for not bringing along anyone. It was utterly boring and he knew no one. The only two people he did know were nowhere to be found. Why he had exactly agreed to even show up at the Annual Dalton Christmas party was a mystery. The tiny voice inside his head warned him that nothing good could come out from the party. He had made-out with Julian Dalton than somehow managed to keep himself busy so he wouldn't have to run into the gorgeous man that made his heart race but then and now here is was, on the outskirts of the city of Manhattan at the seemingly extravagant house –it even had a driveway, a long driveway that curled around an island which had a large fountain at the center.
When he walked inside he was once and truly breathtaking. Never had he ever set his sights on anything like that before. Marcus couldn't stop gawking at every little thing he saw. He knew the brothers' were rich, but not to this extent. Thought the extreme excitement that came with what he saw fizzled down, he was bored out of his mind. Despite the extremely good looking, and equally rich people that surrounded him Marcus felt more out of place that he ever had.
Marcus sighed and swirled the champagne. Listening to rich people go on-and-on about their investments made him yawn when suddenly an arm slung around his neck, pulling him closer to a hard body. Marcus froze when he felt warm breath brush over his ear along with the words of a familiar voice "Are you enjoying yourself Marcus?" It made Marcus twist around. His jaw dropped and a smile twitched on the corners of his lips.
"Yeah," he lied "this place is amazing!" he couldn't help but say.
"Why thank you," Allen chuckled and pulled Marcus away from the finely dressed men he knew nothing of. "My brother's kind of '16th-century-freak" he joked as they roamed closer to the corner windows. "He insists on decorating this house like we still live in 1604"
Marcus chuckled and as he was about to reply someone linked their arm through his. When he looked down he saw a very petite girl, who was no taller than five foot with long chestnut colored hair. Her pink dress made her look adorable, like a doll, especially with her curling hair falling around her heart shaped face.
"Like I said. I came with a date," she spoke cheekily, tightening her grip around Marcus's arm. When he looked up at who she was speaking to he saw a tall, rather intimidating guy looming over him with an expression that frightened Marcus. Without another word the tall man walked away and the petite girl sighed. She muttered something to herself before looking up at Marcus and smiling. Her gaze shifted to Allen who watched the two with amusement.
"So you two came together?" Allen asked, clearly fooling around.
"Of cause we did." she replied before Marcus could. "Were like best friends!"
What's going on?
"You did now?" Allen raised his brows and Marcus, who was lost and confused "what's his name then?" Allen smirked at the girl. She dropped her smile, pulled her arm away from Marcus and took a step back. "I'm Tanya, this jackass's friend" she grinned and extended her hand to Marcus.
"Marcus," he said pointing to himself "nice to meet you."
"See now we know each other." She laughed and suddenly hugged Allen "anyway, I have to get going now, I'm kind of avoiding Haden and your brother" she laughed and quite literally skipped away. Her dress bounced behind her and so did her curled hair.
Marcus froze, he's here! He thought then immediately face palmed himself of cause he'd be here. But what would he do? It's not like he hadn't given it thought. He'd thought about exactly what he would say, what he wanted to say.
When he turned to face Allen they were interrupted once again, it was really starting to get to Marcus. Couldn't anyone just let him speak without interrupting him? The inferiority he felt was not taken lightly, he despised it.
This time the girl that tapped on Allen's shoulder caught his attention within a second of seeing her. He immediately excused himself from Marcus with the promise of returning very soon. Marcus was left all to himself yet again. While standing next to the food all by himself he felt a tap on his shoulder, it jolted him out from the strange trance he was submersed in. When he turned he was faced with one of the young waiters dressed in the black and white waiters' uniform that everyone seemed to be wearing, his tray was still in his hand he seemed unsure of himself as he studied Marcus.
"Are you Marcus Berkley?" the blue eyed man questioned him. Marcus only nodded his reply. Then man, who now seemed relieved to have found Marcus shoved his free hand into his front pocket and pulled out a box. Without a second thought the blue eyed man handed the small palm size box over to Marcus, who was very much confused. He took it in his hands and when he raised his gaze from the box the man that was standing before him was no longer there.
Turning around the room looking for the mysterious waiter he couldn't seem to catch even a single glimpse at him. It was rather strange. Returning his attention back to the box he felt fear. He debated the illogical thoughts that passed through his mind, it couldn't be. There is no way. He told himself as he lifted the lid. A flush of heat swept through him as he laid his eyes on a black USB that had the words 'watch me' written on it with white marker. Beneath the USB there was a perfectly folded piece of cream card. When he opened it, his heart stopped.
Marcus, I want you to watch it now, today, before the night ends.
S.A
Taking the USB in his hands he began to shake. He wondered what was inside; the only way of knowing was to watch it. He knew exactly who it was from. The Secret Admirer, the thought of him or her being at the party, somewhere possibly watching him scared him to his core.
He knew he had to find Allen or someone, anyone.... He had to find a way to watch it.
Now.
<>><><<><><><>><><><<><><><><><><><>><<><><>><><>>>>><><><<>><>>
Thank you for reading,
look forward to the next installment of S.A where things get even weirder O_O'
thanks
Nic xx