It's spitting outside when my last class lets out, and I immediately make a beeline for Riker's old Ford bronco when I spot him getting into the driver seat. Most days we drive to school together, except for the days where we have things going on after school or Fridays in case one of us makes plans. Days like today though, where we are only going from one point to the other — we don't see the point in wasting the gas.
"Lena coming over?" I ask as soon as I reach him, moving towards the passenger door wondering if I'll need to climb into the backseat.
"Nope, she's got stuff with the student body so passenger seats all yours," he tells me as he opens his door and climbs in. "How was your day?"
"Long," I admit and toss my bags into the backseat with my camera bag, turning my head to look at my older brother. "What about you?"
"Good now that's school over," he chuckles and reaches for the volume knob, turning on the radio as he backs out of his stall and turns towards the parking lot exit. Isaac having driven to school on his own this morning since he has basketball practice after class.
"Can I ask you something?" I ask suddenly.
"You know you can, Vee," he nods and I smile softly at the comfort in his voice.
There are days I wonder why we don't fight more. I don't fight with any of my brothers, not often at least and people like Robyn, who's constantly arguing with her siblings find it odd. I'll admit, I find it odd at times too like it should be a rite of passage but instead, I have three best friends. Three people I can confide in at all times. Three people I know will always encourage me and have my back.
"How did you know that you wanted to ask Lena out?" I question before I chicken out.
I don't know why I'm asking him this question, or why it should matter. I've made my decision about Felix. I'm not going to go out with him for a multitude of reasons, but I still find myself curious. Wondering if I'm making a mistake.
"That's random," he laughs but doesn't hesitate to answer. "We were friends at first. She transferred in when we were sophomores and I don't know, I guess we really hit it off. We barely knew each other and I found myself comfortable talking to her about things that I only talk to you, Grey and Isaac about. That is the biggest thing and I just like being around her."
I nod along with everything he's saying, understanding it all despite not really having a relationship to back it up. There was one guy in freshman year that I went out with for a few weeks, but that eventually fizzled out and I was left living vicariously through the people around me. I see the way Riker looks at Lena, like she's the only person in the world and I wonder what it'll feel like when I have that. If I ever get lucky enough to have that. My heart aches when Miles does something sweet for Isla out of the blue, just because he's thinking about her and it excites me knowing there are guys out there that still do sweet gestures for no reason.
"Why are you asking?" Riker asks.
I shake my head. "No reason. Just something we were talking about at lunch."
He chuckles, not questioning me further. "Alright."
When we get home, Riker pulls up to the front door to let me out now that it's pouring before going to park at the other side of the driveway. Hurrying up to the door, I pull my keys out to unlock the front door. Stepping into the front foyer, I find a pair of heels sprawled out on the front mat and immediately know mom's home.
"Mom?" I shout as I walk gingerly into the kitchen, setting my camera bag down on the kitchen table and my backpack on one of the chairs. Getting no response from my shouts, I walk towards the back of the house and find my way towards her office. "Mom?" I asks again when I reach the door, it slightly ajar as I rest my fist against the wood.
"Hey love," she turns on the leather couch in her office. "How was school?"
"It was good," I nod and open the door enough to step inside. "What are you doing home so early?"
"Office was slow today," she shrugs. "Decided to take a half day, and I had to find something for the lawyer."
My heart drops at the mention of a lawyer, realizing this truly is happening but as I get closer to the couch I can't help but take notice to the photo album sitting in her lap.
"You needed to get the lawyer an old photo album?" I ask, hoping not to touch a nerve.
"No, I just happened to come across it while I was looking for it and decided to peek through it," she rolls her eyes at me, patting the spot next to her. "You want to take a look?"
"Yes," I grin and join her, bring my legs up onto the couch to sit cross legged accepting the album when she offers it to me. "Whoa, dad looks so young in this photo," I point to one of the two of them. "Are you in a bar?"
She nods with a smile on her face. "That's the bar Rock Salt first started playing at. It was their first regular gig and your dad worked as a bartender there."
"Is this where they got discovered?" I question her.
"You know this story," she smiles softly, nudging my arm. "Your dad and I were on our first proper date when he got discovered as a solo artist. He took the offer before leaving it to come back to New York to be with me and Rock Salt. He said that if they wanted him, they'd do what he wanted and he was right. They did eventually caved to his demands."
"I know...I just like the story," I tell her as I look through some of the other photos, laughing when I find one of her pregnant. "Were you pregnant with Grey here?" I ask.
She looks over the photo, humming softly before shaking her head as she determines the year. "No, that was when I was pregnant with Emmy."
I look up and see the soulful look in her eyes. I sometimes forget just how amazing my mom is. Her heart made of gold, full of kindness and gratitude. I forget that she was pregnant on her wedding day, carrying my aunt Maggie and uncle Zane's first child, Emmy for them. I can still remember the first time my dad told me about how Emmy was brought into the world.
His eyes full of love. The word rockstar standing out clear in my mind.
"I forget sometimes that you did that for them," I admit. "You're kind of amazing."
She shakes her head. "Maggie and Zane are my best friends and they've done so much for me. Helping them bring a family into the world was a no brainer."
"Yeah, but it's still an amazing thing you did," I smile. "Dad thought you were a rockstar for it."
"Your dad was a rockstar through that," she laughs, shaking her head while keeping her eyes on the photo. "He did everything he could to make me comfortable. For all of them, actually. It's one of the many things I love about him."
"Mom?"
"What is it, love?" She asks as she takes the album back, continuing to look through the photos.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Doing what?"
"The divorce, the lawyer, all of this," I frown. "You love dad and he loves you. How can two people that love each other so much want to divorce?"
"Things are complicated, my love," she smiles sadly. "The time I've spent with your father has been the best twenty-five years of my life but things get harder. Life gets in the way and everything pushes you apart. We're just tired of fighting."
My heart sinks as I look at her, "It's only been three months. I know things haven't been easy but...you can't just give up."
"Stevie, love," she turns her head to meet my eyes, bringing her hand up to rest on my cheek. "I'm never going to stop loving him. He helped give me you and your brothers. I will never ever regret that but, we're just...we don't work anymore."
"But why?" I frown.
"Things got difficult, Vee. When we were younger and he'd go on tour, I was so excited for when he got back. I missed him but in the last few years, that feeling has gone away. I got busier. With you guys, with work and I stopped missing him."
"You made a promise," I argue.
A sad smile crosses her face. "You'll understand when you fall in love, Stevie. It's not always so black and white."
"You know we heard you...when you were talking to aunt Maggie on Friday. You were crying because you were sad and because you're lonely. Why won't you just admit the real reason this all happened? Maybe if we knew what really happened, we'd understand better," I plead with her.
"You were eavesdropping."
"Yes, but only because we were worried."
"I can be lonely and not miss him, love."
I shake my head. "You guys didn't even try."
"Stevie."
"No, I said what I needed to say to dad and now I'm going to say what I need to say you," I tell her as I get to my feet. "The both of you are acting like teenagers. Stupid teenagers with stupid reasons for breaking up, but you're not teenagers. You're grown adults who have a family and you barely even tried to save your marriage! To save our family from being destroyed and we're all tired of it. You're throwing away something amazing for childish reasons."
"Are you done?"
I shake my head, "Look, we'd all get it if you fell out of love but you didn't. You're still in love with him and he's still in love with you...so, work your shit out and stop acting like this only affects you."
She doesn't say anything, simply stares after me as move towards the kitchen again. Maybe I have no right to yell at her. Or either of them. I am only sixteen, but they're my parents and they're acting like teenagers.
They are destroying our family and I have a right to be upset at them for it. Especially when they won't give us a clear reason why. Friday night she said she misses him. Today, she doesn't. They're so back and forth it's hard to know exactly what's going on.
All I know is they barely tried and this divorce doesn't just affect them. It affects us too. And the whole world is watching us.
a/n;
shorter chapter but equally as important as the rest of them. and i really hope you're enjoying the book so far. i can hardly believe it's only chapter 9.