"The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence." - Charles Bukowski
Raven's Peak, Ardam 40
Warm sunlight dances on my face. My first thought is that Ria must have drawn my curtains open. My second is that I overslept. Usually, I would wake up long before the sun shines as hot as this. I hear Ria scuffling in the room - trying to seem inconspicuous but making just enough noise so she would be sure to wake me. She must either be worried, or she has planned a bore of duties for me.
I groan.
"My lady, are you feeling ill?" She enquires from somewhere close by.
I open my eyes in an attempt to pinpoint her position.
My vision seems clearer when I rub the sleep from them. I don't feel rested. I still feel exhausted. I stretch myself out, but even that doesn't make me feel better.
"No, Ria. I'm just still a bit tired."
The past few days have taken their toll. It has been a week since the last battle - the first one since I arrived. I have been working most of the time. Apart from the visit to Claira and my nieces, I haven't attended to any social responsibilities.
"Your Highness, I apologise for waking you, but you have slept for quite a few hours. You have to fulfil the duties you neglected the past few days."
I lift the book Lord Caith gave me off my chest, close it and gently place it on the pillow next to me. I fell asleep with it on my chest. I will attempt reading it the moment when I have time - and energy.
"Ria, I understand. Thank you. It was about time for me to wake up. How many times do I have to tell you that you can drop the title?"
She averts her eyes. She won't answer.
"I don't want you to use it. You are like my sister."
I sit up in my bed: "Ria, please tell me what you planned for me"
"Mostly spending time in court with the queen and her ladies, but you must visit Lord Ewald and his son Dareios, and Berchelai and thank them for the gifts they sent you."
Renard has sent me a gift every day after I received the poem. The gifts weren't very big - a small box of tea, oranges, and chocolate and I could escape with sending thank you notes, but then he sent me a pendant and protocol dictates that the bigger gift forces me to thank him in person. He must be very eager to win my hand. Of course, he is. Marrying me would elevate him to the third most powerful man in Ardam.
I promised my brothers I would entertain him for a while, but he is placing me in a difficult position. By sending gifts every day he lets clearly indicates that it won't be long before he proposes. I groan. I will have to speak to my brothers and explicitly tell them that there is no way I will be accepting his proposal (when it comes, because it will come) and that they must support me in my refusal.
I frown. If they will support me. I don't know if I can count on them.
I have never met Lord Ewald's son, Dareios, but Lord Ewald Picard is an old friend of my family. He was my father's squire in his youth. They sent me apples just before the battle.
"Can you please send them notes begging an audience?"
I can tell De Berchelai that he isn't the only one trying to win my hand and that I would need time to consider my options. It will buy me some time when his proposal comes.
I feel relief at having a temporary solution.
Ria smiles: "I already did. Lord Ewald hasn't replied, but Lord de Berchelai can see you in an hour's time."
"Where are we meeting?"
"He requested that you meet in the common courtyard."
'Will you please accompany me?'
"Of course! It is my duty! I cannot allow you to meet any men without a chaperone, especially Lord de Berchelai."
I change the topic: "Have you seen the elves?"
"Yes, my lady, I saw them this morning on my way here from the market. They were practising from before dawn. They are quite meticulous and precise, even in their training."
I know Ria loves early morning excursions to the market. She sometimes brings me fruit and other treats.
"They are! Did you know that the commander of the Second Order is a human?"
Ria does not know much of the elves. She rarely interacted with the elves in Inwir City. She quickly got accepted into the heart of the company of humans there.
"That is peculiar!"
"I know!"
I swing my feet to the side of my bed. My bed is too high for my feet to touch the ground.
"Ria, could you please draw a bath for me?"
"I have already done it, my lady. I just did not lay out a dress for you. I know you like to choose it yourself."
"Thank you! You really are the best friend anyone could ask for."
Ria blushes.
"Could you please iron the gold and brown brocade dress that I wore for that portrait in my room at the palace?"
"Oh yes, my lady! Would you like to wear brown or golden shoes?"
She sounds very excited to dress me up. Ria told me a while ago that she had made the dress smaller so that I won't fall through it.
"Brown, please, Ria."
"Yes, my lady," she curtsies and smiles.
I take my time to bathe. It is the first soak I have taken since before the battle. I would really like to go back to the tent today and help where I can, but unfortunately, it will have to wait a couple of days.
I wrap my towel around me. Ria has placed my tray with breakfast on the small table next to my sofa. I sit down and eat my simple meal of oats and fruit. The palace doesn't serve breakfast in the dining hall. This is mainly because its inhabitants wake at different times. The ladies can sleep in, but some of the lords attend meetings with my brothers or training with their men. The breakfast that the nobility request to have brought to their rooms is much richer, but I request a simple meal. I find that oats are one of the most filling dishes. And I love fruit. I'm also set in my ways after years of following the elves' diet.
Ria enters with the dress: "It did not require much ironing. The material doesn't form creases," she informs me as she places the dress on the bed.
"My lady, it is a sign of good faith if you meet Lord de Berchelai wearing the pendant he gifted you with."
I nod my wordless agreement and take the pendant from my jewellery box. It is marvellous. De Berchelai told me it was made from amber and gemstones from his mine - the only mine in human territory. The teardrop-shaped piece of amber has a mosquito frozen in time in its heart. It is surrounded by small diamonds; all on a golden base. It is very extravagant and will capture the attention of the court. The ladies will ask me an endless stream of questions.
"It needs a chain."
She produces a thick golden chain: "Yesterday I requested the chain from the vaults. A thicker chain would go better with the pendant than a thinner one."
I scrape the last of my oats into my spoon and eat it.
"Thank you, dearest Ria."
"It would also be a good idea if you give Lord de Berchelai a token of your thanks."
"But nothing too grand or misleading," I reply.
I have no idea what, but I am sure Ria has already taken care of it.
She produces a neatly folded silk handkerchief with an embroidered border: "It doesn't have your family crest on it, so he won't be able to read anything into it."
Oh! She is brilliant!
"Thank you! Will you be back to accompany me in fifteen minutes?"
"Yes, my lady," she says as she leaves with the breakfast tray.
I dress and do my hair - which is a quite daunting task. I make it into a complex plait and then put a thin golden hair net on.
Ria waits outside my room and accompanies me to the courtyard. We meet a few lords on the way. But they just bow to me. I don't stop for conversation, but I greet them. I can feel their eyes following me after I have passed them.
Raven's Peak's Courtyard is not comparable to Ligeia's magnificent gardens, but it provides a splash of colour in the grey landscape. The courtyard is filled with plants that I do not know the names of. The only plants that I know by name are those with medicinal or nutritional value. The courtyard was always one of my favourite places in the castle. I have so many memories of spending time there with my father.
The courtyard is of a simple design: a square with no roof, surrounded by open corridors with doors connecting it to the different parts of the corridors. Most of the time the smoky walls create a gloomy impression when the clouds obscure the sun from the garden. Today, however, the sun is allowed a peek into the courtyard.
The courtyard is by no means big, but it is cosy. Various trees are benefactors of shade to simple stone benches scattered throughout the garden. Various shrubs and trees with budding blooms and infant flowers burst into colour.
I hear the faint chirping of birds.
Lord de Berchelai is sitting on one of the stone benches in the courtyard. He stands up when he sees me. He probably spent more time on his hair than I did on mine - again. I bite back a smile.
"Princess Aebbé, you look absolutely splendid. The sun could hide in your radiance and beauty," he says as he bows, and kisses my hands.
I blush.
Luckily he spares me an answer when he notices his gift around my neck: "You do me a great honour by wearing the jewel from the heart of New Berch," he says while I feel his eyes trailing a path downwards from the pendant.
"It is a lovely gift, Renard."
His name feels foreign in my mouth, like biting the ground.
"Did you say it is from New Berch, and not Old Berch?"
The corners of his eyes twitch. I just hit a nerve. Maybe New Berch has more to offer than Old Berch. That would explain why his family was so keen to deliver the Lord of Qurke to my father. De Berchelai is dangerous. I should not play games with him.
"Indeed, I thought that something from the land your father awarded us would be fitting to express my admiration for his daughter."
The man has a mouth smoother than honey, and probably sharper than a sword.
I nod absent-mindedly.
He offers me the cranny of his elbow. I suppress a flinch as I slide my hand into his arm. He leads me to a stone bench in the shade of a tree of which the flowers smell sickly sweet.
"Princess Aebbé -," he pauses in anticipation.
I know what he wants, but I'm not going to tell him that he can drop my title.
"Princess Aebbé, I was hoping you would join me for breakfast."
I can't refuse him and I still have a faint gnawing hunger. It's probably from days of not eating properly while I was working.
"Of course, I will," I say with a brilliant smile, not adding that it would be a pleasure to do so because I'm not that good a liar.
"Excellent!"
He snaps his fingers once and silent servants appear out of nowhere. They place a tapestry with the De Berchelai family crest on the grass and scatter it with cushions. They proceed with spreading countless dishes out. After a few minutes, De Berchelai indicates that I can sit. He joins me a bit too close for comfort, because, conveniently, there isn't too much space for us to sit too far apart.
I'm not good at starting conversations - not at all. I'm barely adequate in participating in them. But if I don't start the conversation, he will. And he will probably ask me about my time with the elves, or myself, neither topics that I wish to elaborate on.
"Renard, please tell me about Berch. I have never visited it."
"Aebbé, if I can take the liberty to call you that, I would be delighted to tell you about my home."
No, you may not take the liberty to address me without using my title, but I cannot say that to him.
"My family has always been one of the most powerful families in Ligtland, and it is mostly due to our legacy which is second only to that of yours and the richness of our land."
Legacy? So you call war and bloodshed a legacy?
"The soil in Berch is rich, and we have the biggest orange orchards in Ardam. The oranges I sent to you a few days ago are the finest of the current harvest. I do not know if you are aware that oranges mostly grow in winter, but the fruit in summer are the ones most sought after by the nobility of Ardam. We can boast with a few other fruit orchards that are some of the best in Ardam, but our other pride is our vineyards. Our wine is excellent. The price per bottle is exuberant, but it does not do the quality per sip justice. We do not have livestock, but our forests are rich with game. Every year I invite only a select few lords to join me for a fortnight of hunting. It is a tradition that my father set forth by inviting your father in the years they were not occupied by war. Your brothers have both been to my estate numerous times."
Of course, they have, and you would tell me about them visiting you because you think that it would impress me.
"Unfortunately, this year's hunt has been postponed due to the war, but war is the ultimate hunt. But what would a lady as yourself know about hunting? Forgive me for ranting about it, but I excel in hunting. Only your brothers have been able to best me."
So you assume that I know nothing of hunting because I am a woman?
Oh, De Berchelai, you are making a mistake. My father taught me how to use a bow. Before I left I was almost as good as my brothers. During my time with the elves, I practised daily. And I participated in some of their competitions where I always got placed. Not necessarily the first place, but mostly second and third places.
I give him my most insincere smile and keep my opinion to myself.
"You would not know, but we have a day of games here at least every month - to keep up the morale and keep ourselves sharp. I've placed first for all but one of the days. Fortunately for me, your brothers did not participate. I would then have placed third."
"And the one day that you did not win?"
I again observe the small twitch of his eyes.
"I placed second for that day."
"Who managed to best you?"
His cheeks flush: "Lord Caith No-Name of the Second Order, but it was merely a stroke of good luck for him."
I smile inwardly, but keep my face expressionless: "Indeed, how unfortunate for you. And when is the next tournament?"
"It is difficult to say. We have to balance it between battles."
I nod.
Breakfast passes tortuously slow with De Berchelai singing his own praises, and me just nodding and 'ooh'-ing and 'ah'-ing.
I can't jump up soon enough when the food stops coming: "I am truly sorry, Renard, but my sister-in-law has also requested my company today."
He flashes me a smile: "Aebbé, it was truly a treat to have you join me for breakfast. I hope we could make it a regular practice."
I answer him with another insincere smile. I really hope that I don't have to suffer this again. I make my way to the Queen's hall.