Longish chapter, sorry lol. I am just going to say this now, I am so sorry for this, I have no idea what I am doing fml. I don't even know what to call this... its just dirty-ish okay YES I SUCK GET OVER IT. Fml i'm embarrassed to write and publish this, but hey at least I've attempted this shit ew god.
Rape warning.
Olivia
"They're on the house." I smiled at him, signalling him to but his wallet away,
"You sure?" Mitch asked, a look of amusement flickered across his face as he let his hand drop back to his side,
"Sure." I grinned as I caught sight of Mitch's stag-party heading towards the part of the club where Sam, or 'Sugar', liked to dance. Bit of a ditz, but a nice girl, and one Hell of a dancer, "If I were you, I'd catch up with your buddies. By the looks of it, they're headed towards Sugar's corner." I pointed towards Mitch's dissappearing stag-party (Which only consisted of his brother and an asshole. Great party.)
“Oh, yeah. Sugar’s the only reason Darren brought us here.” he chuckled as he scooped up his drink. Yeah, the majoritory of people who know about this place seem to favour Sam/Sugar over all the other dancers here, and I'm not really sure why either. She wasn't stunningly beautiful, but the kind of pretty you would just expect to be in a joint like this. And boy was she annoying sometimes. Maybe I don't see why guys like her because I actually know her? Ah, I don't know.
“I suppose Sugar is something. Hurry now, wouldn’t wanna miss a lapdance on your stag-do, now would you?” I grinned back at him, putting all of my weight on the bar. I could feel the stickiness of spilt alcohol under my palms,
“No ma’am.” He returned my grin as he started heading towards his party , “See ya’ Olivia.”
“It’s Bambi!” I yelled, playfully frowning at his use of my real name. Not that I liked being called 'Bambi', but it comes with the job, and I'm not arguing,
“Olivia!” He shouted back at me over his shoulder. I smiled, shaking my head. What a prick.
It's nights like these where my shift really drags, but I suppose the beauty of working in a barely half-full club, is that you get quite a lot of opportunities to day-dream, and for some reason, Mitch was the subject of my thoughts.He seemed like a nice guy, but not really my type. He was around my height (which is not very tall), with sandy hair and a defined face. And by 'defined face', I mean a strong jaw and cheek-bones you could cut marble on, and even though I didn't usually find these characteristics attractive, for some reason it worked for Mitch, and I liked that. Or maybe it was his personality I found most attractive? I mean I only spoke with him for ten minutes, or so, but I honestly was smitten.
Liv, what the fuck are you doing? He's getting married. You've got no chance.
I knew my thoughts were right, but even so, that doesn't mean I couldn't think about his deep brown eyes...
Jesus, where the hell have I gone? Since when do I get like this over guys I've just met? Uh, never.
I looked down at my phone to check the time, and the clock read 11pm, only another two hours until I could head home. Awesome. I decided to get comfy behind the bar and watch while Lola pissed about, trying to clean the constantly dirty bar, or getting some hanging guys some drinks. I don't really see why the club needs two people behind the bar at once, I mean it's never busy enough, so one of us usually ends practically pulling our hair out due to boredom before the night is even over. I wouldn't dare say anything though, in case they decide to sack my sorry ass. I need this job more than it needs me, and boy did I have to do a lot of begging and pleading just to get it (not to mention some other stuff I'm really not proud about) and even though I am grateful for it, I was still a bit resentful. Not only do I have to work every night, six til one, but I have to do it six days a week, sometimes seven if someone calls in sick. And to top it all off, I only get minimum wage, which is barely enough to pay rent, let alone enough to take the edge off of the ever-growing lones I have to take out just to feed myself. One day, maybe I'll get a better job and pay them all off, and then have enough to live and eat. There aren't many jobs that I can even think about going for, though, especially without a degree in anything. Thats the thing about leaving school before its time, it majorly fucks up your life. Not that I had much choce, though, I had to get a job so that I could pay the bills while mum was locked up in the looney bin. She promised me that I would only have to fend for myself and Joshua for a month, then she would come back and take over. Nine years later and she still hasn't come back. And Joshua, well, he managed to get a scholarship at some fancy law school in the city, and I haven't heard from him since he said he got into the acceptance letter.
I looked up to see that one of my two bosses, Henry, had begun snaking his way towards the bar, followed closely by several other men, all of whom were clearly drunk,
"Hey there... Bam...bi." Henry hiccuped, leaning over the bar,
"Hiya, Henry, what can I do for you and your friends here?" I smiled sweetly, reaching under the bar to grab some glasses and filled them with spirits for Henry and his companions,
"You-you know damn well what you can d...o for us, Bambi." His breath was repulsive, as if he hadn't brushed his teeth in days, and the smell of strong alcohol made my eyes water,
"Hen, you know damn well that I don't-"
"I love this song!" One of Henry's companions cried out, flamboyantly dancing around. He then started trying to mimic the many dancers by jumping up onto the bar and thrusting his hips into my direction. I immediately felt my face flush, but I quickly tried to recover before anyone noticed by pushing him roughly off the bar,
"Heeeeeeeeey." The guy complained, looking around from his seat on the floor, obviously dazed,
"Henry I am not doing this any more. We agreed that I would do these shitty shifts that no one wants in exchange for you to-" I started, completely ignoring the complaining man on the floor, but Henry held up his hand, and smiled at me, the smile not completely reaching his eyes,
"Oh, of course, my dear, of course. I completely forgot our little deal here, my apologies. Gents, I think a private dance in one of the back rooms is in order!" A suddenly quite sober Henry smiled, handing out the drinks I had just poured, "See ya' later, Bambi."
And with that, the group of men left.
"I'm off, Lola, I'll see you later." I smiled at Lola, or 'Honey'. She still had four hours of work ahead of her.
"See ya' sweet pea."
And with that, I headed into the back to grab my coat and my bag before heading out of the staff exit. It was a cold night, so I wrapped my thick coat tighter around myself as I turned left to head down one of the lanes. This lane took about 10 minutes off of my walk home, and in this freezing weather, I was thankful to have discovered the short-cut.
"Oliviaaaaaaa." I heard someone croon from behind me. Turning around, I saw two figures emerging from the shadows. Henry and Pelvic-Thrust-Guy,
"Henry." I nodded curtly before turning back around and heading on my way,
"No no no, not so fast," Henry slurred. Reaching out, he grabbed my arm and whipped me around to face him, his body dangerously close to mine, "You owe us somethin'."
"I don't owe you anything, Henry, we had a deal." I growled, looking him dead in the eye, even though I wanted to cower away from him and run away, "Henry, let go of my arm."
Henry didn't say anything, instead he gripped my arm tighter and pushed me against the sweaty wall behind me. I didn't even break Henry's stare. I was determined to not be intimidated by him, but I was failing.
"The deals off. You give us what we want, willingly, and I'll be gentle." He said at last before proceeding to kiss my neck, gripping his thick fingers into my shoulders, roughly. Summoning all of my courage, I shoved him off, causing him to fall to the floor, before I take off sprinting down the lane, my heart was beating so fast I thought it would burst out of my chest. I honestly thought I was going to pass out, but I knew I had to keep running, although you can only run so fast in 5 inch heels. When I saw the end of the lane, revealing the busy main road, I felt my heart skip a beat, feeling hope. I am going to make it. The last thing I saw were thousands of lit cars zooming past before I felt an arm snake around my neck and restrict my airways until the darkness finally came to claim me.
My arms were spread wide, tied to to long wooden pillars. It reminded me of a picture I saw once of Jesus, when He was tied to the cross. Looking around, I saw that there were perhaps a thousand red and black candles burning, giving off an eerie glow, painting my naked body with colours of yellow and gold. I tried to move, but it was no use, I was bound to the wooden structure by my arms, legs and torso by thin, but strong, plastic ties. I was stuck. I tried to make sense of my surroundings, but I couldn't see further than the glow of the candles, so nothing was given away in the poor lighting.
I was elevated for a couple more minutes, squirming uncomfortably in the tight ties as the rubbed away layer after layer of skin until I was red raw. I stopped squirming, however, when I caught sight of a dark figure moving around in the shadows behind the illumination of the candles. I tried to call out to the figure, but no sound came out of my mouth. I was so fucked. I watched as the figure moved around for a while longer before he finally stepped out of the shadows, so I could see traces of his face, but the heavy cloak he wore covered most of his features. Only his smirking mouth was visible. He stalked closer and closer until he reached the wooden structure I was bound to, and in a swift motion, the structure was tilted so that I was facing the ceiling. The movement happened so quickly it knocked the breath out of me. The cloaked man stretched out one hand and began to trace his fingers lightly across my bare skin. and even the slightest touch made my skin crawl and burn. His fingers wandered over every part of me, turning my body into a cast of fire. I tried to scream out in pain, but no sound came out. Finally, the cloaked man dropped his hand, and I relaxed slightly. Turning my head to the side after a few moments, I saw the hooded man stood looking over to me, his posture was ridgid as he looked in my direction. In a single swift moment, the hooded man opened his cloak, revealing himself in all his 'glory'. Just by looking at his naked body, I could tell what he planned to do to me. He sauntered over to me, and in one swift moment he was on top of me, and I could feel everything of his pressed against my bare skin, but I could still not see his face. His large, calloused hands grasped my chest roughly, causing me to squirm painfully. He, however, took that as an opportunity to continue, and he lent forward, planting rough kisses on my face, before he met my mouth and forced his tongue inside my mouth; trying to deny him entry proved to be useless. He was completely in control. After a couple of minutes, he moved his kisses down to my bare neck and chest, leaving kisses that had the potential the leave bruises. I stared up at the invisible ceiling as he continued to kiss and bite my body, tears rolled down my face as I prayed for this nightmare to end. I was suddenly aware of the hooded man sliding down my body, and no matter how hard I thrashed and silently pleaded, it wasn't enough to stop him from doing what I truly feared the most.
I blinked. Once. Twice. Three times.
I have no idea what was going, so I just laid there, in a daze, and slowly my vision comes back into focus. I realized I'm laying flat on my back, looking up at the dark night sky, several stars visible. I just laid there, thinking about the beauty of the stars, until all of my other senses kicked in. My eyes were obviously the first to start working, as I could see the stars. It was then my ears that began picking up noise. Listening, I heard, not only the sound of cackling, but the sound of laboured breath. What the hell. It was then both my sense of touch and smell that kicked in. The first thing I noticed was the smell of putrid breath, making me gag from where I laid. In an attempt to move away from the smell, I realised that I was pinned down to the floor. Thats when I felt the continuous, painful thrusting back and forth, causing my body to grind painfully between the concrete floor and the weight on top of me. I forced my eyes away from the peaceful sky, and I immediately found the face of Henry, all red and sweaty, pulling the most ridiculous face, if I wasn't in so much pain, I would probably laugh. It then dawned on me what he was doing to me. I stared clawing at him, but that only made him apply more pressure. I looked behind Henry, helplessly, and caught sight of Pelvic-Thrust-Guy laughing hysterically at our tangled limbs. I was completely alone here. I didn't know if anyone could hear me here, but I took the chance anyways and screamed as loud as I could. Henry, who obviously didn't realize I was conscious due to his concentration, scrambled up, looking at me with a look of pure shock, mixed in with a bit of fear and a hint of anger.
"You bitch. I'll get you back for this." he growled as he drunkenly scrambled away, followed closely by a stumbling Pelvic-Thrust-Guy.
I laid there on the cold floor for another couple of moments before getting up, slowly. I proceeded to reinstate my clothing and gather my scattered belongings before collapsing to the floor in a shaky, sobbing mess. 'Why?' Was the only thing I could think about. Why did it have to happen to me? Why?
"Are-are you okay?" A stammering voice asked. I looked up, and through my tears, I saw that I was looking at Mitch, his face pale and his eyes wide as he looked down at me. How pathetic, he must be thinking.
"I-" I started, but immediately was interrupted by a fresh bout of tears. I felt strong arms engulf me, and I immediately flinched. Mitch loosened his grip on me, and gently put his hands on my shoulders so that I looked him in the eye.
"Let me take you home." He said, his voice small and careful. I just simply nodded, and he got to his feet, pulling me up with him, gently. He then bent down to pick up my bag before tucking me under his arm. We then took off walking towards my flat.
Thank God for Mitch.
Sorry. That was bad, wasn't it. Erm I'm just not built for this kind of thing.
You can stop reading if you want, the rest of this is just a bit of a vent. See you next chapter.
Argh do you ever feel like a waste of space? I feel like one right now, I just feel so fucking insignificant, and I literally have no one to talk to about all this shit I feel and it hurts so bad argh. I literally feel like I'm good for nothing, and I just fail at everything. I fail at writing, I fail at being happy, I fail at being a decent friend. I mean fucking hell I can't even make my friends happy, no matter how hard I try, and then I fucking wonder why no one comes to me when theres something wrong. Can't blame anyone really, I'm just a really shitty person. I just try so hard, and nothing comes out of it. I wish I could just quit trying, I mean I might as well. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to how I was, because before about a month or two ago, I literally had no one and I didn't know what its like to feel wanted, so I'm not sure I knew any different, I mean, I know that I don't want to be like that again, but it sure hurt a lot less, because now, because I'm not sure the 'want' is still as strong as it was, I just feel so alone. I read some old messages earlier, and I couldn't help but wonder if everything that was said back then still applies now. Sorry, I'm such a happy person. It's no ones fault, I probably just overreact to shit like this, but either all the 'want' and the closeness is dissolving or I am truly, truly losing my mind.
"Have you ever felt like giving in
Tried for hours but just can't win
Tell yourself you're not good enough
The struggle alone is just too much
No one's there to hear you scream
You gasp for air but cannot breathe
Did you ever think you'd see the day
When you'd watch your life get washed away"