chapter thirty nine; the gang back together again
Now that Luke and Ava were both on the best terms they could have possibly been on in their story so far, the two of them mentally and physically cleaning themselves up as much as they could, it was only natural flow that the rest of their friends intertwined with each other's lives soon enough. And that's what had happened.
Luke's apartment had never seemed so full at the thought of more than three people occupying it soon, candlewicks lit and filling the room with the scent of pine and honey, a strange combination that was surprisingly heavenly to the senses to say the least.
Snacks were laid out on the coffee table courtesy of Ashton who had gone through the effort of preparing food while Calum brought out extra pillows and blankets, tossing them onto the couch, the records on their shelves finally being made useful as a random vinyl album of Queen played smoothly in the background. The lights were dimmed and practically off, and that was done by Ashton who had claimed that it was a mood-setter and "necessary for ambiance."
Whatever that meant.
Luke couldn't actually remember a time where they had used Ashton's record player, seeing as its only job ever since they had moved here years ago was collecting massive and disappointing amounts of dust. Its presence did add to the atmosphere however, and it was just another one of the tie-ins in the apartment, or the living room rather, that gave everything a touch of personality.
With no one to impress, however, and all three boys' having a habit of not having many guests over, it went ignored until tonight.
Tonight, the boys decided on having a small get-together where everyone could just hang out at their place since work had eased up and the holiday season was officially over. The end of January seemed lackluster and boring, the only notable thing about the month being the biting cold of New York and the panicked checks for weather when one thought the city was going to fill up with snow that would soon turn into disgusting blocks of ice and be the cause of even more immense traffic.
With everyone's schedules somewhat cleared up, Calum had called everyone over for a movie night, and Luke knew that the boy had been excited about this, not only because he missed time with his friends, but because he missed Becca.
With Becca's new promotion, which Calum did not shut up about, the power couple had little time to go on dates as they usually did, and Luke had heard constant complaining. But in a way, Luke enjoyed the little things like that now because before he had gotten closure with Delilah, Calum barely told him anything. Now that Luke was leaving his room more and being more open, conversations that he had never been apart had found their way to him.
Calum and Ashton had been cautious at first, knowing that in the past Luke had said similar things, but eventually reverted back to his old, emotional outbursting ways after several days—but with time, they began to talk to him more, they began to realise that Luke was serious, and this time, he meant what he was saying. That was how they convinced him into having this movie night in the first place since that was easier than throwing a full-blown party.
Old Luke would have said no, refused to be part of a well-intentioned party that didn't involve him fornicating with someone else by the end of the night, and when Luke liked to get drunk, he preferred it away from home when it wasn't personal.
Those days, it seemed, were far behind him.
Ashton, on the other hand, had been busy as well, in between his actual job and traveling back and forth from New York to a town a little while away called Easthallow Point. Apparently he had written a play called Firehearts while in college, or nearly out of high school (Luke couldn't remember which), and the students at his old high school were planning on performing it. With Ashton's business trips and now his new job as an assistant director of a high school production, it seemed like everyone needed a break.
"Now that Becca and you are friends," Calum started, talking over the microwave since Ashton was making more bags of popcorn, "This will be even better."
"I think we're still a little far from friends, mate," Luke said truthfully, chuckling a little as Calum rolled his eyes.
Becca could arguably find Luke more tolerable though, and when she referred to him by saying something along the lines of Tree or Fuckboy there was less seriousness and weight to her words. In fact they were leaning towards the side of playful, and Calum had noticed with glee.
"Well, you talked to her a couple weeks ago and she didn't end up murdering you, and that's a good sign," Calum proclaimed, a dazed look on his face at even the thought of his girlfriend. "She does like you, you know. Now, at least."
Luke nodded, even though he didn't fully believe what Calum was saying, but it still meant a lot. He found it peculiar that Calum and Becca had been best friends once before as well, and after that double date practically a year ago, they jumped the gun and have been together ever since. Luke wondered what that was like.
Luke's mind travelled to Ava and how he wished they could've been like that, before he had messed things all up with his past insecurities. It was no secret that they loved each other, that they were in love with each other, but they both needed time to do things for themselves. It was infuriating almost, to care so much for someone and not be able to do anything about it, but Luke was willing to wait. There was no question in his mind about that.
He had never waited for someone before, physically or emotionally, usually being one of those people who liked the rush of things, to hastily move forward, which was one of the reasons he used to be so fond of one night stands. But Ava? He'd wait until the end of the world for her.
The doorbell rang, or buzzed was more like it, and Ashton answered it since he was closest to the door. Luke couldn't see who it was, but he didn't have to once Ashton lifted Ava up into the air and hugged her.
"Ava!" Ashton cheered and Ava laughed, lifting her feet up even though with the height difference, they wouldn't have been able to touch the ground from his arms anyway. "I haven't seen you in forever, I missed you. Your hair is blue."
"Her hair is what?!" Calum shouted, quickly running to the door once Ava was placed back down on the ground, and the boy did the same as Ashton and hugged her tightly. "Ava, we missed you so much, if Luke didn't live here, we would never hear about you."
Luke made his way over, tripping over his own feet. The group of them was by the door: Ava, Michael, and Becca, but Ava was already forced inside the apartment by his two roommates who were currently relishing in her presence, one they were apparently so in need of. He observed as they chattered amongst themselves, his friends, and even Becca sent him a smile full of warmth; and for some reason, he had never felt so content before, even at something so endearingly simple.
Calum had wrapped his arms around Becca and kissed her, while Ashton had been drawn into a conversation with Ava and Michael about their day at the comic book store where a child managed to knock every comic off the top shelf unapologetically. Perhaps, this what people meant when they talked about the little things in life, because he wanted to keep this memory forever. Lately, he found himself wanting to remember everything.
"Are you ready for movie night?" He asked everyone, and the five people stared back at him with grins on their faces, the kind of grin that says nothing more and nothing less than what it is.
They retreated to the couch, the now air thick with the candle's burning scent of honey and pine and the smell of buttery popcorn coming from exactly three bowls of Jiffy Pop ready for eating next to two boxes of pizza that Calum had ordered beforehand. Per Luke's request, Calum had ordered Ava's favourite, Hawaiian, while the other box was half cheese and half pepperoni. Even the smell of the pizza began to waft into the apartment as well and the myriad of it all became quite confusing.
Before Luke took a seat beside Ava, he blew out the candle to lessen the attack on his nose and the flame vanished quickly. The only light now was coming from the television.
"I feel like all of us haven't hung out since last October," Ava said to Luke, then: "Wait, that was the last time we all hung out together. And we know how that ended. We made up."
"And made out," Luke added and his statement was only returned with a deadpan look on Ava's face, her shoulders slumping into the cushions of the couch as she processed what was just said to her. She turned to him, shoving off her cardigan, and then she flicked him. "Ow."
"Ow is right, loser." He was rubbing the spot where her nail had made contact with his forehead, and he furrowed his eyebrows like that one action required a lot of effort. She took off her shoes, which had been moccasins to keep her feet warm and brought her legs up, her bright purple socks nearly glowing in the dark. "Look at my socks. I bought them yesterday from DollarTree. Cool, huh?"
She had decided to change the subject because everything that was happening between her and Luke recently seemed to intimate. She didn't mind it, she actually rather enjoyed it, but the feeling of it all was surreal. She couldn't remember a time where Luke and her would just make out, despite the fact that not much time had passed since they've broken up to fall more in love with their own selves. That was the poetic way of putting it, she supposed, although there was nothing quite poetic about it.
It was just Life and oftentimes, Life was sad and you just had to stay alive for another day in hopes of something better.
She did think about it, though, when she really wanted to. How she was ready if he was and vice-versa; how somehow they'd always be ready for each other, ready for the leap whenever the other felt like taking it. It was no mystery how they felt anymore—that case had been solved. She was the only one who could make his thoughts run wild in the best way possible, the only one who could lock his formerly wild heart up in chains. He was someone who could calm her down if she asked for the extra help, someone who liked to be there for her just for the sake of listening.
Just one jump was all it would take.
Who'd jump first, though, was the real mystery.
"You're so lame," Luke shot back, but he did like her socks. She knew that he liked them too, so she smiled to herself, grabbing a blanket and covering the both of them.
Ava's gaze wandered to the rest of the group that was animated and lively, shrill laughter dancing throughout the apartment, bouncing off the high ceilings. It was a nice feeling of belonging that floated its way into her chest and rested there, like it was renting the space, not sure if it wanted to stay. But it was still there and she could feel it astoundingly.
It wasn't just with Luke either, it was with everyone as a whole. She was the youngest of the group at twenty, so she supposed she could blame the constant ache of feeling lost on her lack of experience based on the years she's lived, but she looked forward to things like this in the future.
Things where this feeling would somehow makes it way back to her and decide to permanently reside. Things that made her never want to forget the small details, like how Calum's hand rested on Becca's thigh not out of possessiveness, but out of alleviation, and how the two of them had shared inside jokes with just a glance; how Michael ruffled his bleached hair when Ashton munched on M&Ms and recommended possible hair colours; how Luke fiddled with his promise ring whenever he was close to her.
With the closeness of them all, even after they hadn't seen each other due to Luke and Ava's previous fight, the thought of this is it became an evident and unexpected figment she thinks she could finally fathom. This. Is. It. This was one of the times in life where you stepped back to just be thankful for something you weren't sure you'd see again.
She knew that was still reconnecting with her biological family, her feet wavering over the winding road she was on, a road she was sure was full of disappointment and happiness all the same, but something told her that if worst came to worst, she'd be fine. That if her mother kept it to one call a year and despite the hurt that followed with her father not being able to look her in the eye, with the struggle for acceptance—she wasn't alone, not completely.
She had a family right here.
Ashton pulled back the needle from the record player and placed the Queen record back in its sleeve. Calum and Michael debated on whether they should start with a horror movie or a romantic comedy (Calum had voted for horror, Michael insisted on romantic comedy), bringing up sources to support their arguments, like the science behind each of the genres. Becca watched as her boyfriend fought with Michael, her expression revealing that she clearly found the entire situation incredibly amusing, and she shoved several handfuls of popcorn in her mouth as it happened.
Ava watched it all in adulation, the weird idea of, if anything went wrong, if miles down the road she was on, there was a crash, at least she had this. She had this memory, this appreciation, though she can't quite pinpoint what caused her to receive this unwarranted epiphany. But she knows this: she had never been so aware of her own heartbeat before.
She doesn't think that in such a short time she would be so grateful to be alive, but she was. She was, she was, she was. What a powerful thing to love the beating of your own heart, especially with the long stretch of time it took for Ava to finally get there. She was here now and even if that feeling was fleeting, if it decided to make a temporary leave once again, she had its return to look forward to as well. She felt comforted, she felt okay.
She almost had the desire to take a picture, but refrained. Instead, she closed her eyes for a second and tried to save it that way. Luke shook her by the arm and she opened them again.
"What are you doing, Aves?" He asked, but he could recognize the look on her face. It was one he had been wearing more frequently himself.
His blue eyes drunk her in, like the way ebbing waves dragged sand back into the ocean, lapping against a shore. It was nice to be looked at the way that Luke looked at her, like you didn't need to ask to know what the other was thinking.
"I—" She stopped herself, shrugging. "Nothing. It was nothing."
Some things she liked to keep to herself, but something told her that he understood perfectly anyway.
•••
The movie night had dwindled down into nothing more than a gigantic adult slumber party, different brands of beer bottles half empty on the coffee table next to the empty bowls of popcorn, spilled candy, and partially eaten pizzas.
Ava had been the only one to work on the Hawaiian one and she had eaten four slices in a row, combining in her stomach with two cans of root beer and many regrettable handfuls of the Jiffy Pop.
Her mouth felt coated in artificial butter and she took one last swig of her soda to wash the uncomfortable sensation away. That last drink was it for the night, mainly because she felt too full to add anything else into the mix that already nested in her intestines. She hadn't even had any alcohol because she barely drank in general and when she did, it was when she and Becca were at home and the wine of the month from Becca's subscription had just arrived.
Ava's anxiety also spiked drastically around drunk people for no defining reason, it was just a fear she had on the gigantic list that was never ending, and this fact would have made sense if she wasn't also a bartender on the side. But she was, and the only made her fear worse.
She had seen what people could do when they were drunk and it ranged from embarrassingly perturbing to borderline horrifying. So, to be final, she didn't drink much. Whatever would come out of her mouth was numerous levels of unpredictable, and she had never wanted to find out what slurred words would ever escape the realm of just thought.
There was also the factor that it was not legal for her to drink, but really, who did that ever stop?
That's how she knew that she was truly comfortable around these people around her—her friends. Because even though she witnessed them drinking, she didn't feel at risk or feel the tension in her spine knotting up in tight balls of apprehension.
She felt safe.
Luke didn't touch a beer either, sticking to water because he had been so used to alcohol that he doubted there would be any effect on him anyway, and that's what most people drank it for. He was far from an alcoholic and he certainly did like a casual drink here and there, but tonight didn't seem like the night even though Michael—who was sitting next to him, still engrossed in the current John Hughes movie playing on the screen in front of all of them—had downed at least three and appeared practically sober.
Luke didn't know what kind of made of steel monster was sitting next to him, but he knew that not even Old Luke's drinking habits could compete with the being that was Michael Clifford.
Ava and Luke had found their limbs tangled underneath the blanket, both trying not to fall asleep because everyone else was still vividly awake and critiquing directing decisions and acting portrayals without them. They both listened to the commentary around them, nodding to themselves when they agreed with something someone had pointed out. Calum had won the argument before and so they spent two hours yelping out swear words and screaming at fictional monsters and jumpscares, while simultaneously insulting the characters for making quite literally the dumbest choices ever.
Now that they had moved on to a romcom, they called out sexist tropes and laughed at the awkward and horrible lines that would've barely passed as flirting in the eighties.
Luke rubbed his eyes and leaned his head on Ava's shoulder, adjusting his position on the couch so that he fit right in the crevice between her clavicle and her neck, his hair tickling her cheek. He held her hand so that the hand that had the ring would align with his and her hands were sweaty with nerves that she was always filled with, but he didn't mind. Her free hand reached up to pinch his cheeks teasingly, the skin turning rosy where her fingers had been.
"Adorable, aren't you?"
"I'd like to think so, yes," Luke responded slyly, hushed voice so he didn't distract the other four people in the room from the kissing scene in Some Kind of Wonderful. His eyes subconsciously flickered down to her lips before he focused his attention back onto the movie.
"Is it bad that I'm really tired?" A yawn came out of her mouth just then, proving her point and she laughed quietly. It was a tired laugh, airy and deflated all at once, not like her usual laugh that was obstreperous and full. "I'm like an old person. I can only handle so much socializing and movies before I knock out from lack of energy."
"Shush!" Ashton interrupted, eyes glued to the screen as the commentary from the rest of the group had died down into genuine interest towards how the movie ended. "It's getting good."
Luke chucked a pillow at him, but it missed by a degree and whacked Calum in the head.
"Hey! Cut it out."
Luke and Ava stuck out their tongues at the same time.
"The gang, back together again," Becca yelled out sarcastically, Michael laughing at her sentiment and at Calum, who had thrown a pillow at Luke and hit Ashton instead. "Ashton and Cal are nearly 25, they are having a pillow fight."
"It's probably because of all those beers," Michael reckoned, scrunching up his nose as Calum and Ashton finally sat back down in their places on the couch.
Though the tone was playful banter, everyone in the room held the same thought: they were glad that everything was okay again, in more ways than one. Luke was better than he ever was and it so blatantly clear, and Ava was back to join the group rather than Ashton and Calum hearing about her strictly through Michael and Becca's stories. The relief could be felt overwhelmingly and it washed over everyone at once that the living room nearly went silent as everyone came to realise it.
Ashton glanced at the digital clock, the numbers flicking to show that it had just turned midnight. "Damn, it's late."
The room was now nearly pitch black if it wasn't for the beam of the TV. Someone had gotten up to turn on the lights, but Luke didn't know who it was, and he just winced at the sudden change as light blinded him and everyone else. Groans, both tired and ones of annoyance, cried out into the room and Ava just shoved her head underneath the blanket, not even bothering to face the bright light that had been absent for three and a half hours now.
"Ashton, what the fuck?" Ava said, her words muffled from under the blanket, making it sound that her mouth was stuffed.
Luke uncovered his eyes. So it was Ashton who had done it. "Some of us are sober. Me and Ava are suffering at the hands of idiots."
"You're just mad that you guys couldn't—"
"Becca, if you finish that sentence, I will murder you!" Ava's voice suddenly rang out, her head popping out, blanket now laying in her lap, her hair frizzy from the friction of the fibers.
"I was going to say talk, get your mind out of the gutter," Becca yelled back, rolling her eyes ever so dramatically as she laid on Calum's chest.
Ava only blushed.
In the midst of movies, Luke and Ava really hadn't talked much about anything at all. Other than occasional whispers concerning the movie—why did she run upstairs, is she stupid?—they hadn't spoken.
The night consisted of cuddling and just resting against each other's bodies, one of them always spending a little too much time staring at the other when they should've been watching what was on screen. But Luke desperately wanted to show her something, to talk about something that he thinks he was ready to let go of with Ava.
He had mentioned the subject multiple times in the past, but never quite explicitly, never in full detail. Ava, because she was Ava and that meant that was the opposite of pushy and bossy, and above all, she respected space and privacy and would never ask about something unless provoked, didn't ever pry. But as the weeks went by and the idea of moving on firmly implanted in Luke's brain, he needed to show her the one thing he had left from the girl who hurt him years ago. He was ready to share it with her, officially.
Delilah's letter.
And he looked at her then, while the rest of the group pummeled Ashton with either their sock covered feet or throw pillows from the couch, and mouthed something to her even though they were right next to each other, the words I want to show you something.
She nodded and didn't say anything else, only throwing her feet over his legs and stealing the blanket. When Luke tried to protest, she brought her finger to her lips, then used that same finger to point at Michael and Ashton properly smacking each other with whatever soft objects and pieces of furniture they could find.
Luke tore his eyes away from her, an action that was harder to him than it seemed, and just took pleasure in holding her close to him. While he laughed at Becca joining in, randomly taking a pillow and whacking Calum in the face, he felt Ava take his hand in hers again.
He didn't have to look at her, but he couldn't stop smiling. He grabbed her hand just as tight and leaned back, taking everything in.
He didn't love his life more than he had at this very moment.
"What are you thinking about?" Ava nudged his arm gently, distracting him.
He looked at her and shrugged, though there was a meaningful look shared between them. "Nothing."
Running a hand through his hair and ruffling the curls, she responded mirthfully. "You are such a dork, Emo."
That only made him smile even more.
Luke liked to keep some things to himself, like the racing of his pulse, but he had a feeling Ava already knew anyway.
•••
WHOO!! this chapter is kind of less focused on ava and luke and moreso meant to be here as a chapter that emphasizes how much better their lives are getting.
it's supposed to show that both Luke and Ava have friends, they have a family, and they have people who will support them and they both realise that they don't always have to bear their burdens alone and that they have people who love and care about them.
this is supposed to emphasize more of that idea of friendship and getting into the place in your life where you could sit back and think "wow i'm in a much better place than I was ____" and I think it's really important to show that those days do exist, especially in characters' lives like luke and Ava since they've gone through so much
i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!!! and the mirrored thing between Luke and Ava with the "she liked to keep some things to herself" / "Luke liked to keep things to himself" etc was done on purpose!!!
also next chapter you'll finally read Delilah's letter :-)) and no longer be left in the dark because while Ava has heard luke talk about it she's never read the full letter for herself and what Delilah's done/Delilah's side of things will finally be revealed
thank you for reading!! and thank you so much for 67.1K !!!! you guys are awesome