❝Being your friend is getting harder and harder every day.❞
"JUST BEING CLEAR, you don't know how to swim, right?"
Vivian bobs her head and stares at the waves crashing against the pale sands. Innocent thrills race up her spine. It's taking every fiber in her bones not to race into the water. The only thing holding her back is the reality that she will most certainly drown.
She tugs on the sleeves of her shawl, wishing she could take it off. If it weren't for the horrific scars clawing up her arms, she'd be basking in the glory of the sun above their heads.
"Okay." Jared inches towards her in nothing but black swim trunks. The heat of his body becomes a major distraction. "Let me hold you."
"What?" Without thinking, Vivian looks right at where the sun bears down on his tone physique. There's no time to hide the sudden flush in her cheeks. She tears her eyes away from the body he's asking her to get so dangerously close to and stares into his kind eyes, free of their spectacles.
"Yeah." He grins and holds a hand out. "We'll go in together and I'll make sure you won't drown."
But you're naked. Your body is going to be touching mine. We can't be so close. You're making me so nervous I think I'm going to die.
Vivian grazes her teeth over her bottom lip and wishes she could run like hell away from this situation. Though if she did, the others across the beach - the very few that are here in this lukewarm weather - just might think she's crazy. She never thought she would feel sexual attraction again. In fact, the thought of being sexual again is horrifying. Just the concept of letting another man hover over her and use her for pleasure makes her sick to her stomach.
Then there's Jared. She wants to touch him, feel his hot skin and admire how well formed he is. She wants to kiss him so bad it drives her insane. Jared is only twenty-one and soon she'll be twenty-eight. Feeling these things for him should be wrong.
"I-I don't know," she whispers.
"Oh, come on." He nudges her arm with a boyish smile brightening his young face. "How are you supposed to get the full effect if you don't actually get deep into the water?"
"But you're going to be touching me" — she drops her gaze to the sand and digs her toes into the rough texture — "in a not friendly way."
When Jared doesn't respond, she looks up to see his face as red as hers feels. He turns his head to the side and rubs his neck. "I mean, I won't be touching you like that." His voice softens. "I'll just be...protecting you."
Protecting me. The pounding of her heart increases, sending her to fold her fingers over her chest. It's not weird. She peers at her swimsuit, suddenly wishing it weren't so tight and that her breasts didn't look so provocative in the light blue one piece. What if his arms accidentally touch me there? Breathing becomes impossible. Her stomach flips imagining his strong arms wrapped around her. What if he doesn't like how I feel?
She shakes her head. That's not the point!
"If you really don't want-"
"Okay," she blurts, making Jared blink in surprise, "you can hold me."
He gives her a small smile but doesn't quite look her in the eye. Vivian whirls around before things can get any weirder. She reaches back for his hands and they slide over hers with ease. His palms are large and softer than she expected, but somehow strong and reassuring all at once. Their fingers interlock. Step by step, they inch towards the ocean.
She watches lovingly as the seas touch the skies, like azure grazing upon cyan.
When Vivian's toes touch the water, she unintentionally brings his arms closer, shivering at the cool sensation lapping over her skin. Each step sends her already racing heart into a frenzy as she touches the ocean for the first time. When the water rises past her waist and gravity tugs at her center, Jared's arms rise until they're wrapped around her stomach and his chin is resting on her shoulder.
"See," he mumbles, "it's amazing, huh? Kind of mesmerizing."
Vivian can't answer. She's sure she's dead and has managed to slip into heaven as this is the most amazing sensation she's ever felt in her life. The power of the water lightly pulling at their bodies, the way Jared feels so warm and strong with his arms around her. How she so badly wants to turn around and run her fingers through his hair and place her lips on his.
"You okay, Viv?" His warm breath tickles her skin.
The very essence of his tenderness sends her stomach into backflips. The walls around her heart constrict. How can she yearn and connect so much with a guy she's deemed her friend? Even when she tells herself that he's too young or that they're only platonic, the smallest things Jared does makes her queasy.
How he blushes so easily or adjusts his glasses when he's nervous. How he ruffles up his midnight hair before he starts playing his guitar or how he bites his reddish lips when he's thinking of a line of poetry. It's as if she's falling for him.
"It's beautiful," she whispers and lightly squeezes his fingers. "Thank you for doing this with me. Thank you for everything."
"Of course."
"Being around you always seems to be such a pure experience." She smiles to herself and sways her leg around in the water. "I've never felt so happy or free before in my life. You make me so happy."
"I-" he clears his throat. "T-thank you."
Vivian inches forward and Jared follows. Sand and seashells tease the bottoms of her feet. With another step, she begins to lift slightly in the water. She lets out a squeal and pulls his arms tighter around her.
"If you weren't so short, we could go deeper," he murmurs with humor.
"I'm not short." Vivian pouts.
Years ago when her parents were alive, her father would constantly tease her for being the shortest one in the family. She used to steal her mother's heels and waltz around in their mansion, pretending she was as tall as everyone else in the Menshikov family.
Grief fills her lungs. Things were much happier back then. Despite her parents being criminals, they were the most loving people in the world. A day doesn't go by that she doesn't think about them. Reminisce over the times they had before Vincent destroyed everything.
Tears fill her eyes and her brows waver as she fights the pain that rips through the weakening walls in her chest.
They'll never know about her first love and playfully disapprove of Ashton. They'll never see her graduate or get married. She can't fall asleep in their arms as they stroke her hair and whisper how much they love her. She'll never be able to tell them how she's slowly falling for a boy named Jared who makes her feel like conquering the world.
I hate Vincent. I hate him so much. Tears stain her cheeks and she leans back into Jared. I hope Ashton gets his revenge. For all of us.
"Vivian?" Jared utters with feather-light innocence.
"Hmm?" She blinks her tears away, leans her body into his, and draws in his scent mixed in with the salt of the ocean. He straightens up, allowing her to lie her head back on his chest and stare at the birds cutting and dipping in the sky.
"I don't want to seem selfish when I say this, but I've been wanting to get it off of my chest for a long time now."
"What is it?"
"It's just...being your friend is getting harder and harder every day."
Scowling, Vivian untangles from him and turns around. "What do you mean? Do you not enjoy my friendship?"
"It's not that." He glances away. The sky seems to open up and brighten behind him. "It's hard because there are so many things I wish I could tell you. So many things circle my mind when I'm merely in the same room as you."
"Well, tell me." She steps forward and grabs his arms. "You can tell me anything, Jared."
Jared's eyes fall to hers and there's a look of pain in his expression as if holding this in for so long is killing him.
"Viv." He licks his lips and her insides nearly melt. "Ever since I ran into you at that gallery back in New York, you've made my heart race. At first, I thought you were the most beautiful and mysterious woman I'd ever met. The more I get to know you, I realize that you're this tortured person who still finds a way to try to make other people happy. You're so smart and passionate and-and considerate. Even after everything you've been through, you manage to brighten up the world around you."
She wipes her eyes as tears fall once again. Every word is so raw and painted with vibrant emotions. There isn't enough time to prepare for each phrase that strikes the air. "That's not true, Jared."
I'm a terrible person. I've done terrible things.
"But it is true." Jared wipes under her eyes before cupping her face gently between his hands. "Your presence makes me so happy and nervous and excited all at once. As much as I try to tell myself that we're only friends, I can't help but think that I'm falling for you."
Her heart stops and her fingers tremble in front of her chest. "Jared," she exhales.
"I can't help it." He shakes his head and steals a look at her lips. "I'm constantly thinking about kissing you and holding your hand or embracing you at night just so you won't have nightmares. I-I think I love you and I've tried my hardest not to."
"You can't mean that." She chokes out a laugh and tries to ignore the ridiculous things he's saying. "How can you say this all of a sudden? You don't even know me."
"I know enough to realize that you drive me crazy for a reason. If you let me, I want to know everything about you. How your lips taste. How I can ease your nightmares. What I can do to make you stop hurting yourself."
She stiffens and the scars on her arms tingle from his mentioning of them. "What do you mean?"
Pain shifts across his face and remorse fills his stormy eyes. "I know you harm yourself." Each word leaves his lips with gentle despair. "I hate it and I wish I knew what to do to help you stop."
How could he know? I'm always covered up.
"Have you seen them?" she demands. Her tears fall faster. "And you think I'm beautiful? How?"
"I don't care about how you look. With or without them, you're perfect, but it's you that I find so beautiful, Vivian."
"But I've done bad things," she blubbers. Her chest shakes with impending sobs. "I've hurt people."
"I don't care," he says so sternly, she almost forgets what she's arguing for in the first place. "We can get real help to mend the trauma of your past. There are always ways of healing. Your past won't change how I feel about you right now."
She swallows the swelling in her throat. The way he touches her makes her rational thoughts so foggy.
"H-how do you feel right now?" she whispers.
Vivian doesn't get an answer. Instead, she gets Jared's face moving closer and his body heat embracing her again. Without thinking about what they're doing, she shuts her eyes and feels Jared's soft lips touch hers.
Just as she thought, he feels amazing. Better than she's imagined. His lips are so gentle and taste like the innocence of falling in love at a young age or falling in love when there's nothing left in the world.
Jared isn't rough, desperate or even hungry. He kisses her like he's taking care of her. Holds her like she's the most fragile sheet of poetry in the world and if he makes one wrong move, he could lose every word they've ever written.
His lips move gently over hers and he kisses her so softly, and not as amateurishly as she would have thought. He kisses her with experience. Not like the lips of a boy, but a man who's willing to guide her into happiness.
She loves every second of it. Her skin is on fire and tingling. She slides her hands up his broad chest and shivers at how firm it is against her palms. Her cheeks are burning like untamed fires, but she doesn't care and she doesn't want to stop.
Never has Vivian felt something so simple yet amazing. The mere touch of someone else's lips on hers brings her a foreign bliss.
When Jared breaks away, her heart breaks a little. She leans up and tries to kiss him again only to be disappointed when he stands at his full height. He strokes his fingers along her cheek and stares at her lips. "I've been thinking about doing that for so long."
"M-me too," she utters breathlessly.
He smiles. A delicate one that makes her fall for him all over again. "It's so much better than I imagined."
"What do we do now?" Vivian leans her cheek into the palm of his hand as her eyes grow heavy. Moments ago, she was so afraid of her feelings for Jared. Now, she's weakened by the will of his touch. His words and alleged love.
"I guess...this is where I ask you to be my girlfriend?"
She smiles. "Okay."
Jared quirks a brow. "Does that mean you will?"
Vivian reaches up and wraps her arms around his neck, making him lean down to her height. She tilts her head to the side and breathes, "Yes."
Then she kisses him again.
I know you guys are probably thinking, hOw CoUlD jArEd LoVe ViViAn??? They've been friends for a little over a month.
Well, I say shhhhhhh! Let them be happy! Ashton and Ria were in love the night they met okay???
JIVIAN IS CANON BABY! (Remember when you guys hated and didn't trust her??? 🙃)
-bri😙
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niall horan | mirrors