"Did Richie leave again?" Eli asked, spinning his plate on the table. I stuck to my plan of ordering pizza for dinner, it was quick and could satisfy the growing twins.
"Yeah, he's busy with some stuff." It frightened me how I could say that and not care. Maybe I did make the right decision.
And I was more frightened by the fact that I didn't care about him not being around. I could make it without him. I felt no inch of guilt for partaking in an affair with my ex. What was supposed to feel wrong was manically feeling right and I think that was how you knew that you were starting to push your cares aside. I'd never have the guts to do something as what I'd just done. Perhaps the medicine swimming through my veins was giving me that extra push to do more things that made me happy. It was blocking out the sadness and the anxiety and replaced both with happiness and confidence. Yet, sometimes I could feel my old self knocking, letting me know that she was still there, waiting to be released like she was some sort of criminal behind bars. Some days I felt the medicine working and some days I was left wondering if it was doing its job. Both occurrences caused me to be indecisive and make decisions that could confuse anyone but myself.
Example, I could not manage to be put in a room with Ashton and then a few weeks later I was up and calling him, asking him to go to lunch with the kids and I. Maybe my lack of sanity could sometimes create brilliant things. Maybe I got pleasure out of knowing that I could get Ashton to do whatever I wanted just by asking and shooting a quick please and he'd run to make it happen now that apparently the band was going to be spending a lot more time in New York
"Oh." Was all Eli said.
"I'm glad!" Ella cheered. "I don't like him. Can we kick him out?"
I chuckled, placing a slice of pizza on Eli's plate. "I don't think that'd be very nice."
But kicking him out would ideally be great. He wasn't helping me out with the kids anyway. Funny wasn't it? He'd pestered me about getting pregnant for six months exactly and now that we - I - had kindly taken in my niece and nephews he acted like he wanted no part in dealing with children. I could sense his disliking towards them too. He'd barely talked to them, he'd rarely even looked at them. I hoped that they did not notice that and I hoped they did not feel like anything was their fault. It wasn't right for them to suffer the consequences of Dick simply being an asshole.
"But he's not very nice, won't that make it okay?" Ella stated. "Being mean to someone who is mean is right, right?"
"What did Ana and Jack teach you guys?"
"Never walk on a sidewalk barefoot." Eli pointed.
"Ice cream before dinner is okay." Ella said right after her brother.
"That question was rhetorical, but thank you for sharing your values with me." I snorted.
"T!" They both whined in tune. It was the first time I'd heard them say something in unison. I'd yet to experience them do the same thing at the same time. They were actually some of the most out-of-sync twins. They also did not like wearing similar outfits. If they noticed I purposely put them in matching clothes, they'd get upset and one of them would force me lie out a different outfit for them. The only time they approved of matching was when they decided to wear the leather jackets Luke had bought them for Christmas. And they always were in the mood to match if meant looking like their rock star uncle.
"What?!"
"Big words!" Eli sighed, popping a pepperoni in his mouth.
"Sorrryyyyyy." I playfully pouted.
I was not hungry. I felt sick to my stomach actually. It was that feeling one got after doing something really gutsy. So, I sat talking to the twins as I fed Jack his respective dinner.
Eli and Ella were funny masses once you got them to open up. It was hard to believe they came from Jack and Ana. Jack was a pretty chill, his looks were something I felt he relied on too much. He really had little personality to fall back on. And Ana, the pain in the ass, who wanted everything her way. Always critiquing things. They were a just a plain couple. You could almost think the twins were adopted.
But all of our lives would probably be different if it were not for Jack's coolness and Ana's hail to authority. Two annoying attributes that I did miss. I missed them both. Even if Ana gave me so much shit and if Jack could barely hold an entertaining conversation with me, I missed them.
I'd tried not to think about them being gone permanently. I gave myself that week in Malibu to grieve and decided not to think about it anymore. It was a deal Xander and I made. To act as if nothing was different. Once we went back to our normal lives we'd consume ourselves in our daily activities and not grieve. But I believed Francis would say that grieving was important and he would want me to cry it out, write it out, scream it out, do whatever I needed to do to endure the process of grieving the loss of a loved one. Xander and I have lived through this month being emotionless zombies towards losing our sister. That was not healthy. Anyone could think that Xander and I had no liking towards Ana if they were to ask us how we had grieved.
"T?" Ella grabbed my attention from my thoughts
I hummed against my lips to let her know that I was listening.
"Would you marry Ashton?" She bluntly asked.
Would I? After everything? Would I marry him? I don't know...
"Why do you ask?"
She simply shrugged.
"T?" This time Eli wanted my attention. "Thank you."
"For what? Dinner? I'm supposed to feed you, you don't have to thank me."
"No, hm," Eli scratched his nose. "Thank you for taking us while mommy and daddy are away."
"Yeah." Ella agreed. "We like Uncle Lukey, but we like you more because you aren't gone a lot like him."
"But don't tell him we said that!" Eli pleaded. "Please, T! The last time we said something mean he didn't give us ice cream!"
"Your secret is safe with me." I assured.
"And the party has arrived!" I heard the well-known voice that could bring me either joy or dread. Xander. How did he have a key to my place?
"And the other half of the party is here too!" The feminine voice of Sofia sparked the room.
"How did you get in?" By now Jack was done with his bottle, I promptly set him up to burp him.
"Wow, nice to see you too, you bitch." Xander rolled his eyes, setting Lukas free in the apartment.
Eli and Ella ran towards their cousin, greeting him with a double-attack hug. Lukas was at the age where he could walk and get into anything he pleased, but hated being bombarded by anyone. His freedom was something he loved even if he was only a year old. The twins didn't care though. They loved him so much.
"Xander," Sofia slapped Xander's arm. "Don't say that word in front of the kids."
Xander set his suitcase in a corner before walking over and serving himself a slice of pizza.
"So, once upon a time, like two years ago, I stole your key and copied it." Xander said with a mouth full of pizza. He flashed the key right in front of my face. I suddenly did not feel safe at all living in my apartment knowing that my brother had a damn key to it too.
Sofia took a seat next to her husband, cleaning up any crumbs that Xander was leaving behind. It was a mother-like instinct to clean even the slightest of messes. I wasn't quite there yet. To my own belief I had no mother-like instincts or I hadn't caught them.
"And you're in New York...because...?
"Xander and I came to help you out." Sofia handed Xander a napkin. "I took a week or so off and Xander convinced your dad to let him off for awhile."
"Who says I need help?" I looked over at the twins who were showing Lukas some of their toys.
"Uh, Luke, Mom, Dad, Ashton...I can go on..." Xander insisted. "We're here to give you a much deserved break."
A break? No, that was not on my agenda! I did not need a break, a break at this point would throw me off and the kids too.
Sofia walked over to her suitcase, pulling out an envelope. "You were selfless enough to do all of this for Ana and Jack and it is now Xander and I's turn to do something selfless." She made me hand Jack to Xander before she gave me the envelope.
The knocking on the door made Sofia have me wait to open the envelope, leaving me to guess what was in it. A letter stating I now owned a house in The Hamptons? Tickets to a Broadway show? Another letter from someone? I was just about done with surprises for today.
"You showed up just in time!" I couldn't see Sofia, but I could hear the big smile she was wearing. "We were just about to have T open the gift."
"Glad I'm here now!" The corners of my lips turned into a suspicious smile once I heard Ashton's voice. And once I saw him, my heart wanted everyone in the room to know it was beating and my stomach tied in knots and I was back to being a giddy school girl.
Ashton took a seat next to me and Xander looked at us like we were Siamese twins.
"Aren't the love birds going to kiss?" He questioned.
Ashton looked at Xander and then at me with wide-eyes.
"Oh come on, Ash!" Xander laughed. "We all know you and T did some unholy things recently."
"We have done no such thing." Ashton denied.
"Oh please," Sofia smirked. "We encouraged it, so there's no need to hide it."
"Hey Sof, can you answer my phone?" Xander looked on to his screen as he cradled Jack.
"Your mom is FaceTiming you..." Sofia said cautiously.
"Yes!" Xander exclaimed, scaring Jack. "Answer! This is perfect!"
And she answered. My mom yelled hello's too loudly.
"Mom, holy crap." Xander oddly whispered. "Guess who I'm with right now?"
"I don't know? George Clooney, I hope." She responded dryly.
Xander had Sofia flip to the back camera.
"Is that..." My mom gasped. "Talia and Ashton?! Oh my goddddd!"
Ashton and I awkwardly waved to the camera.
"Honey! Come here!" My mom shouted, I guess, at dad. "Look! Talia is with Ash right now!"
"Mom, calm down please." I sighed. She was still the same when it came to Ashton. Embarrassing.
"Ash, you've gotten more handsome!" Mom gushed. "Oh, this is such a fantastic sight to see. So much better than Richard...so much better."
"Couldn't agree more." Dad spoke.
We all talked to my parents for a few more minutes before Xander angrily hung up on mom without warning because she kept talking about Ashton's shoulders.
"All right, what is in this envelope..." I ripped open the seal, pulling out the papers within the papered holder.
JFK Airport to Charles de Gaulle Airport
These were two plane tickets to Paris. Holy shit. I quietly handed them over to Ashton, letting him read and soak in the gift.
"Paris...?" Ashton looked up at the couple sitting across from us. They eagerly nodded.
"We bought you guys two tickets to Paris and booked a hotel." Sofia smiled. "It's a trip perfect for the two of you."
"Sof..." I started.
"We can't accept these." Ashton finished. Good thing we were on the same page or this would be awkward.
"You leave tomorrow at six in the morning sharp!" Xander winked.