Keep in mind that Roger and Andrea have known each other for almost two years now and they have been inseparable, this feeling didn't develop over night.
The feeling Andrea talks about it's not just about a crush, it's about a deeper connection.
-
I had fucked up.
Really fucked up.
I couldn't sleep last night, I kept thinking about what I said to Roger when he admitted that he liked me.
You are just a fuckboy.
But in reality he wasn't. He was way more than that. Being with him was so natural, as if I had known him since the day I was born; I could easily connect with him without any effort. Even though we were so different he understood me in a way that no one could or ever will. He inspires me to be the best version of myself. He makes ME myself.
I want him to be mine and I want to be his.
I fell in love with his flaws, the way he would get angry at the most unimportant things, how he would fly off the handle very easily, how he sometimes didn't prioritize important stuff. I loved it, every single thing about him, I loved it.
And not to mention his looks.
How soft his hair was and how it moved while performing making him look like some sort of god. How his long thick eyelashes protected his blue eyes. Those blue eyes that I had shattered in pieces.
Remembering it made me want to puke. I ruined it, everything I had with him was ruined, even our friendship, nothing was going to be normal, ever.
-
The sound of the alarm made me jump. The flashbacks of yesterdays night hit me all at once making me feel guilty... again. I had to make things right with Roger.
I rushed downstairs to the lobby with my suitcase ready to leave for the next stop which was New York.
Our team took my suitcase and put it in our tour bus.
I went to the reception looking for the guys when I noticed Paul Prenter sitting comfortably in one of the couches reading the newspaper, I walked over to him. "Morning Paul, where's the band?" I asked dumbfounded. "Morning Andrea, they are eating at the restaurant, you're the last one to come downstairs." He answered not taking his eyes off of the newspaper. "Thanks" I mumbled and started heading to the hotels restaurant.
I saw Brian and Freddie sitting in a booth. I joined them sliding next to Freddie. "Morning." I mumbled. "Morning." They replied and carried on with their conversation. I scanned the restaurant looking for Roger but had no luck. John wasn't there either.
"Where are John and Roger?" I asked trying not to sound too obvious by only asking for Roger. "They are already on their way to New York, they took one our tour buses." Brian replied and continued eating his cereal. I nodded and looked at the menu.
"So about last night, what happened? did he showed up at your room or not?" Freddie asked me. I didn't know if I should tell him what happened. Of course I didn't want to tell him what I have done, I wasn't proud of it, but I didn't want to lie to Freddie. "Uh-yes he did." I answered taking a sip of my coffee. "And? What happened?" Freddie asked. "Mmm, nothing really, he just threw up in the bathroom and left." I answered, guilt filling every inch of my body. I have never lied to Freddie, like ever, he was the one person who I was 100% honest with in everything.
We finished eating and headed to the bus.
-
The whole bus ride to New York I kept thinking about what I was going to tell Roger. I didn't even care about rule number four. I wanted to be with Roger.
He kept avoiding me, I hadn't seen him since last night, he locked himself in his hotel room and, according to Paul Prenter, refused to come out until it was time for the concert.
-
"Where the fuck is he?" Brian barked. We were now behind the curtain, only a minute away from starting the concert. Roger was nowhere to be seen. "He arrived with me, he must be lost in the crowd or something." John explained trying to calm Brian down. "Whatever, we are not waiting for him." Freddie said stepping out. The crowd went wild. "I'm here, I'm here." Roger said running over to us. He didn't even look at me. "Where were you!?" Brian yelled. "I was busy." Roger responded walking past us and entering the stage. Once again people started clapping and cheering. "Wanker." Brian scoffed clearly annoyed.
Once we were all on stage I sat down in front of the piano and turned to look at Roger. He sat behind his drum kit, looking and smiling at the audience. He didn't look at me, not a single time. Each time we would perform he would look at me and mouth "it's okay." Every single time, just like he did on the first show we did together. This time he didn't.
I started getting dizzy and it was hard for me to breath. I had to say, to spit it out. I grabbed the microphone that was lying on top of the piano. "Roger, look at me." I said. Awkward silence, the audience listened to what I had just said, tons of people heard me. The whole band was looking at me with confusion in their faces, all of them except for Roger, he didn't even flinch.
"Uh-hm this is Killer Queen!" Freddie yelled to the audience, which seemed to forgot what I just said.
-
After the concert we had a private party with some fans and other important people from New York that wanted to meet us. At least, 300 people where there.
I looked for Roger everywhere but couldn't find him. Then I found John sitting near where the drinks were given so I decided to ask him. "Hey, do you know where's Roger?" I asked him but he handed me a shot of what seemed tequila completely ignoring my question. "John, I don't really drink-" "He is there." He answered quickly pointing his finger behind me. I turned around looking for him when suddenly my eyes laid on him, sitting in a couch, probably drunk... with a blonde girl between his arms.
Their noses were touching, their mouths where inches apart, when out of the blue the girl crashed her lips against his roughly, Roger seemed surprised by this but carried on with it. My stomach dropped, I wanted to cry, scream, yell, pull her away from him, but I didn't.
I wanted to look away but I couldn't. Roger pulled away and scanned the room, looking for something or someone. We made eye contact for a few moments and he waved at me with a smile on his face. He wanted me to see him, he wanted to prove that he didn't need me. I froze and chug the tequila shot. John was right, I needed a drink.
An hour or so passed and now Roger was making out with a different girl, a brunette this time. I drank another shot of tequila.
Not 20 minutes later, Roger was kissing another girl, a different one of course. Another shot of tequila ran down my throat burning it.
After three shots I started gaining confidence. "Let's dance!" I exclaimed taking Johns hand in mine dragging him across the room into the dancing floor. John didn't leave my side the whole night until now, that he was surrounded by women hoping to dance with him. Not a song had passed when I lost sight of John, but that didn't stop me, I kept dancing around what had to be 100 people in the same dance floor.
I felt a pair of hands in my waist turning me around. "Hey" A tall guy said getting closer to me. "Hey" I said taking a step back. He managed to snake his arm around my hips pulling me closer to him. "Wanna dance?" He asked moving his hips against mine. "Not really." I said pushing my hand against his chest trying to pull away from his grip, but failed. "C'mon i'm not done with you yet." He said lowering his hand squeezing my ass. "What the fuck!?" I yelled trying to push him away but he was way too strong. "Leave me alone!" I yelled at him.
Roger entered the scene pushing the guy making him fall "She told you to leave her alone!" He yelled. I stayed in shook of what had just happened. Everyone was looking at us now. "Are you ok?" Roger asked placing his hand in my shoulder which I pushed off. "I didn't ask for your help." I replied harshly. "You needed me." He added. "I could deal with it by myself." I responded walking away, but Roger followed close behind me. "He was harassing you." He said, I turned around to face him. "Can you please do me a favor and fuck off?" I asked him and started walking away again not waiting for him to answer.
I needed to get out of here, I was suffocating. I walked up to Brian who was sitting in the couch with a random girl. "The keys, I need them." I said causing him to make a confused face. "The what?" He asked. "The keys to Rogers car, I know you have them and I need them." I explained.
For a weird reason Roger refused to leave his car in London and insisted on bringing it on tour. He had a chauffeur who drove the car following the tour buses.
"It's parked a block away." Brian said handing me the keys.
-
Once I was driving in the New York streets my head started flooding with memories of tonight. Roger kissing 3 girls and then defending me from the tall guy; what was all that about?
I couldn't handle all of the emotions I felt, I thought he was more than just a fuckboy, the worst is that I still think he is more even though tonight he showed me the complete opposite.
I started speeding up.
I passed one red light.
Two red lights.
Three.
Crash.
Everything turned black and all I could hear was the ambulance sirens.
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