Ezekiel
As she opened her mouth to speak, the whistle of the tea kettle interrupted her.
She jumped, than hurried out of her seat to turn it off while I cursed lowly. Quickly, she prepared her tea then returned to her chair.
Staring at the tea cup clutched in her delicate fingers, she began, "My mom married Charles when I was 15. From the start, he gave me a weird vibe. He was controlling, but my mom thought it was cute," Jasmine rolled her eyes as she spoke. "She thought he was being a good dad, showing me that he cared."
She paused, taking a sip of her tea before she continued. "About a year after they got married, my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer. She underwent treatment for two years. During that period she spent most of her time at the hospital or in bed, so Charles and I had to interact much more frequently than we had previously. He started giving me strange looks and...making comments about my appearance that made me feel uncomfortable. I brushed it off because my mom was getting worse and worse so I wanted to focus on spending time with her."
Her middle finger, which had been tracing the rim of her cup over and over, stilled. She took a deep breath then resumed, "She died the summer before my senior year of high school."
A tear trickled down her smooth cheek and, "I'm sorry," slipped out before I could stop it. She gave me a half smile as she wiped her face.
"My mom's parents were the only family I knew of and I never saw them until she died. They didn't care about her or me so I had nowhere else to go and no one to stay with besides Charles. I was uneasy about living with him but I was also naive so I figured since I only had one year of school left, it wouldn't be so bad," Jasmine shook her head and gave a humorless laugh.
Sitting here in silence was killing me. I wanted to ask her a million questions but I knew she had to get everything out first.
"Following my mom's death, he started...touching me in ways a man should not touch his step daughter," her voice was barely above a whisper.
My fists slammed down on the table. I was close to losing it and she'd barely begun. I needed to get myself under control. She was watching me wearily, her breathing a little faster than normal. I'd scared her with my reaction. Placing my hands on my lap I gave her a short nod to keep going.
"He started out seemingly harmless enough...extra hugs, light caresses, a kiss on my cheek. Then, then he got bolder. He would grab me roughly, grope me, make me sit on his lap and even come sleep with me in my room in the middle of the night. Whenever I fought him he would get so upset and...and it didn't help me, at all. So I...I stopped fighting him after awhile. I let him do whatever he wanted."
Had he...
Rage. I couldn't even think it. Thinking of my sweet Jasmine enduring such cruel treatment made me want to destroy everything around me. I had to stay under control.
She covered her face with her hands for a few moments. In that brief break I fought to maintain my composure. That bastard molested her! He should have protected her and cared for her when her mom died. Instead, he took advantage and scarred her. Forget arresting him, when I saw him I was going to fucking murder him! Realizing my breathing was becoming labored, I took a deep breath to calm myself enough to hear the rest of her story.
"I tried to go to the sheriff's station, but I got sent home. They didn't believe me because they knew Charles personally and he was, 'an upstanding member of the community'," Jasmine bitterly recited. "I didn't know what else to do so I stayed. I stayed and beared it until I couldn't anymore."
With her eyes closed, she massaged her temple then said, "One day, when I came home from school he...he told me when I turned 18 we were going to move and get married."
What the fuck?!
The ring! That's why he sent the ring on her birthday. He still wants to marry her. Everything was starting to make sense now.
"He kissed me and told me that it was a taste of what was to come when we were married. I knew then that I couldn't stay much longer. I had no definite plan on where I would go and school wasn't over yet so I packed during the remaining time and prepared as best as I could to leave."
Watching Jasmine closely, it was easy to see she was no longer there with me in her kitchen, she was back with Charles, reliving those memories.
"Eventually, I had no choice but to run. The decision was made for me one day when Charles was drunk. He never drank before then, so I was terrified what that could mean. I stayed in my room all day, away from him. I had hoped he would be so drunk he wouldn't bother me but...I wasn't that lucky. Late that night, he burst through my door with a bone chilling, sinister smile. Right away I knew what he planned to do, but I wasn't going to give in without a fight."
"Hey babygirl," she imitated. She closed her eyes then shared, "My mom used to call me that. It provided comfort until he ruined the endearment. Now I can't stand to hear it."
Her voice started out steady, regardless that tears escaped with each word, "He stumbled toward me, and told me he was tired of waiting. He said I was practically a woman, that I was teasing him and I deserved it."
I struggled to stay in my seat. I knew this was unspeakably painful for her, to recount her time with Charles. I didn't blame her for waiting so long to tell me.
Digging my nails into my palms helped distract me and root me to my seat. Jasmine fought through her tears to finish.
"If he hadn't been so drunk, I wouldn't have been able to fight him off, but I did."
Breathing a silent sigh of relief, I relaxed slightly.
"He got way too close. Even in his drunken state he was much stronger than me. He nearly succeeded but I...I grabbed the lamp on the night stand beside my bed and smashed it against his head. He went down immediately, while blood from where I'd hit him began soaking the sheets on my bed. I was terrified that I might have killed him, but I never checked to see if he was actually dead. I just left him there.
I had planned on leaving when my fall semester started at school, but I could no longer afford to stay under the same roof as Charles. So, even though it was only the beginning of summer, I took the money I'd hidden, grabbed my clothes, and left. And I never looked back."
She finally met my gaze with her tear filled one.
"Yes, I was scared I'd thought I killed him, but at the same time, part of me hoped I did. Does that make me a bad person?" She asked looking tormented.
"Not at all honey. I want to kill him myself, and I'm sworn to protect and serve. He's the one who is a bad person. He preyed on you when you were a child, molested you, and attempted to rape you. I don't blame you at all for how you felt."
"Well he does," she bit out.
"How do you know?" I questioned.
If that dumbass Dr. Myles had said one word to Jasmine I swear I'd kill him along with his step brother. Momentarily, I was stunned when she came around the table to sit on my lap. She laid her head on my chest and shuddered. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her.
"Charles confronted me after work today--"
"He what?"
Dr. Myles had been a distraction, that much was clear, but had he been a part of the plot to get Jasmine alone?
"Dr. Patterson, she...she was a part of this whole thing. I don't know why, but she has been conspiring with Charles. She even helped him corner me today." She sniffed and gave a dry laugh. "She wove this believable lie that she was meeting her boyfriend for what she thought was a proposal dinner after work. She asked me to walk with her because she was nervous. I fell for it and when we got to the parking garage it turned out to be a set up to get me to Charles. He was waiting for us."
I tightened my hold on her. "Aw honey, I should have been there."
"It's ok Ezekiel. You couldn't have known he was going to be there."
I loved when she used my full name. I told her that only one time and she hadn't called me Zeke since.
"Anyway, he's using what I did to him as a way to blackmail me to marry him," she finished miserably.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" My voice boomed, causing her to jerk. In an attempt to calm her I brought my hand up to gently run it over her hair.
"Yeah...he's saying I tried to kill him," she explained.
"That was self-defense. There's no way he can expect anyone to believe him. Plus, it happened five years ago. What evidence does he have to prove it?" I reasoned.
"I don't know. He seems pretty confident even though I told him I would never marry him. He advised me to rethink my answer. He said you wouldn't be able to protect me and that he'd be back tomorrow to get my final answer," she looked up at me with tears clinging to her long lashes.
I wiped away the tears on her cheek with my thumbs. "Good, I can't wait to meet the bastard."
"How can you be so calm?" Her eyes scanned my face while she asked.
"Trust me honey, I'm not calm at all. I'm fighting to hold back my anger for your sake. I don't want to scare you," I answered grimly.
Her eyes widened slightly and she gulped, "Oh."
"He subjected you to things no child or woman should ever endure and that infuriates me," I confessed.
"It doesn't disgust you?" She asked timidly.
"It does, but not in the way you're thinking. He is the disgusting one," I assured her.
"But I'm so ashamed of everything that happened. Why would you want to be with me?" Her lower lip trembled.
I took a short time to think of my response. I knew I had to carefully answer her. Right now she was highly emotional and I didn't want to add to her distress. I wanted her to know I understood how it felt to be ashamed. It might be the only way to get her to see how I could love her.
"Jasmine, I never told you how my best friend died, did I?"
Confusion clouded her features. "No, you didn't."
This was something I never wanted to share with her, but after she revealed her past to me, I owed her. She trusted me enough to finally let me in. I was going to do the same with her. Taking a deep breath to brace myself, I started my story.
"About 4 years ago I had a drinking problem," I paused for a second after the small admittance.
The same way she had been afraid I wouldn't want her once she revealed her past to me, I was afraid she wouldn't want me. I didn't know what I would do if she left me.
"Look at me Ezekiel," her tone was gentle, but it commanded me all the same.
I obeyed her immediately. She placed her silky hand on my cheek lightly.
"Now it's my turn to tell you. Nothing you share with me will change how I feel about you, not at all. I love you too much to let you go," she vowed, then followed up with a soft kiss on my lips.
She lingered momentarily before pulling back. Feeling somewhat encouraged I continued on.
"I had just ended a relationship with my high school sweetheart. We were each other's first everything. I loved her and I thought we would spend the rest of our lives together." Jasmine's hold on me tightened and she looked at me with concern.
"Your tea is going to get cold," I reminded her in an attempt to put off telling her the rest.
Her mouth quirked slightly and she shook her head. "Nice try. Keep going Big Guy."
She wrapped her arms around me and rested her head on my chest. I sighed and nodded my head.
"We had just gotten engaged and I was beginning to move my stuff into her place. Since Josh was so young at the time, he still lived at home with our parents. Caleb was my only roommate and was looking to replace me when I moved out. One day I was going to drop some of my stuff off and surprise her with her favorite flowers after work. As cliche as it is, I walked in and found her cheating on me...Well, not exactly found her, but I heard her...and whoever she was with," I rolled my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair.
This was my first time retelling this in years. I had anticipated to feel some residual pain at the mention of my past love, but there was nothing. I knew it had everything to do with the petite woman currently sitting on my lap. The only reason I'd been so reluctant to open up about it to Jasmine was because my drinking problem and my ex were both tied to Chris' death.
"I broke off the engagement and stopped all contact with her. I change my number and Caleb and I moved to a new place since our lease was up. Anyway, I started drinking. I told myself it would be just for that night, just to numb the pain. Then that became the promise I made to myself every night. The more I drank, the more I needed to get drunk. Caleb and my best friend, Chris, were scared for me. They said I was being reckless. I ignored them and kept self-medicating. I became a high-functioning alcoholic. I was still a beat cop and spent a lot of time in the car with Chris."
She looked confused at the mention of Chris so I stopped to clarify, "Chris was also my partner." Her eyebrows rose at the revelation.
"He was constantly pestering me to get help, but I wouldn't listen. I didn't believe it affected my job performance so to me, my problem wasn't that serious."
I looked at her, entreating her to understand.
"I was really fucked up at the time Jasmine. I was in a bad place. I even avoided going home to see my parents, which wasn't all that difficult since they lived on the other side of the country. After nearly a year, I couldn't hide my problem anymore. My mom and dad stopped for a surprise visit on the day I was supposed to get married," I smiled wistfully.
"My mom knew I'd be having a hard time after the end of our engagement, but she didn't understand the extent of my suffering. That was until she saw me. Caleb knew they were coming, and Chris knew they were coming, but I didn't. Even in my wrecked state I could tell how disheartened my mom was when she saw me."
A lump formed in my throat and I struggled to gain control.
"She broke down when she saw me. She cried and cried as if I had died, and I guess a part of me had. I wasn't living, just existing. But, right then I knew I had to get help. I hadn't felt anything besides pain for so long that I became numb to everything else. When my mom found me I felt shame and embarrassment for what I had turned into."
Glancing down at my sweet girl, I noticed wetness on her cheeks and was reminded of her big heart. Even though I hated to see her cry, it comforted me to know she was still here listening to me.
"Honey, please don't cry. Don't waste your tears on me," I begged while wiping them away with my thumbs.
She sniffled then murmured, "They're not wasted."
"If you say so," I answered skeptically.
"I know there's more, but if that's all you want to share with me today, I'll understand." She leaned back to assess me with her warm, brown eyes.
"I want to tell you everything," I told her.
"Ok," she agreed, and returned to her former position, laying her head on my chest.
"I did end up getting professional help. Caleb and Chris were there for me every step of the way. I started to let her go and I was doing really well for awhile."
I stiffened, knowing what I was about to disclose to Jasmine.
"I was sober for almost three years when...I saw her one night, earlier this year. It was the first time I had seen her since our split. She was with some guy and...I couldn't help but wonder if it was the same guy she cheated on me with. She didn't even see me, but I saw her and it devastated me.
"I'm so sorry Ezekiel," Jasmine quietly interjected. I nodded in acknowledgment.
"It took me back to the same dark place and I had to get away from her, so I lit outta that place like it was on fire. Caleb was with me and saw her too. He tried to stop me but I shoved him and left him behind. I went to the most run down bar I could think of. I figured no one would find me there. I was wrong. Apparently Caleb had called Chris, because no more than an hour later, after I'd been there, in walked Chris.
I was so drunk I hadn't even noticed the place was owned by some old, racist, backwoods asshole. When the owner saw Chris he made a bigoted comment about Chris' kind not being welcome in his establishment. I cursed out the motherfucker for his hateful views. Chris attempted to calm me down, but I was too fired up to pay attention to his warning. The combination of having so much alcohol in my system and hearing someone speak so lowly of the kindest, bravest, and most selfless man I knew, blinded my ability to listen to reason."
I didn't notice the group of men who had come up to surround Chris and I. One of the jerks roughly grabbed Chris and shoved him into another one of their group. I tumbled toward the son of a bitch, ready to do battle but one hard hit to my head had me crashing to the ground. My mind wasn't clear as it was from the strong drinks I'd had, but now my vision was blurred and my head was pounding. I stayed down but heard Chris in the background.
"Gentlemen, my companion and I are police officers. If you refrain from any further harassment we will peacefully leave and never visit this business again. Not to mention, overlook the fact that you've assaulted an officer," Chris' calm, level voice rang out clearly in the deserted bar.
The owner didn't appreciate Chris speaking up and snarled back, "There ain't no way you're a police officer, boy. Stop spoutin' lies. Yer, 'companion' can stay, it's just yer black ass that I want to leave."
Chris remained silent for a minute, then responded, "I can show you my badge if that would put you at ease."
"I'll be at ease when ya git out, boy," the owner reiterated.
"Sir, just let me--"
Chris was cut off by the unmistakeable sound of a shot gun cocking.
"Boy don't you move a fuckin' muscle. You could be trying to reach for a gun for all I know. Just git!" The owner yelled while his gang voiced their agreement. Regaining my footing I managed to stand up after stumbling slightly.
"Ok sir. I understand," Chris answered in the same steady voice.
Chris looked at me seriously before asking, "Zeke, are you coming with me?"
I placed my hand on his shoulder. "You know it. But first, I want you to apologize to my partner for your ignorance and hatred that makes you so distrustful," I directed to the owner with my finger pointed at him.
He looked taken aback, as did Chris. "Zeke! Are you kidding me man? He literally has a gun pointed at us right now and you're demanding he apologizes? I'll live without it. Let's go," Chris reprimanded me.
Scowling, I began to realize he was right. We were outnumbered, so I followed him towards the exit. Right before we made it out the door, I did something I'd regret for the rest of my life. I taunted that hostile group of men, who had basically been a 21st century Lynch mob.
I should have kept my mouth shut. Those men were itching to attack Chris and I provoked them, putting his safety in jeopardy. They came after us outside in the parking lot. They beat us badly until a shot rang out. The sound cut straight through me. Without seeing it, I knew it was Chris.
Pushing through the agony they had inflicted on me, I turned wildly to find him on the ground, lying in a pool of his own blood. The cry that emitted from me upon seeing him was a mixture of anger, grief, guilt, and soul wrenching pain.
They had already began to leave us, having done what they set out to do, when another shot was fired. Instantly, I felt a burning sensation in my shoulder. I welcomed the incapacitating pain that came with the wound. My body had been beaten but with the gunshot I was close to receiving the same fate as Chris for my part in this.
It might not have been me who shot my best friend, but I was responsible for his death.
As I came back to the present, I felt dampness on my shirt and noticed Jasmine was now weeping against me. When she realized I was finished she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed my jaw.
"What a gruesome way for your best friend to die. Some people have so much hate in their heart that it overflows to everyone around them. It does immeasurable damage, but you can't hold yourself responsible for it," Jasmine tried to comfort me.
"No baby. That was all me. I should have just left quietly. Instead, I spoke without thinking."
I hated myself for getting Chris killed. I couldn't let that go.
Jasmine began to caress my face as she spoke, "If Chris was as kind as you said he was, he wouldn't hold any of this against you and he wouldn't want you to keep tormenting yourself over it."
"This is...this is different. I was hotheaded and reckless and I did nothing but hurt the people around me. I could end up hurting you, honey. I wasn't good enough for Chris and I'm not good enough for you," I confessed.
I lost it at my admission. My cries sounded foreign to my ears. I hadn't cried this much since Chris' funeral. Jasmine stroked my hair and rubbed my back while I cried like a baby. She held me for some time, I didn't know how long, before I finally calmed down.
"You know, I said the same thing to Angela when I first told her about everything I went through with Charles," she faintly told me.
Confused, I pulled back to look at her. "I told her I wasn't good enough for you," she explained.
That ridiculous notion sobered me as I evaluated her to see if she was being serious. I was unsettled to find that she was.
"Never think that about yourself again honey. What you were victim to shames Charles, not you," I assured her with a kiss on her forehead.
She sat quietly, thoughtfully, for a few minutes.
"Ok," she relented. "If you really feel that way, I don't want you to ever think that way about yourself again either. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time. You and Chris were both victims of hateful men. Hateful people act irrationally and there's nothing you can do about it."
She paused then asked, "Did you guys catch who killed Chris?"
"Yes, they did in the end. It was difficult to do because by the time the EMTs got to us, Chris was already dead and I was nearly there myself. I'm sure you remember my condition when I got to the hospital, so I was of no use to my department for a week. I couldn't tell what happened until I woke up, and there were no other witnesses. The owner had pretty much abandoned the place and went into hiding. Eventually they nailed him and he gave up every single one of his buddies when he found out Chris and I were really cops."
"I'm glad they didn't get away with it," she added.
"Me too honey. So, now are you confident I will love you no matter what you tell me?" I questioned her.
She gave me a genuine smile, the first one I'd seen all day.
"Yes. I want you to answer the same question Ezekiel," she countered and stood up from my lap to stretch.
"Yeah. You've proven your love tonight. I don't know why you love me, but I know you do."
"You don't know why?" She looked troubled. "You love with everything in you. You love harder than anyone I've known. You show it by your actions, not just your words. And...the idea of you loving me doesn't scare me anymore," she shyly admitted.
Elation filled me. Tonight had taken us on an emotional rollercoaster as we shared past demons with each other. They could have torn us apart but instead they strengthened our bond. I was about to take the steepest plunge of all. I knew I was ready, but before now I wasn't certain Jasmine was. She just gave me the confirmation I needed and I wasn't going to waste any time.
"Well in that case," I kneeled down in front of her.
Her eyes widened and her breath caught.
"Will you marry me Jasmine?"