"I fell in love with you because you loved me when I couldn't love myself".
~Anonymous
Alex
I arrived at Don's place still upset about how I left things with Hunter. He hadn't replied to anything I had told him through our bond, clearly still being angry at me. And I got it. I understood why he was pissed. Even though he kept on telling me that he didn't care who my friends were. Even though he kept on telling me that he was happy that I was spending time with my friends. Those friends were the ones that kept on calling him names and bringing him down almost every day of the week.
I had thought about cutting myself off of them. Part of me wanted to do it -needed to- but I had endless memories with them. And at the end of the day, for as long as we have known each other, they have supported my dreams and ambitions. They had always been there for me and they always listened and tried to help me solve my problems. Just this once I wasn't positive whether they would support me. Whether they would be there for me. Because whether they liked it or not, Hunter was now part of my dreams. He was a huge fucking part of them.
"Yo, are you alright?" Matt asked me as he came to sit down next to me. I nodded and took a long sip of my beer, finishing it in the process. I really didn't want to deal with him right now.
"Yeah, just thinking," I said. Without blinking, Matt offered me a half-burnt joint. I eyed it for a moment.
Don't forget that they might not be your friends once they find out about us. Remembering Hunter's last words before he left, I grabbed the joint and inhaled. I had promised to both myself and Hunter that I wouldn't smoke at all ever again. But hell, I had already broken more promises than I could count tonight. What was one more worth?
In the next few hours, I broke that promise more times than I could count, even when I was sober. The constant chugging of beer didn't help my case either. Everything started turning hazy. I was sitting on the couch, but every motion around me had turned into a soup of limbs and colors.
I didn't fight back when someone reached out and pulled me up. I didn't pull away as they dragged me to the dance floor. Being weak enough, they had to put my hands on their waist. Hunter.
My eyes couldn't focus, but I needed it to be him. I started moving to the rhythm of the music and the figure before me followed me. Hunter. Our bodies collided and fire raptured in my chest. Hunter. Our lips met with fury. I opened my eyes, surprised that he had kissed me here, but I saw black hair. This wasn't Hunter. The kiss grew deeper. No, this was my Hunter. My eyes had to be playing tricks with me. This had to be him. It had to be him.
Pulling back Hunter started dragging me again. I didn't stop him. I followed his lead and we ended up in a quieter room. It was light-dimmed, but I was sure I could make out a bed in it. Without hesitation, he pulled off my shirt.
"You're so hot," a deep voice called. A giggle followed –that isn't Hunt's giggle-. Lips found my sternum and they moved downwards. My belt was unbuckled, my jeans undone. A hot mouth found my erection and I groaned.
"Hun..." I couldn't finish, calling out his name.
My eyes closed, my hands moved and they got tangled in long hair. Feelings started to overwhelm me as the hot mouth worked on my member.
"Fuck, you're so easy to please," the deep voice said, sending a shiver down my spine.
"I was scared you wouldn't come to the party," another voice said and something in me snapped.
Hunter didn't want me to come. Hunter wouldn't come. This wasn't Hunter. I stumbled back, pulling up my pants. The person before me huffed and rose, wiping her lips.
"Beth?!" I exclaimed.
"Hey, hot stuff," she replied.
"What the fuck are you doing? What about Don?" I had to be going crazy, right? This had to be some sort of sick hallucination.
"What about me?" Don called from behind me. I froze and before I could respond I felt his hands on my hips. "I might not be into guys, but since you are my best friend and you do have a crush on me, I will make an exception".
"Crush on you?" I asked, snapping out of it and jumping away from both of them. My legs hit the bed's end and I stopped moving.
"You know, I always felt as if you had a thing for me. After you told me about you being bi and having a crush on a guy, I just knew you liked me," he said, coming to stop before me. Yeah, this was a sick hallucination.
I was still hazy so I couldn't stop him as he snaked his arms around me and pressed his lips against mine. We fell on the bed behind me and I finally managed to push him a little bit back.
"How about you and I and Beth have the best night of our lives?" he whispered against my lips.
"No," I yelled and pushed harder against his chest until I could slide away from between his hands.
"Alex..." Don began, but I cut him off.
"I said no. We won't be having a threesome!"
"Come on, you're bisexual, don't ya love threesomes?" Beth asked me, cupping her own breast. I jumped up off the bed.
"Just because I'm... no, I don't love threesomes and no, we are not going to have one. And Don, get the fuck over yourself. You're not the guy I want..."
As soon as I uttered those words, a shiver ran down my spine and color drained from my features. The guy I want. Hunt. Hunter. I ran to where Beth had discarded my shirt. A sudden feeling engulfed me, like a punch in the gut. I almost fell on my knees, the aftermath of whatever I had smoked and drunk hitting me like a ton of bricks.
"Alex, where are you going to go like that? You're like shit," Don said, a hint of worry in his voice.
"Shut up! I don't care. I... I just need to get out of here..." I slurred and got out of the bedroom.
I navigated through the crowd, letting myself get pushed around as I didn't have the strength to push back. I could see the front door, it was moving, but I had to reach it. I felt a soft tap on my shoulder and I turned around to see a worried Matt.
"Alex, are you okay?" he asked me, holding onto my shoulder.
"Don't fucking touch me!" I yelled back, pulling myself away from his grasp. The music stopped, everyone's attention snapped to us.
"Alex?" Vicky muttered, appearing from between the people who were surrounding us. Don and Beth joined us soon enough.
"Come on, you just need to let it wear off..." Matt told me and extended his hands in a submissive manner. I couldn't help, but snort.
"Some things, Matt, don't wear off," I scoffed at him and walked off. I was stumbling and feeling as if someone had beaten me up while we were on a roller coaster, but I didn't care.
I ended up on the sidewalk, walking without knowing where my legs were taking me. Everything around me was spinning, but I couldn't stop walking. I couldn't bring myself to stop. I was happily surprised went I managed to reach a door. I fumbled with the key and after uncountable times I managed to unlock it. I headed up the stairs, yelling out his name over and over again and practically fell on the other door. I heard locks click and the door opened to reveal a half-asleep Hunter.
"Alex, it's four in the morning..." he whined, but as soon as his eyes fell on me they widened. Just listening to his soft voice, I broke down.
"I'm sorry," I said, falling on my knees as tears fell on my cheeks. I couldn't help, but sob. How could I do this to him?
"Hey- hey, I got you," he immediately rasped and wrapped his arms around me. "It's okay, you're safe; I got you, babe," he went on, pulling me inside and closing the door behind us. "What happened?" he whispered softly in my ear.
Images flashed before me. Matt offering me a joint. Beth dragging me to the dance floor. Us grinding together. Her kissing me. Letting her guide me to that bedroom. Beth getting on her knees...
I pushed Hunter off and ran towards the bathroom, just barely making it to the toilet. I felt Hunter's hand on my back as he tried to soothe me as I emptied my stomach. Sweet nothings fell off his lips, and even though I couldn't make them out, they did calm me down. I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve this. I didn't... I didn't...
"Alex, what happened at the party?" he asked me once I had calmed down enough. I sobbed again and, after wiping my mouth, I buried my face in his chest.
"I... I smoked. I'm sorry, Hunt... I'm so goddamn sorry," I began mumbling.
"Hey, it's alright. It's okay. Alex, you do not have to apologize to me," he muttered. "Come on, you need to sleep this off," he added and helped me up. "Wait here, I'll be right back".
I braced myself against the sink and waited for him to come back. I looked at myself in the mirror, in order to see how awful I looked. Now it made sense why my friends had worried so much. My eyes were red, my hair was a mess, all my clothes were wrinkled and my expression hung with tiredness.
Hunter reappeared with a full glass of water. Immediately I drank it all, wanting to get that disgusting taste off my mouth. Almost as if he read my mind, Hunter reached over, in the cabinet by the sink, and handed me mouth wash. Then he led me to his room.
"Here, change into these," he said and gave me a pair of sweatpants and a simple T-shirt.
As I changed he collected my sweaty and smelly clothes and he disappeared again. Without waiting for him, I got in his bed and pull up the covers. Silent tears fell again from my eyes as I recollected what that had happened at that fucking party.
"I put your clothes and my shirt in the washing machine..." his voice faded out as he returned and saw how I was crying. "Alex, I think you're not telling me everything about what happened. You don't have to tell me... but I don't know how to help you," he told me.
"Just hold me," I whispered as he got into bed next to me. With a soft smile, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him. Feeling his hot skin against me sent a shiver down my spine and I sobbed.
"I can hold you," he assured me and pressed a kiss right above my eyebrow.
"I love you..." I blurted out against his naked chest. "I love you and I want everyone to know that". I watched as his eyebrows went up.
"I love you too... but are you sure?" I nodded and he bit his lip. "Look, about what I said earlier, I'm sorry. I was frustrated and an idiot and I don't want you to come out because you think you owe me that".
"No, Hunter what you said has nothing to do with this. I just- I want everyone to know that you are mine and I'm yours. I want them to know that you are my world. That you are my..." I was –rudely- interrupted by a pair of cats who decided that outside Hunter's window was the right spot to pick a fight.
As they kept on hissing, my face contorted into an annoyed expression and Hunter started laughing. I couldn't help but join him after a few seconds, though.
"Look, let's go to sleep and we'll talk about this again tomorrow," Hunter told me and pressed a kiss on my lips.
I don't deserve him.