One of the things Vannessa disliked the most was getting told about something over and over again, especially if it talked about her behavior, as if she was someone who couldn't understand.
"Ilang beses ko ba kasing sasabihin sa 'yong huwag ka nang inom nang inom?" Hindi sumagot si Vannessa dahil hindi na rin niya mabilang kung ilang beses iyong sinabi ng daddy niya. "Whenever you drink, Vannessa, walang magandang nangyayari. Hindi ka na natuto."
Napapikit siya bago napahilot sa sintido nang marinig ang Daddy niya sa kabilang linya. She knew that Don Walter knew about what happened in the bar from her relatives. Sanay na siyang kumilos na may mga matang nakatutok sa kanya. That had been the very reality she had been living with. Her relatives had no better things to do so they meddle with her life as much as they could.
It was as if she was a big time artist. Sa kanya palaging nakatutok ang camera. Ang buhay niya ang palaging headline. Maybe they felt better and superior that way, seeing her suffer over various of things. Alam naman niyang hindi gusto ng mga ito ang mommy niya at dahil walang pakialam ang mommy niya, ibinabaling nila ang lahat ng atensyon sa kanya.
Ni hindi niya alam kung bakit siya pa. There were a lot of worse Concepcions in the clan. They lived more scandalous lives than her.
Nakita niyang nagpipigil ng tawa ang kaibigan niyang si Greg na halos mabilaukan na sa pork rinds na kinakain. Itinaas niya ang gitnang dalira at kaagad itong inirapan.
"Dad, you don't have to worry. It's under my control—"
"Under your control? When was the time you got things under your control, Vannessa?" Nakikita na niya ang mukha ng ama na halos nag-uusok na ang ilong sa yamot. She forced herself not to sigh. Alam na niya ang sasabihin nito. "Last time, we bailed you out of prison kasi nakisali ka sa isang rambulan sa bar."
The truth was, that incident wasn't her own doing. Nadawit lang siya sa pagkakataong iyon at naabutan ng mga pulis. Her parents refused to believe her claims, though, insisting that she was the cause of the chaos. Hindi na rin siya nag-abala pang ipilit ang katotohanan.
She sighed. "Dad, I was drunk. You know me when I'm drunk."
"That's why you shouldn't drink!"
Naibuga ni Greg ang iilang piraso ng pork rinds tsaka ito humagalpak ng tawa. She hissed in annoyance before kicking his leg. Napangiwi naman ang binata sa sakit pero sinamaan lang niya ito ng tingin.
"You should start being responsible. Hindi ka na pabata nang pabata. Dapat sa panahong ito'y kayo na ang nag-aalaga sa amin, hindi 'yong poproblemahin pa namin ang mga kagaguhang ginawa n'yo sa buhay."
"Grabe naman sa kagaguhan, Dad," nakanguso niyang tugon.
Tumawa nang malakas si Greg at sigurado siyang narinig iyon ng Daddy niya. It was her turn to laugh when her dad said, "I hear you, Gregory. I'll tell your dad you're being irresponsible. You both are no longer kids. Think about your life. Mamamatay kami nang maaga dahil sa inyo."
Napatakip sa bibig si Greg na natatawa pa rin. He then cleared his throat before saying, in an intentionally deep voice, "Sorry po, Tito."
His dad continued nagging for a little bit more, talking about the things that he had already repeated whenever circumstances like that happened. The both of them were too tired to even listen. Nang ibinaba ng Daddy niya ang tawag ay napahinga si Vannessa nang maluwag bago napasalampak sa couch.
Akala niya'y iyon na ang katapusan pero nang makita ang mommy niyang halos sirain na ang pinto ng kanyang condo'y halos maubos na ang oxygen sa lungs niya sa malalim na pagbubuntonghininga.
"Mom—"
"Mom, your crummy ass," she said, annoyed. It looked like her Mom was out from shopping based on the number of bags Sandy, their boy, was carrying. "What have you been doing with your life? Alam ko namang sinabi kong you should have some fun pero I think that you should know na sobra na atang fun ang ginagawa mo."
She forced herself not to roll her eyes. It was like her mom was talking to herself. After all, of all the traits that she got from her, she got her pride and stubbornness. The back story of her mom and her dad was even a tragedy because of her mom's personality, causing the clan to dislike her immediately. "You don't have to worry. Masyado kayong nag-aalala ni Dad. I'm 24, an adult. I can take care of myself," she said.
She wasn't used to her Mom scolding her. Usually, her dad did all the nagging, but it was quite reasonable. Sunod-sunod ang mga kasalanang nagawa niya. Hindi niya masisisi ang mga ito.
"You're 24 and you can really be in jail, Vannessa. For every scandal is a pull behind the bars. We are worried about you because you have became more troublous and troublous the more you age. At...at—" Napapikit siya. Alam na niya ang sasabihin nito. "—ni wala ka pang jowa! Dapat bago mawala sa kalendaryo ang edad mo'y may anak ka na pero paano iyan? Dungis na dungis na ang pangalan mo, sino pang magtatangkang manligaw sa 'yo?"
Napabuntonghininga siya bago nirolyo ang mga mata. Nagtama ang tingin nila ni Greg na natatawa na naman.
"You know how I feel about relationships, Mommy. Getting into a romantic relationship is the least of my concern," she said. "Besides, I don't need to marry."
"But you should! Paano na ang future mo? Sayang ang genes! You should reproduce to make children that could be the future of this country."
Tawang-tawa na si Greg na nasa tabi niya kaya kaagad niya itong siniko. Doon napansin ng Mommy niya ang lalaki. Hindi niya mapigilang muling mapabuntonghiniga.
It had been years since she had her last relationship, and seeing a lot of her colleagues and friends in a relationship, it made her parents think that she was having a hard time finding someone. She kept on telling them that it wasn't the case, and that she got better things to do, but they still insisted that she should be in a relationship. Dumagdag pa rito ang katotohanang ang kapatid niyang si Venice ay may nobyo rin.
That never failed to annoy her.
They never got her views about romantic relationships. They kept on telling that it was just a phase that would pass by sooner. She just needed to meet the right kind of guy.
Vannessa was having second thoughts about that. Naniniwala siyang sa panahon ngayon ay bilang na lang ang mga lalaking malinis ang intensyon. She wouldn't risk her peace of mind for a little probability of meeting someone with clean intentions.
When all the nagging was already done, she allowed herself to cool down. Finally. "I'm so tired of being dogged around as if I do nothing good in my life." She sighed. "Sakit sa ulo."
She could feel Greg's stare burrying against her skin so when she looked back at thim, she saw that he was already looking at her amusingly. Tinaasan niya ang binata ng kilay at nag-iwas naman ito ng tingin bago umiling-iling.
She raised his brows at him. "What?"
"Anong gagawin mo roon sa kaso?" tanong ng binata bago tumayo at pumunta sa kusina para uminom ng tubig.
Napapikit siya sa mga mata.
Oh right, the case.
The girl that she fought with in the bar was planning to file her a case.
"I could get away with it," she said loudly. "It's not like it is new, right? Or I can make amends. I don't have time for this silly case, you know. Malapit na ang show at may hinahabol akong deadline para sa designs."
Mas lalo lang sumakit ang ulo niya kaiisip sa mga gagawin. Hindi pa final ang listahan ng indie models na nakapasa sa kompanya kung saan siya nag-tatrabaho. She still needed to know the model who would be showing her designs off.
She hoped her model was a she. The last time she had a guy model, she almost filed a harassment case after being sexually harassed in her own apartment. The nerve of him. Good thing Greg knew about it so he was there to kick the guy's ass off.
One factor that made her prejudices against men grew: they always thought they were more superior than women and that they could get women to do what they wanted them to do.
And the fact that a lot of men got away with their crimes because of this mindset made Vannessa's blood boil some more.
She couldn't trust men anymore. Bilang lang ang mga lalaking pinagkatitiwalaan niya. Pasok na sa lista si Greg na kahit palagi siyang inaasar ay kilalang-kilala niya naman. Alam niyang hindi ito gago at madalas niyang hilinging sana'y ang lahat ng mga lalaki'y katulad ni Greg.
She wished for men to act like men.
Unlike him.
Napabuntonghininga siya bago umiling-iling. Naalala na niya naman ang nakaraang matagal nang lumipas. It was a bad thing. Dapat ay limot na niya ang mapait na karanasang iyon, pero hindi niya alam kung bakit sa tuwing napapaisip siya kung bakit siya galit sa mga lalaki'y nakisisingit sa pag-iisip niya ang lalaking 'yon.
She hated him for every fiber of her being and the more she thought about him, the more she realized how crummy of a man he was.
"No more thinking of foolish things, silly." She heard Greg say before dishevelling her hair. Masama ang tinging ipinukol niya sa lalaking may dala-dalang isang gallon ng ice cream. Inabutan siya nito ng kutsara bago ito tumabi sa kanya. "You have been thinking about him a lot, haven't you? Instead of worrying about your coming case, mas iniisip mo pa ang isang taong matagal nang wala."
She rolled her eyes before spooning the ice cream. "I am not."
"Magkunwari ka pa. Ngumunguso kang parang tanga. I know the face you make when you think about Ja—"
"Don't say the name or I'll fucking bang your head against this table," pagbabanta niya at nag-angat naman ng kamay ang lalaki bago nagkunwaring tinitikom ang bibig.
"Atrocious."
"Atrocious, my ass."
Pinagbuntungan na lamang niya ng galit ang ice cream habang nakakunot ang noong kumakain. Ramdam niya pa rin ang tinging ipinupukol ni Greg sa kanya. Sa tingin pa lamang nito'y alam na niyang may gusto itong sabihin.
They had been friends for so long that they practically knew each other like one would know himself.
She looked back at him once again with furrowed eyebrows. "What?"
Napakurap-kurap ito bago nanliit ang mga mata. "Huwag mong sabihing hindi mo alam."
Kaagad na napakunot ang kanyang noo sa narinig. "Anong hindi ko alam? What do you mean?"
Greg hesitated for a few seconds, pouting. Palipat-lipat ang tingin nito sa kanya at sa kinakain nitong ice cream. Pinagtaasan niya ito ng mga kilay tsaka binigyan ng makabuluhang tingin. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang ibig nitong sabihin at mapapansin na ang hindi niya mapakaling mga binti.
He sighed in defeat. "Do you know the reason why you got in trouble?"
Napailing-iling siya. Kapag umiinom si Vannessa'y madalas sobra-sobra ang kanyang iniinom. It was the reason why she couldn't remember the events that happened majority of the time. Gumigising na lamang siya't tsaka ikukuwento ni Greg ang gulong nagagawa niya.
The guy was giving her a meaningful look. It was as if he was hesitating on telling her once again. With a sigh, he said, "Jack."
She felt a pang in the chest upon hearing the guy's name. Kaagad din siyang napalunok dahil dito. Ramdam niya ang malakas na pagkabog ng dibdib habang hinihintay ang susunod na sasabihin ng kaibigan.
What did he mean by that?
"Someone sent me a few pictures," he said before taking his phone out. "Here, take a look."
Vannessa couldn't explain what she was feeling as she looked at the pictures. In an instant, waves of memories came crashing at her like some waves in an ocean, sending shivers down to her spine, disturbing her world like a massive earthquake.
What she saw in the picture was a spectacled guy. He was shielding the girl that she fought with.
Just like that, the fire in her chest seemed to be even more cogent than what she remembered it to be as she stared at the same countenance that left her with so much to feel and so much to remember.
-
Note:
Henlo, people. Gusto ko lang sabihing you should read the chapters over again kasi I have made some changes. I am following an outline na. Iyon laaang.
-Peb