Nova
The note Wes left on the card kept replaying in my head, haunting me, torturing me. How could he think that it was a good idea to write those things after I told him I was happy.
He infuriated me with his stubbornness and his bad timing.
Nova,
I know you said you were happy, but I can't accept that. I don't want to, knowing that you're not mine anymore. I love you and I know you love me. So please give me another chance baby, come back to me.
-Wes
He can't just say that he loves me and except everything to go back to normal, I won't let him.
"Mommy, can I get gummy bears?" Hallie asks from inside the cart.
I had gone shopping to get Spencer a thank you gift, for allowing us to stay at his place. So after picking Hallie up from school, I had gone to the store.
I had a card but I couldn't figure what else to get him.
His favorite sports team is the broncos, but that didn't seem fitting. He used to like writing when we were younger, he had so many stories and characters thought out and planned. Maybe I could get him a nice journal and some pens?
Urgh. Why was shopping for him so difficult?
"Yes honey, you can get one pack."
Hallie beams at me as she grabs the gummy bears off the shelf next to us.
"Mommy I want ice cream"
I let out a breath. I couldn't handle all the stress my body was going through. This whole situation with Wes has me freaking out.
"Not today honey"
"But mommy I want ice cream"
"Not today Hallie"
"But-"
"I said Not today!" I snap at her.
I didn't mean to, but sometimes I couldn't handle her. I mean I loved her to death and she was the best thing that ever happened to me, but I just needed a break some days.
"Nova!!" A voice squeals.
I turn around to see Lacey and Griffin.
I smile in their direction and Lacey pulls her cart up next to mine. She wraps me in a tight hug before kissing the top of Hallies head.
"How are you? I haven't seen you in forever!"
"Lace it's only been a week" I chuckle
"I know but I feels like forever!! We should get together for a play date or something!"
"Yeah that'd be great. Just text me whenever"
Lacey smiles at me. I didn't want her to know that my life was slowly falling apart.
She studies me for a second before the smile falls from her face.
Damn it.
She knew me to well.
"What's going on? Are you okay? Is Spencer treating you okay? Because if he's not I won't hesitate I kick his ass"
"Mommy auntie Lacey said a bad word!" Hallie screeches.
I glare at Lacey, and she just shrugs her shoulders.
"What's going on. Tell me now" she demands.
"It's not Spencer, he great, fantastic even. He treats me like a princess and he adores Hallie. You should've seen him the other day with her. I came home and he was on the floor with her on his lap. She was hugging him and she had the biggest smile on her face."
I pause and take a deep breath.
"And I don't know what it is, but there's this feeling I have inside me about him, I can't explain it"
Lacey's smile widens.
"Oh Novs, I think you are in love"
My cheeks heat up.
"I-in love? With Spencer?"
Lacey nods her head.
Oh. My. God.
Maybe she was right.
Oh god. That just made things so much more complicated.
"So if it's not my dimwit brother what is it?"
"It's Wes."
Lacey quirks a eyebrow.
"What did he do now?" She asks with anger in her voice.
"After we broke up I walked out and he slept with a girl from his work. When I went to go pack up some things she was there and he told me that he missed me, and that what he did with her was a mistake."
Lacey's jaw clenches.
"And then he told me that he'd get a ring for me if that what I wanted."
"And what did you tell him?"
"I was happy. We don't want the same things"
"And??" She presses
"He sent me flowers yesterday, Spencer was there when they were delivered. And you should've seen his face Lace. He looked so hurt and broken. I felt like I had betrayed him"
"How did he take it?"
"He has to be the sweetest most kindest guy ever. He wasn't angry about it and he didn't admit that he was upset. He just held me and kissed my head and comforted me."
Lacey's smile widens again.
"But that's why I'm struggling"
Her smile is replaced by a frown. Again.
"Uh elaborate"
"I'm to broken to let him in. He means to much to me to ruin him and run him down with all of my baggage. He never gets angry at me, and he always is so kind and caring towards me and Hallie. I just don't want to lead him on, but at the same time I can't imagine my life without him. This last week, all the time I've spent with him, I've been happy and I haven't been worried about anything. He did that."
Lacey is silent as she studies me some more. I didn't want to to feel torn or force her to choose between me and her brother.
"I think you need to sit him down and talk to him. Let him know how scared you are. As much as I love you Nova, I don't want to see my brother get hurt again. Or you for that matter."
I slowly nod my head and bite my lip.
She was right. I need to really think about this and what I want. What's best for me and for my daughter.
Maybe that's Spencer.
But maybe it's not.
Maybe it's Wes.
Or maybe it's just me and Hallie. Just us by ourselves. Not relying on anyone else to support us.
I didn't know what I wanted yet and I couldn't decide until I talked to Spencer.
But I was afraid. Afraid that I'd scare him away. Afraid that I'd lose him. Afraid that he'd leave me.
Ever since mom died I've had a problem with being alone. All I ever knew was Lacey and Spencer. They were always there for me. I was terrified of the dark because of all the monsters that were there.
I still am afraid of being alone. I don't want to lose Spencer because I know if I do I'll lose Lacey too. Spencer has always been there for me. He always has been my rock and I didn't realize it until now.
I didn't realize Lacey was right. I am in love with Spencer.
And that scared the shit out of me.