-----TRIGGER WARNING-----
~Anna's POV~
So there I was, slowly walking along the sidewalk, away from the school. I wanted to go faster, but it was nearly impossible because I was still blinded by my tears. I should have known it would end like this. Why had I gotten so close to him? Never get close to anyone again, I swore to myself. I heard yelling from behind me and turned around. Julia was running towards me. I stopped walking.
"Anna wait... Please!" She panted, putting a hand on my shoulder. She was the only person I could trust right now.
"What?" I said in a whisper.
"You know that wasn't his fault right?" She tried to say. You know what I said before, about her being the only one I could trust? I guess I was wrong.
"Yeah, sure." I said, turning around and starting to walk again.
"STOP!" She shrieked. I heard the desperation in her voice.
"WHAT? I saw what happened! He was kissing that girl, and when he saw me he stopped. I thought what we had was special, but apparently it wasn't. And you're just taking his side-" My voice cracked, but I wouldn't let myself cry again.
"No please that's not what happened!" Julia pleaded. "Courtney kissed him! He tried to stop her but he couldn't. You came in at the worst possible time and it made the situation look 100 times worse! Please believe me.." She looked as though she were going to start crying too.
"I want to believe you.. But I don't think I can. I'm sorry, I just... I don't know." I said, cracking again. More tears spilled from my eyes. I turned around so she couldn't see. But she did. She hugged me, and told me that it would all be okay. Again, I wanted to believe her but I knew it wouldn't. Imagine the person you love, kissing someone else right in front of you. My mind screamed. Did I seriously love him? I've only known him for a few weeks. Maybe I was overreacting.. But suddenly, there were more voices. I broke free from Julia's hug to see who was coming. Of course it was the worst possible person. Pete. He was sprinting with Patrick, about 50 feet away from us. I needed to go. I couldn't see him again. No, I had to leave.
"I- Im sorry... I-Ill text you later I promise..." I told Julia and started to back away from them all.
I heard Pete call my name but I ignored him. Julia looked at me with saddened eyes and grabbed onto my arm.
"Please don't go! Just listen to Pete, he will explain everything." She told me.
"No. I'm leaving. Sorry." I tried to break her grip, but she didn't let go.
"Please! Let go!" I struggled.
"No Anna stop!" She said, looking behind her. Pete had finally arrived with Patrick and was looking at me through the most pained expression I had ever seen. The three of them stood there, all watching me. At the same time Julia and Patrick both looked at Pete expectantly. That was when I finally managed to get my arm loose. I started to sprint down the sidewalk, not once looking back. I kept sprinting until I got to Memory Lane. Once I got to my driveway, I opened up the front door, slamming it behind me. I dashed up the stairs and into my room, locking the door. I collapsed onto my bed in tears. After what seemed like forever, I finally managed to stop crying. I lifted my head up from my pillow, and cursed. My makeup had stained my pillowcase. I went into the bathroom, which was connected to my room. Becca's room was also connected, but she was probably at the dance so I didn't worry about that. Although I didn't know for sure that she was... We didn't talk at all so I hardly knew anything that was going on in her life. And she didn't know anything about mine.. But maybe that was for the best. I took a look in the mirror, and choked back another sob. Mascara and eyeliner had left black stains running from my eyes to the bottom of my cheeks. They looked like black tears. My hair had gotten all tangled from running so much. My eyes were swollen and red, and I was a general mess. I washed off my face until it was clear, and brushed my hair out too. I took of my dress, and changed into pajama shorts with a tank top. Then I put my hair into a pony tail. Ahhh, much better. I took out my phone to play some depressing songs to fit the mood. 18 new messages! It turned out that Julia had texted me 3 times, Patrick, Joe, Andy, Gerard, Mikey, Ray, And even Lacy had texted me once. Frank had texted me twice, and Pete had texted me 6 times. I didn't want to read Pete's, but I wanted to see what my friends had to say. Patrick, Joe, Andy, Gerard, Mikey, and Lacy all asked if I was okay. Julia had texted me about how I should answer Pete and asked me if I needed her to come over and talk. I didn't read Pete's messages, because I knew that would make me start crying again. And Frank had texted me..
From Frank:
Hey Anna! I wanted to thank you for breaking the ice with me and Gee. That was really fun and I'm glad it happened! Also hope you're okay, I miss you. It's no fun here without you:(
His other text said:
Btw, if you're feeling blue listen to The Light Behind Your Eyes! I'm not trying to advertise I promise XD. But Idk, it helps me, and I hope it'll do the same for you.
That made me smile. I replied with:
Thank you so much Frank. I'm listening to it right now. I hope you guys have a fun rest of the night :)
I hit send. It made me feel guilty that I hadn't replied to anyone else, but everyone else's messages were about Pete, and I was just trying to forget about him right now. I turned on the song Frank requested, and closed my eyes. A text message alert pinged. It was a number that I didn't have in my phone.. I read the message.
Hey Anna! Its Courtney. I'm so sorry about tonight, I didn't think you and Pete had a thing. But you have to admit, he's too hot to resist. Plus he IS a great kisser. Oh wait, you wouldn't know ;( Anyways, I think you should just give up because he could never like a girl like you. After you left, he was all over me. Well bye, hope you have a great night!
This time I didnt choke back a sob. What was the point? No one was home to hear me anyways. My parents had gone out to dinner, and again Becca was probably at the dance. I let it all out. Tears spilled down my cheeks for the 100th time today. I screamed into my pillow. This wasn't fair. What have I done to deserve this? I went into the bathroom the wash off my face again. But this time when I walked in, something caught my eye. My razor in the bath tub. My mind screamed no, but I still walked over and picked it up anyways. I thought of Pete making out with Courtney, and I welled up with emotion. But this time, instead of just sadness it was anger. How could he betray me like that? How could Julia lie and say it wasn't his fault, when I knew it was? Why does everyone always betray me? Was I really this worthless?
Yep. I picked up the all too familiar blade, ready to slash my skin. Suddenly there was a loud bang and Becca waltzed in from the door connecting her room and the bathroom. The loud noise had startled me, and the blade slipped. I cut way too deep, and the cuts were very long. I gasped in pain, and Becca spun around. When her eyes had processed what was going on, they grew wide in fear. Her hand went to her mouth.
"ANNA, WHY?!?" She yelled, cringing and her voice cracking.
"I-I-I" I started. The feel of warm liquid pouring all over my body made me look down. I started screaming. I felt sick and dizzy. This was way too much blood.
"Help me.." I said, about to faint.
She opened the cabinet and pulled out a roll of paper towels. She ripped a huge wad, and threw the roll to the floor. She rushed over and held the towels onto my left arm, while keeping a ton of pressure. The wad that was pure white before, was now turning completely red. I felt dizzy again.
"DON'T LOOK!" She screamed. She threw the bloody towels in the bathtub and got some more.We repeated the process for about 10 minutes until the blood slowed down.
"Okay." She sighed. "You can look now."
I carefully glanced down at my arm. There were four, parallel vertical cuts that ran from the beginning of my wrist, all the way down to my elbow. They were dark red, but not nearly as bloody as before.
"Th-thank y-y-you." I managed to say to her. She was closing her eyes, but she nodded. She then cleaned the cuts, and looked right into my eyes.
"Tell me why you've done this." She demanded. I told her exactly what happened, and about the text I relieved from Courtney. As soon as I was done, her eyes lit up with anger. I'm glad I wasn't the only one upset.
"Well hey, if you want to, I'm pretty good at MURDER!" She said, growling at the murder part. I laughed and she did too.
"So you don't think I over reacted?" I asked quietly.
"Well you definitely shouldn't have done this, but if I were you I'd be pretty upset too." She replied.
"I'm so sorry- I didn't mean for it to go so deep or-" My voice trailed off.
"It's okay, it'll all be okay." And for the first time in what seemed like forever, she hugged me. And didn't let go. For awhile. It felt good. I just sat there on the bathtub ledge, arms wrapped around her, shaking and occasionally letting a tear slip out. Man was I a baby. And she was sitting there too, softly stroking my hair and muttering things like "You're alright now. Its okay. Shhhhhhh."
Eventually we stopped and cleaned off the blood one last time. She tucked me in bed, and then left my room, telling me to get her if I needed anything. A happy ending to a horrible day. I put on some music, and fell asleep instantly. When I woke up, it was pitch black in my room. My wrist stabbed with pain. I looked down at it, gasping at the sight of the scars. And then everything that happened came flooding back into my mind. I turned on my phone to view the text message I had gotten at 11:30. It was now 2:50.
From Frank: Hey I know you've probably gotten this a lot but please reply to Pete. He's guilty as hell knowing you're mad at him. You don't have to at all, I just think it would be good for him. Okay well I hope all is well :) night.
I sighed, and finally opened all of Pete's messages.
Anna please, can we just talk?
I swear to god it wasn't what it looked like. Please believe me!
She came up to me and grabbed me and starting kissing me! She had the tightest grip ever and I couldn't manage to get her off until it was too late!
You have to believe me... Please..
I cant stand the fact that I hurt you so much.. Just please reply, I'm begging you!
Anna, please? You don't understand how much you mean to me.
Tears welled up in my eyes again. Maybe he was telling the truth, but then again I would never know for sure. And what was up with the text that Courtney had sent me?
I didn't know what to say. I started to type, but then erased it. That probably happened 16 times, before the typing icon appeared for him. I sat and waited.
You don't have to say anything. Reply a :) if you forgive me. A :( if you're still super upset. And a :/ if you have no clue and you're just really confused.
I sighed. This is why you love him. He makes it easy for you because he cares about you. Cant you see that? A voice in my mind told me. But what about the whole Courtney thing? You still don't know what truly happened.
To Pete:
:( and :/
I sent the message and closed my eyes.
~Pete's POV~
I sat in my bed, thoughts still swarming my head. It was 2:30 and I still couldn't sleep. I knew that I wouldn't be able to unless she replied. This whole thing was just one horrible misunderstanding. Why couldn't she see that?
I didn't go back to the dance after she had ran away from us. How could I? My friends had all left to be with me, and everyone texted her to make sure she was okay. She only replied to Frank, which made me feel even worse. She read everyone else's, but not mine. I had suggested going to her house, but everyone immediately shot down that idea. Julia said something about her needing space, and time to think. It was taking all my strength to not text her for a 7th time. I was listening to music, when Wake Me Up When September Ends came on. I closed my eyes and suddenly remembered the way Anna looked when she was about to cry. And then that heartbreaking sob- it was too much. She would never forgive me again. I had ruined the chances with the girl of my dreams. I checked my messages, going to the conversation with her automatically. To my surprise, she had read the messages. I waited for a long time, and finally I saw that she was typing. And then not typing. And typing again. She had no idea what to say, and I couldn't blame her. I decided to make it easier. I sent a message...
You don't have to say anything. Reply a :) if you forgive me. A :( if you're still super upset. And a :/ if you have no clue and you're just really confused.
She read it. Started typing and..
:( and :/
She was really upset AND confused.
I know I hurt you and I am so sorry.. I just hope that you can forgive me one day. Again, you mean too much to me and I couldn't ever live knowing you hate my guts. But I guess I'm gonna have to. Just know that I care about you and you don't know how sorry I am.
I hit send and waited for a long time before she sent a message back.
Thanks. And maybe I will forgive you, I just don't know what's happening right now. Sorry, I have to go now. Bye.
Goodnight.
I sent. Well, it was a start. At least she replied. I closed my eyes, and a couple hours later I woke up and instantly knew something was wrong. I went downstairs, and asked my mom what was up. She looked at me, her eyes filled with sadness.
"Its Anna... She...." She tried to say.
I realized what was going on.
"MOM WHAT HAPPENED TO HER!" I screamed. But I already knew. "MOM"
"Pete... she's in the hospital. She might not make it." She replied choking back tears.
"WE HAVE TO GO THERE! I CANT LET HER GO!" I screamed, sobbing hysterically.
"I know! Go get in the car!" She said, grabbing her keys. We sped all the way to the hospital. We rushed in, and my mom demanded the room number. The lady reluctantly said "216" and we sprinted down the hallway and into the elevator. The ride up to the 2nd floor was absolutely torture and seemed to last forever. I couldn't think straight and I felt like I was going to throw up. Finally the door pinged and I sprinted out into the hallway, looking around desperately for room 216. When I got there I burst inside. I immediately saw her, surrounded with her crying family members.
"Pete..." Becca said weakly.
I looked at Anna, with IVs in her arms. She looked peacefully asleep. My mom arrived and walked over to Mrs. DeLonge and hugged her. There were multiple people crying, but I didn't make a sound. I just stared. I had caused this. I made her feel so horrible, she would want to not live anymore. Reality finally struck me. She wasn't coming back. Ever.
"Pete are you okay?" Becca whispered.
And then I broke down. Quiet sobs shook me at first, but then I fell to the floor, screaming. I crashed into a cart filled with medical supplies, yelling and flailing around. Nurses came into the room and one grabbed me and put a shot into my arm. I immediately felt sleepy, and everything went black.
And then I woke up. For real this time. I bolted upright and realized I was in my bed at home. That had all been a horrible nightmare. I hoped. To make sure, I ran downstairs.
"Mom! Is everything okay?!" I frantically asked her.
"Yes Pete. Why wouldn't it be?" She replied, confused. Okay good. It was definitely a dream. I sighed, too relieved for it to be possible.
"Is everything okay?" My mom asked, looking really concerned.
"No, but it will be." I replied with a grin. I ran upstairs to text Julia.
I need your help. I have to get her back, its a matter of life and death. Not even kidding.
I sent it to her. 15 minutes later she replied:
I know and that's why I'm scared. Luckily, I have a plan. Come to my house @ 10am tomorrow. But promise me you'll hang on for tonight?
Yes, I promise. Thank you so much.
I sent the message and went down to the basement to lift some weights. I had to distract myself so the time would pass faster.
~Anna's POV~
I woke up at 1pm. Im glad my mom didn't decide to wake me up earlier because I needed the sleep. I was still exhausted, but I was glad to get some sleep. I walked downstairs to eat breakfast. Becca was sitting at the table, eating Mac n cheese. My mom was washing dishes. Just a typical Saturday. As soon as Becca saw me, she cringed and pointed to my arm. My eyes widened and I quickly hid the scars by putting my arm on my stomach. My mom turned around and said good morning to me, and asked why I was holding my stomach.
"No reason mom! Im gonna go change out of my PJs and I'll be right back down." I said, bounding up the stairs before she could reply. I frantically searched through my closet for a long sleeve shirt. I found one, put it on, and went back downstairs. I ate breakfast (yes, breakfast at 1pm) and went back up to my room. I checked my phone, and there was a text from Julia.
Heyyy you wanna come over tomorrow? Im worried about you. Please?
Sure sounds good.
I replied.
Come at 11 so we can hang out for like 8 hours k?
Kaaaayyy as long as you PROMISE nobody else will be there?
Yup. Seeya tomorrow.
Seeya tomorrow.